how i can't make any sense out of this junk mail

Dear Friend,

HELLO, STRANGER.

I am Mr. Robert Schock, I work with the Chartered National Bank as an account officer in the Treasury/Credit Control Unit. I was the accounting officer of a national of your country, who died with his wife and their only son, after they were involved in a car accident.

WHAT IS A NATIONAL OF MY COUNTRY? CAN YOU PLEASE CLEAR THIS UP? "NATIONAL" MEANS "OF A NATION", AND "COUNTRY" MEANS "NATION". SO YOU WERE A "NATIONAL OF YOUR NATION" OR A "COUNTRYMAN OF YOUR COUNTRY"? ALREADY, I CLAIM SHENANIGANS.

After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the assets and Capital valued at 25,540.000.00 Million Pounds left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the share holders of this Bank, so that they can share his funds as dividends amongst themselves.

SO WEIRD. I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT MY MOTHER AND FATHER DIVORCED, AND THAT MY MOTHER AND FATHER DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT. AND THAT MY FATHER IS NO LONGER WITH US. PROBABLY FROM SOME SORT OF OTHER HORRIBLE TRAGEDY. LIKE BEING TASERED, BRO.

I JUST TALKED TO THEM. SO WEIRD.

The Bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the next fourteen official working days. Because as at the time of his demise I was his accounting officer, but have since been promoted to the position of Treasury/Credit Control Unit, ever since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for sometime now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you. Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss modalities for transfer.

SO...THESE PEOPLE DIED IN A FIERY WRECK, YOU CAN'T FIND THEIR NEXT OF KIN, SO YOU, IN THE NEWLY MINTED POSITION OF TREASURY/CREDIT CONTROL UNIT, DECIDE TO DO AN "INTERNET SEARCH", I GUESSED TYPED IN MY LAST NAME AND FOUND ME. ALTHOUGH YOU HAVE NO IDEA IF I AM NEXT OF KIN. BUT THE INTERNET DOESN'T LIE, SO WHAT THE HELL, RIGHT? THAT'LL HOLD UP IN COURT, YES? AND WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF THE DECEASED'S LAST NAME WERE JACKSON? WOULD MICHAEL GET THIS E-MAIL? OR SIMPSON?

As soon as I recieve an acknowledgement of your acceptance, I will furnish you with the necessary modalities

MODALITIES? NICE.

of the transaction. I assure you that this transcaction is 100% risk free, and as soon as we succeed in getting this funds to your account, The money will be shared on a 50, 50 basis...............

LONG DRAMATIC PAUSE. GOT IT

I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.

YES. FINDING ME UNDER AN INTERNET SEARCH IS A LEGITIMATE ARRANGEMENT. I FIND SOLACE IN YOUR GUARANTEE.

I am waiting to hear from you soon.

GOOGLE ME.

Best regards,

Robert Schock.