and here's a bunch of clips from six of his newest films:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6.
Friday, June 29, 2007
how i just experienced the best thing i've ever heard on a bus
and i have to publicly thank timothy taylor of 30th avenue for it.
thank you, timothy taylor.
let me backtrack: i'm on my bus, going home after work. the bus is not overly crowded, but crowded. every seat is taken. i'm reading my book, and mostly everyone is in their own little world. but it is a quiet ride.
mr. taylor decides this would be a fantastic time to break that silence and make a phone call. fine. you know, you'd hope that people would have enough couth and respect to not do that. but that's expecting too much from people nowadays.
and now, it's commonplace.
but i digress.
so mr. taylor called ticketmaster and was asking about packages for the all-star weekend being held here in san francisco. beyond the game, there's a bunch of fan friendly conventions going on, and he wanted two tickets. he asked how quickly he would be able to get his tickets. they said he'd have to retrieve them at the will-call window at the ballpark (i know this, because i could hear her on the other line). he said he'd rather have the tickets sent to him. she said they could only do overnight until monday, and he would have to be there to pick them up; they wouldn't leave it. he said he works and wouldn't be able to be there for them. she mentioned that maybe they could send the tickets to his office. he thought that would be a nice idea.
the tickets cost $54. shipping and handling (including overnight delivery) would cost an extra $19. he did not like this. how much would it cost if i picked them up at will-call? well, just $4. so i would be saving $15 if i did not have them delivered? yes. and that would cost me....$58? yes that would be correct.
okay, i'll do that then.
at this point, my mouth is opened, because, on a crowded bus, full of people who have been listening to his voice because it's the only noise that we hear, he says, and i quote...
"my credit card number is 5424..."
and on he went.
mr. taylor, thank you for your idiocy, and setting a new low for the rest of the world to meet.
thank you, timothy taylor.
let me backtrack: i'm on my bus, going home after work. the bus is not overly crowded, but crowded. every seat is taken. i'm reading my book, and mostly everyone is in their own little world. but it is a quiet ride.
mr. taylor decides this would be a fantastic time to break that silence and make a phone call. fine. you know, you'd hope that people would have enough couth and respect to not do that. but that's expecting too much from people nowadays.
and now, it's commonplace.
but i digress.
so mr. taylor called ticketmaster and was asking about packages for the all-star weekend being held here in san francisco. beyond the game, there's a bunch of fan friendly conventions going on, and he wanted two tickets. he asked how quickly he would be able to get his tickets. they said he'd have to retrieve them at the will-call window at the ballpark (i know this, because i could hear her on the other line). he said he'd rather have the tickets sent to him. she said they could only do overnight until monday, and he would have to be there to pick them up; they wouldn't leave it. he said he works and wouldn't be able to be there for them. she mentioned that maybe they could send the tickets to his office. he thought that would be a nice idea.
the tickets cost $54. shipping and handling (including overnight delivery) would cost an extra $19. he did not like this. how much would it cost if i picked them up at will-call? well, just $4. so i would be saving $15 if i did not have them delivered? yes. and that would cost me....$58? yes that would be correct.
okay, i'll do that then.
at this point, my mouth is opened, because, on a crowded bus, full of people who have been listening to his voice because it's the only noise that we hear, he says, and i quote...
"my credit card number is 5424..."
and on he went.
mr. taylor, thank you for your idiocy, and setting a new low for the rest of the world to meet.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
how i don't get isiah thomas, and because of him, i'm losing my childhood team
upon the knicks trading for zach randolph to play next to eddy curry, this was my first (and still correct) reaction:
we now have two low post scorers who can’t pass the ball out of a double team, and a roster full of players who can’t, won't or don’t know how to feed them.
it's a great deal in fantasy basketball, but the worst possible idea in constructing a team that needs to play together. it makes no sense at all.
we're getting bigger and slower in a league that's getting quicker and smaller. we're matching our center who still hasn't played a lick of defense in his career with a defensively indifferent power forward. also, he's a social malcontent who's been in and out of trouble, and we're dropping him in the biggest city in the world. and we're limiting the playing time of david lee, the one player on the roster who did everything you need to win. and we don't have an outside shooter to take the congestion out of the lane to give them room to operate.
yep.
this really isn't that difficult, isiah. in fact, it's common sense.
it really is.
duh.
because of the sucker in the luxury box, i'm questioning my love for the blue and orange.
i can't believe i just typed that.
we now have two low post scorers who can’t pass the ball out of a double team, and a roster full of players who can’t, won't or don’t know how to feed them.
it's a great deal in fantasy basketball, but the worst possible idea in constructing a team that needs to play together. it makes no sense at all.
we're getting bigger and slower in a league that's getting quicker and smaller. we're matching our center who still hasn't played a lick of defense in his career with a defensively indifferent power forward. also, he's a social malcontent who's been in and out of trouble, and we're dropping him in the biggest city in the world. and we're limiting the playing time of david lee, the one player on the roster who did everything you need to win. and we don't have an outside shooter to take the congestion out of the lane to give them room to operate.
yep.
this really isn't that difficult, isiah. in fact, it's common sense.
it really is.
duh.
because of the sucker in the luxury box, i'm questioning my love for the blue and orange.
i can't believe i just typed that.
how i'm pretty sure this will be the end of professional wrestling
i haven't written anything about the whole chris benoit tragedy, so here goes it.
for people who don't really know wrestling, i'll give you an analogy: if you heard that axl rose murdered his wife and child and then killed himself, you would shrug your head and say, "well, that's axl".
this wasn't axl. in the world of pro wrestling, chris benoit was bono.
so imagine bono doing all that, and you've got why this is even more shocking.
there's going to be tons of coverage about steroids in wrestling and how the wwe's wellness program is really just a weak first step in cleaning it up. and once the ignorant claims of roid rage (which happens over five minutes and doesn't prolong over an entire weekend), the dark and creepy underside of the world of wrestling - the unfettered drug use, the psychological and physical demands of being on the road, the injuries, the strain of keeping in superhuman shape - will be uncovered. and these performers will be lumped together, deserved or not.
and now, beyond the limits of reality and taste that wrestling goes, everything they will do from now on will be even more tainted, as the one guy who nobody questioned, the one guy who seemed like the paragon of what was prideful, was a guy who did the unspeakable. and if he was capable of that, then how could you look at the ones you can't stomach?
i don't think this is a tidal wave that professional wrestling will be able to wade through, especially with ultimate fighting gaining popularity by the minute.
still, it was a good ride.
for people who don't really know wrestling, i'll give you an analogy: if you heard that axl rose murdered his wife and child and then killed himself, you would shrug your head and say, "well, that's axl".
this wasn't axl. in the world of pro wrestling, chris benoit was bono.
so imagine bono doing all that, and you've got why this is even more shocking.
there's going to be tons of coverage about steroids in wrestling and how the wwe's wellness program is really just a weak first step in cleaning it up. and once the ignorant claims of roid rage (which happens over five minutes and doesn't prolong over an entire weekend), the dark and creepy underside of the world of wrestling - the unfettered drug use, the psychological and physical demands of being on the road, the injuries, the strain of keeping in superhuman shape - will be uncovered. and these performers will be lumped together, deserved or not.
and now, beyond the limits of reality and taste that wrestling goes, everything they will do from now on will be even more tainted, as the one guy who nobody questioned, the one guy who seemed like the paragon of what was prideful, was a guy who did the unspeakable. and if he was capable of that, then how could you look at the ones you can't stomach?
i don't think this is a tidal wave that professional wrestling will be able to wade through, especially with ultimate fighting gaining popularity by the minute.
still, it was a good ride.
how i've been meaning to post this
but i've been really busy at work and just haven't had the time.
but now that i do have a second, i feel like jose reyes waiting for shawn green at home plate after his walkoff home run to beat the cardinals.
it's never a bad thing to feel like jose.
but now that i do have a second, i feel like jose reyes waiting for shawn green at home plate after his walkoff home run to beat the cardinals.
it's never a bad thing to feel like jose.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Saturday, June 23, 2007
how those who don't think advertising is an art form need to take a look at this
people throw the word "art" around very easily, even though there are very few things in the world that are truly "artistic".
i mean, people call music "art", but is it really? listen to all the crap that out there. that's not art; it's commerce.
hell, it's the same for film. movie companies throw out so much crap for the sake of a dollar without any care or thought to any artistic integrity. "RV" is not art. sorry. that's commerce.
it's the same for painting and writing and anything else considered an "art" form. just because you write something down doesn't make it art. it's a chemical reaction.
my point is that very little of it is actually art. only a very few of it actually is. "art" is actually a pinnacle. everything else is just filler.
taking in all that, people don't consider advertising in any form to be artistic, and i can't figure out why. the same standards hold up. much like music and film, 97% of what you see is crap. commerce. insulting.
there's no difference, no difference at all.
but that 3%? hot damn.
this viral film for dove won the palme d'or in cannes. if your thoughts aren't provoked and your soul isn't stirred, then maybe you should rethink what art is.
i mean, people call music "art", but is it really? listen to all the crap that out there. that's not art; it's commerce.
hell, it's the same for film. movie companies throw out so much crap for the sake of a dollar without any care or thought to any artistic integrity. "RV" is not art. sorry. that's commerce.
it's the same for painting and writing and anything else considered an "art" form. just because you write something down doesn't make it art. it's a chemical reaction.
my point is that very little of it is actually art. only a very few of it actually is. "art" is actually a pinnacle. everything else is just filler.
taking in all that, people don't consider advertising in any form to be artistic, and i can't figure out why. the same standards hold up. much like music and film, 97% of what you see is crap. commerce. insulting.
there's no difference, no difference at all.
but that 3%? hot damn.
this viral film for dove won the palme d'or in cannes. if your thoughts aren't provoked and your soul isn't stirred, then maybe you should rethink what art is.
Friday, June 22, 2007
how i hope this review will just be about an aberration
i can't believe it took me close to two months to get around to seeing this:
spider-man 3
starring tobey maguire, kirsten dunst, james franco and thomas haden-church
directed by sam raimi
written by alvin sargent
viewed at the metreon imax screen, san francisco, ca
it breaks my heart to admit that the spider-man movie series finally (and sadly) lost its way.
the first two movies were really great. like, really really great. there was such a rich humanity in both of them that, although none of us are superheros, we can relate to the man who was. that was the magic of those spidey comic books that mesmerized me during my youth - all in all, peter parker was just a teenaged kid going through some pretty heavy stuff, the least of which was being bit by a radioactive spider.
and in the first two movies, even the villains, although over-the-top, had a human element to them. norman osborn was a power-hungry scientist that took performance enhancements that drove him crazy (although the real emotional heft in this storyline was manifested in the jealous and vindictive relationship between his son and peter parker).
doc ock was another scientist who was involved in a failed fusion accident that took the life of his beloved wife, and drove him in such a rage that he dedicated his own life to finish the experiment, the world be damned.
you have some of that in this one, too. the sandman was also involved in a scientific accident, but there was a humanity in what made him a villain. after all, he was just a man who made the wrong decisions in an effort to raise money for his sick child.
you don't have to agree with their mindsets, but it's clear where they were coming from. they were humanized.
if they stuck to that, i would have loved it. again, a relatable movie.
but the main focus, or so it seemed, was the black alien venom that overcame spidey, that amplified his bad qualities. the whole storyline seemed forced, from how he coincidentally contracted that, to how it affected him, to his emo haircut, to how it coincidentally found its way to peter parker's enemy - it was just too much. it didn't fit in the series. it just didn't work at all. too many coincidences. too many forced qualities.
it was one storyline too much, and not worth the time.
otherwise, i dug it. the fight scenes were fantastic. and it looked tremendous in most parts. and it still kept much of the charm from the previous two movies.
but the sheen is off, and my heart is breaking.
spider-man 3
starring tobey maguire, kirsten dunst, james franco and thomas haden-church
directed by sam raimi
written by alvin sargent
viewed at the metreon imax screen, san francisco, ca
it breaks my heart to admit that the spider-man movie series finally (and sadly) lost its way.
the first two movies were really great. like, really really great. there was such a rich humanity in both of them that, although none of us are superheros, we can relate to the man who was. that was the magic of those spidey comic books that mesmerized me during my youth - all in all, peter parker was just a teenaged kid going through some pretty heavy stuff, the least of which was being bit by a radioactive spider.
and in the first two movies, even the villains, although over-the-top, had a human element to them. norman osborn was a power-hungry scientist that took performance enhancements that drove him crazy (although the real emotional heft in this storyline was manifested in the jealous and vindictive relationship between his son and peter parker).
doc ock was another scientist who was involved in a failed fusion accident that took the life of his beloved wife, and drove him in such a rage that he dedicated his own life to finish the experiment, the world be damned.
you have some of that in this one, too. the sandman was also involved in a scientific accident, but there was a humanity in what made him a villain. after all, he was just a man who made the wrong decisions in an effort to raise money for his sick child.
you don't have to agree with their mindsets, but it's clear where they were coming from. they were humanized.
if they stuck to that, i would have loved it. again, a relatable movie.
but the main focus, or so it seemed, was the black alien venom that overcame spidey, that amplified his bad qualities. the whole storyline seemed forced, from how he coincidentally contracted that, to how it affected him, to his emo haircut, to how it coincidentally found its way to peter parker's enemy - it was just too much. it didn't fit in the series. it just didn't work at all. too many coincidences. too many forced qualities.
it was one storyline too much, and not worth the time.
otherwise, i dug it. the fight scenes were fantastic. and it looked tremendous in most parts. and it still kept much of the charm from the previous two movies.
but the sheen is off, and my heart is breaking.
how it sure wasn't danger mouse on that cd
i'm down with the whole mashup craze. in fact, one of my favorite albums is "the grey album" by danger mouse, as he took jay-z's "the black album" and mixed it with the beatles' "white album".
beyond that it was gorgeous music, there were two strong concepts behind it. first off, taking icons from the 60s and mixing them with an icon from today. and there's the second, which is how neatly the colors of their albums matched up.
why am i bringing this up? my cabbie was playing a cd of maships tonight during ride home from the movie theater. and they sucked.
as soon as i got in, i was treated with "you're the one that i want" - yep, from "grease" - but mashed-up with doctor dre and snoop dogg.
ummm....what?
to break it down further, olivia newton john + john travolta + the guys who brought you "nuthin' but a 'g' thang" = not really working. actually, it would have been a complete disaster if not for snoop dogg. his voice and flow sounds so great over practically anything that he could take something that doesn't fit (like this) and get it to almost work.
almost.
okay, so that happened. the next mashup was, i shit you not, "pop musik" (pop, pop...pop music) mixed with (i can't believe i'm about to type this) "bring the noise" by public enemy. so i listened to a synthesized song about, well, pop music, but with lyrics about minister louis farrakhan.
yeah, that didn't work either.
my point? it was nothing like this cab ride from years past.
beyond that it was gorgeous music, there were two strong concepts behind it. first off, taking icons from the 60s and mixing them with an icon from today. and there's the second, which is how neatly the colors of their albums matched up.
why am i bringing this up? my cabbie was playing a cd of maships tonight during ride home from the movie theater. and they sucked.
as soon as i got in, i was treated with "you're the one that i want" - yep, from "grease" - but mashed-up with doctor dre and snoop dogg.
ummm....what?
to break it down further, olivia newton john + john travolta + the guys who brought you "nuthin' but a 'g' thang" = not really working. actually, it would have been a complete disaster if not for snoop dogg. his voice and flow sounds so great over practically anything that he could take something that doesn't fit (like this) and get it to almost work.
almost.
okay, so that happened. the next mashup was, i shit you not, "pop musik" (pop, pop...pop music) mixed with (i can't believe i'm about to type this) "bring the noise" by public enemy. so i listened to a synthesized song about, well, pop music, but with lyrics about minister louis farrakhan.
yeah, that didn't work either.
my point? it was nothing like this cab ride from years past.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
how i dread seeing the talent competition
make sure you take the time to vote for the world's ugliest dog at the sonoma-marin fair 2007.
personally, i'm an elwood guy.
personally, i'm an elwood guy.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
how in a different context, some things take on a greater meaning
there's an octogenarian singing group based in new england that performs modern rock songs on stage. seriously. stop laughing. once you get past the novelty, it's actually a quite tender concept. if you live out there, they're called "young at heart" (except with the "at" symbol replacing the spelled out "at" - damn you, blogger).
anyway, here's one of them singing "fix you" by coldplay.
as one of the commentors posted, the song is usually chris martin singing about the future.
however, this version by "youngatheart" was supposed to be a duet. but one of the singers died of a heart attack weeks before the performance. so the lead carried on and sang the song by himself, and without changing any words, it became a reflection about missing people in your lives by someone who has lived his life through.
it's really poignant.
here's them singing "schizophrenia" by sonic youth. i betcha thurston moore and kim gordon really dig it.
and here's a video of them singing "i want to be sedated" by the ramones, although it comes off as really cheesy, to be honest.
still, i wish there were more out there.
anyway, here's one of them singing "fix you" by coldplay.
as one of the commentors posted, the song is usually chris martin singing about the future.
however, this version by "youngatheart" was supposed to be a duet. but one of the singers died of a heart attack weeks before the performance. so the lead carried on and sang the song by himself, and without changing any words, it became a reflection about missing people in your lives by someone who has lived his life through.
it's really poignant.
here's them singing "schizophrenia" by sonic youth. i betcha thurston moore and kim gordon really dig it.
and here's a video of them singing "i want to be sedated" by the ramones, although it comes off as really cheesy, to be honest.
still, i wish there were more out there.
how i am both scared and intrigued by utah
here's a great story about an athlete from BYU who got into an argument with another pedestrian that led into...wait for it, wait for it...a jousting match involving mops.
weird.
even weirder? the provo police captain's name is cliff argyle. and the BYU cross country coach is named ed eyestone.
the player? moppy mopalot.
okay, that last one was false. or was it?
weird.
even weirder? the provo police captain's name is cliff argyle. and the BYU cross country coach is named ed eyestone.
the player? moppy mopalot.
okay, that last one was false. or was it?
Monday, June 18, 2007
how i'm falling in love with a british-jewish r&b singer with a huge drinking problem
if you haven't listened to amy winehouse and her album "back to black", just channel sarah vaughn with the supremes and see where that takes you.
or just watch her two videos, "rehab" and "you know i'm no good", and let your jaw drop.
listen to them at your own risk. contents are addictive.
or just watch her two videos, "rehab" and "you know i'm no good", and let your jaw drop.
listen to them at your own risk. contents are addictive.
how i'm not supposed to laugh
and i'm not sure how this will make me look by typing this, but i have msnbc on right now, and for the first time ever, i'm watching "dateline: to catch a predator". it's disturbing stuff, i gotta admit. yet i'm kinda laughing right now.
okay, i'm not laughing at pedophilia or statutory rape. obviously. let's get that straight. that's not a laughing matter. i know.
but i am laughing how suave and calm chris hansen is when he reads the disgusting dialogue back at these pervs, as if he's reading back supreme court testimony.
and i am laughing at these pervs and all their excuses, and the emaculated look on their faces as they sit there, knowing they've been caught and not being bright enough to get away with it, and how they've never done this before, oh no, sir, this is the first time, i swear.
and i'm laughing when they try to bargain with hansen for some reason, being that he's just a well-dressed man with a clipboard.
i mean, it's not funny, seriously it's not, but...
maybe it's just this batch of pervs.
yes, it's probably just these pervs.
don't think less of me.
i'm never watching this again.
okay, i'm not laughing at pedophilia or statutory rape. obviously. let's get that straight. that's not a laughing matter. i know.
but i am laughing how suave and calm chris hansen is when he reads the disgusting dialogue back at these pervs, as if he's reading back supreme court testimony.
and i am laughing at these pervs and all their excuses, and the emaculated look on their faces as they sit there, knowing they've been caught and not being bright enough to get away with it, and how they've never done this before, oh no, sir, this is the first time, i swear.
and i'm laughing when they try to bargain with hansen for some reason, being that he's just a well-dressed man with a clipboard.
i mean, it's not funny, seriously it's not, but...
maybe it's just this batch of pervs.
yes, it's probably just these pervs.
don't think less of me.
i'm never watching this again.
how i've been slacking with my posts
been busy. so sue me.
here's some links to help you get over it, such as:
- a guy who sinks 70 shots in 35 seconds in pop-a-shot.
- he should meet up with this lebron etch-a-sketch genius.
- a ten-minute chronological look at plane crash in "lost".
- an idiot who drives his prius into the n-judah tunnel in cole valley.
- triumph the insult comic dog at the tony awards for him to poop on.
i hope this makes us square.
here's some links to help you get over it, such as:
- a guy who sinks 70 shots in 35 seconds in pop-a-shot.
- he should meet up with this lebron etch-a-sketch genius.
- a ten-minute chronological look at plane crash in "lost".
- an idiot who drives his prius into the n-judah tunnel in cole valley.
- triumph the insult comic dog at the tony awards for him to poop on.
i hope this makes us square.
how tiger woods turns sport on its head
sports is a way for us to watch amazing people do amazing things. we follow teams, game in and game out, to see what they will do, to see if they can pull it off. to see if they can perform miracles on athletic fields.
amazing people doing amazing things.
but then there's tiger woods who, along with roger federer, is the most dominant athlete of this generation. when he is in the hunt for a major championship, like he was on sunday in the u.s. open, just one stroke behind the leader with one hole to go, it's absolutely must-watch theater. he's one of the few athletes you can't peel your eyes away from.
the difference is that you want to see if he doesn't win.
let me rephrase that: you want to see him win, because with each win, he gets closer to jack nicklaus, and he's given us no reason not to like her.
but he is so dominant, that the drama is to watch him not pull it off. the idea of him losing is so inconceivable, so unbelieveable, the idea that tiger woods can't win, that he can't pull off the possible, that when he doesn't, like he didn't on sunday, now that's mindblowing.
truly amazing.
that is theater.
and that is just amazing, to see if he can't.
there's nobody else out there like that. most people want to see the yankees lose, or floyd mayweather to get his head knocked in. that's a different story.
tiger woods, he's a different animal.
amazing people doing amazing things.
but then there's tiger woods who, along with roger federer, is the most dominant athlete of this generation. when he is in the hunt for a major championship, like he was on sunday in the u.s. open, just one stroke behind the leader with one hole to go, it's absolutely must-watch theater. he's one of the few athletes you can't peel your eyes away from.
the difference is that you want to see if he doesn't win.
let me rephrase that: you want to see him win, because with each win, he gets closer to jack nicklaus, and he's given us no reason not to like her.
but he is so dominant, that the drama is to watch him not pull it off. the idea of him losing is so inconceivable, so unbelieveable, the idea that tiger woods can't win, that he can't pull off the possible, that when he doesn't, like he didn't on sunday, now that's mindblowing.
truly amazing.
that is theater.
and that is just amazing, to see if he can't.
there's nobody else out there like that. most people want to see the yankees lose, or floyd mayweather to get his head knocked in. that's a different story.
tiger woods, he's a different animal.
Friday, June 15, 2007
how maryhanks_2007@libero.it thinks i'm a winner
i am a lucky lucky lucky man to be endowed with winning a lottery such like this, although what doesn't come with my prizes are classes to improve your spelling and grammar.
then again, with all my winnings, i don't need to lern how to spel or rite goode.
yes yes, i am a winner.
bow before me.
verified by an actual e-mail from an actual something:
ATTENTION WINNER!!!
Your participation for this Online loterij was selected from your e-mail domain and your e-mail luckily won a raffle ticket that entered you for this year draw held at the Headquaters today. You have therefore been approved to legally claim a total sum of One Million Euros(1,000.000.00 Euros.).Your e-mail address was attached to a Ticket Number:1327795, Batch: TL/0534/30/06 Reply To file for your claim, please forward the following information(s)below ;
(i) FULL NAMES.
(ii) CITY, STATE AND COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE.
(iii) DIRECT PHONE/FAX NUMBER (STATE PREFERED TIME TO CALL).
(iv) OCCUPATION
(v) BATCH NUMBER
Congratulations from all members and staffs of dayzers loterij promotion.
Best Regards,
Mrs Mary Hanks.
then again, with all my winnings, i don't need to lern how to spel or rite goode.
yes yes, i am a winner.
bow before me.
verified by an actual e-mail from an actual something:
ATTENTION WINNER!!!
Your participation for this Online loterij was selected from your e-mail domain and your e-mail luckily won a raffle ticket that entered you for this year draw held at the Headquaters today. You have therefore been approved to legally claim a total sum of One Million Euros(1,000.000.00 Euros.).Your e-mail address was attached to a Ticket Number:1327795, Batch: TL/0534/30/06 Reply To file for your claim, please forward the following information(s)below ;
(i) FULL NAMES.
(ii) CITY, STATE AND COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE.
(iii) DIRECT PHONE/FAX NUMBER (STATE PREFERED TIME TO CALL).
(iv) OCCUPATION
(v) BATCH NUMBER
Congratulations from all members and staffs of dayzers loterij promotion.
Best Regards,
Mrs Mary Hanks.
how it's been awhile since alter ego steve has made his presence felt
yes, the world-roaming yacht-sailing casanova who mistakenly gives my e-mail address to women across the world has struck again.
new, from some lovelorn lass named kristi smith who lives in a city with a port:
Hi love,
Here's my flight information.
As far as renting a car, we actually switched out of the mustang b/c my dad said he rented one in Miami and the car rides terrible and all we would do is complain, so i'm not quite sure what car were getting now.
In any case, we are still renting a car so we don't need you to pick us up, however, i will need directions from the airport to your house, if you can email me that i would really appreciate it..thanks! :)
I'm so excited!! Can't wait to see you!! :)
xo,
Kristi
new, from some lovelorn lass named kristi smith who lives in a city with a port:
Hi love,
Here's my flight information.
As far as renting a car, we actually switched out of the mustang b/c my dad said he rented one in Miami and the car rides terrible and all we would do is complain, so i'm not quite sure what car were getting now.
In any case, we are still renting a car so we don't need you to pick us up, however, i will need directions from the airport to your house, if you can email me that i would really appreciate it..thanks! :)
I'm so excited!! Can't wait to see you!! :)
xo,
Kristi
Monday, June 11, 2007
how i'm gonna cut to black at the end of this post
nothing has caused as much uproar today than the finale of "the sopranos". hell, even paris hilton admired the hoopla.
anyways, as always, people are complaining about it. and it figures, because the people who complain about it are the people who have no frigging idea what the series was about.
after 86 episodes, most people still think it's somewhere between "donnie brasco" and "goodfellas", jean claude van damme and freddie kreuger, quentin tarantino and tobe hooper. they think it's blood and guts and pepperoni. of course, it's never ever ever been anything close to that. it's just what people want it to be. it's everything they've already seen before, over and over and over again.
simply, they want "the sopranos" to be "cleaver".
but that's entirely not what the best dramatic series ever made was created to be. it's about mob boss tony soprano, and the unsettling dichotomies of his life: his family at home and his family at work, trying to do right while continuing to do wrong, dealing with his mommy issues while being the head of a crime family. he just happened to be in the mafia. he could've been a corporate executive, but a mob boss was just so much more interesting. but no matter what his profession was, it's about how life doesn't always resolve itself, how life might be unrewarding, how life is always left unsettled.
this last season wasn't about new york against new jersey in a bloody battle for mafia supremacy. no, it was about tony dealing with all these issues in his life, right after almost losing his own. going through each episode this season, he dealt with his mortality, his perceptions, his paranoia, his vices, his fatherhood, his relief, his anger and his fear. after all, the premise was about a mobster going to therapy to deal with what's going on, right? the ducks made him feel sad. he wanted to talk about it. he went to therapy. and from there, we began to see how unsettled his life really was.
and, in the finale, he settled everything.
he gave paulie his just due.
he realized that meadow's choice of career was perfect.
he was finally able to put a.j. in the right path (for now).
he made his peace with silvio.
he made an allegiance with agent harris.
he said his peace with his sister.
he and carmela were not perfect, but about as tight as they can possibly get.
he realized that uncle junior was suffering a fate far worse than a bullet can give.
he told off a therapist.
he got his revenge on phil leotardo.
hell, the people who are complaining about how open-ended the finale just don't get it. who's the head of the new york crime family? who cares. what's gonna happen to A.J? doesn't matter. what about the indictments? irrelevant.
it's all about how tony deals with stuff. and, in the finale, he dealt with them all.
always was about that. never changed. and it stayed true.
like i said, it's the only show in the history of television that people avidly follow and have absolutely no idea what they're watching.
it's amazing, really.
and that last scene, oh that last scene. well, david chase is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't, isn't he? i mean, if he kills tony, then the people who want him alive will bitch about it. and if he doesn't kill him, then vice versa. and the people who are complaining for some sort of definite answer just really wanted to see brains spilling out of ears, whether they were tony's or a.j.'s or who else's.
but, instead, in the most dramatic scene ever written, acted, edited and directed, we are made to feel tony's life, how everyone could be a killer, how even a nice simple dinner at a diner could be something rich in horror and complexity, and how no matter tony wants to look at his life, there's nothing but death or prison to look forward to.
and when we suddenly cut to black, we don't know whether it was just meadow coming through the front door or cold hard murder. so...if you want him dead, so be it. if you want him alive, it's all you.
you know, it's a dichotomy.
in the past three weeks, we've seen chrissy dead from a bloody car accident, tony curbing a guy on the base of a toilet, bobby bacala killed in the best filmed murder scene ever, silvio comatose from a bullet-ridden attack and phil leotardo's helmet blasted and crushed, and people wanted more? seriously?
so as the fans of "cleaver" sit back and gripe about how nothing was resolved though bloodshed and decapitation, i'm just gonna sit back and soak in how awesomely they settled just about everything, a perfect ending for a series about how the dichotomies of life can make you unsettled.
and for the record, i think he's dead. after all, tony told bobby bacala all about it while fishing that “when it all ends, you never see it coming, it goes to black and silence...”
cut to black.
anyways, as always, people are complaining about it. and it figures, because the people who complain about it are the people who have no frigging idea what the series was about.
after 86 episodes, most people still think it's somewhere between "donnie brasco" and "goodfellas", jean claude van damme and freddie kreuger, quentin tarantino and tobe hooper. they think it's blood and guts and pepperoni. of course, it's never ever ever been anything close to that. it's just what people want it to be. it's everything they've already seen before, over and over and over again.
simply, they want "the sopranos" to be "cleaver".
but that's entirely not what the best dramatic series ever made was created to be. it's about mob boss tony soprano, and the unsettling dichotomies of his life: his family at home and his family at work, trying to do right while continuing to do wrong, dealing with his mommy issues while being the head of a crime family. he just happened to be in the mafia. he could've been a corporate executive, but a mob boss was just so much more interesting. but no matter what his profession was, it's about how life doesn't always resolve itself, how life might be unrewarding, how life is always left unsettled.
this last season wasn't about new york against new jersey in a bloody battle for mafia supremacy. no, it was about tony dealing with all these issues in his life, right after almost losing his own. going through each episode this season, he dealt with his mortality, his perceptions, his paranoia, his vices, his fatherhood, his relief, his anger and his fear. after all, the premise was about a mobster going to therapy to deal with what's going on, right? the ducks made him feel sad. he wanted to talk about it. he went to therapy. and from there, we began to see how unsettled his life really was.
and, in the finale, he settled everything.
he gave paulie his just due.
he realized that meadow's choice of career was perfect.
he was finally able to put a.j. in the right path (for now).
he made his peace with silvio.
he made an allegiance with agent harris.
he said his peace with his sister.
he and carmela were not perfect, but about as tight as they can possibly get.
he realized that uncle junior was suffering a fate far worse than a bullet can give.
he told off a therapist.
he got his revenge on phil leotardo.
hell, the people who are complaining about how open-ended the finale just don't get it. who's the head of the new york crime family? who cares. what's gonna happen to A.J? doesn't matter. what about the indictments? irrelevant.
it's all about how tony deals with stuff. and, in the finale, he dealt with them all.
always was about that. never changed. and it stayed true.
like i said, it's the only show in the history of television that people avidly follow and have absolutely no idea what they're watching.
it's amazing, really.
and that last scene, oh that last scene. well, david chase is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't, isn't he? i mean, if he kills tony, then the people who want him alive will bitch about it. and if he doesn't kill him, then vice versa. and the people who are complaining for some sort of definite answer just really wanted to see brains spilling out of ears, whether they were tony's or a.j.'s or who else's.
but, instead, in the most dramatic scene ever written, acted, edited and directed, we are made to feel tony's life, how everyone could be a killer, how even a nice simple dinner at a diner could be something rich in horror and complexity, and how no matter tony wants to look at his life, there's nothing but death or prison to look forward to.
and when we suddenly cut to black, we don't know whether it was just meadow coming through the front door or cold hard murder. so...if you want him dead, so be it. if you want him alive, it's all you.
you know, it's a dichotomy.
in the past three weeks, we've seen chrissy dead from a bloody car accident, tony curbing a guy on the base of a toilet, bobby bacala killed in the best filmed murder scene ever, silvio comatose from a bullet-ridden attack and phil leotardo's helmet blasted and crushed, and people wanted more? seriously?
so as the fans of "cleaver" sit back and gripe about how nothing was resolved though bloodshed and decapitation, i'm just gonna sit back and soak in how awesomely they settled just about everything, a perfect ending for a series about how the dichotomies of life can make you unsettled.
and for the record, i think he's dead. after all, tony told bobby bacala all about it while fishing that “when it all ends, you never see it coming, it goes to black and silence...”
cut to black.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
how this may or may not be a double feature i'd be intererested in
from sfgate.com.
Coming to a theater near you: As of Friday, the Balboa's marquee will feature "The Rape of Europa" and "Knocked Up."
only in san francisco.
Coming to a theater near you: As of Friday, the Balboa's marquee will feature "The Rape of Europa" and "Knocked Up."
only in san francisco.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
how this is my 1,000th post
i would like to thank everyone who's read all of them, some of them, a couple of them or just one of them.
i don't know why i write this blog. i get nothing out of it other than the counter keeps moving up, and although i don't know who's reading, i do hope that they're laughing.
so, it is with great pride that i give you something that raised unintentional comedy to the highest art form: "welcome to my home" with brenda dickson, parts one and two.
it's everything that the internet was invented for. and it's the high bar this blog will aim for in the next thousand posts.
enjoy. and thank you.
i don't know why i write this blog. i get nothing out of it other than the counter keeps moving up, and although i don't know who's reading, i do hope that they're laughing.
so, it is with great pride that i give you something that raised unintentional comedy to the highest art form: "welcome to my home" with brenda dickson, parts one and two.
it's everything that the internet was invented for. and it's the high bar this blog will aim for in the next thousand posts.
enjoy. and thank you.
how it's safe to go back into the water
Hello,
Your blog has been reviewed, verified, and cleared for regular use so that it will no longer appear as potential spam. If you sign out of Blogger and sign back in again, you should be able to post as normal. Thanks for your patience, and we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.
Sincerely,
The Blogger Team
we now return to your regularly scheduled sarcasm.
Your blog has been reviewed, verified, and cleared for regular use so that it will no longer appear as potential spam. If you sign out of Blogger and sign back in again, you should be able to post as normal. Thanks for your patience, and we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.
Sincerely,
The Blogger Team
we now return to your regularly scheduled sarcasm.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
how it's a shame that NBA teams are left in the hands of mental midgets
i'm currently watching game 6 of the cavs-pistons series. the only reason i'm torturing myself through this is because i'm watching it on this.
the sports guy wrote a hilarious article today about how incompetent the coaches are in this series. and i gotta say, in high definition, their complete lack of intelligence and savvy is staggering.
allow me to rant.
cleveland runs two plays: clear out for lebron, and lebron/varejao pick and roll (hold the roll). in actuality, they are not bad plays. they've got nothing on that team. okay, you're completely eliminating lebron's greatest skill (his passing), but other than him, this team is atrocious. he's your only hope.
okay, it's the fourth quarter, so the call is to...wait for it, wait for it...clear out for lebron, and detroit counters by playing him straight up. of which lebron counters by dunking it in their grills. over and over and over and over and over again. every so often, for variety's sake, they run the pick and roll, and when varejao rolls, his defender follows him to the hoop.
why would the pistons follow varejao? i don't know. he's not getting the ball. you would double lebron right? right? anyone?
so, okay, he's on fire and he's abusing his defenders. detroit refuses to double. so they should go zone, right? i mean, you want the other guys to shoot, right? why not pack the lane and force lebron to dish once he gets past his defender? makes sense, no?
no. just one dunk after the other, practically unimpeded. one on one. they're inviting lebron to abuse them.
while this one man offensive avalanche is happening (with a golden invitation by flip saunders), mike brown (the "coach" of the cavs) is substituting offense for defense. why? your offense is lebron going 1 on 1. he IS your offense. why are you substituting at all? shouldn't you just keep your best defensive players in the game? why put yourself at risk of not having your best defensive ballplayers in at the end of the game? your best "offensive" players are just standing around. your best defensive players can do that too, right? right?
finally, after 16 straight dunks or so, the pistons decide that it might be a good idea to leave varejao alone on the pick and roll and double lebron. i know. genius.
so what does mike brown do? yep, you called it. keep on calling these insignificant pick and rolls (hold the roll). so, for no offensive advantage, he's basically giving the pistons a reason to double lebron. yes, he's inviting his own unstoppable one man offense to give up the ball. you know, because if he doesn't call the pick and roll (hold the roll), there's no double team. it would just be lebron and his man on an island.
by now, my throat is sore.
okay, there's 30 seconds left in overtime and we're tied. the cavs got the ball and just one timeout, so they burn it. why? for what? to set up lebron clear out? to set up lebron pick and roll (hold the roll)? to put in your offensive players so they can stand around? c'mon! you've got two plays. pick one. by burning the timeout now, you lose the reason to have timeouts: the ability to advance the ball to halfcourt if you get the last shot.
i repeat: by calling a meaningless timeout, you're forfeiting the ability to advance the ball to halfcourt later. and yep, that's what happened.
honestly, it's not as much of a basketball game as much of a comedy show right now.
lebron drive. lebron, pick and roll, (hold the roll). detroit doing nothing to stop him. his coach doing nothing to help him. 29 points in the 4th quarter and 2 overtimes, all done by calling two plays. hey, this is the nba.
the headlines will be all about lebron, and he was amazing. truly amazing. this was the performance the world was waiting for.
but it wouldn't have been without the combined amazing incompetence of their coaches involved.
the sports guy wrote a hilarious article today about how incompetent the coaches are in this series. and i gotta say, in high definition, their complete lack of intelligence and savvy is staggering.
allow me to rant.
cleveland runs two plays: clear out for lebron, and lebron/varejao pick and roll (hold the roll). in actuality, they are not bad plays. they've got nothing on that team. okay, you're completely eliminating lebron's greatest skill (his passing), but other than him, this team is atrocious. he's your only hope.
okay, it's the fourth quarter, so the call is to...wait for it, wait for it...clear out for lebron, and detroit counters by playing him straight up. of which lebron counters by dunking it in their grills. over and over and over and over and over again. every so often, for variety's sake, they run the pick and roll, and when varejao rolls, his defender follows him to the hoop.
why would the pistons follow varejao? i don't know. he's not getting the ball. you would double lebron right? right? anyone?
so, okay, he's on fire and he's abusing his defenders. detroit refuses to double. so they should go zone, right? i mean, you want the other guys to shoot, right? why not pack the lane and force lebron to dish once he gets past his defender? makes sense, no?
no. just one dunk after the other, practically unimpeded. one on one. they're inviting lebron to abuse them.
while this one man offensive avalanche is happening (with a golden invitation by flip saunders), mike brown (the "coach" of the cavs) is substituting offense for defense. why? your offense is lebron going 1 on 1. he IS your offense. why are you substituting at all? shouldn't you just keep your best defensive players in the game? why put yourself at risk of not having your best defensive ballplayers in at the end of the game? your best "offensive" players are just standing around. your best defensive players can do that too, right? right?
finally, after 16 straight dunks or so, the pistons decide that it might be a good idea to leave varejao alone on the pick and roll and double lebron. i know. genius.
so what does mike brown do? yep, you called it. keep on calling these insignificant pick and rolls (hold the roll). so, for no offensive advantage, he's basically giving the pistons a reason to double lebron. yes, he's inviting his own unstoppable one man offense to give up the ball. you know, because if he doesn't call the pick and roll (hold the roll), there's no double team. it would just be lebron and his man on an island.
by now, my throat is sore.
okay, there's 30 seconds left in overtime and we're tied. the cavs got the ball and just one timeout, so they burn it. why? for what? to set up lebron clear out? to set up lebron pick and roll (hold the roll)? to put in your offensive players so they can stand around? c'mon! you've got two plays. pick one. by burning the timeout now, you lose the reason to have timeouts: the ability to advance the ball to halfcourt if you get the last shot.
i repeat: by calling a meaningless timeout, you're forfeiting the ability to advance the ball to halfcourt later. and yep, that's what happened.
honestly, it's not as much of a basketball game as much of a comedy show right now.
lebron drive. lebron, pick and roll, (hold the roll). detroit doing nothing to stop him. his coach doing nothing to help him. 29 points in the 4th quarter and 2 overtimes, all done by calling two plays. hey, this is the nba.
the headlines will be all about lebron, and he was amazing. truly amazing. this was the performance the world was waiting for.
but it wouldn't have been without the combined amazing incompetence of their coaches involved.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
how paradise can't last longer than a couple of short moments
i spent friday night buying the best HD LCD TV on the market.
i spent saturday morning waiting for it to be delivered.
i spent saturday noon watching the delivery guys install it and calibrate the colors to fit my apartment, while i wondered if 40" is indeed too big for my octagon of a room.
i spent saturday afternoon shopping for a proper entertainment center to showcase this beauty.
i spent saturday night assembling it and rewiring the cables.
i spent early sunday morning enjoying the picture with everything i have in my body and retinas.
i fell asleep.
i awoke sunday morning and hit "guide" and watched the channels scroll at the speed of a slot machine on human growth hormones.
i spent sunday afternoon making sure everything was plugged in correctly.
i spent sunday night on the phone with comcast, complaining that i just bought a HD TV but i can't choose what to watch because the guide feature won't slow down for me. they zapped the box, but nothing happened. i changed the batteries, but that didn't work either. i snapped my fingers like the fonz. no go.
i'm now awaiting for thursday morning's visit from the comcast man.
until then, i have to go online, check out comcast's online listing of current tv shows, pick what i want to watch, type in the numbers on my remote and then watch it. also, i can't watch anything on my DVR or on demand because it scrolls way too fast for me to choose and stop.
so, simply put, watching TV on my brand new work of art is suddenly a huge painful chore.
awesome. predicatable.
i spent saturday morning waiting for it to be delivered.
i spent saturday noon watching the delivery guys install it and calibrate the colors to fit my apartment, while i wondered if 40" is indeed too big for my octagon of a room.
i spent saturday afternoon shopping for a proper entertainment center to showcase this beauty.
i spent saturday night assembling it and rewiring the cables.
i spent early sunday morning enjoying the picture with everything i have in my body and retinas.
i fell asleep.
i awoke sunday morning and hit "guide" and watched the channels scroll at the speed of a slot machine on human growth hormones.
i spent sunday afternoon making sure everything was plugged in correctly.
i spent sunday night on the phone with comcast, complaining that i just bought a HD TV but i can't choose what to watch because the guide feature won't slow down for me. they zapped the box, but nothing happened. i changed the batteries, but that didn't work either. i snapped my fingers like the fonz. no go.
i'm now awaiting for thursday morning's visit from the comcast man.
until then, i have to go online, check out comcast's online listing of current tv shows, pick what i want to watch, type in the numbers on my remote and then watch it. also, i can't watch anything on my DVR or on demand because it scrolls way too fast for me to choose and stop.
so, simply put, watching TV on my brand new work of art is suddenly a huge painful chore.
awesome. predicatable.
Friday, May 25, 2007
how to give you the best of what i've seen recently
that would be a friday night link dump.
and this is as good of a time as any, considering i've been lame with the postings recently.
so forgive me with the good tidings of an excellent "david blaine street magic" parody, the finest "star spangled banner" screwup i've ever experienced (and wait for the ending), a painful demo guide for microsoft windows 95 starring two of sitcom comedy's biggest personalities, fox news finds an "expert" who is actually crazier than bill o'reilley, the brilliant conan o'brien visiting intel, two incredibly different masters (tony bennett and doug e. fresh) performing their art on "american idol" and, last but not least, the disappointing but still funny final episode from season one of "chad vader".
and this is as good of a time as any, considering i've been lame with the postings recently.
so forgive me with the good tidings of an excellent "david blaine street magic" parody, the finest "star spangled banner" screwup i've ever experienced (and wait for the ending), a painful demo guide for microsoft windows 95 starring two of sitcom comedy's biggest personalities, fox news finds an "expert" who is actually crazier than bill o'reilley, the brilliant conan o'brien visiting intel, two incredibly different masters (tony bennett and doug e. fresh) performing their art on "american idol" and, last but not least, the disappointing but still funny final episode from season one of "chad vader".
how i went there, oh yes, i went there
behold the 40 inch 1080p LCD full HDTV with integrated ATSC tuner that i just welcomed to my family.
although i bought the floor model that was only there for two days (so it was basically warmed up), and i got it for about $800 less than the ticketed price.
and that caused me to purchase the three year warranty for $450, which came complete with free installation, a monster cable and a cleaning kit.
and that still didn't add up to the listed retail price.
allow me to make the introduction: ass meet couch. couch meet ass.
although i bought the floor model that was only there for two days (so it was basically warmed up), and i got it for about $800 less than the ticketed price.
and that caused me to purchase the three year warranty for $450, which came complete with free installation, a monster cable and a cleaning kit.
and that still didn't add up to the listed retail price.
allow me to make the introduction: ass meet couch. couch meet ass.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
how i found this in my junk mail folder
From: ChristianDebtRemovers
Sent: Friday, May 25, 2007 4:54 PM
Subject: Are you a Christian and in debt?
why do you have to be christian to be eligible to have your debt removed? because jews already know what to do? because buddhists would find it enlightening? because atheists don't acknowledge the existence of money?
and why did i get this e-mail?
jesus christ almighty.
Sent: Friday, May 25, 2007 4:54 PM
Subject: Are you a Christian and in debt?
why do you have to be christian to be eligible to have your debt removed? because jews already know what to do? because buddhists would find it enlightening? because atheists don't acknowledge the existence of money?
and why did i get this e-mail?
jesus christ almighty.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
how my hometown never ceases to amaze
a parent is suing a little league from my hometown for not teaching thier son how to slide properly, causing him to get injured.
yep. you read that right. it's a good lesson to teach their son, who under their guidance will grow up to be an incredible pussy.
well, at least it's not parents brawling during a game.
then again, it's only may. the guidos are just warming up their jabbing arms.
yep. you read that right. it's a good lesson to teach their son, who under their guidance will grow up to be an incredible pussy.
well, at least it's not parents brawling during a game.
then again, it's only may. the guidos are just warming up their jabbing arms.
Monday, May 21, 2007
how 24 could not have been any more predictable this season
which is insane, considering how ridiculous the whole thing is.
well, at least we found one thing jack bauer couldn't save.
although that was one really kick ass final scene.
well, at least we found one thing jack bauer couldn't save.
although that was one really kick ass final scene.
how this was the funniest thing i've heard in a coffeehouse ever
cute girl walks to counter.
CUTE GIRL: can i have two oreos? (they sell oreos by the oreo for a quarter each)
CASHIER: sure. would you like them to go?
cute girl thinks about it.
CUTE GIRL: yes i do, because i'm curious about the packaging.
steve laughs.
CUTE GIRL: can i have two oreos? (they sell oreos by the oreo for a quarter each)
CASHIER: sure. would you like them to go?
cute girl thinks about it.
CUTE GIRL: yes i do, because i'm curious about the packaging.
steve laughs.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
how i'm gonna have to install more shelving in my closet
yeah, you all know i'm always on the hunt for the finest t-shirts around. and with the advent of this thing they call "the web", which is now world wide, my collection has gone from a curiosity to an obsession.
an obsession of cleverness, that is.
here's three that will soon adorn my pectoral region (pectorals not included):
an obsession of cleverness, that is.
here's three that will soon adorn my pectoral region (pectorals not included):
Thursday, May 17, 2007
how i'm five listens in, and i'm completely overwhelmed
i just picked up the new wilco album "sky blue sky" this afternoon.
and suddenly. just hours later, i am an addict.
it's a completely amazing album coming from a completely amazing band, probably the best living american band around. it's just musically triumphant and somewhat intimidating from a creative standpoint.
let me take a step back. it's not their most creative album. "a ghost is born" is, by far. but it is their most focused. and i just feel there's such a greater achievement in staying creative and disciplined.
"summerteeth" might have more hooky songs. "yankee hotel foxtrot" might be more inspired. "being there" might be more energetic.
but i swear, this album just got me, shook me, captured me, from the opening line of "maybe the sun will shine today" to the very last "you and i will try to make it better yet", it's actually an uplifting album - which is strange to hear, considering the natural pain heard through jeff tweedy's voice. i think, actually, that makes it seem more uplifting that through it all, the clouds are parting.
i listened to it while writing my screenplay at my coffeehouse. in fact, i went through the entire album three times. sometimes, writing is just a wave you ride as long as you can. tonight, this album carried me. tonight i had breakthroughs. maybe i would have had them anyways. maybe not. it just set the right mood, you know?
i've been reading reviews of the album. the funny thing is that wilco are held in such high regard, that although the albums are praised endlessly, they are also criticized for what they aren't, or what everyone expected them to be. this album isn't any different. for every 4 out of 5 stars comes a list of complaints. a band this creative and complicated that makes an album this simple just opens themselves up for criticisms.
but of everything i read, no description sums it up as accurately as this:
this is the eagles album that the eagles wished they made,
what else can be said?
the album is free to listen to here though a streaming audiocast. i urge you to give it a chance. just be prepared for the repercussions.
and suddenly. just hours later, i am an addict.
it's a completely amazing album coming from a completely amazing band, probably the best living american band around. it's just musically triumphant and somewhat intimidating from a creative standpoint.
let me take a step back. it's not their most creative album. "a ghost is born" is, by far. but it is their most focused. and i just feel there's such a greater achievement in staying creative and disciplined.
"summerteeth" might have more hooky songs. "yankee hotel foxtrot" might be more inspired. "being there" might be more energetic.
but i swear, this album just got me, shook me, captured me, from the opening line of "maybe the sun will shine today" to the very last "you and i will try to make it better yet", it's actually an uplifting album - which is strange to hear, considering the natural pain heard through jeff tweedy's voice. i think, actually, that makes it seem more uplifting that through it all, the clouds are parting.
i listened to it while writing my screenplay at my coffeehouse. in fact, i went through the entire album three times. sometimes, writing is just a wave you ride as long as you can. tonight, this album carried me. tonight i had breakthroughs. maybe i would have had them anyways. maybe not. it just set the right mood, you know?
i've been reading reviews of the album. the funny thing is that wilco are held in such high regard, that although the albums are praised endlessly, they are also criticized for what they aren't, or what everyone expected them to be. this album isn't any different. for every 4 out of 5 stars comes a list of complaints. a band this creative and complicated that makes an album this simple just opens themselves up for criticisms.
but of everything i read, no description sums it up as accurately as this:
this is the eagles album that the eagles wished they made,
what else can be said?
the album is free to listen to here though a streaming audiocast. i urge you to give it a chance. just be prepared for the repercussions.
how this is not shallow, this is the opposite of shallow, this is emotionally magnificent
easily the funniest thing that michael scott ever said, and trust me, that's a mighty long list.
in fact, that might have overtaken "treat every week like it's shark week" as my favorite scripted line all year.
in fact, that might have overtaken "treat every week like it's shark week" as my favorite scripted line all year.
how bragging rights now has a color scheme
i just read about this on metsblog.com, and i think this is a fantastic idea.
News: Subway Series In Lights
Paul Bodi of MLB.com reports for the first time in its history, the Empire State Building will split its tower lights.
According to Bodi, starting Friday night the famous New York City landmark will be lit in Mets blue and orange on the east and west sides of the building, while the north and south sides will be lit in Yankees' blue and white.
Bodi also notes the team who wins the series will have their colors displayed on all fours sides on Monday.
that means orange and blue.
dress accordingly.
News: Subway Series In Lights
Paul Bodi of MLB.com reports for the first time in its history, the Empire State Building will split its tower lights.
According to Bodi, starting Friday night the famous New York City landmark will be lit in Mets blue and orange on the east and west sides of the building, while the north and south sides will be lit in Yankees' blue and white.
Bodi also notes the team who wins the series will have their colors displayed on all fours sides on Monday.
that means orange and blue.
dress accordingly.
how this weekend always brings out the best of san francisco
of course, i'm talking about "bay to breakers", the annual race/walk/parade from the bay to the ocean that brings out the very best of this great city. and by best, i mean the things that makes this city completely colorful, insane, unique and hilarious.
of course, i'm running it. and i just got my confirmation e-mail, and it lists everything you shouldn't do.
which is everything everyone does.
here goes the list of restrictions - or, like i said, invitations:
Restrictions:
Only registered participants will be admitted to the Start and Finish areas. For everyone's safety and enjoyment, NO ALCOHOL, NUDITY, pets, roller blades, skateboards, bicycles, or plastic bags for warm-ups are allowed on course. Wheeled objects and over-sized costumes must line up at the back.
And remember, RUNNERS to the LEFT, WALKERS to the RIGHT.
yep.
of course, i'm running it. and i just got my confirmation e-mail, and it lists everything you shouldn't do.
which is everything everyone does.
here goes the list of restrictions - or, like i said, invitations:
Restrictions:
Only registered participants will be admitted to the Start and Finish areas. For everyone's safety and enjoyment, NO ALCOHOL, NUDITY, pets, roller blades, skateboards, bicycles, or plastic bags for warm-ups are allowed on course. Wheeled objects and over-sized costumes must line up at the back.
And remember, RUNNERS to the LEFT, WALKERS to the RIGHT.
yep.
Monday, May 14, 2007
how i learned this while staring out the window of a city bus on my way home
pay phones are used only by homeless people.
that's why they're always asking for change.
think about it. i'm right.
that's why they're always asking for change.
think about it. i'm right.
how sometimes the answer is in the obvious
nbc is mired in last place for network ratings.
so, when faced with this dilemma, what do they do? do something different? pick shows based off creative, radical ideas? try to find something nobody's ever seen before?
nah, that's silly.
so they did what's expected: regurgitate.
so just when you think you couldn't put out any more crap on tv, here's a press release about nbc's new schedule from cnn.com. go ahead, try to find the original idea in their plans. i can't:
Since it found an audience this season with superpowered stars, NBC will remake "Bionic Woman" with Michelle Ryan in the title role.
New series "Journeyman" is about a San Francisco newspaper reporter who travels through time to alter people's lives, and "Chuck" is a thriller about a computer geek who becomes a government agent after spy secrets are embedded in his brain.
Brooke Shields headlines an hour-long series about three high-powered women friends, a script from "Sex and the City" author Candace Bushnell.
NBC's other new series, "Life," is a drama about a detective given a second chance after spending years in prison for a crime he didn't commit.
Illustrating the difficulties in introducing new comedies, NBC said it will have only one new sitcom next season -- and it didn't even earn a spot on the fall schedule. "The IT Crowd" is about a group of people who work in technical services at a large corporation.
so, when faced with this dilemma, what do they do? do something different? pick shows based off creative, radical ideas? try to find something nobody's ever seen before?
nah, that's silly.
so they did what's expected: regurgitate.
so just when you think you couldn't put out any more crap on tv, here's a press release about nbc's new schedule from cnn.com. go ahead, try to find the original idea in their plans. i can't:
Since it found an audience this season with superpowered stars, NBC will remake "Bionic Woman" with Michelle Ryan in the title role.
New series "Journeyman" is about a San Francisco newspaper reporter who travels through time to alter people's lives, and "Chuck" is a thriller about a computer geek who becomes a government agent after spy secrets are embedded in his brain.
Brooke Shields headlines an hour-long series about three high-powered women friends, a script from "Sex and the City" author Candace Bushnell.
NBC's other new series, "Life," is a drama about a detective given a second chance after spending years in prison for a crime he didn't commit.
Illustrating the difficulties in introducing new comedies, NBC said it will have only one new sitcom next season -- and it didn't even earn a spot on the fall schedule. "The IT Crowd" is about a group of people who work in technical services at a large corporation.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
how you don't get comedy like this with other drugs
i know there's a big uproar over the double standard caused by this cop not losing his job, but his hilarious paranoia on his urgent 911 call after eating confiscated pot brownies is absolutely one for the record books. the great comedians of the future will spend months and years studying this perfect storm of unintentional comedy.
and people don't want to legalize this?
and people don't want to legalize this?
Saturday, May 12, 2007
how i need an official ruling on this
on the way back home from my local cofffeehouse, bookstore and walgreens, i went to my local chinese restaurant to order some takeout for dinner. it's called spices II, and although it's located a block from my house, i've never eaten there.
i go to the counter and order a chicken and corn soup and also the chef's special chow mein with chicken, pork and shrimp, all to go. it cost me $15. i gave them a $20. and i put down a $3 tip.
wait, whoa there, steve, it's takeout. you don't normally tip for takeout.
right.
but the two college aged girls behind the counter who took my order and delivered my food were incredibly hot. so incredibly hot. like it was a joke how hot they were. and they were just impeccably dressed on top of being absolutely gorgeous. like stunningly gorgeous.
did i mention how hot they were?
so i tipped them $3, which is just a tad more than the industry standard of 15%.
look, i didn't tip them $20. that would be wrong, right? and that would be uncomfortable. that would offer up questions that would require answers that would make them blush and/or alert their knife-wielding friends from the kitchen.
but i should tip them, right? i mean, they are in the service industry. their service, and that includes appearance, was flawless. if they weren't that hot, i wouldn't have tipped them.
how wrong does this all sound?
and, most importantly, how big of a perv does this make me?
i go to the counter and order a chicken and corn soup and also the chef's special chow mein with chicken, pork and shrimp, all to go. it cost me $15. i gave them a $20. and i put down a $3 tip.
wait, whoa there, steve, it's takeout. you don't normally tip for takeout.
right.
but the two college aged girls behind the counter who took my order and delivered my food were incredibly hot. so incredibly hot. like it was a joke how hot they were. and they were just impeccably dressed on top of being absolutely gorgeous. like stunningly gorgeous.
did i mention how hot they were?
so i tipped them $3, which is just a tad more than the industry standard of 15%.
look, i didn't tip them $20. that would be wrong, right? and that would be uncomfortable. that would offer up questions that would require answers that would make them blush and/or alert their knife-wielding friends from the kitchen.
but i should tip them, right? i mean, they are in the service industry. their service, and that includes appearance, was flawless. if they weren't that hot, i wouldn't have tipped them.
how wrong does this all sound?
and, most importantly, how big of a perv does this make me?
how there are few things i've seen as sublimely and ridiculously athletic
as when baron davis threw it down on andre kirilenko during game 3 of the warriors-jazz playoffs.
my eyes have yet to return to their eye sockets.
my eyes have yet to return to their eye sockets.
how i need to turn in my masculinity badge
my friend told me about this video and i figured there's no way in hell that i'd find it funny.
but guess what? steverino's wrong again.
please don't judge me.
but guess what? steverino's wrong again.
please don't judge me.
how i've lost a very big part of my san francisco life, and another is slowly slipping away
today i took a bus ride to the inner sunset, and saw, with my very own eyes for the first time, an empty canvas cafe. i did most of my best writing there, and was entertained for hours by terrible stand-up comedy, even worse open mic nights and cliched poetry readings. it never failed to entertain me or inspire me.
i'm gonna miss it terribly.
tonight, i just learned that another place dear to my heart will be closing.
when i first moved to san francisco, i lived in a crazy house. it was so crazy that, for the first time in recorded history, the sanest person who lived there was an actress.
i really didn't want to go home after work, so i would stop in at john barleycorn, a quiet old-fashioned bar on larkin between california and sacramento. it was right off the cable car line, and they poured the finest black and tan this side of ireland. the bartender was a very nice man who was born to tend bar. they had an old wurlitzer jukebox with 50 carefully selected songs from springsteen to chuck berry. the furniture was classic. they had scrabble. and it was quiet enough for me to sit in the corner and write.
i was a regular.
anyways, i've since moved away, and although nowadays i "pick my spots" for my nights of drinking, i still have it in my head to make it back there every so often, although sadly, not often enough, and down myself a black and tan.
i just learned that every so often has to arrive before june.
if you have a moment, check out savethebarleycorn.com. they've got photos of the place, a history of how it was built and, if you are so inclined, a petition to sign to help save it. alhtough, from what i'm gathering, the new landlord seems to be as open minded as our president. still, it can't hurt.
do it for me. i rue the day it closes.
dammit. that's two down. i wonder what will be the next bay area landmark that's gonna tear apart from its precious place in my heart?
oh crap.
i'm gonna miss it terribly.
tonight, i just learned that another place dear to my heart will be closing.
when i first moved to san francisco, i lived in a crazy house. it was so crazy that, for the first time in recorded history, the sanest person who lived there was an actress.
i really didn't want to go home after work, so i would stop in at john barleycorn, a quiet old-fashioned bar on larkin between california and sacramento. it was right off the cable car line, and they poured the finest black and tan this side of ireland. the bartender was a very nice man who was born to tend bar. they had an old wurlitzer jukebox with 50 carefully selected songs from springsteen to chuck berry. the furniture was classic. they had scrabble. and it was quiet enough for me to sit in the corner and write.
i was a regular.
anyways, i've since moved away, and although nowadays i "pick my spots" for my nights of drinking, i still have it in my head to make it back there every so often, although sadly, not often enough, and down myself a black and tan.
i just learned that every so often has to arrive before june.
if you have a moment, check out savethebarleycorn.com. they've got photos of the place, a history of how it was built and, if you are so inclined, a petition to sign to help save it. alhtough, from what i'm gathering, the new landlord seems to be as open minded as our president. still, it can't hurt.
do it for me. i rue the day it closes.
dammit. that's two down. i wonder what will be the next bay area landmark that's gonna tear apart from its precious place in my heart?
oh crap.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
how i'm hawking product
this announcement is from my friend mike, who owns the jimi:
We just launched the Jimi Game Shell - a really handy and little, yet secure media carrying case perfect for the portable gamer. It means you won’t lose those pesky media cards down the back of the couch or in the bottom of your bag.
It holds 2 Sony PSP Memory Sticks or 2 SD cards AND 2 Nintendo DS cards. As well as being recycled/recyclable, it’s made sweatshop free, and we invest 1% of its revenue in the environment through 1% For The Planet.
The Game Shell sells for $9.95 from the website - thejimi.com.
Thanks for your continued support.
We just launched the Jimi Game Shell - a really handy and little, yet secure media carrying case perfect for the portable gamer. It means you won’t lose those pesky media cards down the back of the couch or in the bottom of your bag.
It holds 2 Sony PSP Memory Sticks or 2 SD cards AND 2 Nintendo DS cards. As well as being recycled/recyclable, it’s made sweatshop free, and we invest 1% of its revenue in the environment through 1% For The Planet.
The Game Shell sells for $9.95 from the website - thejimi.com.
Thanks for your continued support.
how i don't think i'm going out on a limb by saying this
but the last three episodes of "the office" - the ones about safety requirements, women's appreciation and beach day survivor - are among the funniest ever made on american television.
they've all been promoted to the "until i delete" option on my dvr.
they've all been promoted to the "until i delete" option on my dvr.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
how $20 and some good timing got me some great seats for an armando benitez meltdown
for $19 less than the price on the ticket, i sat in lower box 113, row 29, purchased from a season ticket holder who decided to use his corporate seats instead. i just so happened to be at the right place at the right time. and those seats got me in the right place for seeing exactly what i hoped to see.
after benitez walked jose reyes, two giants fans in front of me got up, turned around and proceeded to leave while saying, "yep, i've seen this crap before".
a game-winning david wright double later, and they couldn't be any more correct.
thank you, lord, that #49 is now wearing the other team's jersey.
here's my seats for the meltdown:
after benitez walked jose reyes, two giants fans in front of me got up, turned around and proceeded to leave while saying, "yep, i've seen this crap before".
a game-winning david wright double later, and they couldn't be any more correct.
thank you, lord, that #49 is now wearing the other team's jersey.
here's my seats for the meltdown:
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
how i don't agree with the judges, and i'm sure america will agree with me
i actually thought jordin sparks singing "to love somebody" and "woman in love" were purely stunning - especially the latter, which they ripped apart. and then when you take in the fact that she's just a 17-year-old...damn.
then again, those songs are already pure masterpieces. but when you actually listen to them, truly listen to them, when they're done by other performers, the genius of barry gibb becomes abundantly clear.
then again, i actually perfer jimmy fallon's barry gibb over the real thing, so keep that in mind.
then again, those songs are already pure masterpieces. but when you actually listen to them, truly listen to them, when they're done by other performers, the genius of barry gibb becomes abundantly clear.
then again, i actually perfer jimmy fallon's barry gibb over the real thing, so keep that in mind.
how a giants fan threw peanuts at me
then again i didn't really mind much, since we were just one billy wagner fastball away from this:
Monday, May 07, 2007
how i dealt with this crap for three years
click on this and press play to see what my eventual biographer will point to as the hook that began my eventual grisly downward spiral.
how i learned a couple of things at the ballpark
my thoughts after watching the mets get shallacked by the giants, 9-4, on an absolutely gorgeous night in san francisco:
1. you only need to hit a ball 363 out of the 364 feet to left center to be awarded a home run.
2. the largest HD screen in the world is the big scoreboard at sbc park, and it's one of the most impressive things you will ever watch.
3. i don't think carlos beltran has hit a curveball since adam wainwright threw one past him last year. seriously. he hasn't.
4. i can't remember the last time my softball team gave up nine runs in an inning.
5. or gave up three homers in an inning.
6. or made two embarrassing errors like that, back-to-back.
7. when barry zito's got his curveball dealing, there's very few things as pretty to admire in an athletic contest. (okay, i saw zito pitch live a bunch during his cy young year, so this was really just a reminder).
7. i never leave a ballgame early. but if i were to, it would be on a night that bengie molina hits two home runs in one inning.
1. you only need to hit a ball 363 out of the 364 feet to left center to be awarded a home run.
2. the largest HD screen in the world is the big scoreboard at sbc park, and it's one of the most impressive things you will ever watch.
3. i don't think carlos beltran has hit a curveball since adam wainwright threw one past him last year. seriously. he hasn't.
4. i can't remember the last time my softball team gave up nine runs in an inning.
5. or gave up three homers in an inning.
6. or made two embarrassing errors like that, back-to-back.
7. when barry zito's got his curveball dealing, there's very few things as pretty to admire in an athletic contest. (okay, i saw zito pitch live a bunch during his cy young year, so this was really just a reminder).
7. i never leave a ballgame early. but if i were to, it would be on a night that bengie molina hits two home runs in one inning.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
how from the way they announced it, i thought they named a new pope
it takes a supremely pompous organization to introduce a supremely pompous athlete in such a supremely pompous fashion.
$4.5 million a month for a 44-year-old pitcher who needs to be the center of attention and who won't join your team for at least three weeks, and who didn't even average six innings an outing last year?
he better be infallible.
$4.5 million a month for a 44-year-old pitcher who needs to be the center of attention and who won't join your team for at least three weeks, and who didn't even average six innings an outing last year?
he better be infallible.
Friday, May 04, 2007
how i'm gonna make some predictions here
so it's a pretty damn good sports weekend. so who else can you expect but me to stand on a soapbox from the comfort of my couch and proclaim to the world what i think will happen.
let's start with the biggie.
FLOYD MAYWEATHER vs. OSCAR DE LA HOYA
boxing promoters tend to exaggerate just a tad. i know, shocker, considering that promoting is their job, they need to make money, they love cameras and microphones, they're selling themselves just as much as anything and they are habitual liars.
however, this is indeed the fight of the decade.
you have the best fighter in the world taking on a legendary fighter who's taken on everybody. you have the guy who seems unbeatable taking on the guy who's beaten guys who seemed unbeatable. you have the guy looking for his signature fight against the guy who has made a living off of them.
the only caveat: you have a young mayweather taking on an old de la hoya. a mayweather that's younger and quicker than a sugar shane mosley who beat de la hoya twice. and de la hoya is not as young as the version of him who lost.
mayweather's better. de la hoya's worse. in theory.
still, i think it's gonna be competitive, just because de la hoya always seems to find a way. he really does. he's never been outclassed - even against hopkins, he was losing, but in it.
but i can't see how mayweather loses this. although, like i said, de la hoya always seems to find a way. and it usually comes after a left hook.
mayweather's too quick. he decisions de la hoya.
THE KENTUCKY DERBY
first:
place:
show:
RANGERS v. SABRES
no way the blueshirts lose this game. king henrik won't let them. sean avery won't let them. jaromir won't let them. and the garden won't let them. someone call rick tocchet and book this game as a gimme.
see you all in buffalo.
let's start with the biggie.
FLOYD MAYWEATHER vs. OSCAR DE LA HOYA
boxing promoters tend to exaggerate just a tad. i know, shocker, considering that promoting is their job, they need to make money, they love cameras and microphones, they're selling themselves just as much as anything and they are habitual liars.
however, this is indeed the fight of the decade.
you have the best fighter in the world taking on a legendary fighter who's taken on everybody. you have the guy who seems unbeatable taking on the guy who's beaten guys who seemed unbeatable. you have the guy looking for his signature fight against the guy who has made a living off of them.
the only caveat: you have a young mayweather taking on an old de la hoya. a mayweather that's younger and quicker than a sugar shane mosley who beat de la hoya twice. and de la hoya is not as young as the version of him who lost.
mayweather's better. de la hoya's worse. in theory.
still, i think it's gonna be competitive, just because de la hoya always seems to find a way. he really does. he's never been outclassed - even against hopkins, he was losing, but in it.
but i can't see how mayweather loses this. although, like i said, de la hoya always seems to find a way. and it usually comes after a left hook.
mayweather's too quick. he decisions de la hoya.
THE KENTUCKY DERBY
first:
place:
show:
RANGERS v. SABRES
no way the blueshirts lose this game. king henrik won't let them. sean avery won't let them. jaromir won't let them. and the garden won't let them. someone call rick tocchet and book this game as a gimme.
see you all in buffalo.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
how the biggest understatement i can possibly state is that i am really proud of my dad
my dad, a proud vietnam veteran, was asked to give a keynote address in front of the vietnam memorial in washington DC on mother's day. he'll be speaking to the mothers of his brethren who perished in vietnam - those friends and brothers of his, some he knew, others he wished he did. my father being there, alive, a family man, a gigantic success, is a testament to those who sacrificed their lives.
at least that's how my father reads this. it's not about him; it's purely about them.
did i mention that the committee that chose him is run by none other than the esteemed colin powell?
usually, this is the part of my post where i wax poetically about how proud i am of my father. but honesty, i cannot find the words worthy of that honor.
so cherish your time in our nation's capital, soldier. those are your orders.
and, as always, thank you.
at least that's how my father reads this. it's not about him; it's purely about them.
did i mention that the committee that chose him is run by none other than the esteemed colin powell?
usually, this is the part of my post where i wax poetically about how proud i am of my father. but honesty, i cannot find the words worthy of that honor.
so cherish your time in our nation's capital, soldier. those are your orders.
and, as always, thank you.
how the "p" in mvp certainly doesn't stand for "player"
okay, you're the eventual MVP of the NBA. you are in the midst of being waxed by a team that barely made the playoffs. as they begin a run that has the makings of an embarrassing beatdown. you are faced with an important decision each time you catch the ball. do you:
A. pass it quickly to someone else and make scoring their problem.
B. hide in the corner and hope that your teammates don't sees you.
C. put up only one shot as your team goes scoreless for over four minutes.
if you're dirk nowitzki, who has the killer instinct of a treehugger, who melts like ice cream in equador, who plays seven feet smaller than his listed height of seven feet, it's all of the above, and you've just rendered your MVP trophy as completely worthless while essentially flushing your legacy down the crapper.
well done, dirk. i'd tell you to enjoy golfing this summer, but you might interpret that as a challenge and refuse to tee off.
by the way, i got really sick of listening to steve kerr defend dirk through the game. "well, look, he always has someone on him." or "he looks of out sync." or "they're doubling him each time he catches the ball." or "they're taking him out of the game". or "i feel bad for all the criticism he's gonna hear". you know what? boo hoo. dirk is four inches taller than their tallest player. he should post up. plant himself somewhere near the basket. force up a shot so devean george doesn't have to shoot it. drive to the hoop. get fouled. call for the ball and take what he wants, and not what the defense gives him.
you know, make something happen. that's what the greats do.
great players make great plays. like baron davis did - on a bum hamstring.
oh, that's right. this is dirk. i forgot.
go warriors. although if houston beats utah, that might be a problem for them.
A. pass it quickly to someone else and make scoring their problem.
B. hide in the corner and hope that your teammates don't sees you.
C. put up only one shot as your team goes scoreless for over four minutes.
if you're dirk nowitzki, who has the killer instinct of a treehugger, who melts like ice cream in equador, who plays seven feet smaller than his listed height of seven feet, it's all of the above, and you've just rendered your MVP trophy as completely worthless while essentially flushing your legacy down the crapper.
well done, dirk. i'd tell you to enjoy golfing this summer, but you might interpret that as a challenge and refuse to tee off.
by the way, i got really sick of listening to steve kerr defend dirk through the game. "well, look, he always has someone on him." or "he looks of out sync." or "they're doubling him each time he catches the ball." or "they're taking him out of the game". or "i feel bad for all the criticism he's gonna hear". you know what? boo hoo. dirk is four inches taller than their tallest player. he should post up. plant himself somewhere near the basket. force up a shot so devean george doesn't have to shoot it. drive to the hoop. get fouled. call for the ball and take what he wants, and not what the defense gives him.
you know, make something happen. that's what the greats do.
great players make great plays. like baron davis did - on a bum hamstring.
oh, that's right. this is dirk. i forgot.
go warriors. although if houston beats utah, that might be a problem for them.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
how i now have a mii, and me likey
in an effort to get past what seems to be a one-third life crisis, i recently splurged and bought myself a nintendo wii.
why? well, it's a helluva lotta fun. it's a serious workout. and it's something i can do that will relax my brain from writing nonstop. you know, something that has nothing to do with anything seems like a thing well worth paying a crapload for.
most importantly, it will be time well wasted, and i'm psyched to have it.
i just finished hooking it up, and i was asked to make my mii, which are animated versions of myself that can be used as characters in certain wii games.
so, needless to say, twenty painstaking and thought provoking minutes later, complete with thorough and rigorous self-examinations and wrought with painful yet honest personal admissions, i present to you one very handsome dude:
ladies, the bidding begins...
why? well, it's a helluva lotta fun. it's a serious workout. and it's something i can do that will relax my brain from writing nonstop. you know, something that has nothing to do with anything seems like a thing well worth paying a crapload for.
most importantly, it will be time well wasted, and i'm psyched to have it.
i just finished hooking it up, and i was asked to make my mii, which are animated versions of myself that can be used as characters in certain wii games.
so, needless to say, twenty painstaking and thought provoking minutes later, complete with thorough and rigorous self-examinations and wrought with painful yet honest personal admissions, i present to you one very handsome dude:
ladies, the bidding begins...
how for once, i would have liked to have been named skipper
yesterday, almost everyone in the free world would have swapped what they were dong to be in the shoes of skipper beck, he who owns an import car dealership in charlotte.
he who is also a partial owner of the charlotte bobcats.
but most importantly, he who played in the wachovia pro-am golf championship yesterday in a threesome with two anonymous shlubs named tiger woods and michael jordan.
he who could never complain about anything ever again.
he who is also a partial owner of the charlotte bobcats.
but most importantly, he who played in the wachovia pro-am golf championship yesterday in a threesome with two anonymous shlubs named tiger woods and michael jordan.
he who could never complain about anything ever again.
how this could have happened anywhere, but it's doubly hilarious it happened in staten island
a dean in a staten island public school sent a disciplinary letter to some students after a massive food fight in the cafeteria.
but, according to the staten island advance, among the misspellings and typos in his letter to parents are "unexcecpable" for "unacceptable," "activates" for "activities" (twice) and the setting for the food fight: The "caferteria."
awesum.
but, according to the staten island advance, among the misspellings and typos in his letter to parents are "unexcecpable" for "unacceptable," "activates" for "activities" (twice) and the setting for the food fight: The "caferteria."
awesum.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
how i'm sure that everyone is gonna applaud dirk
by the time you read this, you'll probably have also read or watched highlights from the dallas mavericks' improbable comeback against the golden state warriors, outscoring them 15-0 with 3 minutes to go to save their season.
and much will probably be said or written about how eventual NBA MVP dirk nowitzki lead them to this win.
you'll read that because people are idiots.
here's the real breakdown:
nowitzki was nowhere to be seen throughout the entire second half, when his team lost their lead, when they needed him most. before the final three minutes, he shot the ball twice in the second half - when his team was struggling. he was invisible.
still, he came through at the end, scoring 10 of those 15.
but here's the thing of it: he didn't win the game. golden state blew it.
you see, they didn't score in the final three minutes. without that, nowitzki is a player who folds, who disappears, who only shows up when the game is over.
if golden state doesn't stop rotating the ball immediately after baron davis gets trapped, causing the mavs to scramble to find the open man but being one pass behind the play that leads to a wide-open three, you know, doing the things that got them a 9 point lead and a 3-1 series lead, well, dirk's MVP trophy would be worthless right now, and his legacy tarnished.
i guess what i'm saying is that dallas' win had little to do with dirk nowitzki, even though that's all you'll hear.
if golden state continued to attack the hoop instead of milking the clock, if they continued to pass instead of holding for one, if they just kept on playing the way they played for 45 minutes, the stories would be totally different.
and much will probably be said or written about how eventual NBA MVP dirk nowitzki lead them to this win.
you'll read that because people are idiots.
here's the real breakdown:
nowitzki was nowhere to be seen throughout the entire second half, when his team lost their lead, when they needed him most. before the final three minutes, he shot the ball twice in the second half - when his team was struggling. he was invisible.
still, he came through at the end, scoring 10 of those 15.
but here's the thing of it: he didn't win the game. golden state blew it.
you see, they didn't score in the final three minutes. without that, nowitzki is a player who folds, who disappears, who only shows up when the game is over.
if golden state doesn't stop rotating the ball immediately after baron davis gets trapped, causing the mavs to scramble to find the open man but being one pass behind the play that leads to a wide-open three, you know, doing the things that got them a 9 point lead and a 3-1 series lead, well, dirk's MVP trophy would be worthless right now, and his legacy tarnished.
i guess what i'm saying is that dallas' win had little to do with dirk nowitzki, even though that's all you'll hear.
if golden state continued to attack the hoop instead of milking the clock, if they continued to pass instead of holding for one, if they just kept on playing the way they played for 45 minutes, the stories would be totally different.
how a gay german germaphobe cabdriver inspired this posting
i had to take a cab from downtown to home after work because muni screwed me again. i swear, it's the best public transportation company as long as you have nowhere to go.
aaaaaanyways, my driver was a gay german germaphone, which is hilarious to say, much less watch. case in point: he literally sprayed windex on the passenger side window while stopped at a red light as he said, "ewww! ein think that dirt ich outside!".
pure comedy gold.
we were talking about things that piss people off, of which i mentioned muni, and he asked me if it pissed me off when people talked on their cellphone on the bus. of course, herr obvious, it pisses me off. then he told me about the brilliant beauty of a cell phone jammer, which kills all cellphone signals within a radius around you.
and by brilliant beauty, i mean that it is Illegal to operate, manufacture, import, offer for sale, including advertising with fines of up to $11,000 and imprisonment of up to a year.
achkh.
with that random bit of information, i figured it would be a good time to post a bunch of random links for you to enjoy.
you know, the steveohville speakeasy catch-all.
i don't know what's funnier in this classic, the reporter calling one of the most recognizable faces in america "bruce wilson" or how old habits die hard at the end.
if the prices for masterpiece gets any lower, stallone's gonna have to go back to work.
oh, wait, he is.
well, if that falls through, there's always this.
anybody else but me enjoying the baron fedora?
and, i hate to say it, but jordin sparks might be in jeopardy tonight.
aaaaaanyways, my driver was a gay german germaphone, which is hilarious to say, much less watch. case in point: he literally sprayed windex on the passenger side window while stopped at a red light as he said, "ewww! ein think that dirt ich outside!".
pure comedy gold.
we were talking about things that piss people off, of which i mentioned muni, and he asked me if it pissed me off when people talked on their cellphone on the bus. of course, herr obvious, it pisses me off. then he told me about the brilliant beauty of a cell phone jammer, which kills all cellphone signals within a radius around you.
and by brilliant beauty, i mean that it is Illegal to operate, manufacture, import, offer for sale, including advertising with fines of up to $11,000 and imprisonment of up to a year.
achkh.
with that random bit of information, i figured it would be a good time to post a bunch of random links for you to enjoy.
you know, the steveohville speakeasy catch-all.
i don't know what's funnier in this classic, the reporter calling one of the most recognizable faces in america "bruce wilson" or how old habits die hard at the end.
if the prices for masterpiece gets any lower, stallone's gonna have to go back to work.
oh, wait, he is.
well, if that falls through, there's always this.
anybody else but me enjoying the baron fedora?
and, i hate to say it, but jordin sparks might be in jeopardy tonight.
Monday, April 30, 2007
how i figured i should past this along
my friend lauren e-mailed this to me. let each become aware.
JURY DUTY SCAM:
This has been verified by the FBI (Their link is also included below). Please pass this on to everyone in your email address book. It is spreading fast so be prepared should you get this call. Most of us take those summons for jury duty seriously, but enough people skip out on their civic duty, that a new and ominous kind of scam has surfaced. The caller claims to be a jury coordinator. If you protest that you never received a summons for jury duty, the scammer asks you for your Social Security number and date of birth so he or she can verify the information and cancel the arrest warrant. Give out any of this information and bingo, your identity just got stolen. The scam has been reported so far in 11 states, including Oklahoma, Illinois, and Colorado . This (scam) is particularly insidious because they use intimidation over the phone to try to bully people into giving information by pretending they're with the court system. The FBI and the federal court system have issued nationwide alerts on their web sites, warning consumers about the fraud.
snopes.com
fbi.com
JURY DUTY SCAM:
This has been verified by the FBI (Their link is also included below). Please pass this on to everyone in your email address book. It is spreading fast so be prepared should you get this call. Most of us take those summons for jury duty seriously, but enough people skip out on their civic duty, that a new and ominous kind of scam has surfaced. The caller claims to be a jury coordinator. If you protest that you never received a summons for jury duty, the scammer asks you for your Social Security number and date of birth so he or she can verify the information and cancel the arrest warrant. Give out any of this information and bingo, your identity just got stolen. The scam has been reported so far in 11 states, including Oklahoma, Illinois, and Colorado . This (scam) is particularly insidious because they use intimidation over the phone to try to bully people into giving information by pretending they're with the court system. The FBI and the federal court system have issued nationwide alerts on their web sites, warning consumers about the fraud.
snopes.com
fbi.com
how society will be a better place now that he's been rehabilitated
you know what just made this world a little bit awesomer? everybody's favorite wife-cheating porn-making dirtball is out of jail.
suddenly, this here american united states just got ourselves a little more class.
i can't wait for the next suprise that he's got lined up for us. i'm sure it will be something progressive. maybe forging diplomacy in the middle east? curing cancer? being a big brother to handicapped orphans? being a comforting ear to terminal senior citizens? having a nice disposition?
the possibilities are endless for this jackhole. endless.
suddenly, this here american united states just got ourselves a little more class.
i can't wait for the next suprise that he's got lined up for us. i'm sure it will be something progressive. maybe forging diplomacy in the middle east? curing cancer? being a big brother to handicapped orphans? being a comforting ear to terminal senior citizens? having a nice disposition?
the possibilities are endless for this jackhole. endless.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
how nothing beats playoff time
i watched two great playoff games today in which i had rooting interest. the edge of my couch is completely worn out, and my voice left me for good sometime before dinner.
NHL: RANGERS over SABRES, 2-1 in 2OT
the rangers needed this desperately. we're just another win from tying this shindig up. it's funny how the stanley cup playoffs work: the rangers have been the better team during the past two games, but ryan miller has been insane in goal for the sabres. that's just the way the puck bounces.
this game was back-and-forth, artistic, thrilling and punishing. it's everything thats makes hockey great. and, with everything at stake, every crossing pass, every slapshot, every scrum outside the crease takes such heavy importance, and rushes your heart up your throat.
i wish the NHL could bottle stanley cup playoff games and market it throughout the season. or, better yet, just hype it up throughout the season to make it something even the casual fan would look forward to.
because, simply, it is worth looking forward to.
NBA: WARRIORS over MAVERICKS 103-99
it's amazing how, after 8 NBA seasons, dirk nowitzki has yet to grow a set.
the assumed NBA MVP plays like a scared pussycat. from fading away on all his jumpers (even from three), to passing up open shots, to hiding in the corner during crucial offensive sets and to letting drivers attack the rim unimpeded, it takes a yeoman effort to even notice that he's even on the court. and, of course, you won't find him in the paint. you can't trust him to lead a team to anything other than disappointment.
simply put, he sucks.
on the other hand, baron davis is playing like the best basketball player on the planet. and, when the point guard is playing out of his mind and is the absolute top dog on the court, he winds up making his teammates look like all-stars. he's personally responsible for this upset in the making, from his aggressiveness to power to speed to absolute daredevil attacks to the hoop and avery johnson doesn't seem to have a clue as to how to stop him (although going to a zone would be somewhat obvious). baron is everything nowitzki is not.
the mavs look like that good white suburban team playing their first game against a team from the city.
and the warriors are feasting on it.
NHL: RANGERS over SABRES, 2-1 in 2OT
the rangers needed this desperately. we're just another win from tying this shindig up. it's funny how the stanley cup playoffs work: the rangers have been the better team during the past two games, but ryan miller has been insane in goal for the sabres. that's just the way the puck bounces.
this game was back-and-forth, artistic, thrilling and punishing. it's everything thats makes hockey great. and, with everything at stake, every crossing pass, every slapshot, every scrum outside the crease takes such heavy importance, and rushes your heart up your throat.
i wish the NHL could bottle stanley cup playoff games and market it throughout the season. or, better yet, just hype it up throughout the season to make it something even the casual fan would look forward to.
because, simply, it is worth looking forward to.
NBA: WARRIORS over MAVERICKS 103-99
it's amazing how, after 8 NBA seasons, dirk nowitzki has yet to grow a set.
the assumed NBA MVP plays like a scared pussycat. from fading away on all his jumpers (even from three), to passing up open shots, to hiding in the corner during crucial offensive sets and to letting drivers attack the rim unimpeded, it takes a yeoman effort to even notice that he's even on the court. and, of course, you won't find him in the paint. you can't trust him to lead a team to anything other than disappointment.
simply put, he sucks.
on the other hand, baron davis is playing like the best basketball player on the planet. and, when the point guard is playing out of his mind and is the absolute top dog on the court, he winds up making his teammates look like all-stars. he's personally responsible for this upset in the making, from his aggressiveness to power to speed to absolute daredevil attacks to the hoop and avery johnson doesn't seem to have a clue as to how to stop him (although going to a zone would be somewhat obvious). baron is everything nowitzki is not.
the mavs look like that good white suburban team playing their first game against a team from the city.
and the warriors are feasting on it.
how i wish i were as brilliant and as funny as they are (part 24,239)
seriously, when it comes to being deadpan, intelligent and hilarious (three of my favorite things), nothing beats "the onion".
honestly, i could post this entry every single thursday, and it would always be relevant.
honestly, i could post this entry every single thursday, and it would always be relevant.
how i'm very late with this because i thought it would suck, but it didn't suck, so i suck
i just caught the saturday night live repeat with peyton manning, and it was actually hilarious.
the funny part about it is that i had no doubt that he would be funny; it's SNL that i was worried about. peyton's perfect deadpan wouldn't seem to work in sketch comedy (although it should).
but it worked.
much has been said about the united way ad spoof he was in, and yeah, it's great. but here's a great sketch from the episode, and it includes the second funniest line i've heard on television this year: "i walked around all day with sliced ham in my pants, just so i could have a secret".
it's second only to "live every week like it's shark week" by tracy jordan on "30 rock". honestly, that one is very hard to beat.
then go check out "maraka", a perfect robert smigel take on "dora the explorer". it's delightfully demented.
also, for the record, and i know that all of you have been awaiting for me to give an official ruling on this, musical guest carrie underwood has really got it going on.
like, really really really got it going on.
the funny part about it is that i had no doubt that he would be funny; it's SNL that i was worried about. peyton's perfect deadpan wouldn't seem to work in sketch comedy (although it should).
but it worked.
much has been said about the united way ad spoof he was in, and yeah, it's great. but here's a great sketch from the episode, and it includes the second funniest line i've heard on television this year: "i walked around all day with sliced ham in my pants, just so i could have a secret".
it's second only to "live every week like it's shark week" by tracy jordan on "30 rock". honestly, that one is very hard to beat.
then go check out "maraka", a perfect robert smigel take on "dora the explorer". it's delightfully demented.
also, for the record, and i know that all of you have been awaiting for me to give an official ruling on this, musical guest carrie underwood has really got it going on.
like, really really really got it going on.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
how this is strangely compelling in short bursts
the creators and star of justin.tv came by the agency today to talk about the project, how they do it, their business model and any other stuff involved in lifecasting.
hold on, steveoh. what's justin.tv? it's a mix of "the truman show" and "being john malkovich", where you can see what's going on in justin's life through a camera clipped to his baseball hat. so what's streaming on the web is what justin's looking at currently. it's on 24/7, and it's got a chat board and highlights.
unlike "the truman show", he's aware of what's going on. and unlike "being john malkovich", you can't hear internal thoughts. otherwise, it's an interesting concept - and yes, somewhat geeky.
i had no interest in them until they came to the agency and answered our questions. i was able to ask them a question (and gained my 30 seconds of fame on the internet - yet again). from that point, they were out of my mind.
until tonight, just now, at 10:50pm, when i went onto justin.tv, you know, just to see what he was doing at 10:50pm.
he was playing cards.
that is what i found interesting: seeing exactly what someone else is doing at the same exact moment. peeking into their life. trying to predict what's happening next.
it's worth checking out. and if anyone wants to place any bets, i'm game.
hold on, steveoh. what's justin.tv? it's a mix of "the truman show" and "being john malkovich", where you can see what's going on in justin's life through a camera clipped to his baseball hat. so what's streaming on the web is what justin's looking at currently. it's on 24/7, and it's got a chat board and highlights.
unlike "the truman show", he's aware of what's going on. and unlike "being john malkovich", you can't hear internal thoughts. otherwise, it's an interesting concept - and yes, somewhat geeky.
i had no interest in them until they came to the agency and answered our questions. i was able to ask them a question (and gained my 30 seconds of fame on the internet - yet again). from that point, they were out of my mind.
until tonight, just now, at 10:50pm, when i went onto justin.tv, you know, just to see what he was doing at 10:50pm.
he was playing cards.
that is what i found interesting: seeing exactly what someone else is doing at the same exact moment. peeking into their life. trying to predict what's happening next.
it's worth checking out. and if anyone wants to place any bets, i'm game.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
how you just know that the people in charge just won't be able to stop themselves
scientists have supposedly found a planet in a distant galaxy that might be hospitable for human life.
so, when our current planet drowns itself from global warming, the richest of us will at least have an alternative place to relocate to.
and the name of this place, you may ask?
581 c.
yep, you read that right.
581 c.
you know that's gonna change. there's no way we're gonna move everyone to a planet that sounds like the dewey decimal system. that just ain't sexy enough, you know?
what this means, of course, is that there's gonna be a huge bidding war over the naming rights over that planet. i mean, what corporation wouldn't want their name on a planet that is a viable refuge from the destructive causes of human beings? do you know how many units you could push with that sort of branding?
just wait. in fifty years, we'll be hearing something like "the way this global warming is happening, maybe we should buy a ticket headed for Microsoft Planet 2058 Second Edition" .
or something like "i just got an email from the rubensteins, and they just love Second Earth presented by AT&T".
or, hell, even something like "can you believe the prices for a one-way nonrefundable ticket for a flight to EyeMDLink.com Planet?"
i fear for our future.
so, when our current planet drowns itself from global warming, the richest of us will at least have an alternative place to relocate to.
and the name of this place, you may ask?
581 c.
yep, you read that right.
581 c.
you know that's gonna change. there's no way we're gonna move everyone to a planet that sounds like the dewey decimal system. that just ain't sexy enough, you know?
what this means, of course, is that there's gonna be a huge bidding war over the naming rights over that planet. i mean, what corporation wouldn't want their name on a planet that is a viable refuge from the destructive causes of human beings? do you know how many units you could push with that sort of branding?
just wait. in fifty years, we'll be hearing something like "the way this global warming is happening, maybe we should buy a ticket headed for Microsoft Planet 2058 Second Edition" .
or something like "i just got an email from the rubensteins, and they just love Second Earth presented by AT&T".
or, hell, even something like "can you believe the prices for a one-way nonrefundable ticket for a flight to EyeMDLink.com Planet?"
i fear for our future.
how i haven't done this in awhile, so here goes it
an actual e-mail taken directly from my inbox:
From:Jabu Zuma.
No.04 Chester Court, 145 Jan Smuts Ave
Ave. Opp. Goodman Gallery, Parkwood, JHB
P.O.Box1105 Saxonwold,2132.
Tel:+0027 73 310 5235.
Dear Sir,
Don't be surprised to receive this letter from me since you don't know me in person. I am MR.JABU ZUMA from Zimbabwe the first Son of Mr.NDULLOV ZUMA who was murdered in the land dispute in Zimbabwe by the agents of the ruling government of President ROBERT MUGABE, you must have heard his alleged support and sympathy for the opposition MDC PARTY led by the minority white farmers.
yes, i believed they touched on this issue during "two and a half men".
My Father was among the few black Zimbabwean rich farmers murdered in cold blood by the war veterans backed by the government. Before the death of my Father, he deposited the sum of US$21M (Twenty One Million United State Dollars) With one of the security company in Southern Africa, as if he knew the looming danger in ZIMBABWE. The money was deposited as a gem and precious stones to avoid much attraction & demurrage from the security firm. The money was earmarked for the purchase of new machinery and chemicals for the farms and the establishment of new farms in Lesotho and Swaziland before the regretted incident.
forgive me, for i was wrong, actually, sanjaya sang about this topic on "american idol" during "zimbabwe land bribery" week.
This Land problem arose when President Robert Mugabe introduced a new land act. Which wholly affects the white rich farmers and some few blacks vehemently condemned the "Modus operandi" adopted by the government.
This resulted to rampart killing and Mob actions. My mother and I are staying in South Africa now as Asylum seekers, which have not been beneficial to us; I have decided to transfer this money to a foreign country where we can invest it. I am faced with the dilemma of investing this amount of money in South Africa for fear of encountering the same experience in future since both countries have the same political policy and also law does not permit us to investment hence we’re refugees.
well, jabu zuma (may i call you "jabu"? or just "bu"? no, i shall call you "jabu")...well, jabu. that sucks for you. i can only imagine what your next step would be. possibly, you can contact a lawyer to help you extricate your finances from your former country. or you can get a jack bauer type character to enter the country with force and torture everyone who stands between you and your money. or you can sneak back in, ask for your cash in 21 individual million dollar bills, nonchalantly put them into your wallet and walk out like you just put your hands in the air and you just don't care. or, now humor me for a moment, you can also contact a writer based out in san francisco via e-mail, a perfect stranger if you will, and ask him for his help.
nah, that's stupid.
I must let you know that this business is 100% risk free and the nature of your business does not necessarily matter, you can help us if you wish. I and my family have agreed to give you 15% of the total 21M, 5% will be mapped out for all expenses that maybe incurred during the transfer and 80% will be for me and my family’s investment in your country.
dude, i was joking about the last option. seriously, get jack. he's only 5'6". nobody will see him.
Therefore if you are willing and interested to render the needed assistance, endeavor to reply through my mums private call her Lady. Marikave Zuma for more brief clarifications.
whoa...hold on a second. you want me to contact your mum's private? well, this took a turn to the kinky. and she named it "Lady Marikave Zuma"? dude, your mom's into some nasty stuff. and you seem to be a benefactor to all this. you, my friend, have issues you need to deal with.
not that this has to do with anything, but...is your mum hot?
I also need your private mobile, telephone and fax numbers for easy communication. Remember; this is highly confidential and the success of this business depends on how secret it is kept. Expecting your reply soonest.
if this were really highly confidential, we wouldn't be talking to each other through a private mobile, telephone or fax number.
like i said before, you really need jack bauer for this.
Best regards,
MR.JABU ZUMA (FOR THE FAMILY)
word to your mother.
From:Jabu Zuma.
No.04 Chester Court, 145 Jan Smuts Ave
Ave. Opp. Goodman Gallery, Parkwood, JHB
P.O.Box1105 Saxonwold,2132.
Tel:+0027 73 310 5235.
Dear Sir,
Don't be surprised to receive this letter from me since you don't know me in person. I am MR.JABU ZUMA from Zimbabwe the first Son of Mr.NDULLOV ZUMA who was murdered in the land dispute in Zimbabwe by the agents of the ruling government of President ROBERT MUGABE, you must have heard his alleged support and sympathy for the opposition MDC PARTY led by the minority white farmers.
yes, i believed they touched on this issue during "two and a half men".
My Father was among the few black Zimbabwean rich farmers murdered in cold blood by the war veterans backed by the government. Before the death of my Father, he deposited the sum of US$21M (Twenty One Million United State Dollars) With one of the security company in Southern Africa, as if he knew the looming danger in ZIMBABWE. The money was deposited as a gem and precious stones to avoid much attraction & demurrage from the security firm. The money was earmarked for the purchase of new machinery and chemicals for the farms and the establishment of new farms in Lesotho and Swaziland before the regretted incident.
forgive me, for i was wrong, actually, sanjaya sang about this topic on "american idol" during "zimbabwe land bribery" week.
This Land problem arose when President Robert Mugabe introduced a new land act. Which wholly affects the white rich farmers and some few blacks vehemently condemned the "Modus operandi" adopted by the government.
This resulted to rampart killing and Mob actions. My mother and I are staying in South Africa now as Asylum seekers, which have not been beneficial to us; I have decided to transfer this money to a foreign country where we can invest it. I am faced with the dilemma of investing this amount of money in South Africa for fear of encountering the same experience in future since both countries have the same political policy and also law does not permit us to investment hence we’re refugees.
well, jabu zuma (may i call you "jabu"? or just "bu"? no, i shall call you "jabu")...well, jabu. that sucks for you. i can only imagine what your next step would be. possibly, you can contact a lawyer to help you extricate your finances from your former country. or you can get a jack bauer type character to enter the country with force and torture everyone who stands between you and your money. or you can sneak back in, ask for your cash in 21 individual million dollar bills, nonchalantly put them into your wallet and walk out like you just put your hands in the air and you just don't care. or, now humor me for a moment, you can also contact a writer based out in san francisco via e-mail, a perfect stranger if you will, and ask him for his help.
nah, that's stupid.
I must let you know that this business is 100% risk free and the nature of your business does not necessarily matter, you can help us if you wish. I and my family have agreed to give you 15% of the total 21M, 5% will be mapped out for all expenses that maybe incurred during the transfer and 80% will be for me and my family’s investment in your country.
dude, i was joking about the last option. seriously, get jack. he's only 5'6". nobody will see him.
Therefore if you are willing and interested to render the needed assistance, endeavor to reply through my mums private call her Lady. Marikave Zuma for more brief clarifications.
whoa...hold on a second. you want me to contact your mum's private? well, this took a turn to the kinky. and she named it "Lady Marikave Zuma"? dude, your mom's into some nasty stuff. and you seem to be a benefactor to all this. you, my friend, have issues you need to deal with.
not that this has to do with anything, but...is your mum hot?
I also need your private mobile, telephone and fax numbers for easy communication. Remember; this is highly confidential and the success of this business depends on how secret it is kept. Expecting your reply soonest.
if this were really highly confidential, we wouldn't be talking to each other through a private mobile, telephone or fax number.
like i said before, you really need jack bauer for this.
Best regards,
MR.JABU ZUMA (FOR THE FAMILY)
word to your mother.
Monday, April 23, 2007
how i'm not really sure what this is except hilarious
my friend phil sent me this short film called "the landlord" starring will ferrell from a new website called "funny or die".
it made me laugh my own personal afro off.
okay, nothing will make my afro fall off. but still...damn funny.
it made me laugh my own personal afro off.
okay, nothing will make my afro fall off. but still...damn funny.
how jack bauer no longer has anything on arthur fonzarelli
it truly pains me to say that "24" has not only just jumped the shark, but it also unearthed a secret file about it, forced it to tender its resignation, then bungled its transfer of nuclear specifiations.
i can't wait for next season, just because i don't want to watch any more of this season. it just keeps getting worse.
i can't wait for next season, just because i don't want to watch any more of this season. it just keeps getting worse.
how if you haven't watched "the sopranos" yet, then you should probably skip this part
what an awesome episode that was last night. that makes three great episodes this season.
first bacala is in question, then christaphuh and now paulie - and all this as phil builds power in new york.
first tony questions his own vulnerability, then his own leadership, and now his place in an ever-changing world.
just awesome awesome awesome stuff, an absolute pinnacle in psychological storytelling.
and it's gonna make for some brutal whacking.
first bacala is in question, then christaphuh and now paulie - and all this as phil builds power in new york.
first tony questions his own vulnerability, then his own leadership, and now his place in an ever-changing world.
just awesome awesome awesome stuff, an absolute pinnacle in psychological storytelling.
and it's gonna make for some brutal whacking.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
how i may or may not be finally home
after boarding no less than thirteen different airplanes during the past six weeks, i think i might actually have a little time home. that means, of course, my couch would have to stop looking at my ass like it were some sort of mysterious stranger.
yeah, it's good to be back here.
and, considering that all this travelling has gotten me out of sorts, i need to get back on my usual schedule and get some life back into this road weary soul.
here's a good start. not saying i'm hitting all of these, but...any takers?
Fri 04/27/07 - Johnette Napolitano @ Cafe Du Nord
Thu 05/03/07 - The Old 97's @ The Fillmore
Wed 05/09/07 - The Fratellis @ The Fillmore
Sat 05/12/07 - Steven Wright @ The Warfield Theatre
Sat 06/09/07 - The Devil Makes Three@ The Great American Music Hall
Sat 06/23/07 - Lisa Lampanelli @ The Warfield Theatre
Fri 07/20/07 - Dolores O'Riordan @ The Fillmore
yeah, it's good to be back here.
and, considering that all this travelling has gotten me out of sorts, i need to get back on my usual schedule and get some life back into this road weary soul.
here's a good start. not saying i'm hitting all of these, but...any takers?
Fri 04/27/07 - Johnette Napolitano @ Cafe Du Nord
Thu 05/03/07 - The Old 97's @ The Fillmore
Wed 05/09/07 - The Fratellis @ The Fillmore
Sat 05/12/07 - Steven Wright @ The Warfield Theatre
Sat 06/09/07 - The Devil Makes Three@ The Great American Music Hall
Sat 06/23/07 - Lisa Lampanelli @ The Warfield Theatre
Fri 07/20/07 - Dolores O'Riordan @ The Fillmore
Saturday, April 21, 2007
how los angeles is full of douchebags
nothing really else to add to this. just wanted to post a true statement.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
how i felt guilty
i was watching "countdown with keith olbermann" about the horrifying virginia tech massacre, and he had on some reporter who was on scene. the reporter was giving an update/recap on what had happened while giving his insights and opinions.
it was probably a very good report. unfortunately, i can't comment on it.
you see, this reporter had the very common vocal quirk of saying "awwh" or "ummm" after every fourth or fifth word.
but his "awwh" or "ummm" sounded exactly like a horn honking.
or a game show buzzer indicating that you're wrong.
or a clown's foot being stepped on.
or an orgasmic donkey in the moment.
i tried to listen to what he was saying, but all i heard were the noises he was making. nonstop. for a good five minutes. and, after a hard battle, i laughed. i tried not to, but i laughed. not at what he was reporting, but at his nasal nervous cacophony.
dammit.
dear msnbc: please don't put this reporter on the scene of something so horrible again. you made me feel guilty. and i know i'm not alone.
it was probably a very good report. unfortunately, i can't comment on it.
you see, this reporter had the very common vocal quirk of saying "awwh" or "ummm" after every fourth or fifth word.
but his "awwh" or "ummm" sounded exactly like a horn honking.
or a game show buzzer indicating that you're wrong.
or a clown's foot being stepped on.
or an orgasmic donkey in the moment.
i tried to listen to what he was saying, but all i heard were the noises he was making. nonstop. for a good five minutes. and, after a hard battle, i laughed. i tried not to, but i laughed. not at what he was reporting, but at his nasal nervous cacophony.
dammit.
dear msnbc: please don't put this reporter on the scene of something so horrible again. you made me feel guilty. and i know i'm not alone.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
how i've been rethinking lyrics
i always love it when i go to a wedding and they play "every breath you take", thinking it's a love song when it's actually about stalking. and, after i read that "american girl" is actually (and obviously) about a girl trying to commit suicide, i've become obsessed about really listening to lyrics.
i should have always been doing this.
anyway, on my flight from cleveland to chicago to san francisco, i kept my ipod on and checked out some new stuff i downloaded - some of which were performances from the bridge school concert. one song, in particular, i played over and over because i just couldn't figure the lyrics out.
check them out. it's for the classic song "alison" by elvis costello.
i've come up with two different interpretations, one of which was actually corroborated.
first interpretation:
alison is the girl he pined for when they were both much younger, but he never did anything about it.
I'm not going to get too sentimental
like those other sticky valentines,
'cause I don't know if you are loving some body.
I only know it isn't mine.
she wound up marrying one of his friends, and he lost touch with her. anyway he sees her out somewhere, and she looks completely unhappy. and he's just there, staring at her, convincing himself that she would have been so much happier if their destinies aligned.
Alison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Alison, my aim is true.
all that seems literal, yes. but here's the thing: i think the lyrics are all happening in his mind as he watches her. he doesn't make any contact with her. it's all in the tone. it's not really conversational. it seems almost too smarky for him to tell her this when she already has a pissed off look on her face. i just think it's that moment of time that he's savoring and living in his imagination. it's what he would say if he had the balls to go through with it.
or maybe not.
second interpretation:
alison has a kid.
I heard you let that little friend of mine
take off your party dress
that's her regrettable entry into motherhood. she has a husband now, but they're now at the end of the road. why?
Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking
when I hear the silly things that you say.
ladies and gentlemen of the jury, i think the child belongs to elvis. and she's married to a man who realizes that he's now the father of someone else's kid. and she knows it, and she's calling elvis out on this. but elvis wants nothing to do with her and the kid.
Alison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Alison, my aim is true
you see, it's not him saying that his love is true. his denials are adding into her pain. he knows it, and he's not stopping.
someone else also was sick enough to have this interpretation. so i think this interpretation has some weight to it. granted, that weight has a flabby midsection.
i should have always been doing this.
anyway, on my flight from cleveland to chicago to san francisco, i kept my ipod on and checked out some new stuff i downloaded - some of which were performances from the bridge school concert. one song, in particular, i played over and over because i just couldn't figure the lyrics out.
check them out. it's for the classic song "alison" by elvis costello.
i've come up with two different interpretations, one of which was actually corroborated.
first interpretation:
alison is the girl he pined for when they were both much younger, but he never did anything about it.
I'm not going to get too sentimental
like those other sticky valentines,
'cause I don't know if you are loving some body.
I only know it isn't mine.
she wound up marrying one of his friends, and he lost touch with her. anyway he sees her out somewhere, and she looks completely unhappy. and he's just there, staring at her, convincing himself that she would have been so much happier if their destinies aligned.
Alison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Alison, my aim is true.
all that seems literal, yes. but here's the thing: i think the lyrics are all happening in his mind as he watches her. he doesn't make any contact with her. it's all in the tone. it's not really conversational. it seems almost too smarky for him to tell her this when she already has a pissed off look on her face. i just think it's that moment of time that he's savoring and living in his imagination. it's what he would say if he had the balls to go through with it.
or maybe not.
second interpretation:
alison has a kid.
I heard you let that little friend of mine
take off your party dress
that's her regrettable entry into motherhood. she has a husband now, but they're now at the end of the road. why?
Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking
when I hear the silly things that you say.
ladies and gentlemen of the jury, i think the child belongs to elvis. and she's married to a man who realizes that he's now the father of someone else's kid. and she knows it, and she's calling elvis out on this. but elvis wants nothing to do with her and the kid.
Alison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Alison, my aim is true
you see, it's not him saying that his love is true. his denials are adding into her pain. he knows it, and he's not stopping.
someone else also was sick enough to have this interpretation. so i think this interpretation has some weight to it. granted, that weight has a flabby midsection.
how i spent my time in cleveland
people call cleveland "the mistake by the lake". it is no mistake. it is actually a city full of beautiful gothic buildings. it just so happens to be right by a lake.
that being said, there was nothing to do there. and the food left taste to be desired.
but that's okay. i wasn't in cleveland for any of that. but i did find an incredible treasure.
the following are camera photos of the cleveland arcade which absolutely took my breath away. i stumbled into it just to escape from the cold, but got so much more. it's actually a part of the hyatt regency, and the shops are relatively nonexistant. if i were ever to go to cleveland again, i'd do my best to stay here. it's that gorgeous.
or course, right after i left the arcade, i saw this ad on this bus, and it left me with such a horrible image with my mind.
yep. it says "like richard simmons, minus those shorts".
stupid cleveland.
that being said, there was nothing to do there. and the food left taste to be desired.
but that's okay. i wasn't in cleveland for any of that. but i did find an incredible treasure.
the following are camera photos of the cleveland arcade which absolutely took my breath away. i stumbled into it just to escape from the cold, but got so much more. it's actually a part of the hyatt regency, and the shops are relatively nonexistant. if i were ever to go to cleveland again, i'd do my best to stay here. it's that gorgeous.
or course, right after i left the arcade, i saw this ad on this bus, and it left me with such a horrible image with my mind.
yep. it says "like richard simmons, minus those shorts".
stupid cleveland.
Friday, April 13, 2007
how i will never do crystal meth in montana
here's the tv spots for the montana crystal meth foundation to get kids off the drug. originally, they were just radio spots, but then a random billionaire learned about them (i think larry ellison) and then gave them a million dollars (!!!) and they hired darren aronofksy ("requiem for a dream", "the fountain", "pi") to direct tv spots instead.
they are harrowing and haunting and emotional and brilliant.
my friend susan produced these.
warning: they are tough.
they are harrowing and haunting and emotional and brilliant.
my friend susan produced these.
warning: they are tough.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
how i could have used a laugh
and my lord, how the "dunder mifflin company safety day" deliver them.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
how poetry can be hilarious
after enough wine and beer has been consumed by all, my friends and i play a game of portable poetry.
here's the deal: on a sheet of paper, you write a column of the following numbers - 1 3 5 3 1. after the first "1", you write a word - any word. then you then pass the paper to your right, and next to "3", that person writes three words based on the "1" that you wrote. then that person folds the paper to hide "1", and passes the paper to their right, and then that person writes five words next to the "5" based only on the three words above it. they don't know what's written next to "1". they only see "3". then, after "5" is written, they fold it over so "1" and "3" are hidden, and they pass it to the right.
when the last "1" is written, someone reads the poem out loud.
it sounds lame, just like most poetry. but it is actually hilarious.
basically, what you make up sounds exactly like your generic beat generation poetry, except sometimes they make sense.
we've actually expanded it to "1 3 5 7 5 3 1" to add more funny
here's some of the highlights from easter:
1 - Grudges
3 - are seldom kept
5 - in fermaldehyde jars near daddy
3 - That's my sister!
1 - Buggery.
1 - Mike
3 - What a twat.
5 - twata twat twat.
3 - Step off, Bobbie!
1 - Seriously.
1 - Pussies
3 - Fur-covered prussians
5 - Is that similar to Russians?
3 - Commies give good
1 - red.
1 - Jelly
3 - all over my
5 - organically raised mutton. Strangely satifying
3 - an unopened snickers
1 - inserted.
1 - pregnant
3 - pauses are uncomfortable
5 - err...i mean should i
3 - mention the war?
1 - fuck!
1 - knuckle
3 - moose. single? plural?
5 - moose is for super freaks
7 - and we all know rocky was one
5 - watch me pull a rabbit
3 - from my gaping
1 - cavity
there's a great one about the pope taking it up his keester, but i couldn't find it.
here's the deal: on a sheet of paper, you write a column of the following numbers - 1 3 5 3 1. after the first "1", you write a word - any word. then you then pass the paper to your right, and next to "3", that person writes three words based on the "1" that you wrote. then that person folds the paper to hide "1", and passes the paper to their right, and then that person writes five words next to the "5" based only on the three words above it. they don't know what's written next to "1". they only see "3". then, after "5" is written, they fold it over so "1" and "3" are hidden, and they pass it to the right.
when the last "1" is written, someone reads the poem out loud.
it sounds lame, just like most poetry. but it is actually hilarious.
basically, what you make up sounds exactly like your generic beat generation poetry, except sometimes they make sense.
we've actually expanded it to "1 3 5 7 5 3 1" to add more funny
here's some of the highlights from easter:
1 - Grudges
3 - are seldom kept
5 - in fermaldehyde jars near daddy
3 - That's my sister!
1 - Buggery.
1 - Mike
3 - What a twat.
5 - twata twat twat.
3 - Step off, Bobbie!
1 - Seriously.
1 - Pussies
3 - Fur-covered prussians
5 - Is that similar to Russians?
3 - Commies give good
1 - red.
1 - Jelly
3 - all over my
5 - organically raised mutton. Strangely satifying
3 - an unopened snickers
1 - inserted.
1 - pregnant
3 - pauses are uncomfortable
5 - err...i mean should i
3 - mention the war?
1 - fuck!
1 - knuckle
3 - moose. single? plural?
5 - moose is for super freaks
7 - and we all know rocky was one
5 - watch me pull a rabbit
3 - from my gaping
1 - cavity
there's a great one about the pope taking it up his keester, but i couldn't find it.
how i think there is very little as funny as someone parallel parking
here's a final photo of someone's parallel parking job.
that guy standing behind the car is the dude who was barking out instructions to the driver, like "turn!" and "right right!" and "left now!" and "reverse!" it took about four minutes to park that car into that space.
that very large space.
which, as you can tell by these photos, could have fit a school bus. and an elephant.
it was hilarious. and by hilarious, i mean that i felt embarrassed for humankind.
that guy standing behind the car is the dude who was barking out instructions to the driver, like "turn!" and "right right!" and "left now!" and "reverse!" it took about four minutes to park that car into that space.
that very large space.
which, as you can tell by these photos, could have fit a school bus. and an elephant.
it was hilarious. and by hilarious, i mean that i felt embarrassed for humankind.
how i think this can be read a couple of ways
while getting some cizzash from the atm in my neighborhood, i saw a postcard sitting beside the monitor screen. it was an artist's rendition of a lizard, and...ah, well, here it is.
of course, i turned it over, and this is what it said:
(if you can't read something that small, just click on it)
so, that's interesting, considering that "Q" is a restaurant on 4th avenue, and "giorgio's" is a pizzeria on 3rd.
yes, it seems like it's a waitress war.
what happened?
scenario one
sandra, the hot stuff giorgio girl, was fooling around with the boyfriend of either ursula and tiffany. this was not a recent fling. he might have just stated it in an off-hand way. of course, that set off ursula (i'm picking her), so she took her friend tiffany and confronted sandra about it. sandra admitted it (why should she care?) but it still ticked off ursula, who was jealous because she is insecure. so now ursula and tiffany do walk-bys past giorgio's, and sandra's all pissed off about it. so she wrote this postcard to them. it was passive aggressive, but that's how we do in san francisco.
scenario two
sandra is actually currently fooling around with ursula's boyfriend. when ursula found out about it, she summoned tiffany and confronted her. sandra was kinda put off about it, saying "if you want to address me, we do it one on one, so get your skanky ho outta here". but ursula's no fool. the confrontation got hot, but no punches were thrown. ursula's pissed off because this wench is stealing her guy. sandra's pissed because ursula brought tiffany with her. this has the potential to be an explosive situation.
scenario three
sandra found out that her boyfriend was cheating with either ursula or tiffany (or ursula and tiffany or - better yet- ursula and tiffany at exactly the same time). she dumped her boyfriend because what good is he anyway, and doesn't want to be bothered with this situation past a postcard and ink. now she feels closure, but ursula and tiffany are plotting sweet revenge.
scenario four
sandra interviewed for a job at Q, and ursula and tiffany didn't hire her.
either way, the only winner is the boyfriend.
well played.
of course, i turned it over, and this is what it said:
(if you can't read something that small, just click on it)
so, that's interesting, considering that "Q" is a restaurant on 4th avenue, and "giorgio's" is a pizzeria on 3rd.
yes, it seems like it's a waitress war.
what happened?
scenario one
sandra, the hot stuff giorgio girl, was fooling around with the boyfriend of either ursula and tiffany. this was not a recent fling. he might have just stated it in an off-hand way. of course, that set off ursula (i'm picking her), so she took her friend tiffany and confronted sandra about it. sandra admitted it (why should she care?) but it still ticked off ursula, who was jealous because she is insecure. so now ursula and tiffany do walk-bys past giorgio's, and sandra's all pissed off about it. so she wrote this postcard to them. it was passive aggressive, but that's how we do in san francisco.
scenario two
sandra is actually currently fooling around with ursula's boyfriend. when ursula found out about it, she summoned tiffany and confronted her. sandra was kinda put off about it, saying "if you want to address me, we do it one on one, so get your skanky ho outta here". but ursula's no fool. the confrontation got hot, but no punches were thrown. ursula's pissed off because this wench is stealing her guy. sandra's pissed because ursula brought tiffany with her. this has the potential to be an explosive situation.
scenario three
sandra found out that her boyfriend was cheating with either ursula or tiffany (or ursula and tiffany or - better yet- ursula and tiffany at exactly the same time). she dumped her boyfriend because what good is he anyway, and doesn't want to be bothered with this situation past a postcard and ink. now she feels closure, but ursula and tiffany are plotting sweet revenge.
scenario four
sandra interviewed for a job at Q, and ursula and tiffany didn't hire her.
either way, the only winner is the boyfriend.
well played.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
how i must not have gotten the memo
while riding on the 38 bus to my ballgame today, i noticed that four different people in my area were wearing moccasins.
but they weren't just moccasins. they were, well, kinda fake looking moccasins, or, rather, moccasin-inspired footwear.
yes, my friends, they were mock moccasins.
was today moccasin saturday? it came so early this year.
but they weren't just moccasins. they were, well, kinda fake looking moccasins, or, rather, moccasin-inspired footwear.
yes, my friends, they were mock moccasins.
was today moccasin saturday? it came so early this year.
Friday, April 06, 2007
how i've added a new feature
on the sidebar to the right, you'll find a link for steveoh's del.icio.us page. it's a website that stores all the links that i might go to or enjoy, and organizes them in a web 2.0 way, which means they can be sorted and shared by others.
that means you.
so if you want to know where my mind goes to, well, there you go. i'm revealing my secrets. or some of them.
and, i'm just putting this out there because i had to grit my teeth when i typed it out myself, but the next time i hear someone use the term "web 2.0", i'm getting all "austin 3:16" on them.
if you set one up, let me know.
that means you.
so if you want to know where my mind goes to, well, there you go. i'm revealing my secrets. or some of them.
and, i'm just putting this out there because i had to grit my teeth when i typed it out myself, but the next time i hear someone use the term "web 2.0", i'm getting all "austin 3:16" on them.
if you set one up, let me know.
how i wish i went to a big football school
because when there's a blog published about how that school sucks, it's usually not written by someone who attends it.
also, the blogs that claim how much that school rocks don't actually wind up unintentionally contradicting themselves.
go seawolves.
also, the blogs that claim how much that school rocks don't actually wind up unintentionally contradicting themselves.
go seawolves.
how i'm amazed that, in the ten years i've owned my e-mail address, that i never got a message like this earlier
this was waiting for me in my inbox:
Ms. Stone
My office received $500 from your friend Steven Oh and he asked me to purchase an index number for the Court filings. We spent $210 for the Court filings. Upon your request and if you give me your fax number, I will fax a proof of receipt from Steven Oh and a proof of payment of $210 with the Court.
Dongsung Lim
methinks i have a new alias.
and if anybody's wondering, it was in a response to this thrilling and thoroughly thought-provoking message:
À̺Á¿ä ½ºÆ¼ºê¿À¾¾! ÀÓº¯È£»ç°¡ µ·À» ´ç½ÅÀ¸·ÎºÎÅÍ ¹ÞÀºÀûÀ̾ø´Ù³× ÀÌ·¯¸é ¾ÈµÇÁö µµ¿ÍÁÖ°Ú´Ù°í Á¢±ÙÇؼ
ÀÌ·¸°Ô ¹«Ã¥ÀÓÇÏ°Ô Ã³¸®ÇÏ°í ÀúÂÊ¿¡¼ ¹ú½á ÀÌÈ¥À̳¡³´´Ù´Âµ¥ µµ¿ÍÁÖÁö¸øÇ× ¾ç½ÉÀº ¾î¶»°Ô ÇҰǵ¥
oh, silly steven oh. you are such a cad.
Ms. Stone
My office received $500 from your friend Steven Oh and he asked me to purchase an index number for the Court filings. We spent $210 for the Court filings. Upon your request and if you give me your fax number, I will fax a proof of receipt from Steven Oh and a proof of payment of $210 with the Court.
Dongsung Lim
methinks i have a new alias.
and if anybody's wondering, it was in a response to this thrilling and thoroughly thought-provoking message:
À̺Á¿ä ½ºÆ¼ºê¿À¾¾! ÀÓº¯È£»ç°¡ µ·À» ´ç½ÅÀ¸·ÎºÎÅÍ ¹ÞÀºÀûÀ̾ø´Ù³× ÀÌ·¯¸é ¾ÈµÇÁö µµ¿ÍÁÖ°Ú´Ù°í Á¢±ÙÇؼ
ÀÌ·¸°Ô ¹«Ã¥ÀÓÇÏ°Ô Ã³¸®ÇÏ°í ÀúÂÊ¿¡¼ ¹ú½á ÀÌÈ¥À̳¡³´´Ù´Âµ¥ µµ¿ÍÁÖÁö¸øÇ× ¾ç½ÉÀº ¾î¶»°Ô ÇҰǵ¥
oh, silly steven oh. you are such a cad.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
how my mustache knowledge just wasn't up to par
take the mustache quiz to test your knowledge of celebrity mustahces.
i got 7 out of 10.
i should hand in my fakes.
i got 7 out of 10.
i should hand in my fakes.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
how i don't know which cheek i stand on
here's an article about a student who mooned his teacher and got expelled for it.
on one hand, that was an incredibly stupid thing for him to do, and he deserves to get punished.
but, on the other hand, how funny is that?
doesn't that count for anything?
on one hand, that was an incredibly stupid thing for him to do, and he deserves to get punished.
but, on the other hand, how funny is that?
doesn't that count for anything?
how i hope that nbc realizes that it's a brand new world
i understand that the nielsen ratings are a barometer for networks to base their ad rates on. and i completely grasp that television shows are basically renting time on the networks, and that they have to pay their rent.
i get all that.
but i also get that with the advent of watching an entire season of a series on dvd, a show's first year neilsen ratings may not be indicative of its ratings for the next season. you just can't expect the populace to jump into the middle of a season and expect to follow it.
before seasons on dvds, you almost have to make an uninformed decision at the start of the season and stick with it, and the fate of that series will be determined by that.
with dvds, you can make up for it. and, hopefully, critical acclaim will be in high tide.
why am i harping on this? because i really don't want "friday night lights" to be cancelled.
it's truly the best show on television - or, at least, i can't imagine a show being as well written, directed and acted as this. at least, it's in the same boat at "the sopranos" and "the wire".
it's truly a remarkable achievement in storytelling and authenticity. last night's episode, the season's penultimate, was unspeakably terrific. and, with each week, incredibly, it just keeps getting better.
it's too late for all y'all to catch up with it now.
but the dvds are released during the summer.
i'll let you know.
i get all that.
but i also get that with the advent of watching an entire season of a series on dvd, a show's first year neilsen ratings may not be indicative of its ratings for the next season. you just can't expect the populace to jump into the middle of a season and expect to follow it.
before seasons on dvds, you almost have to make an uninformed decision at the start of the season and stick with it, and the fate of that series will be determined by that.
with dvds, you can make up for it. and, hopefully, critical acclaim will be in high tide.
why am i harping on this? because i really don't want "friday night lights" to be cancelled.
it's truly the best show on television - or, at least, i can't imagine a show being as well written, directed and acted as this. at least, it's in the same boat at "the sopranos" and "the wire".
it's truly a remarkable achievement in storytelling and authenticity. last night's episode, the season's penultimate, was unspeakably terrific. and, with each week, incredibly, it just keeps getting better.
it's too late for all y'all to catch up with it now.
but the dvds are released during the summer.
i'll let you know.
how i just couldn't resist posting this link
seriously, it took me a good three minutes to stop laughing at this photo.
poor bunny lebowski has fallen so far.
poor bunny lebowski has fallen so far.
how i actually had these two conversations in one day
scene: JFK airport, metal detector, special secruity measures area
STEVE, a young charming man in his early thirties but who could easily pass for mid-twenties, is part of a randomly chosen secruity measure where he and his belongings are thoroughly searched.
a SECURITY OFFICER gives him the rundown with the secruity wand. he instructs steve to sit. all is well, until...
SECURITY GUARD: "oh snap!"
STEVE: "what?"
SECURITY GUARD: "where'd you get dose?"
STEVE: (nervously) "i'm sorry, but...what are you talking about?
SECURITY GUARD: (pointing at steve's possessions in a bin) "dose! where'd you get dose?"
steve looks and sees his mess: a belt, his laptop, his hoodie and his kicks.
STEVE: "you mean the nikes?"
SECURITY GUARD: "oh snap! i ain't seen dose before! dey ain't out yet, are dey?"
STEVE: "nah, i got them before they hit the streets."
SECURITY GUARD: "word? how you do dat?"
STEVE: "i'm a freelance writer for nike and i get access to..."
SECURITY GUARD: "word up? i ain't never seen dose nikes before. i'm a nike shoe head. i love dem sneaks. i had me some of dose andre agassi kicks back in da day. yo, can i put your e-mail address in my sidekick?
STEVE: "dude, i can't do that."
SECURITY GUARD: "why not?"
STEVE: "because they're just for employees only."
SECURITY GUARD: "oh snap."
...
seven hours later.
scene: taxicab in san francisco, en route from oakland international airport.
STEVE, a dashing writer with muscles and charisma galore, sits in the back seat of his cab. he just let his project manager, JAMIE, off at her place after a three-day work jaunt to new york city. their CABBIE had driven quietly throughout the journey, but as soon as jamie was dropped off...
CABBIE: "you come back from new york, yes?"
STEVE: "yep."
CABBIE: "never been there."
STEVE: "you should. it's amazing."
CABBIE: "sometimes, i wish i could just escape."
uncomfortable silence.
CABBIE: "i am going through tough personal times. my wife, we've been married for twenty years. i work hard, every day, drive for 16-18 hours. i come home tired. sometimes, i do not give my wife the attention she deserves. that i grant is my mistake."
STEVE: "make a right left here."
CABBIE: "two months ago, i come home and see my wife in bed with another man. i yell at her. she tell me that i pay no attention to her all i do is work and this is what comes of it. i want to kill the man and my wife."
very uncomfortable silence.
CABBIE: "yesterday, we bring two lawyers to settle things. i work hard and i pay off mortgage to house. $4000 a month. that is why i work 16-18 hours a day. my wife, she wants to split the house. this i agree too."
STEVE: "make a left on california please."
CABBIE: "but then i see her with that man and i get angry inside, so i say to my lawyer, 'no deal!' all or nothing. that bitch deserves nothing. nothing, i tell you. nothing! but then we have the kids, i have twins, just six months old, and also a seven year-old, and now i have an apartment near them, but everywhere i look around me, i see that filthy bitch."
STEVE: "sixth avenue is coming up. you should make a..."
CABBIE: "now i want to take my kids out of the country."
extremely uncomfortable silence.
CABBIE: "so, i would like to go to new york, but soon, i will take my kids away from my wife and take them to mexico, where we will be happy."
STEVE: "right here is fine. ummm..how much do i owe you?"
STEVE, a young charming man in his early thirties but who could easily pass for mid-twenties, is part of a randomly chosen secruity measure where he and his belongings are thoroughly searched.
a SECURITY OFFICER gives him the rundown with the secruity wand. he instructs steve to sit. all is well, until...
SECURITY GUARD: "oh snap!"
STEVE: "what?"
SECURITY GUARD: "where'd you get dose?"
STEVE: (nervously) "i'm sorry, but...what are you talking about?
SECURITY GUARD: (pointing at steve's possessions in a bin) "dose! where'd you get dose?"
steve looks and sees his mess: a belt, his laptop, his hoodie and his kicks.
STEVE: "you mean the nikes?"
SECURITY GUARD: "oh snap! i ain't seen dose before! dey ain't out yet, are dey?"
STEVE: "nah, i got them before they hit the streets."
SECURITY GUARD: "word? how you do dat?"
STEVE: "i'm a freelance writer for nike and i get access to..."
SECURITY GUARD: "word up? i ain't never seen dose nikes before. i'm a nike shoe head. i love dem sneaks. i had me some of dose andre agassi kicks back in da day. yo, can i put your e-mail address in my sidekick?
STEVE: "dude, i can't do that."
SECURITY GUARD: "why not?"
STEVE: "because they're just for employees only."
SECURITY GUARD: "oh snap."
...
seven hours later.
scene: taxicab in san francisco, en route from oakland international airport.
STEVE, a dashing writer with muscles and charisma galore, sits in the back seat of his cab. he just let his project manager, JAMIE, off at her place after a three-day work jaunt to new york city. their CABBIE had driven quietly throughout the journey, but as soon as jamie was dropped off...
CABBIE: "you come back from new york, yes?"
STEVE: "yep."
CABBIE: "never been there."
STEVE: "you should. it's amazing."
CABBIE: "sometimes, i wish i could just escape."
uncomfortable silence.
CABBIE: "i am going through tough personal times. my wife, we've been married for twenty years. i work hard, every day, drive for 16-18 hours. i come home tired. sometimes, i do not give my wife the attention she deserves. that i grant is my mistake."
STEVE: "make a right left here."
CABBIE: "two months ago, i come home and see my wife in bed with another man. i yell at her. she tell me that i pay no attention to her all i do is work and this is what comes of it. i want to kill the man and my wife."
very uncomfortable silence.
CABBIE: "yesterday, we bring two lawyers to settle things. i work hard and i pay off mortgage to house. $4000 a month. that is why i work 16-18 hours a day. my wife, she wants to split the house. this i agree too."
STEVE: "make a left on california please."
CABBIE: "but then i see her with that man and i get angry inside, so i say to my lawyer, 'no deal!' all or nothing. that bitch deserves nothing. nothing, i tell you. nothing! but then we have the kids, i have twins, just six months old, and also a seven year-old, and now i have an apartment near them, but everywhere i look around me, i see that filthy bitch."
STEVE: "sixth avenue is coming up. you should make a..."
CABBIE: "now i want to take my kids out of the country."
extremely uncomfortable silence.
CABBIE: "so, i would like to go to new york, but soon, i will take my kids away from my wife and take them to mexico, where we will be happy."
STEVE: "right here is fine. ummm..how much do i owe you?"
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