i think bush signed into law under the patriot's act that every 70's classic television show must be made into a crappy film. in his own way, he's keeping the country safe from good ideas.
btw, to segue from president bush to president logan, i'm still waiting for jack bauer to either eat or shit on an episode of "24". my buddy lawson thinks it would make good ad sense for jack to eat a powerbar while driving around. but that doesn't solve the no shitting problem.
for me, i think it would be great if he shit in his hand and threw his feces monkeystyle at the terrorists while yelling - calmly yet sternly - "code 2 brown. code 2 brown!" and chloe says "jack, you can't" and jack said, "dammit, chloe, i said code 2 brown!' and chloe says "ugh, alright" and then typed something, probably "i can't believe jack did a code 2 brown. i told him not to but he did so anyways. ugh!" and then the episode would end in an impossible situation.
but that's just me.