because if it were, there'd be no use for lawyers.
seriously, this is fantastic and insane.
god bless other countries and cultures.
Monday, March 27, 2006
how there's no mystery to the way my life works
every morning i wake up at 6:47am with hopes of going on a run. you see, i like running so much that i actually wake up early for it. anyways, it's our winter, which means it rains every night, which means i usually wake to overcast skies.
i usually debate for a moment: how ominous is that dark cloud? are the streets newly wet? can i see any breakage in the sky?
with little time to spare, i usually go with my gut, and it's 50/50. sometimes i run and i get poured on. sometimes i run and ten minutes later it's beautiful outside. sometimes i go back to bed and i regret it later - or not. those are the breaks.
this weekend, during a run, i severely sprained my ankle, pulled my hamstring, wrenched my knee and jammed my shoulder when i catapulted into the sky and then head first into the pavement after hitting a lift in the sidewalk at full speed.
i feel like i've falled down the steps of the statue of liberty.
needless to say, i ain't running, at least for a week, which means there's no early morning debates.
but there wouldn't have been anyways. it's gorgeous outside.
yep, the one day i can't run, the sky is perfect. and i'm sure it'll be the same way the whole week.
isn't it funny how life always works that way.
always.
never fails.
i usually debate for a moment: how ominous is that dark cloud? are the streets newly wet? can i see any breakage in the sky?
with little time to spare, i usually go with my gut, and it's 50/50. sometimes i run and i get poured on. sometimes i run and ten minutes later it's beautiful outside. sometimes i go back to bed and i regret it later - or not. those are the breaks.
this weekend, during a run, i severely sprained my ankle, pulled my hamstring, wrenched my knee and jammed my shoulder when i catapulted into the sky and then head first into the pavement after hitting a lift in the sidewalk at full speed.
i feel like i've falled down the steps of the statue of liberty.
needless to say, i ain't running, at least for a week, which means there's no early morning debates.
but there wouldn't have been anyways. it's gorgeous outside.
yep, the one day i can't run, the sky is perfect. and i'm sure it'll be the same way the whole week.
isn't it funny how life always works that way.
always.
never fails.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
how this is completely insane
this is from espn.com about their tournament challenge:
More than 1.5 million people participated and of the more than 3 million entries submitted only four -- that's right, four -- picked a Final Four including Florida, George Mason, LSU and UCLA before the tournament started.
i have three brackets filled out and none of those teams in any of them.
and i watch a ton of college basketball.
which makes me wonder about the three people who picked george mason over uconn.
More than 1.5 million people participated and of the more than 3 million entries submitted only four -- that's right, four -- picked a Final Four including Florida, George Mason, LSU and UCLA before the tournament started.
i have three brackets filled out and none of those teams in any of them.
and i watch a ton of college basketball.
which makes me wonder about the three people who picked george mason over uconn.
how you can get lost in the brilliance
as great as last night's "sopranos" episode was - and how mesmerizing and engaging that scene outside the family reunion was, how we were all pining for tony - what can easily get lost is how great of an actress edie falco is.
especially the scene with dr. melfi. if you get a chance to watch it again, just check out how vulnerable she sits in the chair, feet pointing inward, shoulders slumped, as compact as possible. it's a subtle thing. but it's a big thing.
the point is, beyond how fantastic the writing and directing and acting has been this season - and it's never been higher - she's been the brightest of all the stars.
and that's saying something deep.
especially the scene with dr. melfi. if you get a chance to watch it again, just check out how vulnerable she sits in the chair, feet pointing inward, shoulders slumped, as compact as possible. it's a subtle thing. but it's a big thing.
the point is, beyond how fantastic the writing and directing and acting has been this season - and it's never been higher - she's been the brightest of all the stars.
and that's saying something deep.
how it was justice served
there probably never has been a greater upset in college basketball than george mason defeating uconn to get into the final four. and, before anyone writes in, please keep in mind that villanova was a big east team defeating georgetown in 85, and nc state was and is an acc team when they won the championship. it was unlikely that they would win, but it could have been imagined
george mason plays in the tiny colonial athletic association playing the top team in the country with at least four probable nba players.
yeah, it's the biggest college basketball upset ever - especially with the stakes.
and what makes it even that much greater isn't that they beat michigan state and north carolina on the way - even though that's remarkable in itself, because that means beating tom izzo and roy williams along with jim calhoun (and mark turgeon from wichita state). or that there was much debate about them being in the tournament in the first place.
it was great because it was justice served.
behold uconn coach jim calhoun, long renowned for not being the most ethical couch in the business - from rumored misdoings in the recruiting of caron butler years ago to him stealing doug wiggins from st. john's this year. and it only stoked the fires this season when he allowed convicted thief marcus williams to rejoin the basketball team while his cohort, backup point guard a.j. price, was suspended for the whole year. all-american guard allowed to return, backup guard suspended. yeah, squint your eyes however you want, but it sure looks like he blackmailed ethics for a chance at a championship.
and he lost in the biggest upset ever.
of course, he'll probably throw his players under the bus for this. and he'll probably bitch about the refereeing. and he's already complained about how the #11 seed george mason, from the tiny CAA, was given an unfair homecourt advantage when his team and program has every advantage imaginable.
i loved every minute of it.
and i know i wasn't alone.
george mason plays in the tiny colonial athletic association playing the top team in the country with at least four probable nba players.
yeah, it's the biggest college basketball upset ever - especially with the stakes.
and what makes it even that much greater isn't that they beat michigan state and north carolina on the way - even though that's remarkable in itself, because that means beating tom izzo and roy williams along with jim calhoun (and mark turgeon from wichita state). or that there was much debate about them being in the tournament in the first place.
it was great because it was justice served.
behold uconn coach jim calhoun, long renowned for not being the most ethical couch in the business - from rumored misdoings in the recruiting of caron butler years ago to him stealing doug wiggins from st. john's this year. and it only stoked the fires this season when he allowed convicted thief marcus williams to rejoin the basketball team while his cohort, backup point guard a.j. price, was suspended for the whole year. all-american guard allowed to return, backup guard suspended. yeah, squint your eyes however you want, but it sure looks like he blackmailed ethics for a chance at a championship.
and he lost in the biggest upset ever.
of course, he'll probably throw his players under the bus for this. and he'll probably bitch about the refereeing. and he's already complained about how the #11 seed george mason, from the tiny CAA, was given an unfair homecourt advantage when his team and program has every advantage imaginable.
i loved every minute of it.
and i know i wasn't alone.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
how they can adapt anything
i love it that literature is now being adapted into the world of porn.
check out this dvd review of, i crap you not, "the da vinci load".
and considering how terribly written that novel was, i don't think the dialogue took much of a hit.
honestly, it's the funniest writing i've read in years.
check out this dvd review of, i crap you not, "the da vinci load".
and considering how terribly written that novel was, i don't think the dialogue took much of a hit.
honestly, it's the funniest writing i've read in years.
how it's the most wonderful time of the year
tonight's march madness was beyond fantastic - especially the final two games.
consider the ending of texas-west virginia, with kevin pittsnogle nailing a deep three to tie it with five seconds left, only to have kenton paulino nail another three at the buzzer to win the game and advance to the elite eight.
and then consider the ending of ucla-gonzaga, with ucla fighting back from a 17-point difference and finally taking the lead for good with ten seconds left off an amazing steal and layup in the backcourt.
then consider pittsnogle from west virginia crying in his jersey, and then adam morrison from gonzaga writhing on the court in agony over the toughest of losses. all while the victors celebrated like children on christmas.
then consider those two endings happened within ten minutes of each other.
then consider it's an hour later since they ended and i'm still amped up.
yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year.
consider the ending of texas-west virginia, with kevin pittsnogle nailing a deep three to tie it with five seconds left, only to have kenton paulino nail another three at the buzzer to win the game and advance to the elite eight.
and then consider the ending of ucla-gonzaga, with ucla fighting back from a 17-point difference and finally taking the lead for good with ten seconds left off an amazing steal and layup in the backcourt.
then consider pittsnogle from west virginia crying in his jersey, and then adam morrison from gonzaga writhing on the court in agony over the toughest of losses. all while the victors celebrated like children on christmas.
then consider those two endings happened within ten minutes of each other.
then consider it's an hour later since they ended and i'm still amped up.
yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year.
how it's time to pull for the lsu tigers
i think i'm pulling for LSU. i'm surprised nobody else is.
rather, i think i know why.
it's amazing how quickly we've forgotten about the destruction from katrina, and how there are people still struggling to survive down there. i mean, it's not as important as the whole brangelina thing, but it's serious stuff that really doesn't get any airplay anymore.
what's the lifeline for a story like that anyways? three months? is that enough to care?
anyways, i'm pulling for LSU. rather, i'm pulling for LSU to win and giving people in that state to have something to celebrate. for giving them a little hope. for giving them a smile and a reason to get drunk and show some.
geaux tigers.
rather, i think i know why.
it's amazing how quickly we've forgotten about the destruction from katrina, and how there are people still struggling to survive down there. i mean, it's not as important as the whole brangelina thing, but it's serious stuff that really doesn't get any airplay anymore.
what's the lifeline for a story like that anyways? three months? is that enough to care?
anyways, i'm pulling for LSU. rather, i'm pulling for LSU to win and giving people in that state to have something to celebrate. for giving them a little hope. for giving them a smile and a reason to get drunk and show some.
geaux tigers.
how i wish i had a camera on me
during my run this morning on the beautiful lake street, i saw a row of cars with flyers stuck underneath their windshields.
but they weren't flyers.
they said, and i quote, "you don't live in the projects anymore, so don't park like you do".
then, underneath it, it said in different handwriting, paraphrasing, "someone put this on my car so i photocopied it and put it all over the neighborhood to show how obnoxious people can be".
wow. awesome. nothing like early morning passive-aggressive racism and proactive rebuttals to get me going.
but they weren't flyers.
they said, and i quote, "you don't live in the projects anymore, so don't park like you do".
then, underneath it, it said in different handwriting, paraphrasing, "someone put this on my car so i photocopied it and put it all over the neighborhood to show how obnoxious people can be".
wow. awesome. nothing like early morning passive-aggressive racism and proactive rebuttals to get me going.
how there's no cause for alarm
we should ignore this article about how the polar caps are melting and how the oceans will rise and how giant glaciers the size of manhattan might soon be coming our way.
after all, jesus will save us.
after all, jesus will save us.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
how many times can i say that trey parker and matt stone are my idols
first, they did the fantastic "trapped in the closet" episode where they ripped apart scientology.
and then five days ago, after isaac hayes leaves the cast and tom cruise pulls the episode from the network, they issue a statement mocking scientology in their own special way.
and then, tonight, in their season premiere, they rip apart scientology again, calling it "a fruity little club" under the name of "the super adventurer club" that practices brainwashing and pedophilia.
is there anything they won't do?
hope not.
god bless them.
and then five days ago, after isaac hayes leaves the cast and tom cruise pulls the episode from the network, they issue a statement mocking scientology in their own special way.
and then, tonight, in their season premiere, they rip apart scientology again, calling it "a fruity little club" under the name of "the super adventurer club" that practices brainwashing and pedophilia.
is there anything they won't do?
hope not.
god bless them.
how to solve a problem
ever since i started everyonehearsyou.com, amazingly there have been zero cell phone calls in my general vicinity.
so the website suffers, but the bus ride grows pleasant.
consider the website to be a lucky talisman.
so the website suffers, but the bus ride grows pleasant.
consider the website to be a lucky talisman.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
how this won't draw men to a women's game
remember when finally one of your friends could dunk a basketball, and it was a big deal, and when it happened, the word got around and before you know it, that friend were dunking for everyone? i remember when i saw one of my teammates dunked when i was a freshman in high school, and then i remember when i dunked a year later or so - and it was a big deal for my non-basketball playing friends.
well, the reason i'm bringing this up is because it really wasn't a big deal.
that's why the more i hear about candace parker dunking in a game, the more i don't understand why it's a big deal. she's 6'4" and she plays for tennessee and the dunk was crappy. i'm a 5'11" white guy. hers looked much like one of mine.
that's a guy's point of view. when it's exciting for someone 6'4" to dunk, then it doesn't say much for the rest of the game. it's highlighting something you can see in any playground at any time.
which brings me to the point of this post (finally): judging by the media buy and the tone of their ads, women's basketball seems to be targeting men, trying to get a new audience to watch their game, a more corporate audience.
i think the dunk hurts the effort.
there's much to like about women's basketball - mostly about how it's a great role model for young girls everywhere, the fundamental play, the teamwork, etc. those are their strengths, the things it has over the nba. that's how it should be marketed.
you're not going to a women's game to see candace parker barely dunk. it's a big deal for women and young girls everywhere. but it ain't bringing any men to the game.
it's just the more it's pointed up, the more you realize how unspectacular it is, which means that the more you compare it, the lesser it seems.
i think, if you're gonna talk to men, you gotta point out that she had 26 points in 26 minutes, and added five rebounds, a career-high seven assists, four blocks and two steals.
now that is impressive to anyone.
well, the reason i'm bringing this up is because it really wasn't a big deal.
that's why the more i hear about candace parker dunking in a game, the more i don't understand why it's a big deal. she's 6'4" and she plays for tennessee and the dunk was crappy. i'm a 5'11" white guy. hers looked much like one of mine.
that's a guy's point of view. when it's exciting for someone 6'4" to dunk, then it doesn't say much for the rest of the game. it's highlighting something you can see in any playground at any time.
which brings me to the point of this post (finally): judging by the media buy and the tone of their ads, women's basketball seems to be targeting men, trying to get a new audience to watch their game, a more corporate audience.
i think the dunk hurts the effort.
there's much to like about women's basketball - mostly about how it's a great role model for young girls everywhere, the fundamental play, the teamwork, etc. those are their strengths, the things it has over the nba. that's how it should be marketed.
you're not going to a women's game to see candace parker barely dunk. it's a big deal for women and young girls everywhere. but it ain't bringing any men to the game.
it's just the more it's pointed up, the more you realize how unspectacular it is, which means that the more you compare it, the lesser it seems.
i think, if you're gonna talk to men, you gotta point out that she had 26 points in 26 minutes, and added five rebounds, a career-high seven assists, four blocks and two steals.
now that is impressive to anyone.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
how you don't have to be an expert to be given a microphone
while on my morning run, i listened to the radio telecast of the duke-george washington second round basketball game. analyst larry conley "broke down" what the teams needed to do in order to win.
for george washington, he said, and i quote, "they need to contain the two all-americans, redick and williams".
gee, thanks larry. i never would have guessed that to be a key to the game. of course. that's all they need to do, and it sounds so easy. someone alert the gw colonials and give them the gameplan.
oh, exactly how do you contain the two all-americans? well, you can't expect larry conley to tell you that. why would he? he's only a well-paid basketball radio analyst. it's only his job.
god forbid he said something like "with gw's forwards having a distinct athletic advantage over duke's forwards, it would behoove them to draw williams away from the paint and force him to guard them on the perimeter, where he is uncomfortable. they might get him in foul trouble that way. as for redick, you're gonna have to be physical with him, and gw has the luxury of having interchangeable big and athletic wings to bother redick, to give him different looks. of course, all this is easier said than done, but it's a good path for gw to tread."
instead, we got "they need to contain the two all-americans, redick and williams".
friggin idiot.
is there any analyst who actually knows what they're talking about?
anyone?
for george washington, he said, and i quote, "they need to contain the two all-americans, redick and williams".
gee, thanks larry. i never would have guessed that to be a key to the game. of course. that's all they need to do, and it sounds so easy. someone alert the gw colonials and give them the gameplan.
oh, exactly how do you contain the two all-americans? well, you can't expect larry conley to tell you that. why would he? he's only a well-paid basketball radio analyst. it's only his job.
god forbid he said something like "with gw's forwards having a distinct athletic advantage over duke's forwards, it would behoove them to draw williams away from the paint and force him to guard them on the perimeter, where he is uncomfortable. they might get him in foul trouble that way. as for redick, you're gonna have to be physical with him, and gw has the luxury of having interchangeable big and athletic wings to bother redick, to give him different looks. of course, all this is easier said than done, but it's a good path for gw to tread."
instead, we got "they need to contain the two all-americans, redick and williams".
friggin idiot.
is there any analyst who actually knows what they're talking about?
anyone?
Friday, March 17, 2006
how she's mine, all mine
just got this very personal e-mail from a russian princess:
Halo. My name is Svetlana. I want meet kind nice man. I like USA mens and europe's also canada's. I am study englisch in school. I am 25, and have blonde hair. I am looking for nice man's for friendships. Maybe to visit one day. Please say halo to my email svetlana@uwitetome.info with hope we talk soon...
i'm one lucky man.
Halo. My name is Svetlana. I want meet kind nice man. I like USA mens and europe's also canada's. I am study englisch in school. I am 25, and have blonde hair. I am looking for nice man's for friendships. Maybe to visit one day. Please say halo to my email svetlana@uwitetome.info with hope we talk soon...
i'm one lucky man.
how to do it the right way
a couple of months ago, "south park" creators trey parker and matt stone made a hilarious destruction of scientology that involved tom cruise and john travolta trapped in a closet and basically crapping on every single tenet of their religion. the aftermath resulted in isaac hayes leaving the cast and tom cruise threatening to pull any advertising from his summer movie from the channel if they ever played that episode again. so, of course, comedy central caved and pulled the episode, scheduled to have aired this past wednesday.
which left trey and matt to take matters in their own hands, which they did, in this letter from their lawyers:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!
-Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu
i love these guys.
which left trey and matt to take matters in their own hands, which they did, in this letter from their lawyers:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!
-Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu
i love these guys.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
how classy never takes a break
another classy article from the staten island advance.
A Rossville man who believed his 9-year-old daughter was getting short shrift from her teacher made a bomb threat against her school, authorities said yesterday.
Robert Stanley, 47, of Lucille Avenue, was arrested Tuesday night during the science fair at PS 56.
In a heated telephone conversation with a school secretary Tuesday afternoon, Stanley identified himself and said he was "coming there to blow the school up," according to police.
At the science fair, school safety officers pointed out Stanley to police. He was charged with one count of aggravated harassment and two counts of making a false report, charges that could land him behind bars for four years.
Stanley contended that he was just venting his spleen over the telephone.
At his arraignment yesterday afternoon in Stapleton Criminal Court, he bowed his head and folded his hands behind his back as lawyer Henry Martuscello of Manhattan read a statement in which his client admitted he "did something stupid and never meant to carry out the threat."
"He called the school because he felt his daughter was not being helped," Martuscello said. "This is really a stupid case."
brilliant stuff. really brilliant.
keep it classy, staten island.
A Rossville man who believed his 9-year-old daughter was getting short shrift from her teacher made a bomb threat against her school, authorities said yesterday.
Robert Stanley, 47, of Lucille Avenue, was arrested Tuesday night during the science fair at PS 56.
In a heated telephone conversation with a school secretary Tuesday afternoon, Stanley identified himself and said he was "coming there to blow the school up," according to police.
At the science fair, school safety officers pointed out Stanley to police. He was charged with one count of aggravated harassment and two counts of making a false report, charges that could land him behind bars for four years.
Stanley contended that he was just venting his spleen over the telephone.
At his arraignment yesterday afternoon in Stapleton Criminal Court, he bowed his head and folded his hands behind his back as lawyer Henry Martuscello of Manhattan read a statement in which his client admitted he "did something stupid and never meant to carry out the threat."
"He called the school because he felt his daughter was not being helped," Martuscello said. "This is really a stupid case."
brilliant stuff. really brilliant.
keep it classy, staten island.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
how i'm gonna leave a message and hope for the best
my old boss, michael wilde, is on the verge of hitting it big with his incredibly strange short film that's getting accolades wherever it shows.
that's great news, considering michael's one of the great guys around.
that's great news, considering michael's one of the great guys around.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
how i'm blaming bush for this one too
i think bush signed into law under the patriot's act that every 70's classic television show must be made into a crappy film. in his own way, he's keeping the country safe from good ideas.
btw, to segue from president bush to president logan, i'm still waiting for jack bauer to either eat or shit on an episode of "24". my buddy lawson thinks it would make good ad sense for jack to eat a powerbar while driving around. but that doesn't solve the no shitting problem.
for me, i think it would be great if he shit in his hand and threw his feces monkeystyle at the terrorists while yelling - calmly yet sternly - "code 2 brown. code 2 brown!" and chloe says "jack, you can't" and jack said, "dammit, chloe, i said code 2 brown!' and chloe says "ugh, alright" and then typed something, probably "i can't believe jack did a code 2 brown. i told him not to but he did so anyways. ugh!" and then the episode would end in an impossible situation.
but that's just me.
btw, to segue from president bush to president logan, i'm still waiting for jack bauer to either eat or shit on an episode of "24". my buddy lawson thinks it would make good ad sense for jack to eat a powerbar while driving around. but that doesn't solve the no shitting problem.
for me, i think it would be great if he shit in his hand and threw his feces monkeystyle at the terrorists while yelling - calmly yet sternly - "code 2 brown. code 2 brown!" and chloe says "jack, you can't" and jack said, "dammit, chloe, i said code 2 brown!' and chloe says "ugh, alright" and then typed something, probably "i can't believe jack did a code 2 brown. i told him not to but he did so anyways. ugh!" and then the episode would end in an impossible situation.
but that's just me.
how i've felt the past couple of weeks
considering that i've moved out and then moved in and then started my dream freelance gig and then working late hours and trying to impress my creative directors and then trying to find time to unpack and then dealing with my ongoing situation with my cable company and getting my taxes done and on and on and on and, well, this sums it all up perfectly.
thanks paal, for this disgusting metaphorical image of my life.
thanks paal, for this disgusting metaphorical image of my life.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
how they could have been true to themselves, but instead they screwed the pooch
during my run today, i was listening to sports radio (as i usually do), and there was a spot for pontiac that came on. as with most car commercials, it was quickly forgettable, just white noise, until the very end where, instead of saying "go to pontiac.com", the voiceover said "google pontiac for more information".
google pontiac.
and i thought, how cool is that? what a cool way to advertise yourself. google's damn smart. they have no advertising on their site, and their own advertising is purely done in the context it's used. google pontiac. brilliant brilliant stuff.
i felt great about a company i already feel great about.
a pontiac commercial came on while i was watching college hoops today. again, it's the usual car crap that does little to differentiate one brand from the other. at the end they did the same thing- "google pontiac for more information" but on the screen, there was the google page with the word "pontiac" in the search bar.
and i thought, wow, they screwed the pooch with that.
if they didn't put the google page in there, it would have been great. it would have been so true to google as a brand - unassuming, conversational, anti-advertising. but they didn't, and that google page reminded people that they paid to have a corporate tie-in with pontiac. it's a small thing, but it's a big thing. that page makes google seem like an entity. without it, and they're that cool search engine that even pontiac uses.
'tis a shame. they weren't true to themselves..
come to think of is, they've been making a habit of not being true to themselves.
google pontiac.
and i thought, how cool is that? what a cool way to advertise yourself. google's damn smart. they have no advertising on their site, and their own advertising is purely done in the context it's used. google pontiac. brilliant brilliant stuff.
i felt great about a company i already feel great about.
a pontiac commercial came on while i was watching college hoops today. again, it's the usual car crap that does little to differentiate one brand from the other. at the end they did the same thing- "google pontiac for more information" but on the screen, there was the google page with the word "pontiac" in the search bar.
and i thought, wow, they screwed the pooch with that.
if they didn't put the google page in there, it would have been great. it would have been so true to google as a brand - unassuming, conversational, anti-advertising. but they didn't, and that google page reminded people that they paid to have a corporate tie-in with pontiac. it's a small thing, but it's a big thing. that page makes google seem like an entity. without it, and they're that cool search engine that even pontiac uses.
'tis a shame. they weren't true to themselves..
come to think of is, they've been making a habit of not being true to themselves.
Friday, March 10, 2006
how i'm taking my biggest stance ever
i had this idea.
i was on the bus today, sitting next to a woman who talked on her cellphone the whole damn way. she was loud, and she really didn't say anything important. it was just small talk with a friend that everyone on the bus had the priviledge of listening to.
i got pissed off.
usually, whenever something like this happens, i do play-by-play about her conversation with the stranger sitting next to me. but she was sitting next to me. i had nobody to talk to.
besides, that's not enough. i decided that i needed to make a stand, passive aggressively.
so, tonight, i started another blog: everyonehearsyou.com (actually everyonehearsyou.eponym.com, but that doesn't flow).
here's my idea: every time i hear someone talk on the cellphone, i write about their conversation and even offer my insights. i think it would be very funny. besides, they're making their personal calls public. why shouldn't i make them even more public?
then i got to thinking: why don't i invite my friends from around the country to join me? you know, make this a collective of angry people looking to take a stand with me.
so, as people get more and more obnoxious with their public displays of private conversations, we'll get even more obnoxious with our reviews of them.
i think it's come down to this, and we're ready.
enjoy.
and don't be scared. the steveohville speakeasy is still open, moreso than ever.
but there's also room in this world for everyone hears you.
i was on the bus today, sitting next to a woman who talked on her cellphone the whole damn way. she was loud, and she really didn't say anything important. it was just small talk with a friend that everyone on the bus had the priviledge of listening to.
i got pissed off.
usually, whenever something like this happens, i do play-by-play about her conversation with the stranger sitting next to me. but she was sitting next to me. i had nobody to talk to.
besides, that's not enough. i decided that i needed to make a stand, passive aggressively.
so, tonight, i started another blog: everyonehearsyou.com (actually everyonehearsyou.eponym.com, but that doesn't flow).
here's my idea: every time i hear someone talk on the cellphone, i write about their conversation and even offer my insights. i think it would be very funny. besides, they're making their personal calls public. why shouldn't i make them even more public?
then i got to thinking: why don't i invite my friends from around the country to join me? you know, make this a collective of angry people looking to take a stand with me.
so, as people get more and more obnoxious with their public displays of private conversations, we'll get even more obnoxious with our reviews of them.
i think it's come down to this, and we're ready.
enjoy.
and don't be scared. the steveohville speakeasy is still open, moreso than ever.
but there's also room in this world for everyone hears you.
how it friggin' snowed tonight
okay, it didn't snow by me. but it snowed at twin peaks and other areas 500 feet above sea level.
don't believe me? check this and this and this out from sfgate.com.
this was not in the brochure.
goddamn it, this is california, and i will not stand for this.
i go to snow. snow does not come to me.
this is unacceptable.
don't believe me? check this and this and this out from sfgate.com.
this was not in the brochure.
goddamn it, this is california, and i will not stand for this.
i go to snow. snow does not come to me.
this is unacceptable.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
how i love this city, but...
as i went for my run this morning, i listened to KNBR sports radio as murph and mac talked with mark fainaru-wada, co-author of the book about barry bonds' descent into the steroid scandal. and fainaru-wada explained how they got all this information and how it all came about and made a very clear and precise case - one that just cemented what we already suspected.
and then the callers came.
they'd been calling all morning, and brian murphy noted that about 98% of them were in defense of bonds.
i'll repeat that: 98% of the calls were in defense of bonds.
here were their arguments:
- where is the proof? well, when you take a steroid which is undetectable, there won't be any proof. mlb wasn't testing for the things he was taking. he did mention that in 2004, bonds did have an extremely high count of testosterone. but san franciscans need the actual physical urine when they should be asking for blood samples.
- why wasn't he picking on mcgwire and sosa? well, they wound up investigating bonds when the balco story was unearthed because there was so much more about bonds' use than anyone else's. whereas mcgwire took a steroid (andro), bonds took a ton of them. that's where the intrigue was. san franciscans didn't buy that one either. they think it's a vendetta.
- how can you rely on his ex-girlfriend for information? well, they didn't use her as the only informant, but she wound up corroborating everything they found out independently. she's one of countless others that they talked to and quadruple checked with. you guessed it, san franciscans didn't buy that one either. after all, she's just a dirty bitch looking to get some money and revenge.
- how can you say bonds was jealous of mcgwire when bonds beat mcgwire in a home run derby the year before? yep, that was an argument.
i'll let that one just linger by itself.
it really struck me how, for the most liberal-thinking city in the world, when it comes to a supernaturally swollen man in a giants uniform who launches home runs into a bay, everyone quickly becomes closeminded.
and then the callers came.
they'd been calling all morning, and brian murphy noted that about 98% of them were in defense of bonds.
i'll repeat that: 98% of the calls were in defense of bonds.
here were their arguments:
- where is the proof? well, when you take a steroid which is undetectable, there won't be any proof. mlb wasn't testing for the things he was taking. he did mention that in 2004, bonds did have an extremely high count of testosterone. but san franciscans need the actual physical urine when they should be asking for blood samples.
- why wasn't he picking on mcgwire and sosa? well, they wound up investigating bonds when the balco story was unearthed because there was so much more about bonds' use than anyone else's. whereas mcgwire took a steroid (andro), bonds took a ton of them. that's where the intrigue was. san franciscans didn't buy that one either. they think it's a vendetta.
- how can you rely on his ex-girlfriend for information? well, they didn't use her as the only informant, but she wound up corroborating everything they found out independently. she's one of countless others that they talked to and quadruple checked with. you guessed it, san franciscans didn't buy that one either. after all, she's just a dirty bitch looking to get some money and revenge.
- how can you say bonds was jealous of mcgwire when bonds beat mcgwire in a home run derby the year before? yep, that was an argument.
i'll let that one just linger by itself.
it really struck me how, for the most liberal-thinking city in the world, when it comes to a supernaturally swollen man in a giants uniform who launches home runs into a bay, everyone quickly becomes closeminded.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
how i think i'm falling
in love with advertising again.
this was posted at 9:09pm on a tuesday night in the middle of writing three pages full of headlines in an effort to find one really good one.
this was posted at 9:09pm on a tuesday night in the middle of writing three pages full of headlines in an effort to find one really good one.
how kirby and barry have so little in common
it's very ironic how kirby puckett died the day before barry bonds' legacy did.
they could not be any more dissimilar.
puckett was a butterball, a bowling ball in cleats, but it didn't matter because no matter what shape he took, he was one of the greatest ballplayers we ever saw - and we all knew that. there wasn't a doubt. and here's the thing: he knew that too, and he embraced it. and there's no question to his legacy now or then. although his career was cut short, his status will never.
barry has always been a hall of famer. before 1998, there was no doubt to his legacy. he was one of the greatest ballplayers we ever saw - and again, we all knew that. unquestionably. but here's the thing about barry: he didn't. he did not. if he did, he would not have taken steroids and go for the biggest accolade in the sport. he not have chased immortality. and he did it, and we cheered, but we knew. we all knew. and now, now that it's all plotted out before us, his legacy, once impeccable, is now tarnished.
buster olney at espn.com just wrote this amazing article about what could have been with barry. and he's so right about that. it was his choice, and he blew it.
god, did he blow it.
they could not be any more dissimilar.
puckett was a butterball, a bowling ball in cleats, but it didn't matter because no matter what shape he took, he was one of the greatest ballplayers we ever saw - and we all knew that. there wasn't a doubt. and here's the thing: he knew that too, and he embraced it. and there's no question to his legacy now or then. although his career was cut short, his status will never.
barry has always been a hall of famer. before 1998, there was no doubt to his legacy. he was one of the greatest ballplayers we ever saw - and again, we all knew that. unquestionably. but here's the thing about barry: he didn't. he did not. if he did, he would not have taken steroids and go for the biggest accolade in the sport. he not have chased immortality. and he did it, and we cheered, but we knew. we all knew. and now, now that it's all plotted out before us, his legacy, once impeccable, is now tarnished.
buster olney at espn.com just wrote this amazing article about what could have been with barry. and he's so right about that. it was his choice, and he blew it.
god, did he blow it.
Monday, March 06, 2006
how to be at a complete loss
the two hours i just spent in front of my television watching "24" were the most amazing two hours of television i've ever spent watching.
just incredible, incredible, incredible drama, and i am humbled at how i could never, ever make something as compelling and emotional and exciting like that.
but at least a new bar has been set high.
just incredible, incredible, incredible drama, and i am humbled at how i could never, ever make something as compelling and emotional and exciting like that.
but at least a new bar has been set high.
how i guess hollywood knew how to quit "brokeback mountain"
i'm gonna be honest: i'm shocked that "crash" won for best picture. i thought it was a better picture than "brokeback", but wow. i loved hearing the surprise in jack nicholson's voice when he announced it too.
here's what i liked about the oscars:
1. jon stewart ripping on the crowd, and then cutting to them and nobody's laughing. is there a bigger collection of people anywhere that's as full of themselves as a hollywood awards show?
2. his jokes about cheney shooting bjork and how the oscars is the only time hollywood votes for a winner.
3. hollywood recognizing the difficulties in being a pimp. and i don't know who the 3-6 mafia is, but i like them. jon stewart's right; that's how you should accept an oscar, with that much joy and energy.
4. george clooney is the coolest and most down-to-earth guy in hollywood. good for him.
5. i think that american express commercial with m. night shamalayan is the best thing he's done since "the sixth sense" - but that's not exactly setting a high bar.
6. god, i hate saying this, but i thought ben stiller was hysterical in his green leotard.
7. in the opening skit, the creepy way david letterman said he wanted to spend more time with steve martin's kids.
8. lily tomlin and meryl streep talking over each other when they introduced robert altman. that was great stuff.
9. jessica alba.
otherwise, it's your usual self-inflating and boring awards show, just like every other year.
nothing beats patting yourself on the back and televising it, and then giving everyone who attends a $110,000 goodie bag.
here's what i liked about the oscars:
1. jon stewart ripping on the crowd, and then cutting to them and nobody's laughing. is there a bigger collection of people anywhere that's as full of themselves as a hollywood awards show?
2. his jokes about cheney shooting bjork and how the oscars is the only time hollywood votes for a winner.
3. hollywood recognizing the difficulties in being a pimp. and i don't know who the 3-6 mafia is, but i like them. jon stewart's right; that's how you should accept an oscar, with that much joy and energy.
4. george clooney is the coolest and most down-to-earth guy in hollywood. good for him.
5. i think that american express commercial with m. night shamalayan is the best thing he's done since "the sixth sense" - but that's not exactly setting a high bar.
6. god, i hate saying this, but i thought ben stiller was hysterical in his green leotard.
7. in the opening skit, the creepy way david letterman said he wanted to spend more time with steve martin's kids.
8. lily tomlin and meryl streep talking over each other when they introduced robert altman. that was great stuff.
9. jessica alba.
otherwise, it's your usual self-inflating and boring awards show, just like every other year.
nothing beats patting yourself on the back and televising it, and then giving everyone who attends a $110,000 goodie bag.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Saturday, March 04, 2006
how i chuckled
a beautiful young blonde woman was so depressed over her failed broadway acting career that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.
"you have so much to live for," said the sailor. "look, i'm off to europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. i’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
with nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to europe, the woman accepted. that night the sailor took her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. from then on, every night he would take her three sandwiches, and then he would make love to her until dawn.
three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "what are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"i have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "he brings me food and i get a free trip to europe."
"i see," the captain says.
"plus," she adds, "he’s screwing me."
"he certainly is," replied the captain. "this is the staten island ferry."
"you have so much to live for," said the sailor. "look, i'm off to europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. i’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
with nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to europe, the woman accepted. that night the sailor took her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. from then on, every night he would take her three sandwiches, and then he would make love to her until dawn.
three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "what are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"i have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "he brings me food and i get a free trip to europe."
"i see," the captain says.
"plus," she adds, "he’s screwing me."
"he certainly is," replied the captain. "this is the staten island ferry."
Friday, March 03, 2006
how to make oscar predictions
here's my take on the oscars, the one night where hollywood takse their already skyrocketed pretentiousness to new levels. and i think jon stewart's gonna take advantage of that. he's got the best comedy writers in the business and, god knows, hollywood leaves itself wide open for mockery. i mean, he's not gonna be as scathing as chris rock, but he won't be as pussywhipped as billy crystal either.
maybe he'll go old school and say, "keanu, calista. calista, keanu".
okay, now for the statues.
"brokeback mountain" will be named best picture. i thought it was "good night and good luck", but all five were good choices. there's no losers here. no losers.
ang lee will be named best director, and there's no doubt about that in my mind. watch that movie for a lesson in simplicity and saying everything by saying nothing and, most importantly, the power and frailties of restraint. ang lee captured all of that with beauty to spare.
reese witherspoon was a better june carter than june carter. she should and will win best actress, and that's long overdue. she's the best actress we've got. she'll cry.
speaking of long overdue, philip seymour hoffman's gonna win for "capote", and it's great that one of my favorite actors is gonna get some hardware to prove it. he completely creeped me out - even more so than heath ledger and jake gyllenhall. hoffman is that good. and he'll ramble on during his speech about how actors should support each other and blah blah blah. i pray he does it in the capote voice just to give everyone the creeps.
i didn't see most of the best supporting actors and actresses, so i'm gonna leave those blank. i heard rachel weisz and george clooney. i thought matt dillon was great in "crash". terrence howard was great in "crash", but he wasn't nominated.
ans that brings me to what i will wish for and pray for - i'm really feeling that "it's hard out there for a pimp " from "hustle and flow" wins for best song. i posted about how much i dug that movie, and i gotta say that i've had that song in my head for the past couple of weeks now. terrence howard completely nailed it, and the whole song is absolutely infectious. go ahead. watch the movie and try getting it out of your head. go ahead. dare ya.
other predictions: lindsay lohan will be out of her mind and out of her clothes by midnight. paris hilton will make a complete ass of herself between her second and third parties. and hilary swank will forget the name of her ex-husband again.
bank it.
maybe he'll go old school and say, "keanu, calista. calista, keanu".
okay, now for the statues.
"brokeback mountain" will be named best picture. i thought it was "good night and good luck", but all five were good choices. there's no losers here. no losers.
ang lee will be named best director, and there's no doubt about that in my mind. watch that movie for a lesson in simplicity and saying everything by saying nothing and, most importantly, the power and frailties of restraint. ang lee captured all of that with beauty to spare.
reese witherspoon was a better june carter than june carter. she should and will win best actress, and that's long overdue. she's the best actress we've got. she'll cry.
speaking of long overdue, philip seymour hoffman's gonna win for "capote", and it's great that one of my favorite actors is gonna get some hardware to prove it. he completely creeped me out - even more so than heath ledger and jake gyllenhall. hoffman is that good. and he'll ramble on during his speech about how actors should support each other and blah blah blah. i pray he does it in the capote voice just to give everyone the creeps.
i didn't see most of the best supporting actors and actresses, so i'm gonna leave those blank. i heard rachel weisz and george clooney. i thought matt dillon was great in "crash". terrence howard was great in "crash", but he wasn't nominated.
ans that brings me to what i will wish for and pray for - i'm really feeling that "it's hard out there for a pimp " from "hustle and flow" wins for best song. i posted about how much i dug that movie, and i gotta say that i've had that song in my head for the past couple of weeks now. terrence howard completely nailed it, and the whole song is absolutely infectious. go ahead. watch the movie and try getting it out of your head. go ahead. dare ya.
other predictions: lindsay lohan will be out of her mind and out of her clothes by midnight. paris hilton will make a complete ass of herself between her second and third parties. and hilary swank will forget the name of her ex-husband again.
bank it.
how vending machines at a bowling alley are your friends
in case you're wondering, F7 and F9 are tube socks.
yep, right next to mrs. field's cookies.
where they should be.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
how the overdone has to end
the new york times recently called for the end of "brokeback mountain" parodies. i agree. it's been way too much.
so, before the deadline hits at midnight tonight, i give you "point brokeback", starring keanu reeves and patrick swayze.
so, before the deadline hits at midnight tonight, i give you "point brokeback", starring keanu reeves and patrick swayze.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
how all my online petitioning must have worked - or how the world can't go on without its favorite analrapist
i just got a tip from my friend croz at the crosby report of a rumor that showtime has just picked up 26 episodes of "arrested development". oh lord, please make it true.
this will make my year, not counting the day my niece is born.
this will make my year, not counting the day my niece is born.
how it all makes sense now - or does it?
here's a list of modern-day salaries for the jobs of prominent tv characters, which is possibly one of the most intriguing lists ever - just for the fact that homer simpson would make $65,000 a year.
mmmm. $65,000. arrrggghh.
mmmm. $65,000. arrrggghh.
how i wish i knew who to attribute this to
but i was listening to talk radio on sirius while unpacking, and someone said that our current administration "never misses an opportunity to miss an opportunity".
i just thought that statement was about as spot on as you'll ever hear.
i just thought that statement was about as spot on as you'll ever hear.
how that's not a good trade under any circumstances
this is what the world baseball classic is coming to:
mets closer billy wagner and indians ace c.c. Sabathia withdrew wednesday from the american roster for the wbc.
they were replaced by nationals unknown gary majewski and washed-up yankee al leiter.
play ball!
mets closer billy wagner and indians ace c.c. Sabathia withdrew wednesday from the american roster for the wbc.
they were replaced by nationals unknown gary majewski and washed-up yankee al leiter.
play ball!
how it's difficult to understand the experts
the baseball hall of fame recently announced their final inductees of negro league ballplayers, and buck o'neil was not one of them. and that is just completely amazing.
beyond spending fifty years in the game, beyond being the first black to coach in the major leagues, beyond getting the negro leagues museum up and running, beyond arguing tirelessly for getting negro leaguers to be inducted into the hall of fame, beyond playing and managing for half his life, beyond discovering lou brock and ernie banks as a ascout, and beyond being the voice and face of negro league baseball from his amazing storytelling on ken burns' "baseball" documentary, the experts didn't vote him in.
if not buck o'neil, then how can you vote in anyone else?
you would think that news like that would be devastating to a 94-year-old man.
think again.
"God's been good to me. You can see that, can't you? It didn't happen. They didn't think Buck was good enough to be in the Hall of Fame. That's the way they thought about it and that's the way it is, so we're going to live with that. Now, if I'm a hall-of-famer for you, that's all right with me. Just keep loving old Buck.
"Don't shed any tears 'cause I'm not going to the Hall of Fame.''
"You think about this,'' he said. "Here I am, the grandson of a slave. And here the whole world was excited about whether I was going into the Hall of Fame or not. We've come a long ways. Before, we never even thought about anything like that. America, you've really grown and you're still growing.''
he also said that he would be honored to give a speech for all the deceased members of the hall of fame class.
you know, buck o'neil doesn't need the baseball hall of fame.
it doesn't deserve someone of his caliber.
beyond spending fifty years in the game, beyond being the first black to coach in the major leagues, beyond getting the negro leagues museum up and running, beyond arguing tirelessly for getting negro leaguers to be inducted into the hall of fame, beyond playing and managing for half his life, beyond discovering lou brock and ernie banks as a ascout, and beyond being the voice and face of negro league baseball from his amazing storytelling on ken burns' "baseball" documentary, the experts didn't vote him in.
if not buck o'neil, then how can you vote in anyone else?
you would think that news like that would be devastating to a 94-year-old man.
think again.
"God's been good to me. You can see that, can't you? It didn't happen. They didn't think Buck was good enough to be in the Hall of Fame. That's the way they thought about it and that's the way it is, so we're going to live with that. Now, if I'm a hall-of-famer for you, that's all right with me. Just keep loving old Buck.
"Don't shed any tears 'cause I'm not going to the Hall of Fame.''
"You think about this,'' he said. "Here I am, the grandson of a slave. And here the whole world was excited about whether I was going into the Hall of Fame or not. We've come a long ways. Before, we never even thought about anything like that. America, you've really grown and you're still growing.''
he also said that he would be honored to give a speech for all the deceased members of the hall of fame class.
you know, buck o'neil doesn't need the baseball hall of fame.
it doesn't deserve someone of his caliber.
how you can't fool anybody all of the time
here's an article by new york daily news sportswriter dick weiss.
except don't read the article. just look at the picture of dick weiss on the left.
awesome.
except don't read the article. just look at the picture of dick weiss on the left.
awesome.
how you don't realize
how prevalent this is until you live and work in an area like that.
seriously, it's disgusting. and i hope chinatowns across america pick up the cause too.
seriously, it's disgusting. and i hope chinatowns across america pick up the cause too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)