Monday, June 26, 2006

how i was a gentleman in the early morning

as usual, i woke up, got dressed, brushed my teeth, picked up my pre-packed bags and ran for the 7:10am bus that takes me to the gym. since i'm getting off in a couple of stops, i usually sit in the front - and there was an empty seat waiting for me. my ass took it, and i plunked my laptop back and gym backpack on the floor, pressed against my seat. i am courteous like that.

a very large russian woman sat across from me. she was fanning herself like a geisha, and she had one of those small wheeling carts that old people use to carry their stuff.

she looks at me and says in harsh tones, "you must pick your bags up. there is no space."

"excuse me? sorry, didn't catch that."

"there is no space for walk. you must pick your bags up."

there was plenty of space for walk. "i'll be off in five stops. it's fine."

"no, it is not".

calmly. "ma'am, there's plenty of space."

"you must pick up your purse and put it in the seat next to you."

okay.

first off, i do not have a purse.

second, calm down, lady, it's 7:10 in the morning.

thirdly, she's got a shopping cart blocking most of the walkway. if she's so concerned about internal bus traffic moderation, why couldn't she pick it up and put it in the seat next to her?

fourthly, again, i do not have a purse.

so what did i say? nothing. that's right. i let it slide. yep. i said nothing. i did nothing.

at that moment, another man asked the bus driver, "sir, do you have a stop for locust?"

"no, there's a stop at maple and spruce. locust is in the middle."

"which one do you recommend?"

"doesn't matter."

the man sits down. and, at each stop, he asks, "is it this one?"

"no. i'll let you know."

again, he sits. and at the next stop.

"is it this one?'

"sir, i'll let you know."

so i've got the fanning russian woman across from me, and the naive and paranoid bus rookie to my right. finally, they get to maple, and the man gets off, walks down the steps and stops, gets back on and stops again. and now the russian woman who just gave me a dirty look is trying to get off - two stops before mine, might i add, so much ado about nothing - and she's barking "i need to get off. you must let me go" and she's right about that, which sucks, so finally the man lets her off and then he debates whether he should get off at this stop and walk a block, or get off at the next stop and walk a block.

finally, he decides to get off. or, rather, the bus driver shuts the door on him.

this is why i take the bus in the morning.

i could never make this shit up.

2 comments:

TessaJ said...

It's not a purse; it's a manbag.

I didn't post about my BART experience last week -- you know, when it's a "Spare The Air" day, all of the freaks get on (desperate for their next "fix"). Some crazy, drunk, drugged lady and her crazy, drunk, drugged fellow having a screaming match that went, "Let's go to the fucking ferry!" "Fuck the fucking ferry! I'll turn you into a fucking fairy!" Pretty much for the extent of their ride.

Gawd, I love living in this city.

Anonymous said...

match and daddy