because if it were, there'd be no use for lawyers.
seriously, this is fantastic and insane.
god bless other countries and cultures.
Monday, March 27, 2006
how there's no mystery to the way my life works
every morning i wake up at 6:47am with hopes of going on a run. you see, i like running so much that i actually wake up early for it. anyways, it's our winter, which means it rains every night, which means i usually wake to overcast skies.
i usually debate for a moment: how ominous is that dark cloud? are the streets newly wet? can i see any breakage in the sky?
with little time to spare, i usually go with my gut, and it's 50/50. sometimes i run and i get poured on. sometimes i run and ten minutes later it's beautiful outside. sometimes i go back to bed and i regret it later - or not. those are the breaks.
this weekend, during a run, i severely sprained my ankle, pulled my hamstring, wrenched my knee and jammed my shoulder when i catapulted into the sky and then head first into the pavement after hitting a lift in the sidewalk at full speed.
i feel like i've falled down the steps of the statue of liberty.
needless to say, i ain't running, at least for a week, which means there's no early morning debates.
but there wouldn't have been anyways. it's gorgeous outside.
yep, the one day i can't run, the sky is perfect. and i'm sure it'll be the same way the whole week.
isn't it funny how life always works that way.
always.
never fails.
i usually debate for a moment: how ominous is that dark cloud? are the streets newly wet? can i see any breakage in the sky?
with little time to spare, i usually go with my gut, and it's 50/50. sometimes i run and i get poured on. sometimes i run and ten minutes later it's beautiful outside. sometimes i go back to bed and i regret it later - or not. those are the breaks.
this weekend, during a run, i severely sprained my ankle, pulled my hamstring, wrenched my knee and jammed my shoulder when i catapulted into the sky and then head first into the pavement after hitting a lift in the sidewalk at full speed.
i feel like i've falled down the steps of the statue of liberty.
needless to say, i ain't running, at least for a week, which means there's no early morning debates.
but there wouldn't have been anyways. it's gorgeous outside.
yep, the one day i can't run, the sky is perfect. and i'm sure it'll be the same way the whole week.
isn't it funny how life always works that way.
always.
never fails.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
how this is completely insane
this is from espn.com about their tournament challenge:
More than 1.5 million people participated and of the more than 3 million entries submitted only four -- that's right, four -- picked a Final Four including Florida, George Mason, LSU and UCLA before the tournament started.
i have three brackets filled out and none of those teams in any of them.
and i watch a ton of college basketball.
which makes me wonder about the three people who picked george mason over uconn.
More than 1.5 million people participated and of the more than 3 million entries submitted only four -- that's right, four -- picked a Final Four including Florida, George Mason, LSU and UCLA before the tournament started.
i have three brackets filled out and none of those teams in any of them.
and i watch a ton of college basketball.
which makes me wonder about the three people who picked george mason over uconn.
how you can get lost in the brilliance
as great as last night's "sopranos" episode was - and how mesmerizing and engaging that scene outside the family reunion was, how we were all pining for tony - what can easily get lost is how great of an actress edie falco is.
especially the scene with dr. melfi. if you get a chance to watch it again, just check out how vulnerable she sits in the chair, feet pointing inward, shoulders slumped, as compact as possible. it's a subtle thing. but it's a big thing.
the point is, beyond how fantastic the writing and directing and acting has been this season - and it's never been higher - she's been the brightest of all the stars.
and that's saying something deep.
especially the scene with dr. melfi. if you get a chance to watch it again, just check out how vulnerable she sits in the chair, feet pointing inward, shoulders slumped, as compact as possible. it's a subtle thing. but it's a big thing.
the point is, beyond how fantastic the writing and directing and acting has been this season - and it's never been higher - she's been the brightest of all the stars.
and that's saying something deep.
how it was justice served
there probably never has been a greater upset in college basketball than george mason defeating uconn to get into the final four. and, before anyone writes in, please keep in mind that villanova was a big east team defeating georgetown in 85, and nc state was and is an acc team when they won the championship. it was unlikely that they would win, but it could have been imagined
george mason plays in the tiny colonial athletic association playing the top team in the country with at least four probable nba players.
yeah, it's the biggest college basketball upset ever - especially with the stakes.
and what makes it even that much greater isn't that they beat michigan state and north carolina on the way - even though that's remarkable in itself, because that means beating tom izzo and roy williams along with jim calhoun (and mark turgeon from wichita state). or that there was much debate about them being in the tournament in the first place.
it was great because it was justice served.
behold uconn coach jim calhoun, long renowned for not being the most ethical couch in the business - from rumored misdoings in the recruiting of caron butler years ago to him stealing doug wiggins from st. john's this year. and it only stoked the fires this season when he allowed convicted thief marcus williams to rejoin the basketball team while his cohort, backup point guard a.j. price, was suspended for the whole year. all-american guard allowed to return, backup guard suspended. yeah, squint your eyes however you want, but it sure looks like he blackmailed ethics for a chance at a championship.
and he lost in the biggest upset ever.
of course, he'll probably throw his players under the bus for this. and he'll probably bitch about the refereeing. and he's already complained about how the #11 seed george mason, from the tiny CAA, was given an unfair homecourt advantage when his team and program has every advantage imaginable.
i loved every minute of it.
and i know i wasn't alone.
george mason plays in the tiny colonial athletic association playing the top team in the country with at least four probable nba players.
yeah, it's the biggest college basketball upset ever - especially with the stakes.
and what makes it even that much greater isn't that they beat michigan state and north carolina on the way - even though that's remarkable in itself, because that means beating tom izzo and roy williams along with jim calhoun (and mark turgeon from wichita state). or that there was much debate about them being in the tournament in the first place.
it was great because it was justice served.
behold uconn coach jim calhoun, long renowned for not being the most ethical couch in the business - from rumored misdoings in the recruiting of caron butler years ago to him stealing doug wiggins from st. john's this year. and it only stoked the fires this season when he allowed convicted thief marcus williams to rejoin the basketball team while his cohort, backup point guard a.j. price, was suspended for the whole year. all-american guard allowed to return, backup guard suspended. yeah, squint your eyes however you want, but it sure looks like he blackmailed ethics for a chance at a championship.
and he lost in the biggest upset ever.
of course, he'll probably throw his players under the bus for this. and he'll probably bitch about the refereeing. and he's already complained about how the #11 seed george mason, from the tiny CAA, was given an unfair homecourt advantage when his team and program has every advantage imaginable.
i loved every minute of it.
and i know i wasn't alone.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
how they can adapt anything
i love it that literature is now being adapted into the world of porn.
check out this dvd review of, i crap you not, "the da vinci load".
and considering how terribly written that novel was, i don't think the dialogue took much of a hit.
honestly, it's the funniest writing i've read in years.
check out this dvd review of, i crap you not, "the da vinci load".
and considering how terribly written that novel was, i don't think the dialogue took much of a hit.
honestly, it's the funniest writing i've read in years.
how it's the most wonderful time of the year
tonight's march madness was beyond fantastic - especially the final two games.
consider the ending of texas-west virginia, with kevin pittsnogle nailing a deep three to tie it with five seconds left, only to have kenton paulino nail another three at the buzzer to win the game and advance to the elite eight.
and then consider the ending of ucla-gonzaga, with ucla fighting back from a 17-point difference and finally taking the lead for good with ten seconds left off an amazing steal and layup in the backcourt.
then consider pittsnogle from west virginia crying in his jersey, and then adam morrison from gonzaga writhing on the court in agony over the toughest of losses. all while the victors celebrated like children on christmas.
then consider those two endings happened within ten minutes of each other.
then consider it's an hour later since they ended and i'm still amped up.
yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year.
consider the ending of texas-west virginia, with kevin pittsnogle nailing a deep three to tie it with five seconds left, only to have kenton paulino nail another three at the buzzer to win the game and advance to the elite eight.
and then consider the ending of ucla-gonzaga, with ucla fighting back from a 17-point difference and finally taking the lead for good with ten seconds left off an amazing steal and layup in the backcourt.
then consider pittsnogle from west virginia crying in his jersey, and then adam morrison from gonzaga writhing on the court in agony over the toughest of losses. all while the victors celebrated like children on christmas.
then consider those two endings happened within ten minutes of each other.
then consider it's an hour later since they ended and i'm still amped up.
yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year.
how it's time to pull for the lsu tigers
i think i'm pulling for LSU. i'm surprised nobody else is.
rather, i think i know why.
it's amazing how quickly we've forgotten about the destruction from katrina, and how there are people still struggling to survive down there. i mean, it's not as important as the whole brangelina thing, but it's serious stuff that really doesn't get any airplay anymore.
what's the lifeline for a story like that anyways? three months? is that enough to care?
anyways, i'm pulling for LSU. rather, i'm pulling for LSU to win and giving people in that state to have something to celebrate. for giving them a little hope. for giving them a smile and a reason to get drunk and show some.
geaux tigers.
rather, i think i know why.
it's amazing how quickly we've forgotten about the destruction from katrina, and how there are people still struggling to survive down there. i mean, it's not as important as the whole brangelina thing, but it's serious stuff that really doesn't get any airplay anymore.
what's the lifeline for a story like that anyways? three months? is that enough to care?
anyways, i'm pulling for LSU. rather, i'm pulling for LSU to win and giving people in that state to have something to celebrate. for giving them a little hope. for giving them a smile and a reason to get drunk and show some.
geaux tigers.
how i wish i had a camera on me
during my run this morning on the beautiful lake street, i saw a row of cars with flyers stuck underneath their windshields.
but they weren't flyers.
they said, and i quote, "you don't live in the projects anymore, so don't park like you do".
then, underneath it, it said in different handwriting, paraphrasing, "someone put this on my car so i photocopied it and put it all over the neighborhood to show how obnoxious people can be".
wow. awesome. nothing like early morning passive-aggressive racism and proactive rebuttals to get me going.
but they weren't flyers.
they said, and i quote, "you don't live in the projects anymore, so don't park like you do".
then, underneath it, it said in different handwriting, paraphrasing, "someone put this on my car so i photocopied it and put it all over the neighborhood to show how obnoxious people can be".
wow. awesome. nothing like early morning passive-aggressive racism and proactive rebuttals to get me going.
how there's no cause for alarm
we should ignore this article about how the polar caps are melting and how the oceans will rise and how giant glaciers the size of manhattan might soon be coming our way.
after all, jesus will save us.
after all, jesus will save us.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
how many times can i say that trey parker and matt stone are my idols
first, they did the fantastic "trapped in the closet" episode where they ripped apart scientology.
and then five days ago, after isaac hayes leaves the cast and tom cruise pulls the episode from the network, they issue a statement mocking scientology in their own special way.
and then, tonight, in their season premiere, they rip apart scientology again, calling it "a fruity little club" under the name of "the super adventurer club" that practices brainwashing and pedophilia.
is there anything they won't do?
hope not.
god bless them.
and then five days ago, after isaac hayes leaves the cast and tom cruise pulls the episode from the network, they issue a statement mocking scientology in their own special way.
and then, tonight, in their season premiere, they rip apart scientology again, calling it "a fruity little club" under the name of "the super adventurer club" that practices brainwashing and pedophilia.
is there anything they won't do?
hope not.
god bless them.
how to solve a problem
ever since i started everyonehearsyou.com, amazingly there have been zero cell phone calls in my general vicinity.
so the website suffers, but the bus ride grows pleasant.
consider the website to be a lucky talisman.
so the website suffers, but the bus ride grows pleasant.
consider the website to be a lucky talisman.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
how this won't draw men to a women's game
remember when finally one of your friends could dunk a basketball, and it was a big deal, and when it happened, the word got around and before you know it, that friend were dunking for everyone? i remember when i saw one of my teammates dunked when i was a freshman in high school, and then i remember when i dunked a year later or so - and it was a big deal for my non-basketball playing friends.
well, the reason i'm bringing this up is because it really wasn't a big deal.
that's why the more i hear about candace parker dunking in a game, the more i don't understand why it's a big deal. she's 6'4" and she plays for tennessee and the dunk was crappy. i'm a 5'11" white guy. hers looked much like one of mine.
that's a guy's point of view. when it's exciting for someone 6'4" to dunk, then it doesn't say much for the rest of the game. it's highlighting something you can see in any playground at any time.
which brings me to the point of this post (finally): judging by the media buy and the tone of their ads, women's basketball seems to be targeting men, trying to get a new audience to watch their game, a more corporate audience.
i think the dunk hurts the effort.
there's much to like about women's basketball - mostly about how it's a great role model for young girls everywhere, the fundamental play, the teamwork, etc. those are their strengths, the things it has over the nba. that's how it should be marketed.
you're not going to a women's game to see candace parker barely dunk. it's a big deal for women and young girls everywhere. but it ain't bringing any men to the game.
it's just the more it's pointed up, the more you realize how unspectacular it is, which means that the more you compare it, the lesser it seems.
i think, if you're gonna talk to men, you gotta point out that she had 26 points in 26 minutes, and added five rebounds, a career-high seven assists, four blocks and two steals.
now that is impressive to anyone.
well, the reason i'm bringing this up is because it really wasn't a big deal.
that's why the more i hear about candace parker dunking in a game, the more i don't understand why it's a big deal. she's 6'4" and she plays for tennessee and the dunk was crappy. i'm a 5'11" white guy. hers looked much like one of mine.
that's a guy's point of view. when it's exciting for someone 6'4" to dunk, then it doesn't say much for the rest of the game. it's highlighting something you can see in any playground at any time.
which brings me to the point of this post (finally): judging by the media buy and the tone of their ads, women's basketball seems to be targeting men, trying to get a new audience to watch their game, a more corporate audience.
i think the dunk hurts the effort.
there's much to like about women's basketball - mostly about how it's a great role model for young girls everywhere, the fundamental play, the teamwork, etc. those are their strengths, the things it has over the nba. that's how it should be marketed.
you're not going to a women's game to see candace parker barely dunk. it's a big deal for women and young girls everywhere. but it ain't bringing any men to the game.
it's just the more it's pointed up, the more you realize how unspectacular it is, which means that the more you compare it, the lesser it seems.
i think, if you're gonna talk to men, you gotta point out that she had 26 points in 26 minutes, and added five rebounds, a career-high seven assists, four blocks and two steals.
now that is impressive to anyone.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
how you don't have to be an expert to be given a microphone
while on my morning run, i listened to the radio telecast of the duke-george washington second round basketball game. analyst larry conley "broke down" what the teams needed to do in order to win.
for george washington, he said, and i quote, "they need to contain the two all-americans, redick and williams".
gee, thanks larry. i never would have guessed that to be a key to the game. of course. that's all they need to do, and it sounds so easy. someone alert the gw colonials and give them the gameplan.
oh, exactly how do you contain the two all-americans? well, you can't expect larry conley to tell you that. why would he? he's only a well-paid basketball radio analyst. it's only his job.
god forbid he said something like "with gw's forwards having a distinct athletic advantage over duke's forwards, it would behoove them to draw williams away from the paint and force him to guard them on the perimeter, where he is uncomfortable. they might get him in foul trouble that way. as for redick, you're gonna have to be physical with him, and gw has the luxury of having interchangeable big and athletic wings to bother redick, to give him different looks. of course, all this is easier said than done, but it's a good path for gw to tread."
instead, we got "they need to contain the two all-americans, redick and williams".
friggin idiot.
is there any analyst who actually knows what they're talking about?
anyone?
for george washington, he said, and i quote, "they need to contain the two all-americans, redick and williams".
gee, thanks larry. i never would have guessed that to be a key to the game. of course. that's all they need to do, and it sounds so easy. someone alert the gw colonials and give them the gameplan.
oh, exactly how do you contain the two all-americans? well, you can't expect larry conley to tell you that. why would he? he's only a well-paid basketball radio analyst. it's only his job.
god forbid he said something like "with gw's forwards having a distinct athletic advantage over duke's forwards, it would behoove them to draw williams away from the paint and force him to guard them on the perimeter, where he is uncomfortable. they might get him in foul trouble that way. as for redick, you're gonna have to be physical with him, and gw has the luxury of having interchangeable big and athletic wings to bother redick, to give him different looks. of course, all this is easier said than done, but it's a good path for gw to tread."
instead, we got "they need to contain the two all-americans, redick and williams".
friggin idiot.
is there any analyst who actually knows what they're talking about?
anyone?
Friday, March 17, 2006
how she's mine, all mine
just got this very personal e-mail from a russian princess:
Halo. My name is Svetlana. I want meet kind nice man. I like USA mens and europe's also canada's. I am study englisch in school. I am 25, and have blonde hair. I am looking for nice man's for friendships. Maybe to visit one day. Please say halo to my email svetlana@uwitetome.info with hope we talk soon...
i'm one lucky man.
Halo. My name is Svetlana. I want meet kind nice man. I like USA mens and europe's also canada's. I am study englisch in school. I am 25, and have blonde hair. I am looking for nice man's for friendships. Maybe to visit one day. Please say halo to my email svetlana@uwitetome.info with hope we talk soon...
i'm one lucky man.
how to do it the right way
a couple of months ago, "south park" creators trey parker and matt stone made a hilarious destruction of scientology that involved tom cruise and john travolta trapped in a closet and basically crapping on every single tenet of their religion. the aftermath resulted in isaac hayes leaving the cast and tom cruise threatening to pull any advertising from his summer movie from the channel if they ever played that episode again. so, of course, comedy central caved and pulled the episode, scheduled to have aired this past wednesday.
which left trey and matt to take matters in their own hands, which they did, in this letter from their lawyers:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!
-Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu
i love these guys.
which left trey and matt to take matters in their own hands, which they did, in this letter from their lawyers:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!
-Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu
i love these guys.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
how classy never takes a break
another classy article from the staten island advance.
A Rossville man who believed his 9-year-old daughter was getting short shrift from her teacher made a bomb threat against her school, authorities said yesterday.
Robert Stanley, 47, of Lucille Avenue, was arrested Tuesday night during the science fair at PS 56.
In a heated telephone conversation with a school secretary Tuesday afternoon, Stanley identified himself and said he was "coming there to blow the school up," according to police.
At the science fair, school safety officers pointed out Stanley to police. He was charged with one count of aggravated harassment and two counts of making a false report, charges that could land him behind bars for four years.
Stanley contended that he was just venting his spleen over the telephone.
At his arraignment yesterday afternoon in Stapleton Criminal Court, he bowed his head and folded his hands behind his back as lawyer Henry Martuscello of Manhattan read a statement in which his client admitted he "did something stupid and never meant to carry out the threat."
"He called the school because he felt his daughter was not being helped," Martuscello said. "This is really a stupid case."
brilliant stuff. really brilliant.
keep it classy, staten island.
A Rossville man who believed his 9-year-old daughter was getting short shrift from her teacher made a bomb threat against her school, authorities said yesterday.
Robert Stanley, 47, of Lucille Avenue, was arrested Tuesday night during the science fair at PS 56.
In a heated telephone conversation with a school secretary Tuesday afternoon, Stanley identified himself and said he was "coming there to blow the school up," according to police.
At the science fair, school safety officers pointed out Stanley to police. He was charged with one count of aggravated harassment and two counts of making a false report, charges that could land him behind bars for four years.
Stanley contended that he was just venting his spleen over the telephone.
At his arraignment yesterday afternoon in Stapleton Criminal Court, he bowed his head and folded his hands behind his back as lawyer Henry Martuscello of Manhattan read a statement in which his client admitted he "did something stupid and never meant to carry out the threat."
"He called the school because he felt his daughter was not being helped," Martuscello said. "This is really a stupid case."
brilliant stuff. really brilliant.
keep it classy, staten island.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
how i'm gonna leave a message and hope for the best
my old boss, michael wilde, is on the verge of hitting it big with his incredibly strange short film that's getting accolades wherever it shows.
that's great news, considering michael's one of the great guys around.
that's great news, considering michael's one of the great guys around.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
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