Tuesday, October 03, 2006

how there's brilliance every so often

i think the sports guy on espn has seen his better days. the schtick is getting tired, the smart comments fewer and farther between, and he's just not as funny.

but i still read him - religiously.

because he might come up with something as brilliant as this, from today's blogging of the baseball playoffs:

1:00 -- The Quadruple-A Playoffs kicks off: Chris Carpenter against Jake Peavy, Chris Berman and Orel Hershiser announcing, and me still reeling from my random celebrity encounter between games. While waiting in line for a sandwich at one of my neighborhood lunch places, it took about 10 seconds before I realized that the guy standing behind me was the same guy who paid Dirk Diggler to, um, pleasure himself outside the church in Boogie Nights.

So that left me with three choices:

A. Tell him that I "loved you in Boogie Nights," followed by him spending the next 10 minutes wondering if that meant I loved him in Boogie Nights, or I just love scenes where guys pay former porn stars to pleasure themselves outside a church, followed by their friends beating the hell out of them.

B. Wait to pick up my sandwich, make eye contact with him, then tell him as calmly as possible, "It's 5 dollars if you want to see it, 10 dollars if you want me to (bleep) the sandwich off."

C. Stand there debating Option A vs. Option B for ten minutes, do nothing, get my sandwich and leave.

(Needless to say, I chose Option C. I'm a wuss. Back to the game.)

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