how i can't believe it's been four years

hi mom.

it's been four years since you've been taken away from us. it really sucks. i don't know what i would have thought it would have been, but it really sucks, mostly because i see my kids, your grandsons, and realize how much they're missing without you in their lives.

wyatt's just a rock star. literally. he was a drummer in a band called "death explosion death" and a lead singer in a band called "reeeed" which is pronounced "red" but with four e's. anyways, he's a natural. you'd love the music that rockbandland makes with him in the group. it's right up your alley. you'd be his biggest fan and supporter, which is weird to say considering that lisa and i are his biggest supporters. but you know. you'd be right there with us.

and luke's really coming into his own. your heart just melts when he smiles his full teethy smiles, and mom, you were always the best at making us smile and laugh. he would have just been all over you and begging for more.

it kills me that the boys are missing out. it really does.

lisa and i are doing really well as husband and wife and father and mother. you'd be proud of us. things are tight around here and we're trying to be smart about it. i keep on making stupid mistakes - nothing major, but avoidable and harmless - and she's got such patience with me. she's the best thing that ever happened to me. and it warms me that you both got to spend some time together. she thinks about you a lot. that means so much to me.

i missed a bunch of things with you this year. wyatt doing gangnam style, for one. hilarious. (it's been months and i still can't figure out wtf that was).


and i think you would have liked "louie" - or, at least, you would have if you gave it a chance. seriously. you would have.


you would have loved bruno mars. wyatt loves him too, and i'll admit, i think he's good too. he's got a really cool old-school vibe to him.


we would not have stopped quoting from "21 jump street". this movie was right up your alley.


and there's countless other moments that happened when i wish you were still around so i could call you up and tell you about and watch you not be able to control your laughter.

but that's life, or what's become of it. i'm doing my best. i really am. i'm trying to make you proud. sometimes i might not be successful, but my heart's in the right place.

i miss you.

love you always,

your son