Friday, May 13, 2005

how to get under my skin

keep running these commercials:

1. those verizon camera phone ads where the jackass husband tells his wife, "i just sent you a photo of the syrup" as he mousily high-fives his son, who will soon embark on an academic career where he will be ritually bitch-slapped by the school bully. just like dad.

2. any of those cingular ads with the jackass who can't get reception on his non-cingular phone at the game, and his friend/nemesis asswipe chides him with snide pro-cingular remarks. in case you wonder where i stand on this issue: i recommend a 2X4 with a rusty nail, and i recommend it right between their eyes.

3. those hard to understand mcdonald's commercials, especially the one where the soccer-deluded moron dreams about heading a fiery soccerball against a team of women with horns, but then he hits the snooze alarm because he can eat a mcgriddle. i think. that was a guess, actually. and i just wasted a minute of my life trying to figure it out. bastards.

4. any non-sensical tie-in between the nba playoffs and "kingdom of heaven", like the ones where charles barkley says, "it's either win or go home" with a serious look on his face, followed by a clip of the crusades. actually, now that i write it out, it's genius.

5. everything else on tv.

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