unedited:
How are tou my dear Donzi? Your sister told me you lost lots . Are you ok? I know you can't sleep enough my sweet baby. Theresa told tou are excellent doctor and you love your job. In this world, nothing is easy but when you try your best God help you and blesse you my sweet Donzi. Thank you for Theresa and she came yesterday evening for clean . This afternoon 4pm she go see Dr. Lui. Now i said ;good nignt my baby; and nice and beautiful dream. I love you. from your mom
here's my guess:
donzi and his mom had some sort of rift. they no longer speak. in fact, she didn't even know that donzi is a doctor. so the rift had to last for a decade because it takes that long to get through medical school.
she only knows that he's a doctor because for some reason he sends a cleaning maid (theresa) to her and she accidentally let his occupation slip.
donzi's sister also told his mother that he lost something - maybe weight? but she didn't tell his mother that he's a doctor.
how i long for the simple days of kenyan princes and their unclaimed fortunes.
Showing posts with label junk mail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label junk mail. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
how i can't make any sense out of this junk mail
Dear Friend,
HELLO, STRANGER.
I am Mr. Robert Schock, I work with the Chartered National Bank as an account officer in the Treasury/Credit Control Unit. I was the accounting officer of a national of your country, who died with his wife and their only son, after they were involved in a car accident.
WHAT IS A NATIONAL OF MY COUNTRY? CAN YOU PLEASE CLEAR THIS UP? "NATIONAL" MEANS "OF A NATION", AND "COUNTRY" MEANS "NATION". SO YOU WERE A "NATIONAL OF YOUR NATION" OR A "COUNTRYMAN OF YOUR COUNTRY"? ALREADY, I CLAIM SHENANIGANS.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the assets and Capital valued at 25,540.000.00 Million Pounds left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the share holders of this Bank, so that they can share his funds as dividends amongst themselves.
SO WEIRD. I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT MY MOTHER AND FATHER DIVORCED, AND THAT MY MOTHER AND FATHER DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT. AND THAT MY FATHER IS NO LONGER WITH US. PROBABLY FROM SOME SORT OF OTHER HORRIBLE TRAGEDY. LIKE BEING TASERED, BRO.
I JUST TALKED TO THEM. SO WEIRD.
The Bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the next fourteen official working days. Because as at the time of his demise I was his accounting officer, but have since been promoted to the position of Treasury/Credit Control Unit, ever since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for sometime now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you. Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss modalities for transfer.
SO...THESE PEOPLE DIED IN A FIERY WRECK, YOU CAN'T FIND THEIR NEXT OF KIN, SO YOU, IN THE NEWLY MINTED POSITION OF TREASURY/CREDIT CONTROL UNIT, DECIDE TO DO AN "INTERNET SEARCH", I GUESSED TYPED IN MY LAST NAME AND FOUND ME. ALTHOUGH YOU HAVE NO IDEA IF I AM NEXT OF KIN. BUT THE INTERNET DOESN'T LIE, SO WHAT THE HELL, RIGHT? THAT'LL HOLD UP IN COURT, YES? AND WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF THE DECEASED'S LAST NAME WERE JACKSON? WOULD MICHAEL GET THIS E-MAIL? OR SIMPSON?
As soon as I recieve an acknowledgement of your acceptance, I will furnish you with the necessary modalities
MODALITIES? NICE.
of the transaction. I assure you that this transcaction is 100% risk free, and as soon as we succeed in getting this funds to your account, The money will be shared on a 50, 50 basis...............
LONG DRAMATIC PAUSE. GOT IT
I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
YES. FINDING ME UNDER AN INTERNET SEARCH IS A LEGITIMATE ARRANGEMENT. I FIND SOLACE IN YOUR GUARANTEE.
I am waiting to hear from you soon.
GOOGLE ME.
Best regards,
Robert Schock.
HELLO, STRANGER.
I am Mr. Robert Schock, I work with the Chartered National Bank as an account officer in the Treasury/Credit Control Unit. I was the accounting officer of a national of your country, who died with his wife and their only son, after they were involved in a car accident.
WHAT IS A NATIONAL OF MY COUNTRY? CAN YOU PLEASE CLEAR THIS UP? "NATIONAL" MEANS "OF A NATION", AND "COUNTRY" MEANS "NATION". SO YOU WERE A "NATIONAL OF YOUR NATION" OR A "COUNTRYMAN OF YOUR COUNTRY"? ALREADY, I CLAIM SHENANIGANS.
After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the assets and Capital valued at 25,540.000.00 Million Pounds left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the share holders of this Bank, so that they can share his funds as dividends amongst themselves.
SO WEIRD. I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT MY MOTHER AND FATHER DIVORCED, AND THAT MY MOTHER AND FATHER DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT. AND THAT MY FATHER IS NO LONGER WITH US. PROBABLY FROM SOME SORT OF OTHER HORRIBLE TRAGEDY. LIKE BEING TASERED, BRO.
I JUST TALKED TO THEM. SO WEIRD.
The Bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the next fourteen official working days. Because as at the time of his demise I was his accounting officer, but have since been promoted to the position of Treasury/Credit Control Unit, ever since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for sometime now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you. Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss modalities for transfer.
SO...THESE PEOPLE DIED IN A FIERY WRECK, YOU CAN'T FIND THEIR NEXT OF KIN, SO YOU, IN THE NEWLY MINTED POSITION OF TREASURY/CREDIT CONTROL UNIT, DECIDE TO DO AN "INTERNET SEARCH", I GUESSED TYPED IN MY LAST NAME AND FOUND ME. ALTHOUGH YOU HAVE NO IDEA IF I AM NEXT OF KIN. BUT THE INTERNET DOESN'T LIE, SO WHAT THE HELL, RIGHT? THAT'LL HOLD UP IN COURT, YES? AND WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF THE DECEASED'S LAST NAME WERE JACKSON? WOULD MICHAEL GET THIS E-MAIL? OR SIMPSON?
As soon as I recieve an acknowledgement of your acceptance, I will furnish you with the necessary modalities
MODALITIES? NICE.
of the transaction. I assure you that this transcaction is 100% risk free, and as soon as we succeed in getting this funds to your account, The money will be shared on a 50, 50 basis...............
LONG DRAMATIC PAUSE. GOT IT
I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
YES. FINDING ME UNDER AN INTERNET SEARCH IS A LEGITIMATE ARRANGEMENT. I FIND SOLACE IN YOUR GUARANTEE.
I am waiting to hear from you soon.
GOOGLE ME.
Best regards,
Robert Schock.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
how i found this in my junk mail folder
From: ChristianDebtRemovers
Sent: Friday, May 25, 2007 4:54 PM
Subject: Are you a Christian and in debt?
why do you have to be christian to be eligible to have your debt removed? because jews already know what to do? because buddhists would find it enlightening? because atheists don't acknowledge the existence of money?
and why did i get this e-mail?
jesus christ almighty.
Sent: Friday, May 25, 2007 4:54 PM
Subject: Are you a Christian and in debt?
why do you have to be christian to be eligible to have your debt removed? because jews already know what to do? because buddhists would find it enlightening? because atheists don't acknowledge the existence of money?
and why did i get this e-mail?
jesus christ almighty.
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