how it costs $17 to cross the street on valentine's day

bet you didn't know that. but it's true. at least, that's what a local florist told me when i tried to order a bouquet for the first lady of steveohville.

the bouquet would have to travel about thirty yards, from the storefront on one side of the street to the other, where her office resides.

hence, $17.

that's the standard fare for valentine's day, they told me.

it would go across the street, i said.

distance doesn't matter, they replied.

so i'd be paying about sixty cents per yard, or about $1.33 per step.

they had no answer. or a sale.

so, the lesson learned is to stay indoors. nothing good could come out of leaving. seriously. you'd be screwed if you did.

how i love the first lady of steveohville, but even she would find this ridiculous

here are my shipping charges from proflowers.com for delivery on valentine's day:

Courier Fuel Surcharge: $1.93
Standard Express Delivery: $9.99
Guaranteed Feb. 14 Delivery: $9.99

no thanks.

i'm not being cheap. i just refuse to be mocked like that.

i'll find other ways to be taken advantage of, thank you.