how to get a raise

by terrell owens, wide receiver, philadelphia eagles.

1. sign a contract that you feel is undervalued.
2. complain about it.
3. threaten to hold out of training camp.
4. call out your quarterback, who happens to be the franchise's cornerstone.
5. show up at training camp, but then get suspended for a week.
6. be a general nuisance in your dressing room.
7. complain about an injury that might keep you out for a couple of weeks, but then practice the next day.
8. complain about your employer in an interview by selfishly bitching about not being recognized for an individual achievement, and throw your injured-but-valiant quarterback under a bus for good measure.
9. get into a fight with the team's ambassador.
10. call out the rest of the team, including the quarterback.
11. issue a lame public apology but not for the quarterback.
12. get suspended for the season, forfeiting four weeks pay.
13. reinforce your reputation as the worst teammate in the history of organized sports.

yes, that should work.