how to write with sarcasm

an open letter to governor arnold schwartzenegger and the higher-ups at sf muni (our beloved transportation system):

i just wanted to take this moment to state unequivicably how much i love the new reduced changes in service.

i love waiting longer for trains. really, i do. it is my belief that we san franciscans do not spend enough time outside in the near-perfect weather, and with the increased waiting time for trains, it's a breath of fresh air for my lungs - literally and metaphorically. plus, the extra ten to fifteen minutes i spend waiting can be easily used for soul-searching and for finding cures to the world's problems. clearly, a lot can be done while waiting longer for the train. and the now-standard wait of 20-25 minutes allows us not to take muni for granted, much like how we did when we only had to wait 5-10 minutes.

and when the train eventually does show up, i must admit that i do love standing as close as humanly possible to the person next to me in the now trademarked "as-crowded-as-possible" setting. i love being able to hear their whistling song of inhaling and exhaling and to smell their aromas - especially after a hard-day's work, or when they're on their way to a commune in the park. i can't help but feel that it brings me closer to mankind as a whole, to experience these different senses, and this would never have been possible had there been more trains to carry these passengers and therefore a place for me to sit. besides, by standing, i burn calories. my doctor will be thrilled to hear that!

so you can clearly see how much i love the new reduced service - but increased benefits. more time outside, more time to think, getting closer to my brethren and burning calories while standing - who says muni isn't concerned for my general welfare?

and to anyone who complains about reducing in service while raising the prices, i say don't listen to them. they're only silly people who have somewhere to go.

sincerely,
your biggest fan ever.