Saturday, August 27, 2005

how sweet is easily tacky

at the mets-giants game tonight at sbc park, there was a videogram on the huge scoreboard in centerfield that read:


before you say, "owww, that's sweet", you have to consider the buildup.

now, i don't know either amy or scott, but you'd have to believe that he screwed up big time for him to pay that much for a message on a scoreboard. remember, it costs much more than a bouquet of flowers. so, he probably cheated on her or said something completely inappropriate or just did something so completely idiotic - basically, he did something utterly unforgiveable.

he probably bought these tickets months ago; she's probably from queens (there are many amys in queens).

they haven't been speaking for about a week.

it's the day of, and he comes by the house, and she doesn't want to speak to him. and the last thing she wants to do is sit through nine innings with this asshole who doesn't even have the nerve to be sincere about what he did.

but he pleads with her, "c'mon honey, we've been looking forward to this for months." but she begins to cry. he begs of her, "please please please, c'mon." but she's not really a baseball fan. "just take one of your stupid buddies to the game."

and, if he hadn't screwed up, he would have. but he just dropped a ton of cash on this stupid message, so he has to take her, because if his buddy saw it, he would be called a "pussy" for the rest of his life.

finally, he coerces her to go. he was probably very sincere about him wanting to spend some time with her. women pick up on that stuff and she's silently hoping for a break in the clouds.

but they have a very quiet car ride to the ballpark. it's not that he's a jerk; it's just that he's nervous that she won't see the message - like it'll come on while she's in the middle of a two-inning potty break.

so they barely say anything to each other. he's nervous and she's steaming mad.

and, in the fifth inning, he gently grabs her noncommital hand and - voila! the message.

she's not impressed.

"that's why you brought me here? so a stupid scoreboard can apologize for you?"

"well, yeah, honey, i love you, and..."

"you had a week plus a whole car ride and five innings to apologize to me, you jackass, and you said nothing. nothing!"

"but the scoreboard was gonna..."

"...and instead of being sincere about your apology, you gave it to a scoreboard operator, and now 39,000 people know that you did something terrible to me, and how pathetic do i seem now?"


"take me home."

"but honey..."

"screw you. i'm leaving."

so is it sweet or is it tacky? i know what my answer is.

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