each day i spend away from "the sickness" makes my body a little bit better. if i were at 15% on the day i was sick, i would say 50% the day after, then at 85% yesterday.
after all the sushi i ate yesterday, and after learning that my favorite roll was the one with foie gras, my body operated at about 63% today.
oh well.
still, we had the first day of our shoot today at the nike customer service center all the way out by the narita airport (about 90 minutes from tokyo). on the way, we passed the tokyo tower, which is pretty damn pretty. once outside of tokyo, however, there just isn't much to see.
while on the basketball court, i was shooting hoops with our trainer, who remarked that i have the perfect "white boy from the northeast" shooting form (it was a compliment). i thought that was a weird thing to say, but he mentioned that whenever he works with ballers from the midwest, they tend to bring the ball up from their center and shoot above their heads, whereas i (and my northeastern brethren) keep the ball on the side they're shooting with - and this is the correct way. he said it's just way too common for this to be a coincidence. so we walked about it on the bus, and this is how i broke it down: the midwest follows french licks' own larry bird's shooting form, but in the northeast, brooklyn's favorite son chris mullin was the man to emulate.
see? aren't i so observant? (especially when you ignore that bird played his whole career in boston, which is in the northeast)
anyways, it was a nice discussion that lead to many other tangents, writes the guy with the picture perfect form from the outside.
tonight's dinner specialty, the choice of our interpreter and dinner companion named taki, was shabu-shabu at a restaurant called...called...well, i can't read their business card. it's something in japanese.
anyways, the short version of the meal is this: there's two bowls on a hibachi in front of you (much like a korean BBQ). one pot is filled with a soup made from soy sauce, sugar and sake. the other is just water. once boiling, you toss in thinly-sliced raw meat into the bowls. after a couple of seconds, you pull it out and then dip it into a dish of sauce. then, you eat it. they keep on bringing you an unlimited supply of raw meat to eat.
it was frigging delicious, and a nice compliment to the sake we drank, which was named...named...yeah, i can't read that label either. sorry.
afterwards, in a search for a mcdonald's soft-serve ice cream, we walked around shibuya on a friday night amid the mass of the young, beautiful and stylish, mingling and mixing and crossing wherever you looked. no matter what street we walked down, there they were, and countless of them, but it was always ordered and never uncomfortable, writes the claustrophobe. i wrote this before and i'll write it again, but if i were young and beautiful and fashionable at a world-class level, i think i would give tokyo a shot, just to see what it would be like to fit in.
and hell yes, i'd bring my northeast jumpshot with me.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
how to recap the tenth day of my trip (tokyo edition)
tokyo has some weird shit going on.
first off, there's these things called love hotels, which are pretty much exactly what you'd think they are - except not. before you think bad of me, these things are listed in most tourist books as an area to check out, so we did, right after dinner. this is not out of first-hand experience.
if you travel up a hill in shibuya, you are led to this seemingly unending maze of roads with these love hotels. the concept is this: if you want or need a place to get laid, you can come to a love hotel, plunk down 4000 yen (or $40 US) and get a room for two hours. they call that a "rest". for an all night "stay", it costs about 7800 yen (or $78 US). here's the kicker: the architecture makes them look really nice. they fit with the surroundings. and the photos of the rooms that they have on the outside looked quaint enough too. it didn't seem like something a slumlord or a pimp would own. it doesn't feel like the tenderloin or a red light district. in fact, i don't think it's looked down upon. it just felt like a service, like a hot dog stand or a library.
i don't have any other information past that, all of which i found in a tourbook and a foot tour. but considering how young and attractive the people are here, and all the entertainment outlets that surround them, it's actually quite a good idea.
like i said, tokyo has some weird shit going on.
also weird is that the best looking women in this city walk pigeon-toed. in fact, they overdo it. that's how we picked that up. it's really overtly obvious. i don't know why they do it or how, but it happened too often to be a coincidence. of course, everyone will probably be walking pigeon-toed by 2011.
this is in contrast to guangzhou, where the best looking women just ate pigeon toes.
thank you. i'll be here all night.
other weird shit: there's porn on the first two channels on the tv set when you turn it on. meaning, if the tv resets to channel #1, you can find porn on channels #2 and #3.
and they sell porn in everyday convenience stores, like 7-11 (which are all over the place here). and they're not hidden. they're there to be seen.
weird enough for you?
it was plenty weird for me.
japan's into weird shit.
getting off that, i did some shopping this morning in a place called tokyu hands, which is like walmart if walmart were cool, edgy and creative. it's got eight floors, each with three different sections, with the 24 total areas selling different stuff, like housewares, travel equipment, design supplies and the like. but i'm talking the coolest japanese versions of each. explaining it doesn't do it justice.
also what i can't do justice is the sushi i had tonight at a restaurant called gonpachi. remember how i said tokyo was into weird shit? well, the best roll i had in a night full of world class rolls was the foie gras. yeah, you read that right. completely blew me away once i learned that was it.
we had our pre-pro today at nike (a 20 minute cab ride that took 45 minutes thanks to a lost cabbie and the ungridded tokyo city), and everything's gonna go great the next couple of days. we then hit the nike employee store, and they had my lebron "my game is made outside" videos playing on the tvs. nice.
also, i had something called a cold chocolate drink, which is like liquid chocolate pudding in glass. it's the best beverage ever. if you're ever in tokyo, check it out.
anyways, here's how i'll end this post: someone said tonight that tokyo reminded him of the best parts of new york city, minus the best parts of new york city. and it's true. there's no homeless, litter, crime or sewage smells. everything is in its proper place. it's a wonderful way of putting this place.
this weird, weird place that has its own weird shit going on.
first off, there's these things called love hotels, which are pretty much exactly what you'd think they are - except not. before you think bad of me, these things are listed in most tourist books as an area to check out, so we did, right after dinner. this is not out of first-hand experience.
if you travel up a hill in shibuya, you are led to this seemingly unending maze of roads with these love hotels. the concept is this: if you want or need a place to get laid, you can come to a love hotel, plunk down 4000 yen (or $40 US) and get a room for two hours. they call that a "rest". for an all night "stay", it costs about 7800 yen (or $78 US). here's the kicker: the architecture makes them look really nice. they fit with the surroundings. and the photos of the rooms that they have on the outside looked quaint enough too. it didn't seem like something a slumlord or a pimp would own. it doesn't feel like the tenderloin or a red light district. in fact, i don't think it's looked down upon. it just felt like a service, like a hot dog stand or a library.
i don't have any other information past that, all of which i found in a tourbook and a foot tour. but considering how young and attractive the people are here, and all the entertainment outlets that surround them, it's actually quite a good idea.
like i said, tokyo has some weird shit going on.
also weird is that the best looking women in this city walk pigeon-toed. in fact, they overdo it. that's how we picked that up. it's really overtly obvious. i don't know why they do it or how, but it happened too often to be a coincidence. of course, everyone will probably be walking pigeon-toed by 2011.
this is in contrast to guangzhou, where the best looking women just ate pigeon toes.
thank you. i'll be here all night.
other weird shit: there's porn on the first two channels on the tv set when you turn it on. meaning, if the tv resets to channel #1, you can find porn on channels #2 and #3.
and they sell porn in everyday convenience stores, like 7-11 (which are all over the place here). and they're not hidden. they're there to be seen.
weird enough for you?
it was plenty weird for me.
japan's into weird shit.
getting off that, i did some shopping this morning in a place called tokyu hands, which is like walmart if walmart were cool, edgy and creative. it's got eight floors, each with three different sections, with the 24 total areas selling different stuff, like housewares, travel equipment, design supplies and the like. but i'm talking the coolest japanese versions of each. explaining it doesn't do it justice.
also what i can't do justice is the sushi i had tonight at a restaurant called gonpachi. remember how i said tokyo was into weird shit? well, the best roll i had in a night full of world class rolls was the foie gras. yeah, you read that right. completely blew me away once i learned that was it.
we had our pre-pro today at nike (a 20 minute cab ride that took 45 minutes thanks to a lost cabbie and the ungridded tokyo city), and everything's gonna go great the next couple of days. we then hit the nike employee store, and they had my lebron "my game is made outside" videos playing on the tvs. nice.
also, i had something called a cold chocolate drink, which is like liquid chocolate pudding in glass. it's the best beverage ever. if you're ever in tokyo, check it out.
anyways, here's how i'll end this post: someone said tonight that tokyo reminded him of the best parts of new york city, minus the best parts of new york city. and it's true. there's no homeless, litter, crime or sewage smells. everything is in its proper place. it's a wonderful way of putting this place.
this weird, weird place that has its own weird shit going on.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
how to recap the ninth day of my trip (tokyo edition)
i'm alive. and in more ways than you realize.
i woke up without a headache, willed my tired body to get dressed, packed, checked out and dragged myself into a cab to the airport, and i couldn't be happier to get out of guangzhou. what didn't make me happy was learning that rich, my DP, contracted the same food poisoning that i had (except delayed by 18 hours). so as we drove to the airport, he was just starting the headache faze. poor dude.
anyways, four hours and countless rounds of video blackjack later, we landed in tokyo. narito airport is pretty far away from the city. as in, a $225 cab ride away far. but that's okay. that's why god created expense accounts.
we arrived to the cerulean towers, the most lavish and upscale hotel in tokyo. it's weird, though. yes, it's beautiful and yes, it's exclusive, but it's also rather cold and antiseptic. still, i can't complain. my room is nice, with a stunning view of the city. and my toilet features a heated seat. you read that right. go ahead. read that again. heated toilet seat. yessir, i ain't in guangzhou anymore. huzzah!
we had dinner in one of the twelve restaurants in the hotel - this one, a japanese restaurant. by the way, one thing that does stun me is that the employees in the restaurant barely spoke any english. not to play arrogant american, but wouldn't you think a world class hotel like this would only employ people who also spoke english? there are plenty of americans in this place. that's got to be a large portion of your clientele, right?
then again, why should they kowtow to my language? after all, i am the visitor.
i am the arrogant american.
anyways, this would be the first meal i would eat in 36 hours (outside of the three scoops of ice cream) and i felt that my stomach and digestive system would be up for it. we got sashimi, sushi and vegetable teriyaki for the table, and i ordered sliced beef for myself. and, with the first bite of the sashimi, i ate the best sashimi i've ever had in my life, and it wasn't close. and, with my first bite of sushi, same thing. i cannot put into words how soft, fresh and amazing the raw meat melted in my mouth, and how perfect the rice accentuated the taste. and the sliced beef was in another world. the whole meal was beyond tremendous, and i'm sure this isn't the best sushi restaurant in the city.
and trust me, i'll find it.
my stomach and digestive system were thankful.
we went out with rob (our trainer), getting to know him and he getting to know us. i told him that i wrote commercials for ea sports for four years. he then asks me, "i know this might be a weird question, but do you know the charles rogers commercial? i'm charles rogers, i had..."
"68 catches and 13 touchdowns? yeah, i know it. i wrote it."
"get the hell out of here! i love that commercial! i can quote that whole thing. holy crap, you're the guy who wrote that! i can't believe it!"
and then, he sang the whole thing, even quoting the tagline exactly.
how cool is that? and what's even cooler is that the commercial ran only on one single day five long years ago. that made my day, my month and this trip.
but i digress. after dinner, we went for a walk around shibuya, the shopping center of all japan, and it was just...just...i can't really describe it. it just was, is and forever will be.
i visited the hachikō, which is a statue of a dog and the ultimate symbol of loyalty. in fact, here's the story, from wikipedia:
Hachikō, an Akita dog, was born in 1923 and sold to a well to do family in Tokyo while still a puppy. The father of this family, Eisaburo Ueno, a Tokyo University professor in his 50's, loved Hachiko very much and doted on him constantly, taking him for long walks, always brushing him, and even taking baths with him inside the home. He treated him truly as one of the family.
Up until Hachiko was two years old, he always walked to the station with the father and after the father went through the stalls he would go home by himself. But, then he would return every day to wait outside the stalls to meet the father coming home. All the locals and train station people knew this man and this dog had a special bond.
One day however, the father died while he was teaching at the university. Hachiko went to pick him up but he never came. And, Hachiko never stopped waiting. Every day for about 10 or 11 years he went and waited. The story was picked up and popularized by Japanese newspapers, and Hachiko became a minor celebrity while he still lived, attending the inauguration of his own statue in 1934.
how much does that break your heart and lift your spirit?
we walked through the massive crossection of people in center-gai outside of shibuya station, where bill murray famously whispered something to scarlett johannson at the end of the brilliant "lost in translation". it's just like times square, but nothing like it at all. it's tamed, ordered and with nothing and nobody getting in your face. just absolutely beautiful, just the way it should be.
we walked around shibuya in the shadows of all the stores, each putting their own footprint of architecture on the neighborhood. high rises with neon lights, angles jutting in and out at just the right arcs, it's what vegas would look like if vegas had even a smidgen of design taste and still got lucky. the whole area just completely blew me away to no ends.
it's an area that caters to the young, and the japanese women here are just jaw-droppingly gorgeous and impeccably stylish. they make it work. and i hate to sound gay here, but the dudes have got it going on too. i feel so 2008 here, which would be great if everyone else weren't so 2011.
basically, it's a perfect confluence of beauty, from the people to the stores to the fashion to the vibe.
if i were younger, i would live here.
and this all happened from a thirty minute walk.
tomorrow morning, i'll have the chance to walk around some more and do a little shopping. needless to say, i'm incredibly looking forward to it.
this morning, i was just a body with a defeated spirit and a weakened system. and now, i can't wait to wake up for tomorrow.
what a difference a day makes.
i woke up without a headache, willed my tired body to get dressed, packed, checked out and dragged myself into a cab to the airport, and i couldn't be happier to get out of guangzhou. what didn't make me happy was learning that rich, my DP, contracted the same food poisoning that i had (except delayed by 18 hours). so as we drove to the airport, he was just starting the headache faze. poor dude.
anyways, four hours and countless rounds of video blackjack later, we landed in tokyo. narito airport is pretty far away from the city. as in, a $225 cab ride away far. but that's okay. that's why god created expense accounts.
we arrived to the cerulean towers, the most lavish and upscale hotel in tokyo. it's weird, though. yes, it's beautiful and yes, it's exclusive, but it's also rather cold and antiseptic. still, i can't complain. my room is nice, with a stunning view of the city. and my toilet features a heated seat. you read that right. go ahead. read that again. heated toilet seat. yessir, i ain't in guangzhou anymore. huzzah!
we had dinner in one of the twelve restaurants in the hotel - this one, a japanese restaurant. by the way, one thing that does stun me is that the employees in the restaurant barely spoke any english. not to play arrogant american, but wouldn't you think a world class hotel like this would only employ people who also spoke english? there are plenty of americans in this place. that's got to be a large portion of your clientele, right?
then again, why should they kowtow to my language? after all, i am the visitor.
i am the arrogant american.
anyways, this would be the first meal i would eat in 36 hours (outside of the three scoops of ice cream) and i felt that my stomach and digestive system would be up for it. we got sashimi, sushi and vegetable teriyaki for the table, and i ordered sliced beef for myself. and, with the first bite of the sashimi, i ate the best sashimi i've ever had in my life, and it wasn't close. and, with my first bite of sushi, same thing. i cannot put into words how soft, fresh and amazing the raw meat melted in my mouth, and how perfect the rice accentuated the taste. and the sliced beef was in another world. the whole meal was beyond tremendous, and i'm sure this isn't the best sushi restaurant in the city.
and trust me, i'll find it.
my stomach and digestive system were thankful.
we went out with rob (our trainer), getting to know him and he getting to know us. i told him that i wrote commercials for ea sports for four years. he then asks me, "i know this might be a weird question, but do you know the charles rogers commercial? i'm charles rogers, i had..."
"68 catches and 13 touchdowns? yeah, i know it. i wrote it."
"get the hell out of here! i love that commercial! i can quote that whole thing. holy crap, you're the guy who wrote that! i can't believe it!"
and then, he sang the whole thing, even quoting the tagline exactly.
how cool is that? and what's even cooler is that the commercial ran only on one single day five long years ago. that made my day, my month and this trip.
but i digress. after dinner, we went for a walk around shibuya, the shopping center of all japan, and it was just...just...i can't really describe it. it just was, is and forever will be.
i visited the hachikō, which is a statue of a dog and the ultimate symbol of loyalty. in fact, here's the story, from wikipedia:
Hachikō, an Akita dog, was born in 1923 and sold to a well to do family in Tokyo while still a puppy. The father of this family, Eisaburo Ueno, a Tokyo University professor in his 50's, loved Hachiko very much and doted on him constantly, taking him for long walks, always brushing him, and even taking baths with him inside the home. He treated him truly as one of the family.
Up until Hachiko was two years old, he always walked to the station with the father and after the father went through the stalls he would go home by himself. But, then he would return every day to wait outside the stalls to meet the father coming home. All the locals and train station people knew this man and this dog had a special bond.
One day however, the father died while he was teaching at the university. Hachiko went to pick him up but he never came. And, Hachiko never stopped waiting. Every day for about 10 or 11 years he went and waited. The story was picked up and popularized by Japanese newspapers, and Hachiko became a minor celebrity while he still lived, attending the inauguration of his own statue in 1934.
how much does that break your heart and lift your spirit?
we walked through the massive crossection of people in center-gai outside of shibuya station, where bill murray famously whispered something to scarlett johannson at the end of the brilliant "lost in translation". it's just like times square, but nothing like it at all. it's tamed, ordered and with nothing and nobody getting in your face. just absolutely beautiful, just the way it should be.
we walked around shibuya in the shadows of all the stores, each putting their own footprint of architecture on the neighborhood. high rises with neon lights, angles jutting in and out at just the right arcs, it's what vegas would look like if vegas had even a smidgen of design taste and still got lucky. the whole area just completely blew me away to no ends.
it's an area that caters to the young, and the japanese women here are just jaw-droppingly gorgeous and impeccably stylish. they make it work. and i hate to sound gay here, but the dudes have got it going on too. i feel so 2008 here, which would be great if everyone else weren't so 2011.
basically, it's a perfect confluence of beauty, from the people to the stores to the fashion to the vibe.
if i were younger, i would live here.
and this all happened from a thirty minute walk.
tomorrow morning, i'll have the chance to walk around some more and do a little shopping. needless to say, i'm incredibly looking forward to it.
this morning, i was just a body with a defeated spirit and a weakened system. and now, i can't wait to wake up for tomorrow.
what a difference a day makes.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
how to recap the eighth day of my trip (guangzhou ritz carlton edition)
holy crap.
over and over again.
guangzhou finally got the best of me. diarrhea by the hour, on the hour, from midnight to noon, followed by a searing migraine until 8pm, all going hand-in-hand with dizziness, delirium and weakness. it was like my stomach was a septic tank, and each time i unloaded, the level went down a little, but not all the way, and each time i turned my body, i was reminded that i had something toxic inside me. just a sickening day to spend 24 hours in a mysterious foreign country.
so yes, i flew all the way to china to get me some montezuma's revenge. go figure.
then again, it could've been worse. i could have had a shitter without a seat.
needless to say, i didn't get on my flight to tokyo. it got pushed back to tomorrow morning. and instead i spent an entire day in room 2311 of the ritz-carlton, watching cnn international (lebanon has a new president!), a replay of the champions league title match between man u and chelsea (john terry really blew it, no matter how you look at it), and mythbusters (proving and debunking the miraculous qualities of vodka) - and the rest of the day and night were spent with my eyes closed and a cold towel on my forehead. all i ate were three scoops of chocolate ice cream (a well-deserved $15 meal) and drank my fair share of water.
i lost my appetite. if you're looking for it, i think i flushed it down sometime around 3:30 AM.
seriously, if rich, my DP, wasn't around to make changes to my airfare and to be a clear head for me, god knows how i would have reacted. i might have boarded a plane to guam or something. who knows. no part of my body was in its right mind.
good times.
and i know all this didn't happen from the 5-star meal i had in the hotel. i guess my body just isn't fortified enough for fresh kill. or the middle ages. however you want to label it.
at least i lost some weight for the wedding.
but stlll, hey, soon i'll be on my way to tokyo, home of the original "office". can't wait. should be a lot of fun.
and, of course, should be a lot of karaoke.
something in a baritone, maestro!
money talks
but it don't sing and dance and it don't walk
as long as i have you here with me
i'd much rather be
forever in blue jeans, babe.
over and over again.
guangzhou finally got the best of me. diarrhea by the hour, on the hour, from midnight to noon, followed by a searing migraine until 8pm, all going hand-in-hand with dizziness, delirium and weakness. it was like my stomach was a septic tank, and each time i unloaded, the level went down a little, but not all the way, and each time i turned my body, i was reminded that i had something toxic inside me. just a sickening day to spend 24 hours in a mysterious foreign country.
so yes, i flew all the way to china to get me some montezuma's revenge. go figure.
then again, it could've been worse. i could have had a shitter without a seat.
needless to say, i didn't get on my flight to tokyo. it got pushed back to tomorrow morning. and instead i spent an entire day in room 2311 of the ritz-carlton, watching cnn international (lebanon has a new president!), a replay of the champions league title match between man u and chelsea (john terry really blew it, no matter how you look at it), and mythbusters (proving and debunking the miraculous qualities of vodka) - and the rest of the day and night were spent with my eyes closed and a cold towel on my forehead. all i ate were three scoops of chocolate ice cream (a well-deserved $15 meal) and drank my fair share of water.
i lost my appetite. if you're looking for it, i think i flushed it down sometime around 3:30 AM.
seriously, if rich, my DP, wasn't around to make changes to my airfare and to be a clear head for me, god knows how i would have reacted. i might have boarded a plane to guam or something. who knows. no part of my body was in its right mind.
good times.
and i know all this didn't happen from the 5-star meal i had in the hotel. i guess my body just isn't fortified enough for fresh kill. or the middle ages. however you want to label it.
at least i lost some weight for the wedding.
but stlll, hey, soon i'll be on my way to tokyo, home of the original "office". can't wait. should be a lot of fun.
and, of course, should be a lot of karaoke.
something in a baritone, maestro!
money talks
but it don't sing and dance and it don't walk
as long as i have you here with me
i'd much rather be
forever in blue jeans, babe.
Monday, May 26, 2008
how to recap the seventh day of my trip (guangzhou edition)
i'm typing this while cloaked in a terryclothed ritz carlton robe and slippers, fresh from a well-earned hot bath after a long day of shooting. i'm very tired, and i don't know how many words i have in me to get out.
today actually went great, although it mirrored yesterday - a great and fruitful morning, followed by a strange and disinterested crew in the afternoon. it must be something in the culture, i guess. but we still got a lot more than what we expected, so in any measure, the guangzhou portion of this trip is a success.
what has gotten to me is the guangzhou/cantonese food. we had dim sum yesterday and today, and i'm fully tired and bored of fried whole chicken, wierd pork combinations, questionable beef dishes and unenjoyable desserts (unless you love cold soups of frog ovaries, which was on our table yesterday). but tonight i had an amazing dinner in the hotel restaurant, which was as much southern china in dish as it was refined and classy - which would make the first of our trip out here. was it authentic? probably not. but i had enough of authentic, and i was craving for something sophisticated and less barbaric. mission accomplished.
here's things i noticed about this part of china:
- the last word that comes to my mind as i explore the city is communism or government control. it's a city, just like any other city. then again, i was only here for a couple of days and shooting ads for most of it.
- nobody gets hurt when everyone is playing by the same rules of the roads. and that holds true when there aren't any rules. being a passenger in a car here is a scary proposition, not just for me in the back seat, but also for the random people jutting in front of the car in a speeding intersection. i just don't get it, but i guess that's just how they do.
- the people who live in this city seem much more able to acclimate to other cultures and ideas than the people who live in my old neighborhood in the inner richmond. and, to be honest, the difference is substantial.
- i am happy to leave here for tokyo, and i wish never to return here. beijing or shanghai however? i'm game.
and i can't wait to get me some sushi.
today actually went great, although it mirrored yesterday - a great and fruitful morning, followed by a strange and disinterested crew in the afternoon. it must be something in the culture, i guess. but we still got a lot more than what we expected, so in any measure, the guangzhou portion of this trip is a success.
what has gotten to me is the guangzhou/cantonese food. we had dim sum yesterday and today, and i'm fully tired and bored of fried whole chicken, wierd pork combinations, questionable beef dishes and unenjoyable desserts (unless you love cold soups of frog ovaries, which was on our table yesterday). but tonight i had an amazing dinner in the hotel restaurant, which was as much southern china in dish as it was refined and classy - which would make the first of our trip out here. was it authentic? probably not. but i had enough of authentic, and i was craving for something sophisticated and less barbaric. mission accomplished.
here's things i noticed about this part of china:
- the last word that comes to my mind as i explore the city is communism or government control. it's a city, just like any other city. then again, i was only here for a couple of days and shooting ads for most of it.
- nobody gets hurt when everyone is playing by the same rules of the roads. and that holds true when there aren't any rules. being a passenger in a car here is a scary proposition, not just for me in the back seat, but also for the random people jutting in front of the car in a speeding intersection. i just don't get it, but i guess that's just how they do.
- the people who live in this city seem much more able to acclimate to other cultures and ideas than the people who live in my old neighborhood in the inner richmond. and, to be honest, the difference is substantial.
- i am happy to leave here for tokyo, and i wish never to return here. beijing or shanghai however? i'm game.
and i can't wait to get me some sushi.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
how to recap the sixth day of my trip (guangzhou edition)
words and meaning do not only get lost in translation, but they also take time. that's what i learned today trying to direct talent and a crew that speaks cantonese.
when they're not asked to make decisions, or to think on their own without being told, everything is great. in fact, you can fly through stuff. but once anything gets disrupted, all hell breaks loose, and you just can't get back on track. or, at least, not today.
the morning was great. unfortunately, it set up a precedent that i now know was impossible to match. we flew through scenes, the talent was attentive, everyone was happy. and the location looked great.
and we broke for lunch.
everything broke right after that. camera moves took three times as long as they should have. checking shots on the laptop took four times as long. the crew ruined takes when their cellphones rang over and over again. strange people walked into shots even when warned not to. takes were ruined when the crew dropped stuff - even when they should be standing still. and rehearsals took forever because the talent just wasn't getting it or it just wasn't being explained clearly to them.
it was frustrating and unending.
still, we fought through it, and because of our fruitful morning, we finished ahead of schedule. and tomorrow, i'll know not to expect too much, that i'm just better off playing the role of the talent during rehearsals, to employ a longer time when a camera has to be moved, and to always keep in mind that i am not in los angeles.
holy crap, i'm so not in los angeles.
i'm going to sleep. it was a long day.
when they're not asked to make decisions, or to think on their own without being told, everything is great. in fact, you can fly through stuff. but once anything gets disrupted, all hell breaks loose, and you just can't get back on track. or, at least, not today.
the morning was great. unfortunately, it set up a precedent that i now know was impossible to match. we flew through scenes, the talent was attentive, everyone was happy. and the location looked great.
and we broke for lunch.
everything broke right after that. camera moves took three times as long as they should have. checking shots on the laptop took four times as long. the crew ruined takes when their cellphones rang over and over again. strange people walked into shots even when warned not to. takes were ruined when the crew dropped stuff - even when they should be standing still. and rehearsals took forever because the talent just wasn't getting it or it just wasn't being explained clearly to them.
it was frustrating and unending.
still, we fought through it, and because of our fruitful morning, we finished ahead of schedule. and tomorrow, i'll know not to expect too much, that i'm just better off playing the role of the talent during rehearsals, to employ a longer time when a camera has to be moved, and to always keep in mind that i am not in los angeles.
holy crap, i'm so not in los angeles.
i'm going to sleep. it was a long day.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
how to recap the fifth day of my trip (guangzhou edition)
guangzhou is endless.
think of it like los angeles - a huge sprawl that spreads for miles and miles. except, when you drive through and around it, think of it like new york and chicago - nothing but high rises and skyscrapers everywhere you look. it's an utterly impressive city of twelve million residents.
and the architecture is stunning. i don't dig rectangles and squares, but that's what makes up most of american architecture. but like vancouver, guangzhou is full of misshaped buildings, with stylishly curved rootops and angles jutting out at weird but beautiful angles. and they transpose nicely with aging buildings beside them. this makes the city both old and modern at exactly the same time.
we headed out to the sports university to scout out our shoot. the land is amazing, with countless outdoor basketball courts and a modern soccer stadium that seats thousands. there's a multitude of gymnasiums and buildings, and arena we're shooting in features a gym that would make a small college proud. we arrived to watch a floor hockey tournament featuring teams from china, thailand, canada and australia. floor hockey is like field hockey, except on a court. it was kinda cool, and made me wish i had two working knees.
but that's not what this post is about. once we were done with our scout, it was time to eat and explore. our first stop was a farm. here's a photo:
the farm also served as a restaurant where everything they served was fresh. so we ate chicken and pork. remember, i said everything they served is fresh, so that means that they killed the chicken right before they cooked it, and the pig was killed just an hour before we ate. if we were unlucky, they could have caught an escaped chicken from the pen and wring its neck in front of us. i'm glad i didn't see that.
but it was so fresh, and the result is that i've never tasted meat that delicious.
the chicken, fried with its head still attached, was stuffed with garlic, ginger and basil. it was amazing. we had pork ribs, pork sausage in rice and pork burgers, which wasn't very good. we also ate this amazing vegetable dish that looked like seaweed but had a deep buttery taste to it.
all in all, an incredible lunch.
by the way, two things i learned here.
one: when you get your place settings, it is customary to pour yourself some tea from a kettle. you then use the tea to cleanse all your silverware for good luck. so you stir your chopsticks in it. then you pour some in your bowl. then you pour it on your plate. then, you dump that tea on the floor. now you are ready to eat.
two: when someone hands you something with two hands, it is customary and respectful to receive it with two hands. i really like that.
after lunch, we walked around downtown guangzhou, which is just like times square, except it's everywhere you look. it's just mobs of people walking every which way, going shopping, buying anything, and vendors running up to you with their best deals. it was beyond hectic. and people just walk out into the middle of the street with oncoming traffic. i'm amazed that i didn't see any accidents, but they must be used to this type of stuff. suddenly, the inner richmond back home makes perfect sense to me.
for dinner, we headed to a famous guangzhou seafood restaurant. our guides informed us that this part of the city is known for their various types of cuisine. this block we were on specialized in seafood. the next block down was dog, and the one past that, mouse. that last sentence is not a joke. he was serious. if you want to eat anything, come to guangzhou. the thought of all the possibilities made me a little sick.
anyways, we're at the seafood restaurant, and there's no menu. instead, you walk to a different area that's set up like an aquarium, with different types of fish in different tanks. your waitress walks along with you, and you have to point at which fish you want to eat. and by pointing at the fish, i mean you have to choose which exact lobster you want for dinner. as in which one. i thought i would have more guilt about this "playing god" manner of food selection, but honestly, if not me, then someone else is gonna eat them.
when they served each dish, the fish was about as fresh as you'll ever have. the shrimp, crab, lobster and mussels were among the best i'll ever eat. don't get me wrong; they were prepared with an expert touch. but they were just so immdeiately fresh, and you just can't beat that. how fresh? well, for some reason, the lobster's arm was still moving when it came to the table.
have i gotten you sick yet? just wait. in fact, i've written the next part to be as tasteful as possible, but scatatology is what it is. and i have to tell this because, well, once you read this, you'll get why.
at the end of the meal, i had to use the toilet. i walked in, and because i had to do poops, i decided to forgo the urinals and use the shitter. i walked into a stall, and only saw a tiled hole in the floor and no seat. whoops, my bad. so i peed, and turned to leave. that's when i saw the toilet paper hanging on the side, and a bar running horizontally on the door, and the urinals on the wall outside.
it took me about six seconds to figure it out. i walked back to the table laughing hysterically. that had to be a mistake, right?
no, it was not.
in china, people don't sit down to use the shitter. they pull their pants down, hover their ass over a hole in the ground, grab hold of rails on the door, lean back and plop away. i'm not shitting you. that's how they do it.
so, after waiting for my mouth to close, i then asked the obvious question: "what do they do with their pants? couldn't you accidentally leave a beijing steamer in your undies?"
well, yes, but some people take one pant leg off and twirl it around their ankle to the side, and other just take their pants off completely.
this absolutely blows my mind. how can a civilization that's been around for 3000 years not take ten minutes to figure out how to sit down during a crap?
what's my point about all this? well, for a city as modern as guangzhou, there's still a large amount of barbarism - not in an unsafe way, but in a way that should have evolved. and in a way that i can't believe still exists in any form.
i needed to end the night on a classy note. so i went to the cigar bar in my hotel and smoked down a cohiba siglo III from cuba with a glass of 1989 aberfely single malt whiskey.
it's so completely wild that i'm actually in china. but everything i saw and experienced just grounded it for me. and i know it may or may not have sounded like it, but today was actually a truly great day.
and to leave you with a wonderful visual, here's a shot of my gorgeous hotel room. i'm stunned each time i walk into it.
think of it like los angeles - a huge sprawl that spreads for miles and miles. except, when you drive through and around it, think of it like new york and chicago - nothing but high rises and skyscrapers everywhere you look. it's an utterly impressive city of twelve million residents.
and the architecture is stunning. i don't dig rectangles and squares, but that's what makes up most of american architecture. but like vancouver, guangzhou is full of misshaped buildings, with stylishly curved rootops and angles jutting out at weird but beautiful angles. and they transpose nicely with aging buildings beside them. this makes the city both old and modern at exactly the same time.
we headed out to the sports university to scout out our shoot. the land is amazing, with countless outdoor basketball courts and a modern soccer stadium that seats thousands. there's a multitude of gymnasiums and buildings, and arena we're shooting in features a gym that would make a small college proud. we arrived to watch a floor hockey tournament featuring teams from china, thailand, canada and australia. floor hockey is like field hockey, except on a court. it was kinda cool, and made me wish i had two working knees.
but that's not what this post is about. once we were done with our scout, it was time to eat and explore. our first stop was a farm. here's a photo:
the farm also served as a restaurant where everything they served was fresh. so we ate chicken and pork. remember, i said everything they served is fresh, so that means that they killed the chicken right before they cooked it, and the pig was killed just an hour before we ate. if we were unlucky, they could have caught an escaped chicken from the pen and wring its neck in front of us. i'm glad i didn't see that.
but it was so fresh, and the result is that i've never tasted meat that delicious.
the chicken, fried with its head still attached, was stuffed with garlic, ginger and basil. it was amazing. we had pork ribs, pork sausage in rice and pork burgers, which wasn't very good. we also ate this amazing vegetable dish that looked like seaweed but had a deep buttery taste to it.
all in all, an incredible lunch.
by the way, two things i learned here.
one: when you get your place settings, it is customary to pour yourself some tea from a kettle. you then use the tea to cleanse all your silverware for good luck. so you stir your chopsticks in it. then you pour some in your bowl. then you pour it on your plate. then, you dump that tea on the floor. now you are ready to eat.
two: when someone hands you something with two hands, it is customary and respectful to receive it with two hands. i really like that.
after lunch, we walked around downtown guangzhou, which is just like times square, except it's everywhere you look. it's just mobs of people walking every which way, going shopping, buying anything, and vendors running up to you with their best deals. it was beyond hectic. and people just walk out into the middle of the street with oncoming traffic. i'm amazed that i didn't see any accidents, but they must be used to this type of stuff. suddenly, the inner richmond back home makes perfect sense to me.
for dinner, we headed to a famous guangzhou seafood restaurant. our guides informed us that this part of the city is known for their various types of cuisine. this block we were on specialized in seafood. the next block down was dog, and the one past that, mouse. that last sentence is not a joke. he was serious. if you want to eat anything, come to guangzhou. the thought of all the possibilities made me a little sick.
anyways, we're at the seafood restaurant, and there's no menu. instead, you walk to a different area that's set up like an aquarium, with different types of fish in different tanks. your waitress walks along with you, and you have to point at which fish you want to eat. and by pointing at the fish, i mean you have to choose which exact lobster you want for dinner. as in which one. i thought i would have more guilt about this "playing god" manner of food selection, but honestly, if not me, then someone else is gonna eat them.
when they served each dish, the fish was about as fresh as you'll ever have. the shrimp, crab, lobster and mussels were among the best i'll ever eat. don't get me wrong; they were prepared with an expert touch. but they were just so immdeiately fresh, and you just can't beat that. how fresh? well, for some reason, the lobster's arm was still moving when it came to the table.
have i gotten you sick yet? just wait. in fact, i've written the next part to be as tasteful as possible, but scatatology is what it is. and i have to tell this because, well, once you read this, you'll get why.
at the end of the meal, i had to use the toilet. i walked in, and because i had to do poops, i decided to forgo the urinals and use the shitter. i walked into a stall, and only saw a tiled hole in the floor and no seat. whoops, my bad. so i peed, and turned to leave. that's when i saw the toilet paper hanging on the side, and a bar running horizontally on the door, and the urinals on the wall outside.
it took me about six seconds to figure it out. i walked back to the table laughing hysterically. that had to be a mistake, right?
no, it was not.
in china, people don't sit down to use the shitter. they pull their pants down, hover their ass over a hole in the ground, grab hold of rails on the door, lean back and plop away. i'm not shitting you. that's how they do it.
so, after waiting for my mouth to close, i then asked the obvious question: "what do they do with their pants? couldn't you accidentally leave a beijing steamer in your undies?"
well, yes, but some people take one pant leg off and twirl it around their ankle to the side, and other just take their pants off completely.
this absolutely blows my mind. how can a civilization that's been around for 3000 years not take ten minutes to figure out how to sit down during a crap?
what's my point about all this? well, for a city as modern as guangzhou, there's still a large amount of barbarism - not in an unsafe way, but in a way that should have evolved. and in a way that i can't believe still exists in any form.
i needed to end the night on a classy note. so i went to the cigar bar in my hotel and smoked down a cohiba siglo III from cuba with a glass of 1989 aberfely single malt whiskey.
it's so completely wild that i'm actually in china. but everything i saw and experienced just grounded it for me. and i know it may or may not have sounded like it, but today was actually a truly great day.
and to leave you with a wonderful visual, here's a shot of my gorgeous hotel room. i'm stunned each time i walk into it.
Friday, May 23, 2008
how to recap the fourth day of my trip (orange county/LAX/tokyo/guangzhou edition)
at 8am, i left the ritz-carlton in dana point, onward towards LAX. twenty four hours later, i returned to the ritz-carlton, but now in guangzhou, a half world away.
a lot of nothing happened in between.
you know a trip is gonna be great when you pick up your computer bag and the strap breaks - because that's exactly what happened to me. and then, while in the airport, the plastic bag you boought that holds your magazines also breaks. that also happened to me. so you wound up shlepping around the world holding your two bags in your arms like a pet pig. good times. i highly recommend it.
the united flight from LAX to tokyo really wasn't so bad, as far as eleven-hour trips go. i got some work done on my laptop, listened to rilo kiley and also te raconteurs "counselors of the lonely", took a quick nap and watched three movies, of which i'll review now in the shortest paragraphs possible.
"27 dresses"
starring katherine heigl and various douchebags
written and directed by four-year-olds
even as far as romantic-comedies go, this one was especially shameless and see-through. honestly, i can't imagine anyone being able to sit through this and not try to take their own life. if the emergency exits weren't jammed shut, i might have made a jump for it. and this is coming from someone who actually gave this a shot because he had nothing else to do.
"jumper"
starring hayden christenson, samuel l. jackson and other douchebags
directed by (i can't believe this) doug liman
a movie that managed to allow me to intensely hate every character in the film while also not caring one iota about them. that to me is an amazing achievement in ineptitude. what could have been a pretty fun movie was ultimately done in by a first draft of a crappy script. and hayden christenson is one of the worst actors to have ever lived. if the emergency exits weren't jammed shut, i might have made a jump for it. and this is coming from someone who actually gave this a shot because he had nothing else to do.
"charlie wilson's war"
starring tom hanks, julia roberts and philip seymour hoffman
written by aaron sorkin
directed by mike nichols
united airlines can thank these legends for saving me from taking over the plane and flying it into the pacific ocean. i really wanted to watch this when it was out, and for the benefit of everyone on board, thankfully i didn't get the chance. it's smart, fun, funny, sexy and semi-true. it wasn't the best film these legends have individually made, but it was among the best of last year. (honestly, it could have had a little more beef, but i can't complain, considering the other crap i watched).
then i flew air nippon from tokyo to guangzhou, a five hour flight on top of the eleven hours i was just in the air. thankfully, there was hardly anyone else on the plane, so i was able to stretch out and relax as best as i can. and, by the way, the air nippon stewardess are the hardest-working stewardesses in the air. there was nothing i was left wanting. great job by those minxes.
finally, we landed in guangzhou, and passed through customs without a problem. we met our contact from the production company (andi), and while waiting for our client to fly in, we had some ice cream at a diner. i have to be honest with you: the conversation that took place to order two scoops of ice cream each was absolutely worth the sixteen hour flights. the discussion took a good 30 minutes, with the waitress hustling back and forth to show us different sizes and flavors and being utterly confused - even with a cantonese translator. wonderful stuff. i wish i wrote that scene.
and finally, 24 hours later, we landed at the brand new ritz-carlton in guangzhou. and there's no debate: this is the most beautiful and luxurious hotel i've ever stayed at in my career and my life - and i'm including the indianapolis marriott in that discussion. everything is stunning. check out the website, but i'll take photos when i get a chance.
and finally, here we are, in a sweltering city of 12 million people. i have a chance to explore today. tonight (or this morning for you), you'll read about it.
a lot of nothing happened in between.
you know a trip is gonna be great when you pick up your computer bag and the strap breaks - because that's exactly what happened to me. and then, while in the airport, the plastic bag you boought that holds your magazines also breaks. that also happened to me. so you wound up shlepping around the world holding your two bags in your arms like a pet pig. good times. i highly recommend it.
the united flight from LAX to tokyo really wasn't so bad, as far as eleven-hour trips go. i got some work done on my laptop, listened to rilo kiley and also te raconteurs "counselors of the lonely", took a quick nap and watched three movies, of which i'll review now in the shortest paragraphs possible.
"27 dresses"
starring katherine heigl and various douchebags
written and directed by four-year-olds
even as far as romantic-comedies go, this one was especially shameless and see-through. honestly, i can't imagine anyone being able to sit through this and not try to take their own life. if the emergency exits weren't jammed shut, i might have made a jump for it. and this is coming from someone who actually gave this a shot because he had nothing else to do.
"jumper"
starring hayden christenson, samuel l. jackson and other douchebags
directed by (i can't believe this) doug liman
a movie that managed to allow me to intensely hate every character in the film while also not caring one iota about them. that to me is an amazing achievement in ineptitude. what could have been a pretty fun movie was ultimately done in by a first draft of a crappy script. and hayden christenson is one of the worst actors to have ever lived. if the emergency exits weren't jammed shut, i might have made a jump for it. and this is coming from someone who actually gave this a shot because he had nothing else to do.
"charlie wilson's war"
starring tom hanks, julia roberts and philip seymour hoffman
written by aaron sorkin
directed by mike nichols
united airlines can thank these legends for saving me from taking over the plane and flying it into the pacific ocean. i really wanted to watch this when it was out, and for the benefit of everyone on board, thankfully i didn't get the chance. it's smart, fun, funny, sexy and semi-true. it wasn't the best film these legends have individually made, but it was among the best of last year. (honestly, it could have had a little more beef, but i can't complain, considering the other crap i watched).
then i flew air nippon from tokyo to guangzhou, a five hour flight on top of the eleven hours i was just in the air. thankfully, there was hardly anyone else on the plane, so i was able to stretch out and relax as best as i can. and, by the way, the air nippon stewardess are the hardest-working stewardesses in the air. there was nothing i was left wanting. great job by those minxes.
finally, we landed in guangzhou, and passed through customs without a problem. we met our contact from the production company (andi), and while waiting for our client to fly in, we had some ice cream at a diner. i have to be honest with you: the conversation that took place to order two scoops of ice cream each was absolutely worth the sixteen hour flights. the discussion took a good 30 minutes, with the waitress hustling back and forth to show us different sizes and flavors and being utterly confused - even with a cantonese translator. wonderful stuff. i wish i wrote that scene.
and finally, 24 hours later, we landed at the brand new ritz-carlton in guangzhou. and there's no debate: this is the most beautiful and luxurious hotel i've ever stayed at in my career and my life - and i'm including the indianapolis marriott in that discussion. everything is stunning. check out the website, but i'll take photos when i get a chance.
and finally, here we are, in a sweltering city of 12 million people. i have a chance to explore today. tonight (or this morning for you), you'll read about it.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
how to recap the third day of my trip (orange county edition)
today was a pretty uneventful day. got to the gym, watched a professional tennis player work out, shot eight hours worth of film and left. my shirt did not smell, i did not eat a $35 breakfast burrito and i did not piss on golden hydrants. but i did learn that there's no place for me to hide from my shin splints.
crap.
it was at dinner with my friend brian where i learned that david cook won "american idol", which gives me hope that this country might also elect the right president this fall, whomever that might be (although i damn well know who that is).
there's nothing really to report, other than i caught the final night of the oak hill capital partners convention. it's nights like this that make me so happy to be working in advertising. everyone was wearing their dress code: a nice blazer with gold buttons on the sleeve, a wrinkle-free button down shirt with the top-button undone, dress slacks with a crease down the middle and laceless slip-on shoes. and this is opposed to me going to work today wearing this.
there was a guy named tory at the drink up wearing, and i shit you not, a pink blazer, light blue shirt, red slacks (red!) and pennyloafers without socks. i'd make a joke, but he beat me to it.
i probably won't blog tomorrow night as i will be in the air, more than halfway to guangzhou. but if i have enough energy when i land, i will do my best.
just don't count on it.
crap.
it was at dinner with my friend brian where i learned that david cook won "american idol", which gives me hope that this country might also elect the right president this fall, whomever that might be (although i damn well know who that is).
there's nothing really to report, other than i caught the final night of the oak hill capital partners convention. it's nights like this that make me so happy to be working in advertising. everyone was wearing their dress code: a nice blazer with gold buttons on the sleeve, a wrinkle-free button down shirt with the top-button undone, dress slacks with a crease down the middle and laceless slip-on shoes. and this is opposed to me going to work today wearing this.
there was a guy named tory at the drink up wearing, and i shit you not, a pink blazer, light blue shirt, red slacks (red!) and pennyloafers without socks. i'd make a joke, but he beat me to it.
i probably won't blog tomorrow night as i will be in the air, more than halfway to guangzhou. but if i have enough energy when i land, i will do my best.
just don't count on it.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
how to recap the second day of my trip (orange county edition)
there are very few things as uplifting to me as jumping rope early in the morning while watching hordes of surfers take waves into the shore. that's the first thing i did upon waking. not a bad way to start the day.
however, what is a bad way to continue the day is to put on a t-shirt that smells like ass. and then putting on another t-shirt that also smells like ass. and then realizing that all 15 shirts you brought on your trip all smell like ass. and that you can easily point your finger at the busted washer at home for everything smelling like ass. and now you and your preson feels and smells like an ass. so you have to put all your shirts in the ritz carlton laundromat, and although your ass is now $90 lighter, you do return to cleanliness.
i hope that doesn't happen to you. or if it does, have a better story for smelling like ass than a busted washer.
we got to the gym to shoot today, and watched paul kariya go through his final morning workouts. dude's a tank. in fact, dude's a hall-of-fame tank. no way in hell do i want to be in the way of one of his hip checks or slapshots. pro athletes have a certain aura around them that's cool to watch. he was no exception.
the shoot went great, thank you very much. and on the ride home, we noticed that every fixture in dana point was painted gold. so this hamlet gives off the impression that this place is so rich that even their dogs piss on expensive things.
i found out from my bar waitress (who coincidentally just graduated from stony brook) that the "night of the living WASP" convention is actually for a bunch of blazers called oak hill capital partners. by the end of the night, they were so serious with their partying that they actually took off their frickin' ties. i suspect the cops to be called sometime before the markets open.
i'm also pretty damn sure that there's also a "rich old man with cute wife that's 25 years younger than him" convention, because there's just too much of that happening to consider it a coincidence. seriously, everyone here wears their creepy on the outside.
also in the bar, i eavesdropped on the worst powerpoint presentation ever.
this bar and area is the gift that keeps on giving.
however, what is a bad way to continue the day is to put on a t-shirt that smells like ass. and then putting on another t-shirt that also smells like ass. and then realizing that all 15 shirts you brought on your trip all smell like ass. and that you can easily point your finger at the busted washer at home for everything smelling like ass. and now you and your preson feels and smells like an ass. so you have to put all your shirts in the ritz carlton laundromat, and although your ass is now $90 lighter, you do return to cleanliness.
i hope that doesn't happen to you. or if it does, have a better story for smelling like ass than a busted washer.
we got to the gym to shoot today, and watched paul kariya go through his final morning workouts. dude's a tank. in fact, dude's a hall-of-fame tank. no way in hell do i want to be in the way of one of his hip checks or slapshots. pro athletes have a certain aura around them that's cool to watch. he was no exception.
the shoot went great, thank you very much. and on the ride home, we noticed that every fixture in dana point was painted gold. so this hamlet gives off the impression that this place is so rich that even their dogs piss on expensive things.
i found out from my bar waitress (who coincidentally just graduated from stony brook) that the "night of the living WASP" convention is actually for a bunch of blazers called oak hill capital partners. by the end of the night, they were so serious with their partying that they actually took off their frickin' ties. i suspect the cops to be called sometime before the markets open.
i'm also pretty damn sure that there's also a "rich old man with cute wife that's 25 years younger than him" convention, because there's just too much of that happening to consider it a coincidence. seriously, everyone here wears their creepy on the outside.
also in the bar, i eavesdropped on the worst powerpoint presentation ever.
this bar and area is the gift that keeps on giving.
Monday, May 19, 2008
how to recap the first day of my trip (orange county edition)
orange county is an interesting place, and i mean it's interesting in how uninteresting it actually is. gated community after gated community after hollywood video, i could be anywhere in the country where the sun shines. in fact, it reminded me of vegas - not the strip, but where everyone in vegas lives, a rather soulless and fully homogenous place where character melts in a puddle outside chipotle.
needless to say, it's not for me.
we did a tech scout at trabuca hills high school (go mustangs!) and checked out their amazing athletic complex: eight tennis courts, two swimming pools, two softball fields, one baseball field and a brand new football/soccer field with stands that seat a couple of thousand on each side. it's really impressive. unfortunately, it looks too much like california to shoot there. but hot damn, i would have loved to have played here in high school. in fact, i might have actually taken the time out from basketball to learn how to hit a curveball just to get dirty in these diamonds.
who am i kidding. i'd learn how to identify a curveball to lay off of and wait for the heater i can drive.
but i digress.
we're staying at the ritz carlton in dana point, which is south of laguna beach. this hotel ain't foolin' around. everything is pristine. the pool is gorgeous and the rooms are almost too nice to stay in. i somewhat feel inadequate whenever i stay in a place like this. then again, in the bar, i saw a creepy bald 70-year-old man who looked like ben grimm with his semi-hot 40-year-old wife (or girlfriend). she looked uncomfortable, but had enough money to feel like she belonged. me, i'm just a guy wearing a katz deli t-shirt and a baseball hat sitting at the bar, watching sportscenter. i should be valeting cars outside.
trust me, i'll get over it.
there's a convention in town. i can't make out what everyone is there for, but if i had to guess, i would say it's a stereotypical rich white man's convention (bring your own blazer). i'll get down to the bottom of it. i can't be any more surprised than my trip to indianapolis, where my fat people convention was actually for physical therapy. who knew?
one more note: i'm having a glass of frei brothers' reserve pinot noir 2005 as i type. if you ever get the chance, have a sip. it's got nice hints of butterscotch and vanilla to it, and it's as smoooooth as sam cooke wearing velvet. i have no idea how expensive it is. for all i know, it's the PBR of the wine world. but i dig it.
before i forget (and i did; i just got out of bed to type this): we saw the strangest thing over dinner we had on the harbor. a security guard (who was a man in his fifty wearing a polo shirt) stopped another man (who was in his sixties and was bald) from writing his name in wet cement. he yelled, "you're old enough to know better!" and then followed it up with this surprising kicker: "and you're even carrying a concealed weapon. get out of here!"
so a man, who was old enough to know better and who was carrying an unidentified concealed weapon, wrote his name in wet cement and was then yelled at and chased out by a younger man who was still way too old to be a security guard.
what?!?
i guess that's how they do things here in the OC.
needless to say, it's not for me.
we did a tech scout at trabuca hills high school (go mustangs!) and checked out their amazing athletic complex: eight tennis courts, two swimming pools, two softball fields, one baseball field and a brand new football/soccer field with stands that seat a couple of thousand on each side. it's really impressive. unfortunately, it looks too much like california to shoot there. but hot damn, i would have loved to have played here in high school. in fact, i might have actually taken the time out from basketball to learn how to hit a curveball just to get dirty in these diamonds.
who am i kidding. i'd learn how to identify a curveball to lay off of and wait for the heater i can drive.
but i digress.
we're staying at the ritz carlton in dana point, which is south of laguna beach. this hotel ain't foolin' around. everything is pristine. the pool is gorgeous and the rooms are almost too nice to stay in. i somewhat feel inadequate whenever i stay in a place like this. then again, in the bar, i saw a creepy bald 70-year-old man who looked like ben grimm with his semi-hot 40-year-old wife (or girlfriend). she looked uncomfortable, but had enough money to feel like she belonged. me, i'm just a guy wearing a katz deli t-shirt and a baseball hat sitting at the bar, watching sportscenter. i should be valeting cars outside.
trust me, i'll get over it.
there's a convention in town. i can't make out what everyone is there for, but if i had to guess, i would say it's a stereotypical rich white man's convention (bring your own blazer). i'll get down to the bottom of it. i can't be any more surprised than my trip to indianapolis, where my fat people convention was actually for physical therapy. who knew?
one more note: i'm having a glass of frei brothers' reserve pinot noir 2005 as i type. if you ever get the chance, have a sip. it's got nice hints of butterscotch and vanilla to it, and it's as smoooooth as sam cooke wearing velvet. i have no idea how expensive it is. for all i know, it's the PBR of the wine world. but i dig it.
before i forget (and i did; i just got out of bed to type this): we saw the strangest thing over dinner we had on the harbor. a security guard (who was a man in his fifty wearing a polo shirt) stopped another man (who was in his sixties and was bald) from writing his name in wet cement. he yelled, "you're old enough to know better!" and then followed it up with this surprising kicker: "and you're even carrying a concealed weapon. get out of here!"
so a man, who was old enough to know better and who was carrying an unidentified concealed weapon, wrote his name in wet cement and was then yelled at and chased out by a younger man who was still way too old to be a security guard.
what?!?
i guess that's how they do things here in the OC.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
how this is great way to begin a trip to china and japan
yes, three years into chien-ming wang's career, they finally went there (look at the "BBTN Minute" copy in grey under the photo):
so, with me heading to china and japan for ten days, i figured it's gonna be best for me to converse with everyone by posting on this here blog - and it's an easy way to chronicle this great trip for posterity's and sarcasm's sake.
it's going to take a big wang to pull this off.
sayonara.
so, with me heading to china and japan for ten days, i figured it's gonna be best for me to converse with everyone by posting on this here blog - and it's an easy way to chronicle this great trip for posterity's and sarcasm's sake.
it's going to take a big wang to pull this off.
sayonara.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
how i know it could get worse, and i just don't think it's gonna get any better
after today's excruciating 1-0 mets loss to the nationals, causing the lowly nats to take 3 out of 4, and dropping the mets record since last june 1 to 74-75, i've got to say that i've come to the realization that the mets are what they are: a .500 ballclub that just doesn't play hard for their coach, and just doesn't seem like they care enough about winning.
and it pains me to say that.
and, the worst part about it is that i'm not alone.
"This team is simply not fun at all to watch or even follow. It’s a flat, joyless team and watching them play is like watching a Snuff film…..only a real sick bastard would take joy in watching."
"Schmoozer on a roll. Just called Willie Art Howe."
"We are losing and being embarrassed at home. Yes we are 2 games out of first but you have got to think about how fortunate we have been in regard to the other teams in the division. I have long given up my fight against the booing because frankly theres nothing anyone can do about it but at the same time i understand the frustration. Something is missing and i hope they find it before its too late."
"i consider myself a die hard mets fan. but in reference to your point, matt, today i actually did reach the decision that it is time for me to start tuning out. at least to some degree. i’ve maybe missed watching/listening to 10-15 games over the last 3 years. but i’ve reached a point where i’ve realized that watching this team day in and day out thinking that maybe today is the day where they start playing the baseball we’ve all been led to believe that they’re capable of is a fool’s pursuit. instead, i just feel angry and pissed off half the time (the days they lose), because this team is, as we all know, no better than a .500 team."
"We can’t wait any longer. This team is in a complete downward spiral on and off the field. Its brought to our attention again today how divided the clubhouse seems to be. The once great chemistry this team had is completely gone and this team is completely lost...How quickly things can change. Seemed like just yesterday I was walking out of Shea stadium with the feeling of hope and optimism. The feeling like this was going to be our chance at a World Series and a chance to finally stand side by side with Yankee fans...There is a cancer on this team. I don’t know if its a player or players or manager or whatever but something has destroyed this team from inside. Omar needs to fix this right now or he is the one to blame. We’ve been screaming foul for almost a year now and you haven’t been listening. Omar Do you even know your own team?"
"Willie deserves a lot of blame but it comes down to this with me. You remove Willie, I’m not sure this team improves. This leads me to feel that the problems with this team go far beyond Willie...This team needs an enema. I’m just not sure where the hose should go."
look, i don't know what can be done. fire willie? i'm fine with that. turn heilman into a starter? sure, go ahead. get moises some at bats at first base? go ahead.
but is that really gonna change the culture? is that really going to make it seem like the players give a crap? i know they do, but do they care more than the phillies or the rays or the marlins? i don't think so. by the looks of things, it's obvious.
i hope omar doesn't wait to see how this shakes out. we have already, and it's a heartbreaker.
and it pains me to say that.
and, the worst part about it is that i'm not alone.
"This team is simply not fun at all to watch or even follow. It’s a flat, joyless team and watching them play is like watching a Snuff film…..only a real sick bastard would take joy in watching."
"Schmoozer on a roll. Just called Willie Art Howe."
"We are losing and being embarrassed at home. Yes we are 2 games out of first but you have got to think about how fortunate we have been in regard to the other teams in the division. I have long given up my fight against the booing because frankly theres nothing anyone can do about it but at the same time i understand the frustration. Something is missing and i hope they find it before its too late."
"i consider myself a die hard mets fan. but in reference to your point, matt, today i actually did reach the decision that it is time for me to start tuning out. at least to some degree. i’ve maybe missed watching/listening to 10-15 games over the last 3 years. but i’ve reached a point where i’ve realized that watching this team day in and day out thinking that maybe today is the day where they start playing the baseball we’ve all been led to believe that they’re capable of is a fool’s pursuit. instead, i just feel angry and pissed off half the time (the days they lose), because this team is, as we all know, no better than a .500 team."
"We can’t wait any longer. This team is in a complete downward spiral on and off the field. Its brought to our attention again today how divided the clubhouse seems to be. The once great chemistry this team had is completely gone and this team is completely lost...How quickly things can change. Seemed like just yesterday I was walking out of Shea stadium with the feeling of hope and optimism. The feeling like this was going to be our chance at a World Series and a chance to finally stand side by side with Yankee fans...There is a cancer on this team. I don’t know if its a player or players or manager or whatever but something has destroyed this team from inside. Omar needs to fix this right now or he is the one to blame. We’ve been screaming foul for almost a year now and you haven’t been listening. Omar Do you even know your own team?"
"Willie deserves a lot of blame but it comes down to this with me. You remove Willie, I’m not sure this team improves. This leads me to feel that the problems with this team go far beyond Willie...This team needs an enema. I’m just not sure where the hose should go."
look, i don't know what can be done. fire willie? i'm fine with that. turn heilman into a starter? sure, go ahead. get moises some at bats at first base? go ahead.
but is that really gonna change the culture? is that really going to make it seem like the players give a crap? i know they do, but do they care more than the phillies or the rays or the marlins? i don't think so. by the looks of things, it's obvious.
i hope omar doesn't wait to see how this shakes out. we have already, and it's a heartbreaker.
Friday, May 09, 2008
how i guess you can write a good jingle
you just can't do it for a :30 media buy. this one hits on a universal truth with humor and a deft touch and, although it's a touch too long, it's not rushed or forced.
nice job, whoever.
nice job, whoever.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
how surviving for 25 years is the least of their accomplishments
i just want to congratulate goodby, silverstein and partners for reaching their 25th anniversary as the highest vanguards of creativity and truth in advertising. and that's not just my opinion; they've got bookcases full of awards to prove it over and over again.
i had a great ten months there, and although i couldn't make it to their black-tie and open-bar extravaganza at the san francisco opera house, i know nobody will remember what happened there anyways, so nothing will have been lost, except for some brain cells.
since advertising is mostly an anonymous job by the creators, here's some of their most famous ads that you didn't know they did but know by heart and surely love without limits (and i'm sure i'm missing a ton of the obvious):
tivo
saturn
budweiser
got milk?
hp
emerald nuts
comcast
and, last and definitely least, here's two of my humble contributions to their impossibly long history of creative excellence.
congrats again, jeff and rich.
i had a great ten months there, and although i couldn't make it to their black-tie and open-bar extravaganza at the san francisco opera house, i know nobody will remember what happened there anyways, so nothing will have been lost, except for some brain cells.
since advertising is mostly an anonymous job by the creators, here's some of their most famous ads that you didn't know they did but know by heart and surely love without limits (and i'm sure i'm missing a ton of the obvious):
tivo
saturn
budweiser
got milk?
hp
emerald nuts
comcast
and, last and definitely least, here's two of my humble contributions to their impossibly long history of creative excellence.
congrats again, jeff and rich.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
how this has got to be a freudian slip of the most gigantous of proportions
this is from espn.com's writer marc stein's article about the knicks pursuit of mike d'antoni as their head coach.
i've taken a screen grab, just because i'm sure this completely hilarous error will be corrected by the time you read this.
yes, i remember those michael jackson/scottie pippen/phil jackson heydays well. the zen master would call out a play, pippen would bring the ball up, and wait for the exact moment to pass to the gloved one to moonwalk to the corner for an open fadeaway. oh, and how they would celebrate in the locker room, with jackson and pippen popping champagne and with their teammate popping macaulay culkin in the wierd place.
of course, marc stein didn't mean michael jackson. he meant this global icon instead.
i've taken a screen grab, just because i'm sure this completely hilarous error will be corrected by the time you read this.
yes, i remember those michael jackson/scottie pippen/phil jackson heydays well. the zen master would call out a play, pippen would bring the ball up, and wait for the exact moment to pass to the gloved one to moonwalk to the corner for an open fadeaway. oh, and how they would celebrate in the locker room, with jackson and pippen popping champagne and with their teammate popping macaulay culkin in the wierd place.
of course, marc stein didn't mean michael jackson. he meant this global icon instead.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
how i wish "american idol" followed the same rules of "the gong show"
because i would have loved to have seen jaye p. morgan or jamie farr gong the shit out of both of jason castro's performances.
and then, to keep the good taste patrol in the house, waldorf and statler from "the muppet show" would then throw tomatoes that would stick in his dreds and sting his eyes.
why? because those half-assed performances were inexcusable cries for help. seriously, he has a big chance for something big, and he chose to crap the bed like that, not only in the week leading up but also during the night of?
even the first lady of steveohville refuses to vote for him this week.
pack up your hackysack and go back to hemp hill, you hippy. your incense is almost out.
and then, to keep the good taste patrol in the house, waldorf and statler from "the muppet show" would then throw tomatoes that would stick in his dreds and sting his eyes.
why? because those half-assed performances were inexcusable cries for help. seriously, he has a big chance for something big, and he chose to crap the bed like that, not only in the week leading up but also during the night of?
even the first lady of steveohville refuses to vote for him this week.
pack up your hackysack and go back to hemp hill, you hippy. your incense is almost out.
how lost memories and rumors can be like new friends
i received a letter from the editor of my old campus paper, the stony brook press, asking me if i had any information on the rumor that the porn movie "debbie does dallas" was filmed at suny-stony brook.
immediately, i remembered that rumor.
but it was one of those rumors that was essentially unprovable in 1996 when i graduated. of course, the university denied it. and besides, information like that is much more fun in theory than in fact.
still, it got me thinking and googling, and it seems that although nothing is confirmed, there is some beef to it. and by beef, i mean hard meat.
hell, if wikipedia and imdb says it happened, then who's to argue?
so there you go. the state university of new york at stony brook, now known for the MRI, steely dan and a classic of pornography.
i have a degree from there.
immediately, i remembered that rumor.
but it was one of those rumors that was essentially unprovable in 1996 when i graduated. of course, the university denied it. and besides, information like that is much more fun in theory than in fact.
still, it got me thinking and googling, and it seems that although nothing is confirmed, there is some beef to it. and by beef, i mean hard meat.
hell, if wikipedia and imdb says it happened, then who's to argue?
so there you go. the state university of new york at stony brook, now known for the MRI, steely dan and a classic of pornography.
i have a degree from there.
how this is the best nike ad i've seen in awhile
and if any commercial is worth two minutes of your time, then this is it.
hell, it even makes me like that guy ritchie style of directing again.
hell, it even makes me like that guy ritchie style of directing again.
Friday, May 02, 2008
how i have no idea how to categorize this
i'll put this simply: an antarctic seal gets his groove on with a king penguin.
i honestly don't know if this is sad, funny or perverted.
but i do know it's the ronaldo of antarctic seals.
i honestly don't know if this is sad, funny or perverted.
but i do know it's the ronaldo of antarctic seals.
how i wish someone would do this for me (or i would do this for someone)
here's a video that modernista!, an ad agency in boston, made for one of their art directors who was leaving.
it brought a neon-colored tear to my eye and a jealous streak to my soul.
it brought a neon-colored tear to my eye and a jealous streak to my soul.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
how i just had the most inane phone conversation in my life
the staten island advance, that storied paper that gives you such pulitzer prize investigative reports like this and this just called me up to fact check on my engagement announcement.
the nice woman on the phone had some questions about our degrees (baccalaureate of arts or science) and about our employment, but when she got to the end of our fact sheet, she said, and i quote, "oh."
"oh?"
"oh."
"what oh?"
"well, the staten island advance has a strict policy that we don't post engagement announcements when the wedding is less than two months away."
"huh?"
"yes, that's the policy, but let me pass you onto my editor for help."
okay, so i was forwarded to another nice woman, who read through my fact sheet, came upon the same troubling discrepancy, and said, "sir, the staten island advance has a strict policy of not posting an engagement notice when it's less than two months away from the wedding. we're sorry."
"yes, ma'am, i heard, and i'm not trying to be a wise ass, but why is that policy in place?"
"well...ummm...you see...ummm...the advance has high standards of what is...ummm...newsworthy and what is not."
you know, i can see their point. after all, they were the first paper to break this bombshell. i can see a rag like the new york times printing a complete non-story like my engagement, but the advance is in no position to spare time or ink on something as newsworthy as me, especially when they're busy tracking down big breakthroughs like this.
still, i replied, "are you serious?"
"sorry, sir."
"well, how about this? can we change it so that it says we're getting married in august? nobody will know the truth except the both of us."
"that's also against our policy."
"you have to admit that's a silly policy. i mean, why is my engagement less newsworthy because of a time stipulation?"
she thought for a second. again, this was a very nice lady stuck between an engagement announcement and world-class newsmaking standards. so she came back with, "you know, my records state that you did hand this in on the 19th, which means that it does pass the two-month policy by two days. so i'll let it in."
"thank you."
seriously, thank you. you made our family very happy.
now i can't wait to see it, in a column between other engagements. and, of course, next to such hard hitting journalism like this.
the nice woman on the phone had some questions about our degrees (baccalaureate of arts or science) and about our employment, but when she got to the end of our fact sheet, she said, and i quote, "oh."
"oh?"
"oh."
"what oh?"
"well, the staten island advance has a strict policy that we don't post engagement announcements when the wedding is less than two months away."
"huh?"
"yes, that's the policy, but let me pass you onto my editor for help."
okay, so i was forwarded to another nice woman, who read through my fact sheet, came upon the same troubling discrepancy, and said, "sir, the staten island advance has a strict policy of not posting an engagement notice when it's less than two months away from the wedding. we're sorry."
"yes, ma'am, i heard, and i'm not trying to be a wise ass, but why is that policy in place?"
"well...ummm...you see...ummm...the advance has high standards of what is...ummm...newsworthy and what is not."
you know, i can see their point. after all, they were the first paper to break this bombshell. i can see a rag like the new york times printing a complete non-story like my engagement, but the advance is in no position to spare time or ink on something as newsworthy as me, especially when they're busy tracking down big breakthroughs like this.
still, i replied, "are you serious?"
"sorry, sir."
"well, how about this? can we change it so that it says we're getting married in august? nobody will know the truth except the both of us."
"that's also against our policy."
"you have to admit that's a silly policy. i mean, why is my engagement less newsworthy because of a time stipulation?"
she thought for a second. again, this was a very nice lady stuck between an engagement announcement and world-class newsmaking standards. so she came back with, "you know, my records state that you did hand this in on the 19th, which means that it does pass the two-month policy by two days. so i'll let it in."
"thank you."
seriously, thank you. you made our family very happy.
now i can't wait to see it, in a column between other engagements. and, of course, next to such hard hitting journalism like this.
how the survival of the fittest would turn this into a humorless world
oh that's true, mostly because any human being with a workable brain wouldn't do world class stuff like this.
there truly is a brilliance in stupidity.
there truly is a brilliance in stupidity.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
how it's my turn for my opinions on "american idol"
i think we've had enough of randy and paula giving completely hollow and unusable advice. and i think the world is ready for what i think because i am very important and because i have a pulpit that fifty readers enjoy daily.
okay, here goes it:
brooke - do you know anyone who actually votes for her? if you do, let me know, because i can't figure out what her appeal is. whatever it is, however, it's working, mostly because she's sucked ass the last couple of weeks but still survived. she's been bland, boring, uncreative, ear piercing and not very enjoyable - although she did a better job this week behind the piano for "i am, i said". in fact, the one thing she does pull off well is the whole carly simon schtick. but she's no carly simon. in fact, she's the new ramiele, who was the new sanjaya.
jason - i'm tired of his act too. honestly, is it too much to take 45 minutes out of your day to memorize the lyrics of the song you're about to sing in front of an enormous national audience? if i'm going to have a chance to work with neil diamond or andrew lloyd webber, i'd be mature enough to have my shit together beforehand and not written on a piece of paper. but he hasn't, and the crap has flowed. each song has become a cry for help. so put your hackysack away and your birkenstocks back on, you hippy, and man up.
david archuleta - for me, the biggest mystery of the whole season. forget paula; she doesn't criticize a soul. but why hasn't randy or simon ever once mentioned that he sings the same song every week, that he sounds the same every week, that none of his songs are modern, and that he hasn't shown any range at all? they ripped carly for all that, and she just as talented as this imp. he doesn't take any risks, and his songs are dull. i wouldn't buy any of his albums, and i can't imagine anyone over 14 who would.
syesha - i don't get the reasons why the judges just aren't in love with her. if you want to knock her for not being very creative with the songs she chooses, fine. but week in and week out, she sets the bar extremely high with the most difficult songs to sing and, although she might not have mariah's or beyonce's gift, she does a damn good job with what she's got. let's face it; she's headed to broadway. and musicals ain't my bag. but i think she's doing a hell of a lot better than what she's been getting credit for.
david cook - he's the only one who actually tries to be an artist with the song he chooses. he's the only one i feel comes in prepared to meet the legend each week. he's the only one who gives a wide range of what he can do. and he's the only performer who doesn't need "american idol" to have an amazing career - and that's the sign of a true idol. i hope he doesn't win, just because they'll stifle and ruin him.
but that's just me. what do i know?
okay, here goes it:
brooke - do you know anyone who actually votes for her? if you do, let me know, because i can't figure out what her appeal is. whatever it is, however, it's working, mostly because she's sucked ass the last couple of weeks but still survived. she's been bland, boring, uncreative, ear piercing and not very enjoyable - although she did a better job this week behind the piano for "i am, i said". in fact, the one thing she does pull off well is the whole carly simon schtick. but she's no carly simon. in fact, she's the new ramiele, who was the new sanjaya.
jason - i'm tired of his act too. honestly, is it too much to take 45 minutes out of your day to memorize the lyrics of the song you're about to sing in front of an enormous national audience? if i'm going to have a chance to work with neil diamond or andrew lloyd webber, i'd be mature enough to have my shit together beforehand and not written on a piece of paper. but he hasn't, and the crap has flowed. each song has become a cry for help. so put your hackysack away and your birkenstocks back on, you hippy, and man up.
david archuleta - for me, the biggest mystery of the whole season. forget paula; she doesn't criticize a soul. but why hasn't randy or simon ever once mentioned that he sings the same song every week, that he sounds the same every week, that none of his songs are modern, and that he hasn't shown any range at all? they ripped carly for all that, and she just as talented as this imp. he doesn't take any risks, and his songs are dull. i wouldn't buy any of his albums, and i can't imagine anyone over 14 who would.
syesha - i don't get the reasons why the judges just aren't in love with her. if you want to knock her for not being very creative with the songs she chooses, fine. but week in and week out, she sets the bar extremely high with the most difficult songs to sing and, although she might not have mariah's or beyonce's gift, she does a damn good job with what she's got. let's face it; she's headed to broadway. and musicals ain't my bag. but i think she's doing a hell of a lot better than what she's been getting credit for.
david cook - he's the only one who actually tries to be an artist with the song he chooses. he's the only one i feel comes in prepared to meet the legend each week. he's the only one who gives a wide range of what he can do. and he's the only performer who doesn't need "american idol" to have an amazing career - and that's the sign of a true idol. i hope he doesn't win, just because they'll stifle and ruin him.
but that's just me. what do i know?
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
how anyone can make advertising, part 4838
whenever someone asks me why 99% of advertising is crap, i just say it's because everyone thinks they know how to make one.
and yet, it's shit like this that makes me long for "one bank", which is still the alpha and omega of unintentional comedy.
i do have to say this, however: this is exactly what the boss had in mind when he pulled courtney cox out of the audience. exactly.
and yet, it's shit like this that makes me long for "one bank", which is still the alpha and omega of unintentional comedy.
i do have to say this, however: this is exactly what the boss had in mind when he pulled courtney cox out of the audience. exactly.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
how the impact of words can reach above and beyond
i can't stop listening to "praying for time" as it was performed by carrie underwood during "idol gives back". i mean, she sang the hell out of the song (as always), but beyond that, it was what she was saying, the lyrics she was selling, the story being told, that really shook me hard.
anyways, here are the lyrics from "praying for time", which was originally written for george michael on his classic album "listen without prejudice" (i knew i heard this song before). although, to be honest, carrie's version leaves the original in the dust.
"Praying for Time"
These are the days of the open hand.
They will not be the last.
Look around now.
These are the days of the beggars
and the choosers.
This is the year of the hungry man
whose place is in the past,
hand in hand with ignorance
and legitimate excuses.
The rich declare themselves poor
and most of us are not sure
if we have too much.
But we'll take our chances
because God stopped keeping score.
I guess somewhere along the way,
he must have let us all out to play,
turned his back and all god's children
crept out the back door.
And it's hard to love.
Theres so much to hate.
Hanging on to hope
when there is no hope to speak of.
And the wounded skies above
say it's much too late,
well maybe, we should all be
praying for time.
These are the days of the empty hand.
Oh you hold on to what you can.
And charity is a coat you wear
twice a year.
This is the year of the guilty man.
Your television takes a stand.
And you find that what was over there
is over here.
So you scream from behind your door.
Say what's mine is mine and not yours.
I may have too much,
but I'll take my chances
Because God stopped keeping score.
And you cling to the things
they sold you.
Did you cover your eyes when
they told you
that he can't come back
because he has no children
to come back for?
And it's hard to love.
There's so much to hate.
Hanging on to hope
when there is no hope to speak of.
And the wounded skies above
say it's much too late,
well maybe, we should all be
praying for time.
anyways, here are the lyrics from "praying for time", which was originally written for george michael on his classic album "listen without prejudice" (i knew i heard this song before). although, to be honest, carrie's version leaves the original in the dust.
"Praying for Time"
These are the days of the open hand.
They will not be the last.
Look around now.
These are the days of the beggars
and the choosers.
This is the year of the hungry man
whose place is in the past,
hand in hand with ignorance
and legitimate excuses.
The rich declare themselves poor
and most of us are not sure
if we have too much.
But we'll take our chances
because God stopped keeping score.
I guess somewhere along the way,
he must have let us all out to play,
turned his back and all god's children
crept out the back door.
And it's hard to love.
Theres so much to hate.
Hanging on to hope
when there is no hope to speak of.
And the wounded skies above
say it's much too late,
well maybe, we should all be
praying for time.
These are the days of the empty hand.
Oh you hold on to what you can.
And charity is a coat you wear
twice a year.
This is the year of the guilty man.
Your television takes a stand.
And you find that what was over there
is over here.
So you scream from behind your door.
Say what's mine is mine and not yours.
I may have too much,
but I'll take my chances
Because God stopped keeping score.
And you cling to the things
they sold you.
Did you cover your eyes when
they told you
that he can't come back
because he has no children
to come back for?
And it's hard to love.
There's so much to hate.
Hanging on to hope
when there is no hope to speak of.
And the wounded skies above
say it's much too late,
well maybe, we should all be
praying for time.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
how most of you know that i love the uncomfortable
but last night's "the office" was so uncomfortable that it almost went past hilarious and ventured into sad.
i said almost.
honestly, it was the funniest half hour of television i've watched all year, and also the squirmiest. i didn't want to look. i wanted to cover my ears. even though i wasn't there in michael and jan's condo, i was there. and goddamn, that was awful.
and awesome.
thank you, dundler mifflin, for coming back.
i missed you.
i said almost.
honestly, it was the funniest half hour of television i've watched all year, and also the squirmiest. i didn't want to look. i wanted to cover my ears. even though i wasn't there in michael and jan's condo, i was there. and goddamn, that was awful.
and awesome.
thank you, dundler mifflin, for coming back.
i missed you.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
how the best thing about this olympic torch run
was that it got rickrolled!
seriously. that excited me so much more than the protests, countless people, chants and marches.
that's because rickrolling! is never gonna let me down.
to be clear about my joy about this, please consult this chart.
seriously. that excited me so much more than the protests, countless people, chants and marches.
that's because rickrolling! is never gonna let me down.
to be clear about my joy about this, please consult this chart.
Monday, April 07, 2008
how this can't possibly be a good idea
let's do the math:
take one olympics hosted by a country with countless and inconceivable human rights violation, add one olympic torch running ceremony already strife with protests, and then multiply it by having the route go through the most politically charged city in the world that has no fear making their feelings known, and what do you get?
a planning committee that wishes it chose singapore for a host country and indianapolis for the running route.
seriously, this could be the only time in recorded history where most of conservative america is pulling for san francisco to make a big scene.
take one olympics hosted by a country with countless and inconceivable human rights violation, add one olympic torch running ceremony already strife with protests, and then multiply it by having the route go through the most politically charged city in the world that has no fear making their feelings known, and what do you get?
a planning committee that wishes it chose singapore for a host country and indianapolis for the running route.
seriously, this could be the only time in recorded history where most of conservative america is pulling for san francisco to make a big scene.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
how i am so proud of my friend dolly
tonight, a nation of teenagers found out what i learned a couple of years ago: dolly parton is a warm, funny, intelligent and amazing performer. and i was enlightened to see how touched the performers were by her - because that's exactly how i felt.
and. to be honest, i felt that the group of them did a great job honoring her.
the best by far was michael johns' "it's all wrong, but it's right", which was bluesy, intimate and exactly how she wrote it to be sung.
so was carly smithson's "here you come again", which was sad and emotional and spare - which was exactly how that story should be told.
and everyone else did a really good job, if not great. hell, even the phillipino sanjaya was alright. and don't give me "what about david archuleta?" he sung great, but he sings the same song every week. i don't know why they don't get on him like they get on jason castro for having the same limited range. and brooke white's "jolene" was an impossibly sad song sung by an impossibly upbeat person. didn't work, but wasn't bad.
paula shockingly was 100% correct when she said that you can't really mess up a dolly parton song because her melodies are so wonderful. so everyone had that going for them, which is nice.
speaking of messing up dolly parton songs, the first lady of steveohville was dissapointed that nobody touched "nine to five", which she personally covers every morning while driving to work. guess nobody poured themselves a coup of ambition for that one.
in other news, right after "idol", the first lady and i watched last night's "dancing with the stars", a show i don't normally watch, but one i owed to her considering she sat through kansas-davidson on sunday. anways, they introduced priscilla presley as "sctress and businesswoman priscilla presley". really? while they're at it, i will be a avid viewer if they introduce her just once as "actress and businesswoman mrs. frank drebin".
do it, tom bergeron. you have it in you.
and. to be honest, i felt that the group of them did a great job honoring her.
the best by far was michael johns' "it's all wrong, but it's right", which was bluesy, intimate and exactly how she wrote it to be sung.
so was carly smithson's "here you come again", which was sad and emotional and spare - which was exactly how that story should be told.
and everyone else did a really good job, if not great. hell, even the phillipino sanjaya was alright. and don't give me "what about david archuleta?" he sung great, but he sings the same song every week. i don't know why they don't get on him like they get on jason castro for having the same limited range. and brooke white's "jolene" was an impossibly sad song sung by an impossibly upbeat person. didn't work, but wasn't bad.
paula shockingly was 100% correct when she said that you can't really mess up a dolly parton song because her melodies are so wonderful. so everyone had that going for them, which is nice.
speaking of messing up dolly parton songs, the first lady of steveohville was dissapointed that nobody touched "nine to five", which she personally covers every morning while driving to work. guess nobody poured themselves a coup of ambition for that one.
in other news, right after "idol", the first lady and i watched last night's "dancing with the stars", a show i don't normally watch, but one i owed to her considering she sat through kansas-davidson on sunday. anways, they introduced priscilla presley as "sctress and businesswoman priscilla presley". really? while they're at it, i will be a avid viewer if they introduce her just once as "actress and businesswoman mrs. frank drebin".
do it, tom bergeron. you have it in you.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
how i own an english soccer team
seriously.
i just bought into the ebbsfleet united football club through MyFootballClub.co.uk, which means that i am one of the 27,000 that owns 51% control.
that gets me one vote on everything - from lineups all the way through merchandising - and it gives me some rooting interest in the world's most popular sport. and, if we make all the right moves, maybe, just one day, we can make it into the premiership.
all because of me.
currently, we rank 10th out of the 24 teams in the english conference, with 16 wins, 12 losses and 8 draws. and we play york on saturday.
i'm not making any of this up.
oy!
i just bought into the ebbsfleet united football club through MyFootballClub.co.uk, which means that i am one of the 27,000 that owns 51% control.
that gets me one vote on everything - from lineups all the way through merchandising - and it gives me some rooting interest in the world's most popular sport. and, if we make all the right moves, maybe, just one day, we can make it into the premiership.
all because of me.
currently, we rank 10th out of the 24 teams in the english conference, with 16 wins, 12 losses and 8 draws. and we play york on saturday.
i'm not making any of this up.
oy!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
how i just couldn't stop myself, part XVCVIIILI
i promised myself that i would stop buying t-shirts.
but i never promised that i would stop buying brilliantly ironic and socially hilarious t-shirts that mock an entire nation of stupid college students.
so there.
but i never promised that i would stop buying brilliantly ironic and socially hilarious t-shirts that mock an entire nation of stupid college students.
so there.
how it took 91 entries, but we finally made it
Sunday, March 23, 2008
how tahoe has given me the madness, and i blame it on march
i just spent my entire weekend being completely amazed by how accurate vegas bookmakers are with their spreads and lines - and i spent the rest of the time being suckered by them again and again.
thank god i don't live anywhere near nevada.
and, oh yeah, nothing beats college hoops.
---thursday's games---
it's amazing to see and hear how much everybody hates duke. i can't believe that many people took belmont and 19 points. but as they neared the upset, the whole sportsbook was clearly on their side. i didn't have any money on the game, but i was with everyone in total support.
it's been a long time since the days of dawkins, amaker, alarie, hurley, hill, brand and jason williams, now replaced with obnoxious douchebags like redick and mcroberts and now paulus and scheyer. they've become completely unrootable. where has my love gone?
speaking of love, i was repaid with none of it by the teams i bet money on. for the 1.5 points i got for wagering on kent, they repaid me with just 10 points in the first half. for the 9 points i got for wagering on winthrop, they gave me just 11 second half points in return. and, to top it all off, the 32 points i got for mississippi valley state was 3 more than the team scored in the entire game.
good job, asswipes.
but that's not the worst of it. i watched stanford put 21 on cornell in the first half, using the astounding athleticism of 7'0" brook lopez, being quicker in the backcourt and just being a much better overall team.
the spread for the second half came out: 4.5 points.
okay, let's think about this. stanford's a much better team. they're bigger and faster and stronger. lopez can score whenever he wants. and, although their starters were not going to play the entire second half, i've got to believe that the rest of the team is 4.5 points better than an outclassed ivy league team during 20 minutes, right?
seems like easy money, i thought. gotta be a mistake by vegas. what's 4.5 points when you just went up by 21? cornell can't do anything to stop them, right?
wrong. stanford was just 4 points better.
i still can't figure it out.
and i can't figure out why i took cal state fullerton and 11 points over wisconsin without knowing that the titans didn't have a starter over 6'5". that would have meant more to me than the badgers' deliberate style of play. yes, this is how people lose money - even those who watch endless amounts of basketball.
---friday---
we set up two tvs in the house to keep us away from the sportsbook and their devilish halftime spreads. seriously. that 4.5 line in the stanford game is still freaking me out.
i went into the tournament in love with drake. i saw them twice and just went nuts over their style of play. it was everything that was right and fun with college hoops. composed, smart and ballsy basketball.
that being said, the team i saw play this year was not the the team that lost to western kentucky. throwing up 30 footers with 20 left on the shot clock is not composed basketball. steadfastly refusing to go backdoor or post up is not smart basketball. playing predictably and exclusively from the outside is not ballsy.
they blew it.
i took 'nova and the points to beat clemson - just because clemson can't hit free throws, and that makes games closer. but it wasn't close anyhow and it was nova hitting free throws to end it. jay wright's a good coach. it's smart to bet on good coaches.
and i got points for taking davidson and siena, even though i didn't need them. add that to giving up six to take notre dame on friday and still winning, and i can tell you that it was a good first round for staten island basketball alumni, both on the court and in the sportsbook.
---saturday---
i took notre dame again with points against wazzu. not only did i think they'd win going away, i thought that wazzu wouldn't have an answer to the irish's firepower.
and how did notre dame repay me? you got it, a season-low 41 points.
seriously, how does this happen?
in other news, the only thing better than watching duke lose is watching them lose while also getting five points.
i did take marquette and 1.5 over stanford, and got very lucky. first off, trent johnson's ejection gave marquette four extra points that evened out the score in regulation. and truth be told, brook lopez got fouled on his game winning baseline jumper. it should've been an "and one", but wasn't. stanford wins by one. marquette wins by .5 with the spread.
the lines were dead on. an amateur would say that vegas is fortunate, but that was the sixth or so line they hit directly on the spot. i'm not naive, but figuring out how they do that is gonna make me want to do math.
---sunday---
i took texas and gave up 6.5 to a weak miami team. i didn't watch the game (we were driving back), but i did watch rick barnes coach last year, and now, in retrospect, i regret the pick. and yes, a much more talented longhorn team barely squeaked by with only 3 points to spare. damn. my bad.
note: anyone who thinks that a rick barnes coached texas team will beat a john calipari coached memphis team, even with the game being played in houston, is clinically insane.
speaking of, i bet against jay wright and took siena. yes, i bet against a good coach. you can figure out how that turned out. i am an idiot.
i also took the over on siena/villanova (174) and san diego/western kentucky (134). i won both by 2 and 1 points respectively. again, i want to do the math to figure out how.
i never thought i would repeatedly say those words.
all in all, i think i broke even in tahoe. but, when you consider all the thrills that the first weekend of march madness gave me, there's no doubt who came out ahead.
and, you heard it here: go davidson.
thank god i don't live anywhere near nevada.
and, oh yeah, nothing beats college hoops.
---thursday's games---
it's amazing to see and hear how much everybody hates duke. i can't believe that many people took belmont and 19 points. but as they neared the upset, the whole sportsbook was clearly on their side. i didn't have any money on the game, but i was with everyone in total support.
it's been a long time since the days of dawkins, amaker, alarie, hurley, hill, brand and jason williams, now replaced with obnoxious douchebags like redick and mcroberts and now paulus and scheyer. they've become completely unrootable. where has my love gone?
speaking of love, i was repaid with none of it by the teams i bet money on. for the 1.5 points i got for wagering on kent, they repaid me with just 10 points in the first half. for the 9 points i got for wagering on winthrop, they gave me just 11 second half points in return. and, to top it all off, the 32 points i got for mississippi valley state was 3 more than the team scored in the entire game.
good job, asswipes.
but that's not the worst of it. i watched stanford put 21 on cornell in the first half, using the astounding athleticism of 7'0" brook lopez, being quicker in the backcourt and just being a much better overall team.
the spread for the second half came out: 4.5 points.
okay, let's think about this. stanford's a much better team. they're bigger and faster and stronger. lopez can score whenever he wants. and, although their starters were not going to play the entire second half, i've got to believe that the rest of the team is 4.5 points better than an outclassed ivy league team during 20 minutes, right?
seems like easy money, i thought. gotta be a mistake by vegas. what's 4.5 points when you just went up by 21? cornell can't do anything to stop them, right?
wrong. stanford was just 4 points better.
i still can't figure it out.
and i can't figure out why i took cal state fullerton and 11 points over wisconsin without knowing that the titans didn't have a starter over 6'5". that would have meant more to me than the badgers' deliberate style of play. yes, this is how people lose money - even those who watch endless amounts of basketball.
---friday---
we set up two tvs in the house to keep us away from the sportsbook and their devilish halftime spreads. seriously. that 4.5 line in the stanford game is still freaking me out.
i went into the tournament in love with drake. i saw them twice and just went nuts over their style of play. it was everything that was right and fun with college hoops. composed, smart and ballsy basketball.
that being said, the team i saw play this year was not the the team that lost to western kentucky. throwing up 30 footers with 20 left on the shot clock is not composed basketball. steadfastly refusing to go backdoor or post up is not smart basketball. playing predictably and exclusively from the outside is not ballsy.
they blew it.
i took 'nova and the points to beat clemson - just because clemson can't hit free throws, and that makes games closer. but it wasn't close anyhow and it was nova hitting free throws to end it. jay wright's a good coach. it's smart to bet on good coaches.
and i got points for taking davidson and siena, even though i didn't need them. add that to giving up six to take notre dame on friday and still winning, and i can tell you that it was a good first round for staten island basketball alumni, both on the court and in the sportsbook.
---saturday---
i took notre dame again with points against wazzu. not only did i think they'd win going away, i thought that wazzu wouldn't have an answer to the irish's firepower.
and how did notre dame repay me? you got it, a season-low 41 points.
seriously, how does this happen?
in other news, the only thing better than watching duke lose is watching them lose while also getting five points.
i did take marquette and 1.5 over stanford, and got very lucky. first off, trent johnson's ejection gave marquette four extra points that evened out the score in regulation. and truth be told, brook lopez got fouled on his game winning baseline jumper. it should've been an "and one", but wasn't. stanford wins by one. marquette wins by .5 with the spread.
the lines were dead on. an amateur would say that vegas is fortunate, but that was the sixth or so line they hit directly on the spot. i'm not naive, but figuring out how they do that is gonna make me want to do math.
---sunday---
i took texas and gave up 6.5 to a weak miami team. i didn't watch the game (we were driving back), but i did watch rick barnes coach last year, and now, in retrospect, i regret the pick. and yes, a much more talented longhorn team barely squeaked by with only 3 points to spare. damn. my bad.
note: anyone who thinks that a rick barnes coached texas team will beat a john calipari coached memphis team, even with the game being played in houston, is clinically insane.
speaking of, i bet against jay wright and took siena. yes, i bet against a good coach. you can figure out how that turned out. i am an idiot.
i also took the over on siena/villanova (174) and san diego/western kentucky (134). i won both by 2 and 1 points respectively. again, i want to do the math to figure out how.
i never thought i would repeatedly say those words.
all in all, i think i broke even in tahoe. but, when you consider all the thrills that the first weekend of march madness gave me, there's no doubt who came out ahead.
and, you heard it here: go davidson.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
how all these espn barkers are arguing the wrong things
i love listening to the espn guys whine about the who should have been in the tournament without talking about who should be taken out. i think dicky v wants an 86 team bracket, jay bilas clearly wants a 74 team bracket with the remaining 9 teams taken only from power conferences, and bobby knight literally wants a 128 team tournament - which makes even less sense, considering that they'd be arguing over who's #129, 130 and 131.
calm down. we're debating between arizona state, syracuse and ole miss. they weren't gonna beat anyone anyways.
what i think is the biggest deal is that the seeding committee (headed by the big power conferences) has figured out a foolproof way to protect their teams from getting beaten by the little teams, and that's to have the dangerous mid-majors play each other in the first round.
they tried it out last year (butler vs. old dominion, nevada vs. creighton) and they expanded upon it this year (butler vs. south alabama, gonzaga vs. davidson, drake vs. western kentucky). hell, kent state is matched up with unlv, and this isn't your father's running rebels. so that limits the live mid-majors to just four advancing to the next round instead of the seven possible (and probable) upsets.
and that's the beauty of this tournament, watching the little guys finally get their chances at the big guys, and seeing the upsets happen. that's the magic. that's what we generally remember.
so it's quite devious by the big money majors and their seeding committee, really. if you can't keep them out, then at least save yourself. and it's just so ironic, you know, how the mid-majors can't get the big guys to play them in the regular season, and now they can't even get a shot at them in the tournament.
i guess they're tired of the valpos and winthrops taking headlines. then again, winthrop is taking on wazzu this year, although that's a team that played just like a low mid-major until two years ago.
anyways, as usual, the guys from espn have it all wrong. the committee's obvious decision to keep the bug guys safe is what needs to be talked about, not inconsequential teams that were "slighted" or "snubbed".
then again, power conferences pay for their salaries.
nobody said that a news channel should be expected to be fair.
calm down. we're debating between arizona state, syracuse and ole miss. they weren't gonna beat anyone anyways.
what i think is the biggest deal is that the seeding committee (headed by the big power conferences) has figured out a foolproof way to protect their teams from getting beaten by the little teams, and that's to have the dangerous mid-majors play each other in the first round.
they tried it out last year (butler vs. old dominion, nevada vs. creighton) and they expanded upon it this year (butler vs. south alabama, gonzaga vs. davidson, drake vs. western kentucky). hell, kent state is matched up with unlv, and this isn't your father's running rebels. so that limits the live mid-majors to just four advancing to the next round instead of the seven possible (and probable) upsets.
and that's the beauty of this tournament, watching the little guys finally get their chances at the big guys, and seeing the upsets happen. that's the magic. that's what we generally remember.
so it's quite devious by the big money majors and their seeding committee, really. if you can't keep them out, then at least save yourself. and it's just so ironic, you know, how the mid-majors can't get the big guys to play them in the regular season, and now they can't even get a shot at them in the tournament.
i guess they're tired of the valpos and winthrops taking headlines. then again, winthrop is taking on wazzu this year, although that's a team that played just like a low mid-major until two years ago.
anyways, as usual, the guys from espn have it all wrong. the committee's obvious decision to keep the bug guys safe is what needs to be talked about, not inconsequential teams that were "slighted" or "snubbed".
then again, power conferences pay for their salaries.
nobody said that a news channel should be expected to be fair.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
how i wish i thought of human pinatas
i think that something as stupid and sophomoric and silly and hilarious as this deserves every award ever created.
Friday, March 14, 2008
how oprah is making me sick right now
don't ask my why i'm watching "oprah", but she's got a panel of "other women" - that is, women who date married men and are disappointed when they don't leave their wives.
yes, these are women who are trying to break up marriages that may or may not be ending anyways. let me repeat this: they knowingly and willingly breaking up marriages.
and oprah is sympathetic to them, finding every reason and excuse to exonerate them from their actions. and the crowd isn't getting on them at all. it's just a big hug fest because it's the guy's fault. he's scum. all of them.
one of them, named sarah, has had multiple affairs with multiple husbands and even wrote a guidebook about it. what a hero!
but still, i'm wrong, i guess. after all, i have a penis.
all i'm saying is that this guy would handle this so differently. that's why i think he's great.
yes, these are women who are trying to break up marriages that may or may not be ending anyways. let me repeat this: they knowingly and willingly breaking up marriages.
and oprah is sympathetic to them, finding every reason and excuse to exonerate them from their actions. and the crowd isn't getting on them at all. it's just a big hug fest because it's the guy's fault. he's scum. all of them.
one of them, named sarah, has had multiple affairs with multiple husbands and even wrote a guidebook about it. what a hero!
but still, i'm wrong, i guess. after all, i have a penis.
all i'm saying is that this guy would handle this so differently. that's why i think he's great.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
how i got hit by a car
i know it's been awhile since i last blogged - even moreso than my usual weeklong sojourns. but i've been beyond busy in the past two weeks. to wit:
1. i sparred ten rounds for the first time
2. i underwent a successful liver biopsy
3. i had a great weekend with my parents where we talked about my future plans with the first lady of steveohville
4. i worked with the amazingly sincere maria sharapova, who is two and a half inches taller than me
5. i spent two days directing a nike shoot that went about as great as could have been expected by anyone involved
6. i adjacently had dinner at giorgio baldi's with nicole kidman, kevin connolly, tobey maguire, danny masterson and brooklyn decker
7. i bought some sweet new kicks
8. i turned 34
and, oh yeah, i got hit by a car.
i'll repeat and bold that: i got hit by a car.
here's what happened: i was crossing the street on 24th and valencia on the way to the 24th street BART station in the mission. i waited for the light to turn green. it did. i began to cross. i stepped over the double yellow line and heard a motor approaching me. i saw some people scatter in front of me. i turned, and saw a blue jeep just a couple yards away from me.
i thought to myself, "holy shit! i can't believe that i'm about to get hit by a car!" and yes, those are exclamation points. i only use them when my life is on the line.
i quickly put my hands up to do, i dunno, something. luckily, it was a jeep so the hood is higher up, and i was able to put my hands up and make first contact as it hit me. i didn't exactly catapult away, but i did push myself off of it.
i jolted to the side, landing on my feet, thankful that there was no oncoming traffic.
i heard some people yell and scream. i heard a screech of a car. i felt everyone looking at me.
i quickly took stock of myself. incredibly, i didn't get hit that hard - only in my hands, and slightly on my shins - and even more amazingly, i didn't land awkwardly, causing yet another ACL. i just got myself to the sidewalk and quickly thought about what just happened. the only thing flashing through my mind like a teleticker was "goddamn, i just got hit by a car".
the guy at the corner deli asked me if i was okay. i said, yeah, i think. i feel fine. and then he told me that the guy that hit me just pulled over.
he came out of the blue jeep, looking about as sad and excited as a human can seem at once. he asked me if i was okay. i said i was. he said that he just got the call at work that his wife just went into labor and he's two blocks away from the hospital (which he was) and, well, he got tunnel visioned and just didn't see me. he offered and insisted to take me to the hospital. again, i felt fine and just wanted to walk away from this harrowing experience. he shook my hand. i shook back. we wished each other luck.
it's a day and a half later, and i still can't get over the fact that i got hit by a car and there's nothing physically wrong with me. i'm thankful that i was able to face up to the jeep and brace myself instead of being blindsided, which would have been beyond awful. and i'm thankful that it was a truck and not a normal car, which would have caused me to roll over the hood or have broken my legs.
which would have been the least of my worries.
and more than anything else, i'm thankful that the first lady of steveohville wasn't there, because if she got hit, i don't know what i would have done with myself.
so i'm a lucky dude, i guess. on many levels.
happy birthday to me.
1. i sparred ten rounds for the first time
2. i underwent a successful liver biopsy
3. i had a great weekend with my parents where we talked about my future plans with the first lady of steveohville
4. i worked with the amazingly sincere maria sharapova, who is two and a half inches taller than me
5. i spent two days directing a nike shoot that went about as great as could have been expected by anyone involved
6. i adjacently had dinner at giorgio baldi's with nicole kidman, kevin connolly, tobey maguire, danny masterson and brooklyn decker
7. i bought some sweet new kicks
8. i turned 34
and, oh yeah, i got hit by a car.
i'll repeat and bold that: i got hit by a car.
here's what happened: i was crossing the street on 24th and valencia on the way to the 24th street BART station in the mission. i waited for the light to turn green. it did. i began to cross. i stepped over the double yellow line and heard a motor approaching me. i saw some people scatter in front of me. i turned, and saw a blue jeep just a couple yards away from me.
i thought to myself, "holy shit! i can't believe that i'm about to get hit by a car!" and yes, those are exclamation points. i only use them when my life is on the line.
i quickly put my hands up to do, i dunno, something. luckily, it was a jeep so the hood is higher up, and i was able to put my hands up and make first contact as it hit me. i didn't exactly catapult away, but i did push myself off of it.
i jolted to the side, landing on my feet, thankful that there was no oncoming traffic.
i heard some people yell and scream. i heard a screech of a car. i felt everyone looking at me.
i quickly took stock of myself. incredibly, i didn't get hit that hard - only in my hands, and slightly on my shins - and even more amazingly, i didn't land awkwardly, causing yet another ACL. i just got myself to the sidewalk and quickly thought about what just happened. the only thing flashing through my mind like a teleticker was "goddamn, i just got hit by a car".
the guy at the corner deli asked me if i was okay. i said, yeah, i think. i feel fine. and then he told me that the guy that hit me just pulled over.
he came out of the blue jeep, looking about as sad and excited as a human can seem at once. he asked me if i was okay. i said i was. he said that he just got the call at work that his wife just went into labor and he's two blocks away from the hospital (which he was) and, well, he got tunnel visioned and just didn't see me. he offered and insisted to take me to the hospital. again, i felt fine and just wanted to walk away from this harrowing experience. he shook my hand. i shook back. we wished each other luck.
it's a day and a half later, and i still can't get over the fact that i got hit by a car and there's nothing physically wrong with me. i'm thankful that i was able to face up to the jeep and brace myself instead of being blindsided, which would have been beyond awful. and i'm thankful that it was a truck and not a normal car, which would have caused me to roll over the hood or have broken my legs.
which would have been the least of my worries.
and more than anything else, i'm thankful that the first lady of steveohville wasn't there, because if she got hit, i don't know what i would have done with myself.
so i'm a lucky dude, i guess. on many levels.
happy birthday to me.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
how this is my annual academy award post
these aren't my predictions. they're just my opinions.
for full disclosure, i still haven't seen the highly acclaimed films "Atonement", "Gone Baby Gone", "Til the Devil Knows You're Dead", "The Savages", "Away From Her", "Charlie Wilson's War", "Persepolis", and "The Alvin and the Chipmunks Movie".
BEST PICTURE
22. Waitress
21. Freedom Writers
20. Blades of Glory
19. Spiderman 3
18. Transformers
17. Eastern Promises
16. The Simpsons
15. 3:10 to Yuma
14. Sicko
13. Superbad
12. Grindhouse
11. Knocked up
10. Lars and the Real Girl
9. Zodiac
8. Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
7. There Will Be Blood - as brilliant and ballsy i thought that the writing, directing, acting and score was, i still can't get past the point that the main character never had any sort of conflict to overcome.
6. Juno - quite possibly the most original and edgy script in years brought to life with the most quirky and endearing performance in years.
5. Into the Wild - this is as personal of a journey as filmmaking will get.
4. I’m Not There - the bizarreness of the storytelling is a perfect reflection of the person it's covering.
3. Michael Clayton - the best serious script written this year. absolutely professional, smart, taut and engaging.
2. No Country for Old Men - it's another marvel of filmmaking by two of my creative idols.
1. The Lives of Others - i know this came out in 2006, but as far as films to hit american theaters this year, this was the best. just pitch perfect writing, acting, directing with as compelling of a topic you'll find on film. the more i read about it, the more i'm amazed by it.
BEST ACTOR
Daniel Day Lewis (There Will Be Blood)
BEST ACTRESS
Ellen Page (Juno)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Javier Bardem (No Country for Old Men)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Cate Blanchett (I'm Not There)
BEST DIRECTOR
Ethan and Joel Coen (No Country for Old Men)
it was a great year for films, with the boundaries of storytelling being pushed to edgier, darker and more creative areas. i wish i got all the main films in, but what can you do. nike and the first lady beckons.
still, well done, hollywood. and germany.
for full disclosure, i still haven't seen the highly acclaimed films "Atonement", "Gone Baby Gone", "Til the Devil Knows You're Dead", "The Savages", "Away From Her", "Charlie Wilson's War", "Persepolis", and "The Alvin and the Chipmunks Movie".
BEST PICTURE
22. Waitress
21. Freedom Writers
20. Blades of Glory
19. Spiderman 3
18. Transformers
17. Eastern Promises
16. The Simpsons
15. 3:10 to Yuma
14. Sicko
13. Superbad
12. Grindhouse
11. Knocked up
10. Lars and the Real Girl
9. Zodiac
8. Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
7. There Will Be Blood - as brilliant and ballsy i thought that the writing, directing, acting and score was, i still can't get past the point that the main character never had any sort of conflict to overcome.
6. Juno - quite possibly the most original and edgy script in years brought to life with the most quirky and endearing performance in years.
5. Into the Wild - this is as personal of a journey as filmmaking will get.
4. I’m Not There - the bizarreness of the storytelling is a perfect reflection of the person it's covering.
3. Michael Clayton - the best serious script written this year. absolutely professional, smart, taut and engaging.
2. No Country for Old Men - it's another marvel of filmmaking by two of my creative idols.
1. The Lives of Others - i know this came out in 2006, but as far as films to hit american theaters this year, this was the best. just pitch perfect writing, acting, directing with as compelling of a topic you'll find on film. the more i read about it, the more i'm amazed by it.
BEST ACTOR
Daniel Day Lewis (There Will Be Blood)
BEST ACTRESS
Ellen Page (Juno)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Javier Bardem (No Country for Old Men)
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Cate Blanchett (I'm Not There)
BEST DIRECTOR
Ethan and Joel Coen (No Country for Old Men)
it was a great year for films, with the boundaries of storytelling being pushed to edgier, darker and more creative areas. i wish i got all the main films in, but what can you do. nike and the first lady beckons.
still, well done, hollywood. and germany.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
how i'd rethink their advice
if i were an american idol contestant, and if i watched the video for the single "dance like there's no tomorrow" on "american idol", and if i heard paula abdul warble her lyrics and randy jackson be the lead bassist with completely forgettable movements, i think it's very easy to figure out who to listen to.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
how i've always wanted to stage something like this
but then again, i think this was actually real. in which case, it's brilliant in a completely different way.
then again, if i had done this, i don't think i would have taken it this far, although i completely admire the attention to detail.
well done.
then again, if i had done this, i don't think i would have taken it this far, although i completely admire the attention to detail.
well done.
Monday, February 18, 2008
how i'm getting the full effect of president's day
today, i celebrate a random president: rutherford birchard hayes. here's what i learned about him, and here's what you need to know.
he was born in delaware, ohio in 1822. that was not a typo.
he was a member of a prominent social organization called the cincinnati literary club that became a military organization upon the outbreak of the civil war. so he traded in bookmarks for muskets.
he began his political life as a whig, but then joined the free soil party.
while fighting in the civil war, he was nominated by republicans to congress. however, he said that it would not be right to leave the field of battle to campaign for a political seat, and any man who would do so deserves to be scalped. if he were alive today, the political marketing machine would make him out to be some sort of a coward and glorify those who would have hid behind their bookmarks.
of course, against his greatest objections, he was then elected, until he resigned two years later, when he was nominated for the governorship of ohio, which he won and served for two more years.
he was famous for his honesty and his ability to not offend anyone. i did not make that up.
when he ran for the presidency of the united states, he actually did not win the popular vote, losing to samuel tilden by 250,000 (out of 8.5 million). however, boys and girls, you win the presidency through the electoral college. the candidates had to muster 185 votes: tilden was short just one, with 184 votes, hayes had 165, with 20 votes representing four states which were contested. three of these states (florida, louisiana, and south carolina) were in the south, which was still under military occupation (the fourth was oregon).
to decide the actual winner, the two houses of congress created a electoral commission made up of five members of the house, five from senate and five from the supreme court. it was a bi-partisan committee of seven democrats, seven republicans and one swing vote. and in case this sounds familiar, it should: they voted along party lines. shocker. and the swing vote was a republican at heart. so there you go. deja vu.
because of the taint of improper voting fraud, he was mocked as "rutherfraud b. hayes". oh snap.
southern democrats were given full assurances that if hayes were elected president, he would pull all the federal troops out of the south and end reconstruction.
he was the first president to take the oath of office in the white house because they wanted the ceremony to be kept secret to avoid any sort of insurrection.
when congress sent him the bills overturning civil rights enforcement, he vetoed them four times before finally signing one that satisfied his requirement for black rights.
he also was the first president in history to call in federal troops to fire on striking railroad workers. more than 70 strikers were killed. i wonder if they found him to be disagreeable.
he did not seek re-election because he believed that presidents should not run for a second term.
he died in 1893.
thank you, rutherford. i think.
why do we have today off?
he was born in delaware, ohio in 1822. that was not a typo.
he was a member of a prominent social organization called the cincinnati literary club that became a military organization upon the outbreak of the civil war. so he traded in bookmarks for muskets.
he began his political life as a whig, but then joined the free soil party.
while fighting in the civil war, he was nominated by republicans to congress. however, he said that it would not be right to leave the field of battle to campaign for a political seat, and any man who would do so deserves to be scalped. if he were alive today, the political marketing machine would make him out to be some sort of a coward and glorify those who would have hid behind their bookmarks.
of course, against his greatest objections, he was then elected, until he resigned two years later, when he was nominated for the governorship of ohio, which he won and served for two more years.
he was famous for his honesty and his ability to not offend anyone. i did not make that up.
when he ran for the presidency of the united states, he actually did not win the popular vote, losing to samuel tilden by 250,000 (out of 8.5 million). however, boys and girls, you win the presidency through the electoral college. the candidates had to muster 185 votes: tilden was short just one, with 184 votes, hayes had 165, with 20 votes representing four states which were contested. three of these states (florida, louisiana, and south carolina) were in the south, which was still under military occupation (the fourth was oregon).
to decide the actual winner, the two houses of congress created a electoral commission made up of five members of the house, five from senate and five from the supreme court. it was a bi-partisan committee of seven democrats, seven republicans and one swing vote. and in case this sounds familiar, it should: they voted along party lines. shocker. and the swing vote was a republican at heart. so there you go. deja vu.
because of the taint of improper voting fraud, he was mocked as "rutherfraud b. hayes". oh snap.
southern democrats were given full assurances that if hayes were elected president, he would pull all the federal troops out of the south and end reconstruction.
he was the first president to take the oath of office in the white house because they wanted the ceremony to be kept secret to avoid any sort of insurrection.
when congress sent him the bills overturning civil rights enforcement, he vetoed them four times before finally signing one that satisfied his requirement for black rights.
he also was the first president in history to call in federal troops to fire on striking railroad workers. more than 70 strikers were killed. i wonder if they found him to be disagreeable.
he did not seek re-election because he believed that presidents should not run for a second term.
he died in 1893.
thank you, rutherford. i think.
why do we have today off?
Sunday, February 17, 2008
how we're truly living in the golden age
there's a lot of crap on television. hell, i just watched an episode of "lipstick mafia" and felt like i had my college degree revoked. and it's beyond the writer's strike and more along the lines of television networks programming to the lowest common denominator and going as far out of their way to stay directly inside the box.
however, the best of the lot are truly amazing pieces of pure brilliance. and these days, i have to believe that we're truly lucky to be blessed with two dramas as smart, in depth, compelling, creative and downright amazing as "lost" and "the wire".
each week, they find new ways to advance their already incredible stories. with each movement, their plots take different forms and creates something even cooler than how you left them last week. and the craftmanship of the writing, acting, directing, editing and, well, everything it takes is just mindboggling for a medium that requires a new episode churned out every seven days.
they are truly masterpieces beyond even the most grandiose explanations of that word.
some people say that watching television is a complete waste of time. sometimes, i agree. but when i'm done watching "lost" and "the wire", i feel smarter, humbled and inspired. and there's nothing wasted about that. hell, i'm writing this on a sunday night after watching the anguish mcnulty has to maneuver around so his lie can serve the common good. imagine how my mind and fingers are gonna react after jack and locke joust around yet another battle between science and faith.
still, it's all coming to an end with "the wire" just a couple of episodes away from closing its last case. hey, at least i can get comfortable with the idea that there's a "breaking bad" out there attempting to pick up that baton.
good luck.
however, the best of the lot are truly amazing pieces of pure brilliance. and these days, i have to believe that we're truly lucky to be blessed with two dramas as smart, in depth, compelling, creative and downright amazing as "lost" and "the wire".
each week, they find new ways to advance their already incredible stories. with each movement, their plots take different forms and creates something even cooler than how you left them last week. and the craftmanship of the writing, acting, directing, editing and, well, everything it takes is just mindboggling for a medium that requires a new episode churned out every seven days.
they are truly masterpieces beyond even the most grandiose explanations of that word.
some people say that watching television is a complete waste of time. sometimes, i agree. but when i'm done watching "lost" and "the wire", i feel smarter, humbled and inspired. and there's nothing wasted about that. hell, i'm writing this on a sunday night after watching the anguish mcnulty has to maneuver around so his lie can serve the common good. imagine how my mind and fingers are gonna react after jack and locke joust around yet another battle between science and faith.
still, it's all coming to an end with "the wire" just a couple of episodes away from closing its last case. hey, at least i can get comfortable with the idea that there's a "breaking bad" out there attempting to pick up that baton.
good luck.
how superman does indeed exist
if you haven't seen the 2008 nba slam dunk contest highlights, then you best be catching up. and you don't have to even like basketball to appreciate their creativity, hilarity and impossible athleticism.
it's truly fantastic sports entertainment.
and dwight howard is my hero.
it's truly fantastic sports entertainment.
and dwight howard is my hero.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
how it costs $17 to cross the street on valentine's day
bet you didn't know that. but it's true. at least, that's what a local florist told me when i tried to order a bouquet for the first lady of steveohville.
the bouquet would have to travel about thirty yards, from the storefront on one side of the street to the other, where her office resides.
hence, $17.
that's the standard fare for valentine's day, they told me.
it would go across the street, i said.
distance doesn't matter, they replied.
so i'd be paying about sixty cents per yard, or about $1.33 per step.
they had no answer. or a sale.
so, the lesson learned is to stay indoors. nothing good could come out of leaving. seriously. you'd be screwed if you did.
the bouquet would have to travel about thirty yards, from the storefront on one side of the street to the other, where her office resides.
hence, $17.
that's the standard fare for valentine's day, they told me.
it would go across the street, i said.
distance doesn't matter, they replied.
so i'd be paying about sixty cents per yard, or about $1.33 per step.
they had no answer. or a sale.
so, the lesson learned is to stay indoors. nothing good could come out of leaving. seriously. you'd be screwed if you did.
how through the muck it all makes sense
this is what i took out of wednesday's congressional hearings:
brian mcnamee is a poor excuse of a human being. he is a liar, a drug dealer, a cheater and untrustworthy. and yet, his account is credible, although through no credit to him.
roger clemens is the world's biggest blowhard whose defense, when stripped down, is purely "how could you not believe me? i'm roger clemens". he is a liar, a perjurer, unloyal, unaccountable, delusional, incapable of finding faults within himself and completely unworthy of his impossibly high self-opinion.
and congress, through their completely incompetent handling of this and every instance of baseball's steroid scandal, has proven once again that this low-level of importance is still too much for them to handle, that there is no issue unimportant for them to still split across party lines, and wasting their time on this is much better than them screwing up things much more critical.
everyone i listed here is completely unsufferable and utterly stupid, and not worth the three minutes it too me to type this.
and with this, i take my attention away from all of them and focus it upon where it matters most.
brian mcnamee is a poor excuse of a human being. he is a liar, a drug dealer, a cheater and untrustworthy. and yet, his account is credible, although through no credit to him.
roger clemens is the world's biggest blowhard whose defense, when stripped down, is purely "how could you not believe me? i'm roger clemens". he is a liar, a perjurer, unloyal, unaccountable, delusional, incapable of finding faults within himself and completely unworthy of his impossibly high self-opinion.
and congress, through their completely incompetent handling of this and every instance of baseball's steroid scandal, has proven once again that this low-level of importance is still too much for them to handle, that there is no issue unimportant for them to still split across party lines, and wasting their time on this is much better than them screwing up things much more critical.
everyone i listed here is completely unsufferable and utterly stupid, and not worth the three minutes it too me to type this.
and with this, i take my attention away from all of them and focus it upon where it matters most.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
how genius takes many forms
here's improv everywhere taking a completely different approach with people at grand central and in fantastic fashion at abercrombie and fitch.
i love me some really smart and innovative shit like this. i really do.
i love me some really smart and innovative shit like this. i really do.
how i'm wishing an early happy valentine's day to all the lovers and haters
i'm going to the warriors-suns game on wednesday night and preparing for a presentation on thursday, so in lieu of forgetting to wish everyone a special valday, here's a little special something made by the most compelling postcard collection ever.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
how i love the first lady of steveohville, but even she would find this ridiculous
here are my shipping charges from proflowers.com for delivery on valentine's day:
Courier Fuel Surcharge: $1.93
Standard Express Delivery: $9.99
Guaranteed Feb. 14 Delivery: $9.99
no thanks.
i'm not being cheap. i just refuse to be mocked like that.
i'll find other ways to be taken advantage of, thank you.
Courier Fuel Surcharge: $1.93
Standard Express Delivery: $9.99
Guaranteed Feb. 14 Delivery: $9.99
no thanks.
i'm not being cheap. i just refuse to be mocked like that.
i'll find other ways to be taken advantage of, thank you.
how a great moment in my life was captured
here's last sunday.
i'm talking to my dad and brother on the phone. and when i go quiet, it's because i'm crying.
i'm talking to my dad and brother on the phone. and when i go quiet, it's because i'm crying.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
how i'm going to sound like a hypocrite here
starring brad pitt, casey affleck and sam rockwell
written and directed by andrew dominik
watched on my 40" 1080i LCD HDTV
here's the good: i'm a huge fan of this movie. i just read a great biography of jesse james, and instead of taking the obvious route of train holdups and the like, they just focused on the end - which was brilliantly told and acted, and became utterly compelling. every shot was photographed in gorgeous sepia with washed-out colors that really puts you squarely inside the post civil war/western era. casey affleck finally gets a role he could thrive in that doesn't involve wisecracks or a boston accent. he deserves his nomination. the accents they adopted (late 19th century missouri anyone?) were fun to listen to. the performances were wonderful.and the movie takes its dear time, which is a revelation in these times. and, lastly but higly important to me, the silences in this film say so much. you know how much i love stuff like that. god, i love that stuff.
and here's the bad: as much as i love that stuff, the movie took too much of its dear time. with those much needed deep silences, the movie just feels like it took forever. honestly, it's two and a half hours long, which is fine, except this story's probably got sixty minutes of meat in it. so yeah, i was completely enthralled, but somewhat bored by the end.
hey look, if you're a wild west freak, totally check it out. i am. i really dug it. you won't be disappointed at all. and if you're not a wild west freak, i don't know what's wrong with you.
how even the utterly ridiculous has been regurgitated
i've had this idea for a screenplay featuring billy zabka, who played johnny in "the karate kid" and chad in "back to school". you know, the dick. i told my idea to friends recently. they laughed. one even told me that he would throw down his $10 to see that. with "addicted to her" off to the script developer, i needed something to work on.
so i went to the coffeehouse and began on "not billy zabka". it's a simple idea that i will share with you right now: a producer wants to film a sequel to "the karate kid" reprising ralph macchio as daniel lorusso, elisabeth shue as ali, the sensei from the cobra kai and billy zabka as johnny - except that zabka has fallen off the planet (pat morita's absence due to death is explained away in a touching funeral scene). so, because the producer can't find zabka, he recruits a billy zabka lookalike to play that role. the actor becomes billy zabka, billy zabka becomes johnny, the movie is a hit and suddenly his ever elusive fame has found him. he dates scarlett johannsen, for example. then, one day, the real billy zabka returns from hibernation in deepest darkest montana and confronts his double.
pretty frigging ridiculous, right?
well, it's already been done.
now how frigging ridiculous is that?
so i went to the coffeehouse and began on "not billy zabka". it's a simple idea that i will share with you right now: a producer wants to film a sequel to "the karate kid" reprising ralph macchio as daniel lorusso, elisabeth shue as ali, the sensei from the cobra kai and billy zabka as johnny - except that zabka has fallen off the planet (pat morita's absence due to death is explained away in a touching funeral scene). so, because the producer can't find zabka, he recruits a billy zabka lookalike to play that role. the actor becomes billy zabka, billy zabka becomes johnny, the movie is a hit and suddenly his ever elusive fame has found him. he dates scarlett johannsen, for example. then, one day, the real billy zabka returns from hibernation in deepest darkest montana and confronts his double.
pretty frigging ridiculous, right?
well, it's already been done.
now how frigging ridiculous is that?
how i love airports
i spent ten minutes at PDX yesterday eavesdropping on a horizon air employee talking loudly on his cellphone about the sexual harassment claim filed against him during the drug testing incident in medford, whatever that means.
it seems that he is also countersuing for harassment.
unfortunately, he didn't want to say anything else on his phone without legal representation.
however, judging by his creepy moustache and even creepier cowboy boots underneath his uniform, he was drug tested in medford. it was there that he said some even more creepier things to his drug tester, a female, that bordered on flirting. she probably told him to stop. he probably then called her a bitch or worse. she walked out. he thought it was over. then he was served with sexual harassment papers, so he countersued on his own, although there's no weight to his claim.
i'm pretty sure that's what happened. i pieced it together just by looking at the guy, who sorta looked like napoleon dynamite's brother.
can you blame me?
it seems that he is also countersuing for harassment.
unfortunately, he didn't want to say anything else on his phone without legal representation.
however, judging by his creepy moustache and even creepier cowboy boots underneath his uniform, he was drug tested in medford. it was there that he said some even more creepier things to his drug tester, a female, that bordered on flirting. she probably told him to stop. he probably then called her a bitch or worse. she walked out. he thought it was over. then he was served with sexual harassment papers, so he countersued on his own, although there's no weight to his claim.
i'm pretty sure that's what happened. i pieced it together just by looking at the guy, who sorta looked like napoleon dynamite's brother.
can you blame me?
how the more things change, they also stay the same sometimes
i'm almost caught up on "Friday night lights".
after watching matt saracen break down in the shower about his fear of being abandoned, and getting personally choked up about it, it's more than fair to say that very few shows explore the human condition as well as they do.
and after watching the crystal meth dealers fight with the riggins boys, it's fair to say that very few shows are as hokey when they stray from reality.
and after watching 90 minutes of the show, it's fair to say that just 3 minutes of actual football footage is entirely way too little.
after watching matt saracen break down in the shower about his fear of being abandoned, and getting personally choked up about it, it's more than fair to say that very few shows explore the human condition as well as they do.
and after watching the crystal meth dealers fight with the riggins boys, it's fair to say that very few shows are as hokey when they stray from reality.
and after watching 90 minutes of the show, it's fair to say that just 3 minutes of actual football footage is entirely way too little.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
how if you're ever gonna donate to anything, do it for this
this is from my amazing friend tommy:
Hi Everyone,
We had another very successful year in 2007 with our health and happiness and our continued support for the LLS to find a cure. Christine passed her 4 year mark with flying colors and we now have November 13th to look forward to so we can finally utter those words she has shied away from until that day. There are already 15 rooms booked for the cruise and that is going to be a crazy trip in Feb of 2009! We are going to party like its 10 years earlier! (1999)
I've done a lot of different things to help support the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society over he last 4 years and have had good success with the help of many of you reading this right now. While attending a meeting during the end of 2007 though, I was inspired to do something drastically different. (read on:-)
Having been a football player and baseball player my whole life, I NEVER EVER liked to run more than a sprint. Even training for those sports, at most, I'd run 2 to 3 miles and I rarely ever did that. Hey, I'm 250 pounds for goodness sake! Running was always the punishment for going offsides or being late to practice. It made me look at running distance as the perennial punishment! That's all about to change...
On April 26th, I will embark on a life changing event for myself. I've taken on the challenge of running 13.1 miles in the Country Music Half Marathon in Nashville, TN. (Did I mention 13.1 miles of non-stop running!) I've decided to take on this challenge to honor my wife Christine and friend Mike who have fought leukemia and are still fighting the daily battles bone marrow transplants bring. They will both be my honorary teammates for the event.
I'm running as part of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training and have already started my workouts. I've gone from the couch to running at least 2 times a week and I'm starting to build up some endurance. On top of the training I also have a fund-raising goal as part of the program. I promise that if you can help me reach my fund-raising goal, I will train my butt off and make it through the 13.1 miles smiling...or maybe trying to smile.
For those of you who are able to help me with a donation, I'll be sending out regular e-mails on my workout progress. I figure if you're generous enough to donate the money, I'm generous enough to share the description of my agony!
Thanks in advance for any support you can send my way. Wish me luck with the training!
Please help me reach my goal by making an on-line donation here.
Tommy
and if you need a reference on how amazing this is, check out my own marathon for the same amazing inspiration and honorary teammate.
thanks.
Hi Everyone,
We had another very successful year in 2007 with our health and happiness and our continued support for the LLS to find a cure. Christine passed her 4 year mark with flying colors and we now have November 13th to look forward to so we can finally utter those words she has shied away from until that day. There are already 15 rooms booked for the cruise and that is going to be a crazy trip in Feb of 2009! We are going to party like its 10 years earlier! (1999)
I've done a lot of different things to help support the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society over he last 4 years and have had good success with the help of many of you reading this right now. While attending a meeting during the end of 2007 though, I was inspired to do something drastically different. (read on:-)
Having been a football player and baseball player my whole life, I NEVER EVER liked to run more than a sprint. Even training for those sports, at most, I'd run 2 to 3 miles and I rarely ever did that. Hey, I'm 250 pounds for goodness sake! Running was always the punishment for going offsides or being late to practice. It made me look at running distance as the perennial punishment! That's all about to change...
On April 26th, I will embark on a life changing event for myself. I've taken on the challenge of running 13.1 miles in the Country Music Half Marathon in Nashville, TN. (Did I mention 13.1 miles of non-stop running!) I've decided to take on this challenge to honor my wife Christine and friend Mike who have fought leukemia and are still fighting the daily battles bone marrow transplants bring. They will both be my honorary teammates for the event.
I'm running as part of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training and have already started my workouts. I've gone from the couch to running at least 2 times a week and I'm starting to build up some endurance. On top of the training I also have a fund-raising goal as part of the program. I promise that if you can help me reach my fund-raising goal, I will train my butt off and make it through the 13.1 miles smiling...or maybe trying to smile.
For those of you who are able to help me with a donation, I'll be sending out regular e-mails on my workout progress. I figure if you're generous enough to donate the money, I'm generous enough to share the description of my agony!
Thanks in advance for any support you can send my way. Wish me luck with the training!
Please help me reach my goal by making an on-line donation here.
Tommy
and if you need a reference on how amazing this is, check out my own marathon for the same amazing inspiration and honorary teammate.
thanks.
Monday, February 04, 2008
how i seem to be a magnet for all things such
if you know me, you know that i have a high measure of courtesy and respect for others, especially in public spaces. whatever's left of that in society is falling by the wayside nowadays, and it truly bothers me. rude has become the new normal.
and it irks me even more that i seem to be targeted by this movement's biggest offenders.
rewind to saturday. i'm at a funeral for the first lady of steveohville's elderly relative, someone i've never met. sitting right behind me was some older man who didn't shut up during the entire funeral mass. he wasn't talking loud, but he was talking loud enough. and he wasn't saying anything worth hearing. it was more about him and his thoughts. you know, such worthwhile gems like "i'm going to be a practicing catholic today and receive communion" and "my cousin was also born on her birthday". twice i turned around and gave him the "have some respect, you asshat" look. the third time i looked back, i caught his eye and held the stare. that seemed to work.
this morning on my bus, not only did the woman sitting next to me chat on the cellphone about the super bowl (and not really have any idea about what she was talking about), but the person standing near me (or above me) also chatted on his cellphone about a business meeting he was planning for. could these conversations have waited 10 minutes? of course. did they happen on the bus just to torment me? yep.
and then, tonight, a couple talked all the way through a documentary i watched about zinedine zidane. yes, that's right, they held conversations about soccer throughout a movie about soccer. good times.
that's how i'm rolling nowadays, silently stewing.
but you know what? it don't bother me. yeah, that's right. for this week, i am a super bowl champion.
and it irks me even more that i seem to be targeted by this movement's biggest offenders.
rewind to saturday. i'm at a funeral for the first lady of steveohville's elderly relative, someone i've never met. sitting right behind me was some older man who didn't shut up during the entire funeral mass. he wasn't talking loud, but he was talking loud enough. and he wasn't saying anything worth hearing. it was more about him and his thoughts. you know, such worthwhile gems like "i'm going to be a practicing catholic today and receive communion" and "my cousin was also born on her birthday". twice i turned around and gave him the "have some respect, you asshat" look. the third time i looked back, i caught his eye and held the stare. that seemed to work.
this morning on my bus, not only did the woman sitting next to me chat on the cellphone about the super bowl (and not really have any idea about what she was talking about), but the person standing near me (or above me) also chatted on his cellphone about a business meeting he was planning for. could these conversations have waited 10 minutes? of course. did they happen on the bus just to torment me? yep.
and then, tonight, a couple talked all the way through a documentary i watched about zinedine zidane. yes, that's right, they held conversations about soccer throughout a movie about soccer. good times.
that's how i'm rolling nowadays, silently stewing.
but you know what? it don't bother me. yeah, that's right. for this week, i am a super bowl champion.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
how no words can do justice to how i feel
so i'll just sit back and just revel in what i can't believe.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
how i can't wait for the official unveiling on february 16
it's true. a pitcher can say a thousand words, and most of them are unrelentingly joyous.
how 'bout dem apples
the first lady of steveohville alerted me to this, not only because her friend amy got a shout-out, but also because she's also afflicted with the same scenario.
or so she dreams.
or so she dreams.
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