Wednesday, September 14, 2005

how the end was near

it seems almost trivial to post this, considering what happened in new orleans, but i had a major catastrophe in my life last night, which again seems trivial, but to me, it meant everything.

after two months of an intensive labor of love, i was a little bit of effort away from finishing a fifteen-minute film about my friends getting married that would premiere at their rehearsal dinner in a place called the old silent film theater in hollywood. my first movie on a big screen, and it's something i'm very proud of - my best work ever.

all i had to do was place in some voiceover and import some title cards. easy stuff.

that is, if i had a movie to do it for.

it was gone - rather, my external hard drive wasn't able to be mounted on my desktop. that's where i saved it. and now, i couldn't get to it. so not only was this film gone, but also every film i had ever finished, my professional reel, my professional book, photographs and tons of applications that i moved from my desktop to the external to free up some space.

gone. unable to be accessed.

my last three years. kaput.

everything i've ever worked for. vanished.

i frantically called my friend russ, who was my IT guy at my old agency. he was kind enough to invite me and my external hard drive over for him to give a valiant attempt to save it. while he fidgeted with it, i ran to my office, where i happened to download quicktimes of the wedding film onto my desktop. it would be a quick burn onto a dvd, and with non-stop work ahead of me, i could at least salvage a crappy version of the film to show on friday night.

that was my first priority: the most important day of my friend's life. the wreck of mine could come later.

a quick burn took an hour, and with each minute i thought about everything - the hard work, the weekends, the late nights, the love, the passion, the learning, the miracles, the luck, my past and my future. and i realized that it all may be lost, but it's not gone - i had copies of everything, but i'd lose the masters. and some photos saved. and i couldn't even calculate how much in missing software.

you know, just the stuff that can't be replaced.

as it burned, i called russ to check on his progress, and it's amazing how much you can tell from someone's voice as he searches for just a small glimpse of light. no matter how he spun it, i didn't buy it.

as the burn finished, i walked back to his place, and i just geared myself up for a long night of getting this film done and then weeks of trying to get everything else replaced through friends and savvy.

if i told you that i wasn't on the verge of crying, i'd be lying.

if i told you that i thought about many dark things, i'd be lying.

perhaps i shouldn't say more.

when i got to russ' front door, he and his wife quickly looked up at me, as if they know that someone i knew had died and they were the bearers of bad news.

shit.

and he had news. he found it all by rescuing the external hard drive. it just needed a new chassis. it was all there, just how i left it.

could you believe that?

if i told you that my nerves took a deep breath, i'd be lying.

if i told you i haven't stopped smiling, i'd be lying.

thank you, russ.

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