how giving directions is just too much to ask for in a city like jupiter, florida

on friday, i drove up to jupiter to check out the mets-cardinals spring training game - which was a blast, by the way. if you get a chance to go, then go. it's laidback, you get a good seat no matter where you sit, the game is relaxed and the fans are old and apathetic. it's a good time.

plus, you sit close enough to the field to really come to grips with how difficult it is to hit a baseball that is thrown that hard.

anyway, during the game, they announced over the PA system, "if you have scorebook labeled #15436, then you have just won a $20 gift certificate to chick-fil-a."

what?

chick-fil-a?

whoa.

so, after the game, i found an old woman who lived in the area and asked her a simple question: how do you get to this chick-fil-a that you speak of.

she said, and i quote, "when you leave the ballpark, make a left. you'll see signs for the gardens mall. it's in there." this happened at 4pm.

okay, so i made a left. and drove. and drove. and i hit the atlantic ocean.

you know, maybe she meant a right? so i drove back down, passed the ballpark and hit a dead end. nope.

so i found a security guard and asked him for directions, and he said, and i quote, "take 95 south down one exit and make an immediate left. go under the overpass and head towards the beach. you'll see signs."

okay, so i did that. i took 95 south one exit, got off and...well, i couldn't make an immediate left under the overpass. it lead me to the right, but there was traffic going left, under the overpass. so i got to the light and made a u-turn. and i drove and drove until i hit a strip mall that i passed on the same road the old lady sent me on.

crap.

so i asked yet another man, who told me that i have to take this road (the one the old lady told me about), make a right on A1A, and then a right after the fire house, and i'll see signs - and that's what i did. and, two miles and two turns later, i saw a sign for "gardens mall" telling me to take a left. which i did. and it led me to a dead end.

what?

so i got back on the road, and finally found the mall. the sign meant the next left, i guess, even though it was in a turning lane. so i drove to the parking lot, walked into the mall and found out that, although this was the "gardens mall", this was not the "gardens mall" with the chick-fil-a. that mall was down the road some. just look for the nordstrom's. you'll immediately see it. it's in that area, but the food court is next to the sak's. that's what the guy from urban outfitters told me.

so there's two malls called "gardens mall" in the same area that aren't connected. and, when i got into my car, you guessed it, i couldn't see or find nordstrom's immediately.

i drove around and around until i happened upon it, on the road i made a u-turn on to drive under the overpass.

so, to recap:

the old woman only gave me the opening part of the directions. she missed out on two turns and about five miles.

the security guard told me to make an immediate left when he should have told me to make the first left. that was too confusing and that adjective was not needed.

the third man gave me good directions except for follow the sign because the sign lied to me.

i finally got to chick-fil-a at 6pm, two hours later. it was a seven mile trip.

that, my friends, is insane.

however, this was heaven.