how to make an ass of yourself in front of 35,000 people

i went to the first two mets-giants games at telephone company park.

the mets won the second game. mr. flaxseed oil hit home run #710. and cliff floyd deposited one into mccovey cove.

that's all i gotta say about that.

in the first game, the mets lost. that wasn't fun.

what was fun, however, was the idiot who sat in front of us. he was with his friend. for argument's sake, let's call the idiot "dungeons" and his friend "dragons". that seems to fit.

anyways, it was either their first game or their first beer. and dungeons proceeded to yell his voice off for all nine innings, with such brilliant arguments and chants, most of which were of the most creative sort.

i had to recite them to memory. feel free to copy these to a piece of paper and use them at the ballpark at your choice. you can do it too!

1. "hey umpire, get glasses!"
2. "hey lo duca, you smell like lo puke ah!"
3. "hey, matt cain, don't balk!"
4. "what are you doing? how could you not catch that?"
5. "you suck!"
6. "i think you should go back to new york!"

yes, we were very fortunate.

i especially loved how he yelled "come on, niekro, get a hit" throughout the at bat, even though pedro feliz was batting. i could see the mistake. i mean, neikro's a lefthanded hitting caucasian, while feliz is a righty dominican. it could happen to anybody.

yep, that was how we spent the first game of the series.

if only we had a camera.

oh wait, we did. here's the bottom of the ninth, and yes, he does say "you make my anus hurt".