first off, i really like this show. i think it's one of the most intriguing and well-developed concepts out there. it's kinda fun seeing something we've all experienced week after week stripped down - even if in a fictionalized way. and it's very well-acted and well-directed and impossibly well-done in every aspect. they're spending a lot of money to make it, and you can see it in every scene.
but i gotta say: i'm not sure if i'm totally digging the writing. wait, i take that back. i dig the writing - it's very smart - but all the characters talk exactly the same way and their sense of humors are all exactly the same. it's like watching a kevin smith movie, except with much more craft and couth.
i'm not saying it ain't funny. it is very funny. it's just funny in the same way all the time. life isn't like that. hell, the best sitcoms aren't like that. look at "cheers". every character had their own unique style, delivery, sense of humor. right now, all the characters seem like one character. maybe when the characters are more developed, it'll develop.
speaking of characters, i think i'm falling in love with harriet hayes, with her humor, her convictions, her confidence, her self-comfort. she's extremely appealing, and of course, she's easy to look at. really easy to look at. i think if she were real, i'd be full of smit.
in fact, i haven't felt this way about a fictional character since clementine in "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind".
does that make me delusional?
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
how i ain't blaming him
if the mets lose the NLCS, i know that it's because they didn't have enough starting pitching in october. and that the offense suddenly stopped hitting. and that david wright couldn't be colder at the plate. and that the cardinals' relievers suddenly have lightning bolts in their arms.
but i gotta say that the home plate umpire's "strike whims" didn't help at all either. can't expect an intellectual craftsman like tom glavine to pitch to something as erratic as that.
let's go mets. i still believe.
but i gotta say that the home plate umpire's "strike whims" didn't help at all either. can't expect an intellectual craftsman like tom glavine to pitch to something as erratic as that.
let's go mets. i still believe.
how the haight was empty in their absence
a concert review for you:
bob dylan
at the bill graham civic auditorium
san francisco, ca on october 17, 2006
well, at least we know where all the hippies were on tuesday night. and, also, the marin and east bay businessmen. yep, that was the crowd that came together to see dylan and his band play an ultratight set of music. they didn't move at all on stage - in fact, the guitarist walked from his position to the front once, and that was it - and dylan never addressed the crowd at all. it was a highly professional performance by the highest-quality performers. they rocked as much as they could at their ages, and it was quite all right with me.
the hippies danced. and let me say that there are no bigger collection of worse dancers than hippies at a concert - mostly because they ain't dancing to the music. in fact, i don't know what they're dancing to. and i'm not even sure i can call it dancing. however, i can call it funny.
and the businessmen danced when they had to, although it was more like a spasm. over and over again. and when they weren't dancing, they were standing in front of me (which is alright) and my friend cika, who stands 5 feet tall (which is rude). whatevs. it wasn't like dylan was doing much.
there was one large hippie who stood more than halfway towards the stage. and when i say large, i mean a good head-and-shoulders above anyone else's head-and-shoulders. and he was in our way, yes, but again, there was nothing to look at. you know, except the back of his head. and that got me thinking.
how many seven foot hippies from california can you name?
how many do you think exist?
and how many of them could score tickets to see bob dylan in san francisco?
yep. it had to be big red.
and i waited outside after the show to find out.
so i saw bob dylan with bill walton. what did you do on your tuesday night?
bob dylan
at the bill graham civic auditorium
san francisco, ca on october 17, 2006
well, at least we know where all the hippies were on tuesday night. and, also, the marin and east bay businessmen. yep, that was the crowd that came together to see dylan and his band play an ultratight set of music. they didn't move at all on stage - in fact, the guitarist walked from his position to the front once, and that was it - and dylan never addressed the crowd at all. it was a highly professional performance by the highest-quality performers. they rocked as much as they could at their ages, and it was quite all right with me.
the hippies danced. and let me say that there are no bigger collection of worse dancers than hippies at a concert - mostly because they ain't dancing to the music. in fact, i don't know what they're dancing to. and i'm not even sure i can call it dancing. however, i can call it funny.
and the businessmen danced when they had to, although it was more like a spasm. over and over again. and when they weren't dancing, they were standing in front of me (which is alright) and my friend cika, who stands 5 feet tall (which is rude). whatevs. it wasn't like dylan was doing much.
there was one large hippie who stood more than halfway towards the stage. and when i say large, i mean a good head-and-shoulders above anyone else's head-and-shoulders. and he was in our way, yes, but again, there was nothing to look at. you know, except the back of his head. and that got me thinking.
how many seven foot hippies from california can you name?
how many do you think exist?
and how many of them could score tickets to see bob dylan in san francisco?
yep. it had to be big red.
and i waited outside after the show to find out.
so i saw bob dylan with bill walton. what did you do on your tuesday night?
Monday, October 16, 2006
how you can learn something anywhere, like on the tarmac at the jfk international airport
i flew jet blue back to san francisco this morning. it was a brand new plane. that is, we were the first passengers to ever fly on this marvel, the newest in airline transporation technology.
and yet, they had to pull someone off the plane for "weight balance".
huh?
so i got home and googled what that meant.
here you go, from nasa:
If the object has its weight distributed equally throughout, its balance point is located at its geometric center. If the object has unequal weight distribution, its balance point or its center of gravity may not be at its geometric center.
The force that opposes the force of weight for an aircraft is lift. The lift force must be greater than the weight for an airplane to fly.
For an aircraft, it is important that the location of the center of gravity fall within the limits specified by the design of the aircraft. If it falls outside these limits, it will have adverse effects on how the airplane will fly.
so that's what i learned.
and i also learned that the 135-pound woman who volunteered to get off the plane made all the difference in the world. if she would not have gotten off, we never would have gotten off the ground, i guess. right?
right?
that's how much we were off.
you would think a brand new plane would have had that figured out.
weird.
and yet, they had to pull someone off the plane for "weight balance".
huh?
so i got home and googled what that meant.
here you go, from nasa:
If the object has its weight distributed equally throughout, its balance point is located at its geometric center. If the object has unequal weight distribution, its balance point or its center of gravity may not be at its geometric center.
The force that opposes the force of weight for an aircraft is lift. The lift force must be greater than the weight for an airplane to fly.
For an aircraft, it is important that the location of the center of gravity fall within the limits specified by the design of the aircraft. If it falls outside these limits, it will have adverse effects on how the airplane will fly.
so that's what i learned.
and i also learned that the 135-pound woman who volunteered to get off the plane made all the difference in the world. if she would not have gotten off, we never would have gotten off the ground, i guess. right?
right?
that's how much we were off.
you would think a brand new plane would have had that figured out.
weird.
how to deal with hypothetical disappointment
if i were an arizona cardinal fan, i'd be suicidal after watching my team blow a twenty-point fourth quarter lead, blow a game that we dominated over one of the top teams in football, blow a win after forcing six turnovers, and blow a coming-out party by my stud rookie quarterback.
then again, if i were an arizona cardinal fan, i'd also be living in the land of make-believe.
that was the weirdest monday night football game i've ever seen.
then again, if i were an arizona cardinal fan, i'd also be living in the land of make-believe.
that was the weirdest monday night football game i've ever seen.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
how i'm taking applications for someone to be my pissboy
my father's been researching his geneology past what we already knew, and, to make a long story short, my great-great-grandmother's name was benedetta bologna, and she was born, raised and died in a town called capaci.
my father then did some research about capaci. the town relies on farming, fishing and tourism for its economy. it first appeared as a known town in 1241 and was awarded as a fiefdom to francesco beccadelli bologna in 1556 where he became the first baron of capaci.
since there weren't many people in that town then or now - currently, there's only 11,000 people - it really isn't that much of a stretch to say that my great-great-grandmother, benedetta bologna, might have been a baroness of capaci.
i don't know what the rights of decendency is or were, but please, just as a precaution, take a knee and kiss my ring when you're in my presence.
that's all i'm saying.
my father then did some research about capaci. the town relies on farming, fishing and tourism for its economy. it first appeared as a known town in 1241 and was awarded as a fiefdom to francesco beccadelli bologna in 1556 where he became the first baron of capaci.
since there weren't many people in that town then or now - currently, there's only 11,000 people - it really isn't that much of a stretch to say that my great-great-grandmother, benedetta bologna, might have been a baroness of capaci.
i don't know what the rights of decendency is or were, but please, just as a precaution, take a knee and kiss my ring when you're in my presence.
that's all i'm saying.
how the crash was an accident but the coverage is overdone
of course, it's terrible that cory lidle drove his plane into a building. but now that he's dead, do we all have to hear all these athletes talk for him?
you know, "he'd want us to play on" and "he was doing what he loved" and all that crap we've heard millions of times over said by an endless line of athletes in the baseball fraternity, most of whom never met him.
and don't forget all these baseball commentators waxing poetically about life and baseball, saying that "athletes shouldn't be putting their careers in jeopardy" and "athletes live on the edge" and all that crap we've heard millions of times over, even though they're just as guilty as they charge.
i just think it's gonna be overdone and overanalyzed and overregurgitated because it's an easy way for stupid people to overwatch it and to get marketers to overpay for the ad space.
here's everything we needed to know: yankee pitcher cory lidle died by crashing his plane into a building in the upper east side. it was an accident. he left behind a wife and a six-year-old child. one other person died. it had nothing to do with terrorism and alec baldwin was temporarily inconvenienced.
i got that done in five sentences, maybe six if you break up the last one. there's no real updates past that. i mean, that's it. but today on espn is gonna be nothing but the same diatribes over and over again. the same cliches. the same words spoken by different people - all because he's somewhat famous - and without a word about the other victim.
i guess i won't watch espn today.
call me coldhearted, but i just don't want to hear it.
you know, "he'd want us to play on" and "he was doing what he loved" and all that crap we've heard millions of times over said by an endless line of athletes in the baseball fraternity, most of whom never met him.
and don't forget all these baseball commentators waxing poetically about life and baseball, saying that "athletes shouldn't be putting their careers in jeopardy" and "athletes live on the edge" and all that crap we've heard millions of times over, even though they're just as guilty as they charge.
i just think it's gonna be overdone and overanalyzed and overregurgitated because it's an easy way for stupid people to overwatch it and to get marketers to overpay for the ad space.
here's everything we needed to know: yankee pitcher cory lidle died by crashing his plane into a building in the upper east side. it was an accident. he left behind a wife and a six-year-old child. one other person died. it had nothing to do with terrorism and alec baldwin was temporarily inconvenienced.
i got that done in five sentences, maybe six if you break up the last one. there's no real updates past that. i mean, that's it. but today on espn is gonna be nothing but the same diatribes over and over again. the same cliches. the same words spoken by different people - all because he's somewhat famous - and without a word about the other victim.
i guess i won't watch espn today.
call me coldhearted, but i just don't want to hear it.
how a day in the mid-seventies in new york city can be quite convincing
five reasons why i should move back to new york:
1. the modelesque babe i saw in bryant park
2. the curly-haired cap-wearing babe i saw on 17th and broadway
3. the booted babe in a miniskirt i saw near tompkins square
4. the business-suited babe walking in gramercy park
5. the college babe i passed by near NYU
of course, it's cold and rainy here today, so i guess it all evens out.
1. the modelesque babe i saw in bryant park
2. the curly-haired cap-wearing babe i saw on 17th and broadway
3. the booted babe in a miniskirt i saw near tompkins square
4. the business-suited babe walking in gramercy park
5. the college babe i passed by near NYU
of course, it's cold and rainy here today, so i guess it all evens out.
Monday, October 09, 2006
how i learned a new word today at 4:15 pm EST
costochondritis. as told to me by my doctor who had to see me because of my, well, pain in the chest that can be reproduced by pressing on the affected area between the ribs. this was right before he looked at my EKG reading and reported, "nothing looks dramatic", of which i responded, "how about anything comedic?"
in a sentence: steve has costochondritis.
in a sentence: steve has costochondritis.
how this is shocking for the wrong reasons
in the headline "hilton, richie seen at L.A. steakhouse", is the shocker that they were seen together, thawing out a year-long icefest between the two, or that these two thimbletoes were at a steakhouse?
you know where i stand on this.
by the way, they ate at dan tana's in beverly hills. i've eaten their steaks. they are delicious. in fact, their most delicious steak is named "the dabney coleman" because he's devoured that steak three times a week for twenty years. for ten of those years, he ate the dabney coleman with harry dean stanton and evel knievel. that's what the waiter told me. you can't make that up.
so, what i'm trying to say is that paris hilton and nicole richie might have eaten the dabney coleman. and then, in the bathroom, they probably threw him up.
now that is awesome.
you know where i stand on this.
by the way, they ate at dan tana's in beverly hills. i've eaten their steaks. they are delicious. in fact, their most delicious steak is named "the dabney coleman" because he's devoured that steak three times a week for twenty years. for ten of those years, he ate the dabney coleman with harry dean stanton and evel knievel. that's what the waiter told me. you can't make that up.
so, what i'm trying to say is that paris hilton and nicole richie might have eaten the dabney coleman. and then, in the bathroom, they probably threw him up.
now that is awesome.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
how i can't imagine how this weekend could have been any better
the yanks get eliminated by the underdog tigers, sinklng a $200 million ship into a sea of failure as the world celebrates.
the new york football giants destroy and embarrass the hated redskins, reinvigorating a sleeping defense.
the new york rangers defeat the hated philadelphia flyers in a thrilling shootout in overtime.
the knicks have yet to play.
and the amazin' mets sweep the dodgers in dramatic fashion to advance to the NLCS.
yeah, it's hard to get better than this.
the new york football giants destroy and embarrass the hated redskins, reinvigorating a sleeping defense.
the new york rangers defeat the hated philadelphia flyers in a thrilling shootout in overtime.
the knicks have yet to play.
and the amazin' mets sweep the dodgers in dramatic fashion to advance to the NLCS.
yeah, it's hard to get better than this.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
how it couldn't have happened to a more deserving ballclub
and i ain't talking about the detroit tigers.
for a team that embraces a strategy of spending twice as much as any other ballclub to create a completely uncompetitive landscape which, although within the rules, is also unsportsmanlike, well, nothing's sweeter than seeing jeter and the gang on the links in october.
steinbrenner, you got exactly what you deserved. overspending on louts and steroid abusers.
instant karma's just got you.
ladies and gentlemen, the supposedly best team money can buy. literally. out in four games.
fantastic.
for a team that embraces a strategy of spending twice as much as any other ballclub to create a completely uncompetitive landscape which, although within the rules, is also unsportsmanlike, well, nothing's sweeter than seeing jeter and the gang on the links in october.
steinbrenner, you got exactly what you deserved. overspending on louts and steroid abusers.
instant karma's just got you.
ladies and gentlemen, the supposedly best team money can buy. literally. out in four games.
fantastic.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
how brilliant and creepy sometimes go hand in hand
i gotta say that this is the best idea ever of how to use google earth.
of course, it also send shivers up my spine.
oh well, you can't have it all.
if only HP had these resources available.
of course, it also send shivers up my spine.
oh well, you can't have it all.
if only HP had these resources available.
how, of all the headlines in the world, i never expected to read this one
quite possibly the first time in the history of the world that these collection of letters were put together in this order.
congrats are extended to all.
congrats are extended to all.
how there's funny, and then there's "two white jackasses whose version of acting black is to mimic the idiots from the maury povich show" funny
you know how some times i'll find something that is so goddamn funny that i completely respect the urge to just let it be and let its true comedic genius speak for itself?
well, this is one of those times.
my lord, hilarious.
well, this is one of those times.
my lord, hilarious.
how i don't mean to curse, but...
it's fucking raining outside.
i can't even bring myself to typing "WTF", so i will say it in full.
what the fuck?
i can't even bring myself to typing "WTF", so i will say it in full.
what the fuck?
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
how i forgto to post this
but the newest episode of "the heather gold show" is now online. the director/editor is very bad at letting people know that its been up.
it's on the bottom right, and it takes awhile to load up.
and keep in mind: as with everything in life, it's a work in progress, but much improved.
it's on the bottom right, and it takes awhile to load up.
and keep in mind: as with everything in life, it's a work in progress, but much improved.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
how there's brilliance every so often
i think the sports guy on espn has seen his better days. the schtick is getting tired, the smart comments fewer and farther between, and he's just not as funny.
but i still read him - religiously.
because he might come up with something as brilliant as this, from today's blogging of the baseball playoffs:
1:00 -- The Quadruple-A Playoffs kicks off: Chris Carpenter against Jake Peavy, Chris Berman and Orel Hershiser announcing, and me still reeling from my random celebrity encounter between games. While waiting in line for a sandwich at one of my neighborhood lunch places, it took about 10 seconds before I realized that the guy standing behind me was the same guy who paid Dirk Diggler to, um, pleasure himself outside the church in Boogie Nights.
So that left me with three choices:
A. Tell him that I "loved you in Boogie Nights," followed by him spending the next 10 minutes wondering if that meant I loved him in Boogie Nights, or I just love scenes where guys pay former porn stars to pleasure themselves outside a church, followed by their friends beating the hell out of them.
B. Wait to pick up my sandwich, make eye contact with him, then tell him as calmly as possible, "It's 5 dollars if you want to see it, 10 dollars if you want me to (bleep) the sandwich off."
C. Stand there debating Option A vs. Option B for ten minutes, do nothing, get my sandwich and leave.
(Needless to say, I chose Option C. I'm a wuss. Back to the game.)
but i still read him - religiously.
because he might come up with something as brilliant as this, from today's blogging of the baseball playoffs:
1:00 -- The Quadruple-A Playoffs kicks off: Chris Carpenter against Jake Peavy, Chris Berman and Orel Hershiser announcing, and me still reeling from my random celebrity encounter between games. While waiting in line for a sandwich at one of my neighborhood lunch places, it took about 10 seconds before I realized that the guy standing behind me was the same guy who paid Dirk Diggler to, um, pleasure himself outside the church in Boogie Nights.
So that left me with three choices:
A. Tell him that I "loved you in Boogie Nights," followed by him spending the next 10 minutes wondering if that meant I loved him in Boogie Nights, or I just love scenes where guys pay former porn stars to pleasure themselves outside a church, followed by their friends beating the hell out of them.
B. Wait to pick up my sandwich, make eye contact with him, then tell him as calmly as possible, "It's 5 dollars if you want to see it, 10 dollars if you want me to (bleep) the sandwich off."
C. Stand there debating Option A vs. Option B for ten minutes, do nothing, get my sandwich and leave.
(Needless to say, I chose Option C. I'm a wuss. Back to the game.)
how i'm about as sick to my stomach as i possibly could be
as a mets fan, i can deal with pedro martinez being out of the playoffs and into next year. we've been preparing for that all year, and he did more than his fair share of heavy lifting this year. godspeed, pedro.
but with el duque possibly tearing his calf while jogging today, the day before he starts game one of the NLDS, well, is this some sort of joke?
i've never heard of a team losing two starting pitchers the week that the playoffs begin. i really haven't. that's completely insane.
it's insane.
could you imagine how bad off we'd be if tom glavine couldn't come back from his aneurysm? i shudder to think.
provided that el duque is gone, we're down to three starting pitchers, one of whom has been terrible this year.
what the hell just happened to our season?
but with el duque possibly tearing his calf while jogging today, the day before he starts game one of the NLDS, well, is this some sort of joke?
i've never heard of a team losing two starting pitchers the week that the playoffs begin. i really haven't. that's completely insane.
it's insane.
could you imagine how bad off we'd be if tom glavine couldn't come back from his aneurysm? i shudder to think.
provided that el duque is gone, we're down to three starting pitchers, one of whom has been terrible this year.
what the hell just happened to our season?
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