how to keep a log during the giants-cowboys game

a simple record of phone conversations between my father, my brother and me during the good guys vs. bad guys game sunday morning.

10:13 - my father and i agree that the giants need to bench frank walker after his second consecutive penalty on third down. also, first utterance of the "f word".

10:45 - the word "asshole" is used to describe announcer and former cowboy troy aikman. note that i didn't say that it wasn't the first time that word was used to describe him or last week's announcer daryl "moose" johnson. i hate them both. what assholes. i'm glad thier former teammate michael irvin is doing them proud. they all can go "f word" themselves.

10:48 - touchdown, brandon jacobs - the human bulldozer. quick discussion over his usage at the goal line. i think they should use him more at the goal-line for play-actions. but that's just me.

10:54 - when strahan and umenyiora rush him, drew bledsoe shuffles around in the pocket like a drunk figure skater. and when he fumbles, he looks like a christmas shopper with one too many gifts in her arms. awesome.

11:25 - 10-0 giants at half. dad and i agree that's it's good to see jay feely actually playing for our team this week.

11:39 - dad calls after my mad sprint back from the corner store for a bottle of horseradish. touchdown giants. huh? thankfully, god is a football fan who also invented tivo, and i play it backwards. fumble on the hand-off, antonio pierce in the end zone. 17-0 good guys. this shrimp cocktail sauce is gonna taste amazing.

12:10 - 17-10. officially scared. we're looking like absolute crap right now.

12:27 - "i can't tell if aaron glenn was holding plaxico burress, or if burress is holding glenn". troy aikman actually said that on a play where glenn raped burress on a crossing pattern, as if burress would impede his own route. it's such an obvious pass interference penalty, that even the refs were able to see it and call it. yep, everyone knew it was, that is except for the jackass in the announcer's booth. aikman? asshole. asshole? aikman. if he's gonna call a cowboys game against the giants, you gotta counteract him with phil mcconkey. or, better yet, LT. that would scare the shit out of him.

12:46 - jay feely is killing me. that's 12 points he's left on the board in the past two weeks. jesus christ. is it that hard to find a competent kicker nowadays?

12:51 - luke petitgout is killing me. enough with the penalties.

12:56 - our defense is killing their offense. god bless them. just 1:47 to go. run, tiki, run.

1:01 - well, that possession sucked. ball downed at the four. god bless you, jeff feagles. at least he gives us one good foot on our team. yes, i'm talking about you, jay feely.

1:09 - exhale. first place. need new kicker and left tackle. exhale.