as many of you have probably heard, the great horse barbaro was euthanized today. and, as many as you know, one of my favorite addictions recently has been the barbaro message board, where lonely 50-year-old women in middle america with a houseful of cats send e-mails to barbaro, assuming that he can read and he is catholic. so when he died today, horse shit hit the fan.
and, of course, my friends at deadspin were there to chime along - myself included.
what's fantastic is not making fun of a horse that died; that's not funny. but it's funny when you have these people who have deluded themselves into making barbaro a literate christian saint.
he's just a friggin horse. and if you can figure out the sincere ones from the jokes, then you're a better judge of comedy than i am.
below is a list of the entries, real and jokes, that made me piss myself. enjoy, courtesy of the deadspin barbaro page, tim woolley's racehorsing page and upenn's barbaro message board.
I am not ready to let him go! He deserves to pass on with dignity and grace, but there will be an irreparable hole in my heart always.
Posted by: Ruth Stacey in Northeast Ohio at January 29, 2007 5:01
I love you Barbaro - hang in there. All our arms are around you to help hold you up - use us as your strength when you get tired. We are all here for you and will be until you are well again.
Posted by: Debbie Singer at January 29, 2007 5:02 PM
I am glued to this site...
Posted by: Anita MA at January 29, 2007 5:11 PM
I do not think the tears will ever stop.
Posted by: susan green at January 29, 2007 5:36 PM
I cannot even function. I am at work and cannot even function.
I love you Barbaro.
Posted by: Sheila at January 29, 2007 5:52 PM
Dear Barbaro, I know you are in heaven now. You will meet us all at the rainbow when it's our turn and I/we can finally ride and meet you. Love you so much, Sher
Sherry, 50; Dallas, TX, usa
posted on 2007-01-29 15:26:20
His owners must be beside themselves with grief. All they're left with now are hundreds of fruit baskets, get well cards, 26 vials of frozen Barbaro semen, and a medical bill the size of the national debt. Whatever happened to the good old days where they shot them right there on the track?
01/29/07 01:00 PM
I'm sure they'll bury him in a cave and come back three days later to find him gone.
01/29/07 01:07 PM
Goodbye Barbaro. Thank you for everything you gave us. Be free.
Pamela; Dallas, TX, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 14:28:58
Beautiful Barbaro. You are my hero, and you have changed my life. I love you! I hope now someone will fight for not racing babies.
Posted by: Julie J at January 29, 2007 6:34 PM
I was recently injured and Barbaro gave me the spirit to fight on- and I will continue fighting on here in Florida!
Posted by: Ned at January 29, 2007 8:24 PM
You people make Catherine the Great very proud. Today is truly a great day for human/horse interspecies relations!
Posted by: Deadspinner at January 29, 2007 11:54 PM
But hey, on the plus side, Jon Benet Ramsey finally gets a pony to play with!
Posted by: Deadspinner at January 30, 2007 12:01 AM
Hey guys, this is Barbaro. Sorry to break this to you all, but I'm in Hell. Yeah, turns out horses can't go to heaven because we're all Jewish. So now I'm stuck with being ridden by Flamehind the Soulflayer with FOUR broken legs for the rest of eternity. Yeah, it sucks. If they sell my meat for food, try and get a good price for it, okay? Oh, and don't let them make my hooves into ashtrays. Those are really gauche.
Posted by: Barbaro at January 30, 2007 12:17 AM
good luck in the afterlife, horse.........and by afterlife i mean being eaten by kindergarteners during arts and crafts
Posted by: Mike C at January 30, 2007 12:16 AM
Barbaro's not dead, he's frozen. And one day he, John Wayne and Walt Disney are going to come back and rule the world as our bionic superhuman leaders. All hail king Barbaro!
Posted by: Deadspinner at January 30, 2007 12:21 AM
how soon until barbaro rises from the dead and shows himself to his retarted apostles?
Posted by: Chief Wiggum at January 30, 2007 12:22 AM
I hope all you jerks on the internet who make fun of Barbaro get cancer, and the cure that he was working on but never got to finish just laughs in your stupid, stupid faces.
Posted by: Hilary at January 30, 2007 12:25 AM
I just re-named all my Hummel figurines "Barbaro." They will reside in the Barbaro Memorial Hutch in the Barbaro Room of my house. After I clean out the stacks of old newspapers from 1971-1989 in there, I'll be able to show all of this to my houseguests.
Posted by: Dee Mirch at January 30, 2007 12:26 AM
All accross America, cats are being neglected by little old ladies in mourning.
01/29/07 12:33 PM
Dear Barbaro, I know you are in heaven now. You will meet us all at the rainbow when it's our turn and I/we can finally ride and meet you. Love you so much, Sher
Sherry, 50; Dallas, TX, usa
posted on 2007-01-29 15:26:20
Goodbye Barbaro. Thank you for everything you gave us. Be free.
Pamela; Dallas, TX, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 14:28:58
HERE LIES BARBARO
YOU CANNOT READ THIS EPITAPH. THIS EPITAPH WILL NOT BE READ TO YOU. BECAUSE YOU'RE A DEAD FUCKING HORSE.
01/29/07 12:34 PM
I can't wait for the Movie of the Week starring Sarah Jessica Parker. Do they actually shoot her if she is the star or is it just done with fancy camera work?
01/29/07 12:37 PM
did they jerk him off first?
01/29/07 12:39 PM
Somebody's got to ask the tough questions about the recent surgical actions of the veterinary staff. Specifically, did they stuff his leg with garlic and cloves to facilitiate the marinade, because the sooner you get that in place, the better.
01/29/07 12:44 PM
I loved Barbaro. I only wish if horses had to run and compete that there was some kind of stocking/padding they could wear over their legs to prevent breaks, as hockey players. Also, why hasn't more money been invested into laminitis? People need to consider donating money to race horses in their wills.
--ClaireElizabeth
the terrorists have won.
01/29/07 01:05 PM
"I THOUGHT THERE WERE BLANKS IN THAT GUN!!!!????"
Marmalard! DEAD! Neidermeyer! DEAD! Barbaro? DEAD!!
01/29/07 01:10 PM
If Christopher Reeve was alive, he'd be laughing his ass off right now.
01/29/07 01:16 PM
My heart is just breaking & my tears will not stop. Dear Beautiful Boy, May your journey across the Rainbow Bridge be painfree and now may you run with all of the other Champions that are waiting for you. God bless, Fancy
Fancy Allen, 39; Richmond, VA, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 15:07
Reuters is now reporting the procedure was carried out by Mongo.
01/29/07 01:34 PM
I can't describe the awesome whirlwind of emotions I've felt over the last eight months--you've given all of us so much strength. I plan to name my first child Barbaro, in hopes that he has half the heart that you did.
Michael Sambuceti, 24; New York, NY, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 14:25:18
01/29/07 01:34 PM
i haven't been this depressed about the death of a sports figure since mickey died in "rocky 3".
01/29/07 12:39 PM
Broken-hearted. Be free. God sustain those of us left behind.
Rugby; New London, PA,
posted on 2007-01-29 14:16:17
Barbaro, you are no longer just a hero...you are a legend. After your courageous fight I hope you are in horse heaven in lush green pasture, able to run your heart out, because you truly showed how much heart a horse can have!
Mary; Buena, NJ, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 15:03:58
My heart has just broken. It has just broken. I love you baby, I love you so much. Now you can run. You can run again baby. In the green pastures that I promised you. You can be free now honey. No more pain, no more procedures. You fought so hard but now you can just be at peace. You didn't lose the fight baby, you're doing what you always wanted to do, you're running now. Please take the love with you. Please know how much you are loved. You will never be alone because my love will be with you. For the last time, please let me kiss your beautiful nose honey. My heart has just broken. Good bye my love. Good Bye
Posted by: doe at January 29, 2007 5:47 PM
I knew dr r shouldnt have taken him out with no support on his leg-when he was taken outside that was wrong-he had no support -then at end he was not given sling-that was dr rs fault-he killed barbaro-he could have lived I hope dr r -goes to ----------=barbaro deserved better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: deanna at January 29, 2007 7:31 PM
I'm looking forward to the 2007 ESPY's (I'll never utter those words again, Promise) when they show the montage of "people we lost" And Barbaro's goofy fucking face pops on screen right next to Cory Lidle's.
01/29/07 02:50 PM
I credit to your humans as they knew when to let you be with GOD. HE needed a very special horse to ride the clouds and watch over the rest of the human race.
Pusskat7918@yahoo.com, 46; Woodlawn, VA, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 16:04:33
I do have to be honest here. I am still a little mad at God. In my opinion, he totally ignored me and I don't feel at this point that I want to waist my time with prayer anymore. It doesn't work........I prayed harder than I ever have in my life. NADA.....I love you Barbaro........ I will NOT EVER say goodbye..... I will see you soon.........
Posted by: Nina at January 30, 2007 12:45 AM
Yes, it's true Barbaro lived inside all of us.
Posted by: Bonnie MacRaith at January 29, 2007 8:04 PM
They're not booing, they're saying "you're gluuuuuuuuuue..."
01/29/07 04:03 PM
and, to end it, a few haikus:
Barbaro has died.
Legions of retarded kids
Wait with bated breath.
Death of Barbaro,
Who benefits? Haagen-Dasz
And Ben & Jerrys.
Barbaro's death. So tragic.
Somewhere a cat is beaten
By a fat housewife.
Barbaro's death is a
National day of mourning
For all pet groomers.
Where is Barbaro?
I'm not sure, but my Moo Goo
Gai Pan sure tastes great!
01/29/07 01:38 PM
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