how to be disappointed by the chinese

i had chinese food tonight with my parents from the same chinese food place i've been eating from since birth. after the usual good dinner, i was handed a fortune cookie, and after the ceremonial shatter, my paper read "god will lead you to wealth and prosperity".

god will lead me to wealth and prosperity.

that is not a fortune. it's a prophesy.

and i'm distraught.

i expect my fortune cookies to give me little hints on life, giving me little pointers on how to live a better life. you know, if you do this, this will happen.

but saying that god will lead me is vague.

what about god? accept him? worship him? live like him? it's vague. do i do nothing and wait for god to drop a treasure map onto me? or maybe god himself will cut me a check. is that what it means?

maybe it means that i act like a man of god? then again, that would only lead me to lawsuits and a transfer of parishes.

if for the rare occurance i'm bound and gagged into a church, should i not put money in the collection basket? is that what it means.

shit, i dunno.

but what i do know is that this ain't a fortune. it's propoganda.

a proper fortune would read "wisdom and patience will lead me to wealth and prosperity". yeah, that makes sense. there's a guideline there, and it's something i can easily follow.

instead, i got a homily.

i expected more from lum chin chinese restaurant, and that makes me wonder.

has the fear of the george w. administration rankled the previously undeterred shield of the chinese fortune cookie wisdom makers? has dubya found another route to pound in his born-again christian ethics?

i ask, where are your backbones, chinese men of fortune?

then again, maybe it's just the way the cookie crumbles nowadays.