Saturday, July 29, 2006

how to do some reviews

two things have struck me as being very well done, really entertaining work. figured i'd share them with you.

"the contender"
tuesday nights 10pm espn

there's something very human and brilliant about this show. first off, it highlights the dichotomy of boxers. they're vicious people in the ring, and geniune people outside of it. and this show really brings all that out. to begin with, because it's a tv show, they don't have to give a narrative of each round. they can edit liberally to make the rounds seem much more exciting than they might be. there's no need for pacing or for scoring at home. it's presented like a "rocky" film - that brutal, that intensel. and yet, before the fight, we're given their backstories, and you really begin to feel for them. they've all got different backgrounds and stories and you begin taking sides and pulling for these boxers you just met fifteen minutes ago. which, when you put it all together, makes it more than just a show about boxing.

"dave chappelle's block party"
directed by michel gondry

i can't remember the last movie i watched that i had anywhere near as much fun as this one. in short - dave chappelle threw a block party in bed-stuy, with kanye west, the fugees, the roots, erykah badu, jill scott, talib kewli and others. but it's really about bringing people together. he ships in a marching band and some random people from his home in ohio. he gets old white people to come. he brings a mr.t looking mc on stage. he gets the fugees back together. all in all, it's just a very inviting concept. but here's the kicker, though: you don't have to like rap to like this film. it's infectious. it's not a concert film. it's not a comedy film. in fact, i'm not really sure how to categorize it. there's not really a beginning or an end or a story arc. it just is. it really is. which makes it s a helluva lotta fun.

Friday, July 28, 2006

how it's getting weirder

i'm just saying that every time a celebrity talks about their experiences with suri cruise, it sounds more and more like when someone talks about their experiences with a UFO sighting.

which means that, between the two, UFOs are looking much more plausible.

how this made me feel really good

viva "gringo".

Goodby, Silverstein & Partners 2nd Annual Film Festival

Friday, August 4th, 1:00 p.m.
[program runs approx. 40 mins]

Landmark Embarcadero Center Cinema
One Embarcadero Center, Promenade Level

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

how my sister-in-law is a procrastinator

but that's okay, as long as she delivers a beautiful niece to me each time.

welcome to the family, ava rose.

how the wnba is still a treasure chest of embarrassing humor

first the "slam dunk" contest, and now this guy.

anyone else think that comedy central should pick up a full slate of games?

Monday, July 24, 2006

how i found something to keep me from reading

i was well into my way into malcolm gladwell's "the tipping point" when two blind people walked onto my bus. the guy was much more blind than she was. he had a walking cane, and he wasn't able to see or spot the five empty seats on each side of the bus.

very blind indeed.

anyways, they sit down together, and they begin small talk. that doesn't bother my reading habits, although i usually register what people say. but at some point shortly after...

her: "what's the name of the guy you work out with?"
him: "which guy?"
her: "the black guy."
him: "which one?"
her: "with the mustache?"
her: "oh, kevin."

okay, this got me thinking. i know that most blind people actually see something. they see blobs of color or just flares of light. i get that. but this guy couldn't see rows of empty seats on each side or in front of him. maybe he can also make out the color of someone's skin. but again, could he really? he couldn't see seats. did he describe kevin due to some social stereotypes? is this a racist blind man? does this blind man see color?

and then she further described the black man as the one with the mustache. now, i'm sure that this following statement will get me in some sort of trouble, but due to color contrasts, it's not the easiest thing in the world to spot a mustache on a black man - even if you have perfect vision. seriously. billy dee williams. ossie davis. spike lee. all men with mustaches. but they're not sam elliott mustaches. you gotta work for them. maybe kevin's got a white mustache? why would she describe kevin as a black guy with a mustache when he couldn't...

you know where i'm going with this.

okay, obviously he knows that kevin has a mustache because he's able to feel his face. but a mustache for most of us is just something you grow on your face for a couple of days or weeks because you're too lazy to shave. so that condition on his upper lip could just be temporary. and is it fair for kevin to keep the 'stache just to be identifiable? does kevin need his face touched each time he's introduced?

then again, maybe kevin is a fireman or a policeman. it's a known fact that 90% of the mustaches in the world belong to firemen or policemen (obviously this survey does not include the middle east). so wouldn't it have made sense for the woman to describe kevin as the fireman or the policeman, thereby giving him an identity other than a physical feature that this man can't see or even predict will still be there?

okay, this is why i closed my book. i'm completely insane.

how this is one barenaked lady i don't want to see

here's a clip of staten island's top cable access star ever.

here's what i find the funniest about this: someone had enough foresight to tape this off their tv and then post it on youtube. i don't think candy would have done it herself. i don't think she has the technology. besides, cable access would have given her a direct feed.

then again, it is staten island, home of the wifebeater/gold chain combo, twenty-five years and counting. would they be able to pull that off?

they would have to, wouldn't they? i mean, i know how to do it, and i'm scared of my imac.

you know what? it may be too close to call.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

how i went to the warfield and came out soaking wet

high temperatures + old theater + tight general admission area + rocking band = steve's shirt soaking wet.

i just saw the raconteurs at the warfield. good show, really good show. but, on top of that, i was about thirty feet away from the jack white as he played the guitar. or actually, the guitar played him. it's a really amazing experience to watch, if you get a chance. it's as if when he shreds, it takes his whole body over.

it was a much better show than the one he put on with meg at "not so silent night" in december, where he just completely phoned it in. tonight, he was completely on.

here's a photo of jack white, the most sonic guitar player alive.

anyways, like i said, i'm standing no more than thirty feet away from jack white, and next to me is a japanese kid who spent the whole concert taking photographs, first with his camera and then with his cameraphone. i'm gonna guess conservatively 80-90 photos. that's 3 or 4 a minute for thirty minutes. i know that sounds ridiculous, but i'm dead-on serious. he barely rocked out. he was more concerned with taking a photo than he was with getting wild. it was raise hand, take photo, look at photo, repeat. for thirty minutes. non stop. as much as i got annoyed because he stood next to me, i gotta say, i loved it. stuff like that makes me laugh.

here's a photo of this kid taking photos.

how i love vinyl

just purchased for $1.19 each at the goodwill store in the inner richmond:

"stardust" by willie nelson
"born in the usa" by bruce springsteen
"sticky fingers" by the rolling stones
"hotel california" by the eagles
"mo' roots" by taj mahal
soundtrack to "the big chill"
"52nd street" by billy joel
"enlightened rogues" by the allman brothers
best of the doobie brothers

all that for a grand total of $10.71.


how tiger had no choice but to win the british open

i mean, could you imagine losing to a dole banana?

Friday, July 21, 2006

how certain things have come to light, man

everything in life could be pared down - even one of the funniest movies ever made.

although i'm not sure that this is what the coen brothers had in mind, it's not out of their element.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

how my theory took a big step towards being proven today

i have a theory that i'vde developed that when you go on vacation and become a tourist, you also become borderline retarted. i work in chinatown, and i see the way people stop and stare at the most inane things, as if a souvenir trinket is amazing. or how you suddenly walk much slower. or how you take inane photos. or how you ask stupid questions. really stupid questions. questions you would never ask if you were at home and therefore not borderline retarted.

anyways, today in chinatown, i saw not one, not two, but three sets of people have their picture taken as they stood near a fire hydrant.

yes, a fire hydrant.

not one fire hydrant, but three different fire hydrants. three nondescript fire hydrants. like you would find anywhere in america.

why? well, there's the chinatown "scene" behind them, i guess, but one guy was leaning on a hydrant, another had two girls leaning against a tall hydrant, and the third stood behind it, with her hand on the top.

people, it's a frigging fire hydrant! they have hydrants all over the country. i looked. they're all over the place. why take a photo of it? because you're on vacation? is that the reason? do you need photographic proof of a san francisco fire hydrant? is there a worldwide scavenger hunt i don't know about?

nah, i just think it's my theory proven.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

how pearl jam is the best live band alive

i just scalped tickets to their last show in san francisco. and it was every much as emotional and fun and outstanding as sunday night's. and i gotta say that, if "alive" is the best song i've ever heard performed live, then "evenflow" is a tight second.

that's eddie vedder, not jesus christ. but it's pretty damn close.

Monday, July 17, 2006

how i'm copying a good idea at a great time

over at the five cent free press, jr listed his top ten concerts ever, fresh off his attending the same pearl jam concert i went to.

i mean, i put that show in my top three.

is it?

okay, let's find out.

this was not the best performance by wilco that i've seen (i can't count how many times i've caught them). but this was at the wired awards show, and everyone was there for the free drinks. so they played a short intimate set for the 75 of us who were actually paying attention to a band at their apex.

i could give you a nice little recap of this show, but seriously, what does it matter? it's bob dylan playing at berkeley, and i'm listening to him while standing on the hill with a clear view of alcatraz and the city. that's all i gotta say about that.

just two weeks later, i saw the foos play in a cramped theater that housed maybe 300 of us. maybe. they played a surprise show days before the release of their latest album. anyways, i was no more than fifty feet from dave grohl. and, more importantly, i had thom yorke standing to my left and lars ulrich behind me.

i'll just reiterate what jr wrote. it was the loudest concert i've ever attended. and, at that point, i had never seen a guitar played the way jack white played it that night. it was an extension of the most sonic part of him.

this show was good. real good. i mean, the beasties are fantastic musicians and entertainers, and mix master mike is amazing to watch live. but let's get real: the unforgettable part was that i got a chance to watch the coolest forty-year-olds in the planet.

in the middle of an incredibly large crowd at this outdoor three day festival in atlanta, i fought through my claustrophobia to get as close as humanly possible to see one of my favorites, and i gotta say, his performance was physically intimidating. i swore that he was gonna take on the entire audience. great stuff.

the first time i ever saw them perform. and this was waaaaaay before they went mainstream. so you had the audience throwing kraft dinner. you had them singing "asshole" at the guy who ripped the cheese packet before he threw it. you had them go vanilla ice. basically, you had them do everything that made them them. before they weren't anymore. when they were the best live band around.

a sold-out stadium for the berkeley boys. an entire audience singing along to every word of every song on "american idiot". billie joe armstrong leading the crowd like a puppeteer. and then watching him begin to break down when he realizes that they've returned as conquering heroes.

last night. it fits right in the top three.

an absolutely ethereal night. let me explain: we're just about to declare war on Iraq. i live in san francisco, the city most responsible for counter-revolution. as i take a cab from my office to the concert, we are stopped - repeatedly - by huge mobs of protestors in the street, with their placards and their chants. and each mob is met by marching national guards with their clubs and mace and shields. market street is a throroughfare for all these convergent forces. there's havoc everywhere. traffic is being diverted and stopped to make a political statement. my cabdriver, who agrees with the protestors, is unable to do his job because the mobs won't let him drive his car around. it is anarchy in the steets. and so i go to see audioslave, complete with members from rage against the machine and chris cornell from soundgarden. could a more pertinent band play on this night? half the crowd was prowar, the other against. everyone voicing their opinions. everything peaceful. was it a great performance? it was alright. they just got together, and they were raw. but, at the end, when cornell came out by himself to sing "peace, love and understanding" to the crowd, this crowd, on this night, well, we just experienced something special.

i can't believe i left springsteen, the stones, radiohead, the black keys, jon spencer blues explosion and the queens of the stone age off this list.

you know what? ask me again tomorrow.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

how i'm not sure of much, but i'm very sure of this

the best song i've ever heard live, and will ever hear live, was sung by pearl jam on sunday, july 16th at the bill graham auditorium in san francisco, california. the name of the song was "alive", and i was shaken.

and, although it's gonna take a couple of days to digest everything, i'm damn sure that their show was one of the top three i've ever seen, and will ever see.

a very heartfelt "well played" to stone, jeff, mike, matt and eddie.

Friday, July 14, 2006

how he's at pro bowl level in every single way

only terrell owens can have the balls to claim that he was misquoted in his own autobiography.

there is no limit as to what this man can do.

how the world would be a better place if we followed the lead of the bobblehead

at a recent game, the baltimore orioles gave out 20,000 bobblehead dolls of second baseman brian roberts, who is caucasian.

the only reason i reported that last part is because the bobbleheads they gave out portrayed roberts as a black man.

i say good for the bobblehead company. if their wobbly eyes don't see color, then why should all us stable necked people?

martin luther king jr. had a dream. this bobblehead company is living it.

how even irony is kept fresh with rocky mountain cold

after making ads imploring people to not drink and drive, everyone's favorite CEO/spokesman for goat piss, pete coors, was just - wait for it, wait for it - yes, arrested on a drunk driving charge.

which proves that you don't have to be 21 or older to spot a hypocrite.

it's just so easy to do comedy nowadays. i mean, it just writes itself with a pen we call the world.

how you just have to give it five minutes in staten island and it'll be dancing to "cotton eyed joe"


Creature straight out of a history book washed up on Island beach...
10:45 a.m. - A giant sea turtle, said to weigh between 500 and 600 pounds, was discovered washed up ashore near the Conference House, Tottenville, earlier today.

there's no official story about it in the staten island advance (mostly because it has yet to sign on to the cast of "the sopranos") so i stole a couple of photos of it from the website.

it's pretty friggin' amazin' over there. catch a load of dis guy!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

how to do a movie review

"a scanner darkly"

written and directed by richard linklater
from a novel by philip k. dick
starring keanu reeves, robert downey jr,
woody harrelson and winona ryder
viewed at the embarcadero movie theater, san francisco, ca

i think richard linklater is one of the most innovative film directors around. he's just very solid. even a movie like "school of rock" that should have sucked was very entertaining.

i have a problem with this one, though.

look, he already did a movie with rotoscoping, which is the process of animating over film. and "waking life" was a ballsy, experimental failure. but ballsy. and in that time, there has been a crappy ad campaign by schwab that not only used that process but also the same art style.

the point is that "waking life" and those schwab ads had no reason for their film to be rotoscoped. it was done just to be done. in linklater's case, it was to bring back and perfect a forgotten art form. in schwab's case, it's because 95% of advertising is crap.

and that brings us to "a scanner darkly", an adaptation of a philip k. dick novel. and if there's someone whose work should be experimental, it should be him.

but that's the problem with this film. the whole movie is done in rotoscoping, when it really should have been used delicately. the movie is about addiction, and this style would have worked while we were in the midst of it. it would have put us in that frame of mind. but since the whole movie was done that way, and since it took place only seven years in the future, the whole style just seems so overdone.

what's my point? unless the concept calls for rotoscoping, it shouldn't be done.

the logic for it has to be airtight. and it wasn't for this movie.

and it just kept on getting in the way. i mean, it's animation, but the animation is governed by the film underneath it, so it couldn't get that crazy. and all that took the starch out of the movie for me. it really did.

and it's a shame, because i think i would have loved the film of it.

how this is the best highlight reel ever

in case you missed it, you can watch all the dunks from the wnba all-star game at this website,

it's even better on replay.

how i can't figure this out and therefore it bothered me all day


steve a nicely dressed writer in his very early twenties, sits on a half-empty bus, reading his book.

the bus comes to a stop. a very old chinese woman, possibly 932 years old, ambles onto the bus.

she walks towards steve and stands above him, purposefully leaning into his personal space. steve slowly lifts his eyes from his book to her face.

STEVE: can i help you?


STEVE: excuse me?

OLD CHINESE WOMAN: i want to sit in your seat.

steve looks to his right. there are two empty seats next to him. they are clean. there's no reason why she shouldn't sit in them. he looks back at her.

STEVE: what's wrong with these seats?

OLD CHINESE WOMAN: can i please sit in your seat?

she's old and she asked nicely, so steve slowly slides over to the next seat, and she slowly sits down. he looks at her again and grabs her attention.

STEVE: what was wrong with these seats?

she ignores him.

forget it, steve. it's chinatown.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

how rubik must feel like a little bitch right now

at some point, this becomes less about color coordination and more about...well, i don't know what, but it's still rather impressive, i guess.

one thing is certain: speedcubers do not get laid.

Monday, July 10, 2006

how i'm going to hell

i just read that soap opera star benjamin hendrickson from "as the world turns" committed suicide last week.

he is expected to return from the dead in six weeks.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

how when you're a member of the jewish community center, you become jewish by proxy

the jcc in san francisco is really a fantastic gym. modern equipment, all with their own cable tvs, two full-court basketball courts, five lane swimming pool, tons of classes and top-notch amenities. it's well worth my $80 per month. i'm getting a good deal out of it.

they also have a parking lot with a security guard. and while walking to the gym, i noticed a car pull in, and the security guard asked for the trunk to be opened, after which the guard looked around, searching, searching, searching.

that's freaky stuff that you don't have to consider at crunch or 24-hour fitness.

there's also a sign in the front desk with a photo of a man with copy reading, "if you see this man, alert security". this might mean he's some dude who went nuts with an instructor, or something else.

it comes with the membership at the jcc.

i usually shoot around by myself on an empty court. and despite my nine-year layoff, i can still fill it. it might take me longer to get going, but once my legs, shoulders and wrist all get coordinated, i'm pretty dead-on from the outside.

yesterday, something was off, and i couldn't pick it up. so, with each miss, i cursed myself out loud, with the obligatory "jesus christ!" i must have said that, oh, eight or nine times.

yeah, i probably should have picked someone more old testament.


it comes with he membership.

how this is the last soccer game i'll watch for four years

as soon as i put a pizza in the oven, italy scores.

guess i'll be staying away from croissants for the next hour. fries, too.

here's the added bonus about this game - it features the three best names in the tournament (in my opinion). of course, you've got zinedine zidane, who without research, i can safely say is the finest athlete the world has ever seen with the initials ZZ.

ooh, ahh, i just sprained my finger typing this blog! i'm in tremendous pain! ow! cart me off the web immediately! i need medical attention! my finger! my finger! take me to the nearest triage!

okay, i'm back! it's a miracle! pain free!

then you've got thierry henry, pronounced teary onri, which is only spoken as one word - tearyonri. it's so much better than the arrogance of just saying a players first name - like ronaldo. what about the other ronaldos? racism, i tell you.

arggh! my other hand is now injured! the pain is unbearable! we might have to amputate! lift me onto the stretcher and helicopter me to the nearest hospital pronto!

okay, i'm back! it's a miracle! pain free!

where was i? oh yeah, speaking of one word names, i give you my favorite: italy's luca toni. lucatoni. yeah, sounds just about right. and it's fun to say. i'm thinking about incorporating it into my vernacular. "this headline i just wrote is very...very...lucatoni, don't you think?" sure, it's nonsense, but it'll be my nonsense.

maybe it'll go like this:

"this headline is lucatoni, don't you think?"

" me, it's very tearyonri."

"is it because of the zinedine."

"ahh! ow! my torso! help me!"

okay, you might think i'm making an exaggeration of the babying of the injuries, but am i? as much as i've been blown away by the drama and poetry of soccer played on this stage, i've also been turned sick by the overall pussiness of the players acting like they've been shot every time they're touched. it becomes very hard to take these athletes seriously when they constantly react like five-year-old girls. it's embarrassing, and it devalues how amazing these athletes are.

lawrence taylor recorded four sacks against the redskins with a torn hamstring. kirk gibson hit one of the most famous and dramatic home runs in a world series on a torn hamstring. michael jordan wins the nba championship against utah with a 102-degree fever. arturo gatti gets his face bloodied and swollen, and still carries on to win his fights. erik cole played in games six and seven of the stanley cup playoffs, coming back early from his injury - a fractured vertebra in his neck.

a suddenly perfectly healthy zinedani zidane scores on a penalty kick against italy after rolling around like he's been lit on fire from a slight touch.

i'm just saying that, in perspective, it's hard to take these amazing athletes seriously when they act like pussies.

and, each time they flop, which is every minute or so, they act like pussies.

i just think that's the one major thing that's gonna keep soccer from really catching on in this country. we just don't have the stomach for that crap.

UPDATE: has any major athlete in any sport ever done something as incredibly and obviously retarted as zidane's headbutt to his italian opponent in overtime that earned himself a red card and an instant ejection? it's as if he were asking to be taken out of the game, his last game, one of the most important games of his life. i can't believe he did something as blatantly wrong like that.

i guess tyson-holyfield II comes to mind, when tyson bit holyfield's ear off. but in team sports? i can't imagine it. clemens throwing a bat at piazza maybe?

Saturday, July 08, 2006

how my defense of boxing is a sweet science will never die

i'm watching a jr. middleweight world championship fight between roman karmazin and cory spinks.

actually, roman "made in hell" karmazin and cory "the jinx" spinks. i think those are two of the coolest nicknames in sport.

anyways, if you don't know how poetic boxing can be, you'd just watch this fight and say it's just two guys beating each other up. but there's just so much more to the sport.

in fact, this fight is a battle of feet much more than a battle of fists.

spinks is a lefty. karmazin is a righty. and that means that their lead feet are facing each other. if spinks can get his right foot outside karmazin's left foot, it allows him to move around the ring and keeps him out of reach from karmazin's right hook to the body. if karmazin gets his right foot outside spinks' left, it allows him to corral him and measures him up for combos to the body.

you can tell who's winning the engagements just by looking at their feet. it's fascinating, really.

and it's poetic to watch. at least it is for me.

see? it's science.

UPDATE: spinks just won the fight. majority decision. for the championship. in his hometown. and he's bawling in his interview, not in pain but with joy. it's actually a touching scene. he can't stop crying while praising his opponent. great stuff.

how i can't believe i haven't seen this before

here's a hilarious - and i'm talking stomach-exploding funny - clip of richard simmons (yes, that richard simmons) on "whose line is it anyways?" with colin mochrie, ryan stiles and wayne brady. it is absolutely brilliant comedy. in fact, it's one of the funniest clips i've ever seen on the web.

you can thank me later.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

hoe letterman is always relevant, even if it's coincidental

i'm watching a repeat of "late night with david letterman". i know it's a repeat because he's talking about last night's finale of "american idol" - and that happened two months ago.

in his monologue, he says, and i quote, "it's a hot day across america. in fact, it's so hot, ken lay has been put in the cooler".


again, this was filmed two months ago - the day after "american idol", and the day lay was sentenced for his role in the enron scandal. hence, the "cooler" joke.

now it's two months later, and they run this episode, which i'm sure was set in stone weeks in advance, and it just so happens to be on the day that ken lay died - or, as it's called, "put on ice".

what a friggin' coincidence, huh? that two-month old joke is still precisely current.

i'm sure it was completely unplanned, but wow.

just one of those things.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

how i hope this ten-year-old makes it for himself and no one else

meet justin jenifer, a ten-year-old ranked as the best basketball player his age in the country.

yep, they rank ten-year-olds for basketball.

his father pushes him relentlessly. adidas showers him with gifts. he plays (and dominates) against players much older than him. and he's got high schools - high schools! - already jockeying for him.

the article has a video of him playing, and he's incredible. it also shows his father training him by making him run the steps and do pushups after misses and all that.

again, he's ten.

and it just shows how bastardized our country has become for celebrity.

this poor kid's gonna be burned out by the time he's sixteen - whether he admits it or not - and then forced to play ball because it's what's expected of him. and this chance for future success (which might not pan out if he doesn't grow) would only cost him his childhood.

i hope the poor kid makes it and enjoys it. because it already seems like a job to him.

and he's just ten.

how in death, we learn

ken lay died today of a heart attack.

that means that this man, who defrauded his investors by fixing his books, who rigged california into paying enormous rates for an energy crisis that didn't exist, who liquidated his stocks in his company while persuading his employees to buy, and who tried to blame it all on the employees he screwed, actually had a heart to begin with.

i know. shocking. it's like we barely knew him.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

how if you happen to be in the neighborhood and want to gamble

you are cordially invited to attend the 1st annual WSOP opportunity event at immanuel union church in staten island on july 8th,
with a 6pm check-In and 7pm game start.

most importantly, the event is to benefit the leukemia and lymphoma society through the angels for christine.

use this invitation before july 8th and get $50 off the $250 buy-in
($50 off the $300 buy-in at the door)

for more details visit

how america's birthday wasn't all that bad until 10:13 pm

my day included:

- fighting a sore throat and a slight temperature
- reintroduced myself to my couch
- had trouble getting off my couch
- major bonding with my couch
- reshot two scenes for a webfilm i made for work
- edited them into the film and did some voiceover
- figured out how to direct my friend's show
- listened to the mets come back to beat the bucs
- took some airborne for my sore throat and temperature
- kept up as the yankees got spanked 19-1
- watched a great world cup semifinal
- ordered chinese food
- concepted for work and came up with a great idea
- rewrote my screenplay
- watched a great july 4th film, "team america: world police"
- iced down my still sore throat
- hit the couch again
- moped
- slouched
- still had sore throat and temperature at the end of day

still, all in all, not so bad. in fact, if not for my illness, i could chalk it up as a very good day.

but then, i was watching tv and saw a commercial for "gold bond foot care" where their tagline was, and i shit you not, "victory over de feet".

yes. victory over de feet.

it's a good thing there were fireworks, or the whole country would have heard the sound of me vomiting.

well, it was a good birthday, america.

sorry about that.

how i am happy that i procrastinated (or, how the italian panini shop below me is going crazy right now)

the italy-germany world cup game was the best soccer game i've ever seen.

keep in mind that the list is short, but still, it was great, with italy scoring two goals with three minutes remaining in overtime to win. wow. great stuff, really fantastic stuff.

my favorite part was after the game, when they showed the italian players hugging their wives and girlfriends, and then when they released, you realized that they were actually hugging their teammate. classic.

seriously, stop the ponytails.

and seriously again, they're going crazy right now right below me at caffe i don't remember the name. horns are being honked. meatballs are being eaten. people are cheering italia! italia! italia! the way things are going here, you figure they're gonna set up another corrupt government. it's been a year. it's about time.

(and before anyone complains, i'm sicilian).

Monday, July 03, 2006

how i am the second best tornello

only tornello nurseries comes up above my name when you google "tornello". and that's just because they're "america's largest wholesale bamboo nursery".

eat some of that, namesakes.

how i have a new word (i guess)

this was posted on the sign in front of the first unitarian universalist church on franklin and geary:

seminar: july 2. 11am.
"in our refulgent summer".


i have no idea what it means either.

i have a good idea what it feels like it means. don't you?

eventually, i went home and looked up the actual definition.

and yeah, i'm just as surprised as you are.

what an odd word for a church bulletin.

how to pimp out my homies

two shows, two great people, two different coasts:

my friend mandy will be performing at the laugh lounge in soho on saturday, august 12 at 7pm. so, if you happen to be in new york and want to see a funny comedienne and one of the finest people around, check her out.

she didn't give me any more info than that. but when i get more, the more i'll post.

and my friend heather will be performing again with "the heather gold show" at the jcc on friday, july 21 at 8pm.

the theme is being self-made. how do you move from wanting something to make it happen? how do you stretch your comfort zone in any area of your life?

her guests are:

one of time magazine’s 100 most influential people, caterina fake (the co-founder of flickr); comedian w. kamau bell (comedy central, dave chappelle opener); and psychologist dr. lillian rubin.

also, heather hired a young upstart director to put it all together and film the whole thing.

let's hope he doesn't screw it all up.

please don't let me screw it up.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

how coco crisp can kiss gary matthews' superhuman ass

i thought coco's catch was unreal.

check this one out, by texas centerfielder gary matthews.


honestly superhuman.

how this is the most disturbing local commercial ever

first off, wait for this spot to load and watch it.

it takes a while to load because you're also waiting for the lawsuit.

there's no way that gmc would allow a mulleted lunatic with a cocked shotgun to say "gmc. we are professional grade" on something that airs. i'm sure they have no idea that's been made or is being seen by their customer base - or, worse yet, prospective customer base. that's fantastic on so many levels. i love subversive stuff like that, even when it borders on the criminal.

second, he's threatening to blow away his competition. while holding a shotgun. that he cocks. and he lets everyone in the bay area know about his intentions.

third, you would think someone with a gun would have two hotter models by his side.

fourth, 1-800-not-so-fresh-start? nice zinger. chuckles all around.

fifth, he COCKS A SHOTGUN in a commercial!

awesome awesomeness.

how it all made sense after the fact

while at my friends' going away party in a dive bar in potrero hill, i went to the bathroom and found this sign taped above the toilet.

what an odd sign, huh? what guy would flush a tampon down the toilet? i mean, i know i live in san francisco, and we have more than our fair share of trannies, but c'mon, tampons? that wouldn't matter. if it did, it would be a medical miracle.

this sign is talking to the wrong audience.

when i left, and saw my friends laughing at me, i realized that the sign wasn't in the wrong place.


how goodbyes could also mean hello

and i'm not talking about aloha or ciao.

i went to my friends sue and dylan's goodbye party as they're moving to portland. dylan runs badman records, and he promised that one of his artists would play at his shinding in this little dive bar in potrero hill. (and no, it wasn't his biggest find - my morning jacket. they're too busy opening for pearl jam).

anyways, although i went there just to wish them good luck in one of my favorite cities, i became privy to a live performance by mark mallman, who is 1/3 ben folds, 1/3 the darkness and 1/3 marc bolan, which adds up to 100% fantastic.

if you ever get a chance to see him perform live (and he mostly plays in the midwest), then do so. you don't need to know his songs to follow along. he's more comedy than anything else. i mean, he's talented and a good singer and piano player, but he played the hell out of his set - jumping around, cracking jokes, talking to the crowd, gyrating. good stuff, really good stuff.

znyways, i just ordered his cd.

so from a goodbye comes a hello.

funny how things work out like that.