i'm not one for stuff that doesn't make sense. i usually live firmly in the camp that there's a good reason for everything, even if it isn't obvious. it's not as much of a lack of faith as it is a comfort in facts.
basically, i feel that the unexplainable is easily explainable. it's a twelve years in catholic school thing; you either drink the kool aid or become cynical about anything mystical.
i've always been firmly with the latter. but now, i gotta question that.
probably moreso than any other news article that's been going around (and yes, that includes britney's bald gate), i've been following the story about the three hikers that fell off mount hood and were rescued yesterday. i've been somewhat obsessive about it because, somewhere deep inside me, without having any first hand knowledge about it, i knew that that my friend matty was one of the climbers.
the frustrating part has been that they didn't release any of their names. so i had no way of verifying.
until today.
Climbers Rescued From Mount Hood
By Sarah Skidmore, Associated Press Writer
Monday, February 19, 2007
Three climbers who tumbled off a ledge on Mount Hood were taken away in an ambulance after they hiked down much of the state's highest peak with their rescuers — and a dog who may have saved their lives.
"We're soaking wet and freezing," said one of two rescued women as she walked from a tracked snow vehicle to an ambulance.
One of the women, whose name was not released, was taken to a Portland hospital and being treated for a head injury, said Jim Strovink, spokesman for the Clackamas County Sheriff's Office. "She's going to be fine," he said, noting that she had walked most of the way down the mountain.
Two others, Matty Bryant, 34, a teacher in the Portland suburb of Milwaukie, and Kate Hanlon, 34, a teacher in the suburb of Wilsonville, were taken to Timberline Lodge on the mountain to rejoin five other members of the climbing party, he said.
Rescuers using an electronic locating device found the three climbers and their black Labrador, Velvet, on Monday morning in the White River Canyon, where they had holed up overnight at about 7,400 feet, officials said. The crew hiked with them down the east flank of the 11,239-foot mountain; on the way down, the climbers got into a tracked snow vehicle that took them to the ambulance.
"The dog probably saved their lives" by lying across them during the cold night, said Erik Brom, a member of the Portland Mountain Rescue team. He described the wind in the canyon as "hellacious."
The two women left the snow vehicle first, followed by Bryant and the dog. The three climbers boarded the ambulance, and Velvet leapt in after them.
As he was departing, Bryant said of the rescuers: "I'm glad they were there for us."
In addition to the dog, who provided warmth and comfort, rescuers attributed the happy outcome to the climbers' use of an electronic mountain locator unit that guided searchers to their exact position. "That's why it is a rescue, not a recovery," Sheriff's Lt. Nick Watt said at a news conference at the lodge, a ski resort at 6,000 feet.
The three were in a party of eight that set out Saturday for the summit, camped on the mountain that night and began to come back down on Sunday when they ran into bad weather, officials said. As they were descending at about 8,300 feet, the three slipped off a ledge. They slid about 500 feet down an incline and later moved miles from the site of the fall, descending, rescuers said. "They're lucky to be alive after that," Strovink said. Trevor Liston of Portland, who was among the five who made it off the mountain Sunday, said at a news conference that the three climbers in the lead were holding onto a rope when they slipped over the ledge. The dog was clipped to the rope and was also dragged down, he said.
"The lead climber went," and "two people right behind him didn't have enough time to react," Liston said.
Other climbers used a rope to lower a companion about 60 feet to try to spot the trio, but there was no sign of them, Liston said. The climbers decided to call authorities with a cell phone, rather than attempt a rescue.
"It's a very hard decision to make," but "we didn't want to have eight people fall instead of three," said Liston, who described himself as a veteran Mount Hood climber. Rescue officials maintained regular cell phone contact overnight with the three who had fallen. Battling winds up to 70 mph and blowing snow, rescue teams had worked through the night trying to locate the climbers, said Russell Gubele, coordinating communications for the rescue operation.
Teams made it close to the missing climbers overnight, but decided to wait until daylight Monday because they couldn't see anything, Gubele said. Rescuers moved cautiously during the night because of "very severe avalanche danger," he said.
Gubele described the trio as "experienced rock climbers, but not necessarily experienced in mountain climbing."
In December, three climbers who did not have mountain locator units went missing on the mountain. Authorities searched for days, but were able to recover the body of only one climber, Kelly James of Dallas, who died of hypothermia. The bodies of Brian Hall of Dallas and Jerry "Nikko" Cooke of New York have not been found.
In the past 25 years, more than 35 climbers have died on Mount Hood, one of the most frequently climbed mountains in the world.
i'm officially freaked out and unquestionably relieved.
get well, matty.
UPDATE: just got an e-mail from him, and he's doing well. thank god.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
how i swear, youtube has everything
like the scene from "children of men" that i was harping about a couple of posts below.
here it is, in russian. there's very little dialogue in it, and to be honest, it's not really needed.
if you're gonna see the movie, well, this is the scene that makes it. since it is in russian, i won't tell you what happens. but you probably should wait to see it in the theater (and try not to walk out before it comes on at the end).
if you're not gonna see the movie, go ahead and watch it. if you select the white space below this paragraph, i'll write a quick synopsis of what you need to know:
clive owen is in charge of the black girl who is carrying the first child born in britain in 18 years. they're in a refugee camp to ship out immigrants for a reason i can't remember. she gets kidnapped, and he's chasing after her so he can deliver them to a boat which will then lead them to the human project, which was not really explained. there's a civil war going on between the government and insurgents. i don't know why they're fighting. and there you go.
technically, it's brilliant. stylistically, it's mindblowing. and cinematically, it's a heart attack.
here it is, in russian. there's very little dialogue in it, and to be honest, it's not really needed.
if you're gonna see the movie, well, this is the scene that makes it. since it is in russian, i won't tell you what happens. but you probably should wait to see it in the theater (and try not to walk out before it comes on at the end).
if you're not gonna see the movie, go ahead and watch it. if you select the white space below this paragraph, i'll write a quick synopsis of what you need to know:
clive owen is in charge of the black girl who is carrying the first child born in britain in 18 years. they're in a refugee camp to ship out immigrants for a reason i can't remember. she gets kidnapped, and he's chasing after her so he can deliver them to a boat which will then lead them to the human project, which was not really explained. there's a civil war going on between the government and insurgents. i don't know why they're fighting. and there you go.
technically, it's brilliant. stylistically, it's mindblowing. and cinematically, it's a heart attack.
how in this instance, FW actually meant funny weddings
you know how you get a forwarded e-mail that's obviously a joke, and you know it's not gonna be funny, and then you open it and voila, it ain't funny, and you just lost nine seconds out of your life?
well, this one was funny. sent by my buddy paal, it's actual wedding announcements:
well, this one was funny. sent by my buddy paal, it's actual wedding announcements:
how i was pleasantly surprised and overwhelmingly entertained
the annual nba slam dunk contest is one of those things that i really don't enjoy, watch anyway, reaffirm that i didn't like it, swear that i don't watch it again and then wind up watching it again and cursing myself over it.
so last night, i'm watching the 2007 nba slam dunk contest and, i gotta say, not only was i impressed by the sheer physical acrobatics, but it was as creative and hilarious an athletic feat as you're gonna find.
here's a youtube page of all the videos of the event. the nba keeps on taking them down, even though their own video page doesn't seem to work. maybe it does now. who knows.
still, even if you're not a basketball fan, i bet you're gonna enjoy it, from gerald green's "dee brown" to nate robinson's "statue of liberty" and one handed catch to dwight howard's "sticker" - which absolutely blew me away, and also blew everyone away. it's an instant classic dunk, even if the judges didn't think so.
which, by the way, caused kenny smith to call michael jordan "the russian judge". fantastic.
you'll enjoy it. especially "sticker". it's truly one of the coolest things i've seen on a basketball court in years.
so last night, i'm watching the 2007 nba slam dunk contest and, i gotta say, not only was i impressed by the sheer physical acrobatics, but it was as creative and hilarious an athletic feat as you're gonna find.
here's a youtube page of all the videos of the event. the nba keeps on taking them down, even though their own video page doesn't seem to work. maybe it does now. who knows.
still, even if you're not a basketball fan, i bet you're gonna enjoy it, from gerald green's "dee brown" to nate robinson's "statue of liberty" and one handed catch to dwight howard's "sticker" - which absolutely blew me away, and also blew everyone away. it's an instant classic dunk, even if the judges didn't think so.
which, by the way, caused kenny smith to call michael jordan "the russian judge". fantastic.
you'll enjoy it. especially "sticker". it's truly one of the coolest things i've seen on a basketball court in years.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
how when words fail, a camera phone succeeds
today was an unsuspecting 70 degree day in the city that demanded you be outside. so i took my screenplay and my basketball and hit the park around the block from my apartment. seemed like the right thing to do, and it would've been a waste to watch some college hoops inside (although it was a helluva debate).
anyways, i had my camera phone with me, and although these photos don't do my day justice, why the hell not.
i kinda just sat there, on a park bench, staring into a duck pond. i tried writing, working on my characters, and i got five pages into my rewrite, but...goddamn, there are quacking ducks about twenty feet from me. i had a tony soprano moment. no, it wasn't my first.
behind me were these amazing trees that are just magnificent. here's a couple of eucalytpus trees. i would like to say they're indiginous to california as passive aggressiveness, but actually they were imported from australia and responsible for the devastating oakland hills fire of 1991. good times.
my buddy marco and his girlfriend sabrina picked me up, and we drove off to the marina to take a nice walk to the wharf. since i live inside a city, i tend to forget how breathtaking a city can be. you know, you lose grasp of a macro view of your life. anyways, this photo was taken from a hill over fort mason. that's golden gate bridge way off in the background. not pictured are all the colorful and arcitectually charismatic victorians within the city. when i see the city from this view, i got that feeling that i had when i first moved here, the same feeling i once had whenever i popped out of the muni tunnel on my way to work, the feeling every resident of this city cherishes: "holy crap, i can't believe that i live in san francisco". i lost that for awhile. welcome back.
while walking around the superficial and shallow marina district, i came upon this ad in a shopping cart. best media placement ever.
anyways, i had my camera phone with me, and although these photos don't do my day justice, why the hell not.
i kinda just sat there, on a park bench, staring into a duck pond. i tried writing, working on my characters, and i got five pages into my rewrite, but...goddamn, there are quacking ducks about twenty feet from me. i had a tony soprano moment. no, it wasn't my first.
behind me were these amazing trees that are just magnificent. here's a couple of eucalytpus trees. i would like to say they're indiginous to california as passive aggressiveness, but actually they were imported from australia and responsible for the devastating oakland hills fire of 1991. good times.
my buddy marco and his girlfriend sabrina picked me up, and we drove off to the marina to take a nice walk to the wharf. since i live inside a city, i tend to forget how breathtaking a city can be. you know, you lose grasp of a macro view of your life. anyways, this photo was taken from a hill over fort mason. that's golden gate bridge way off in the background. not pictured are all the colorful and arcitectually charismatic victorians within the city. when i see the city from this view, i got that feeling that i had when i first moved here, the same feeling i once had whenever i popped out of the muni tunnel on my way to work, the feeling every resident of this city cherishes: "holy crap, i can't believe that i live in san francisco". i lost that for awhile. welcome back.
while walking around the superficial and shallow marina district, i came upon this ad in a shopping cart. best media placement ever.
how i was able to see a double feature without resorting to theft
the balboa theater is one of the oldest film houses in the city. i don't normally go there. the speakers are terrible, the seats aren't that comfortable, and there's always something up with the projector, like framing the subtitles off-screen. but, on the bright side, forgotten by me and pleasantly surprised when reminded, they give you two movies for the price of one - the good ol' school double feature.
tonight had a spanish directing flavor to it.
"children of men"
starring clive owen, julianne moore, michael caine and claire-hope ashitey
written and directed by alfonso cuaron
viewed at the balboa theater, san francisco, ca
immediately, you're struck with a strange and dramatic conflict: the world has some sort of epidemic in which all women are infertile, and the youngest person on earth dies. civilization is falling apart as the population dwindles, and there seems to be some sort of war going on between the government and insurgents. (trust me, i didn't give any secrets away)
compelling, huh?
well, it should have been. it just sounds engrossing. but, unfortunately, the first half of the movie was spent downplaying that tension. i don't really know why. the script was literal and explanatory and trying to be funny, the characters a little too lackadaisical, the plot not really moving much.
i gotta say, really disappointing.
but then we get to the scene.
i've heard from everyone who's seen this movie about this scene - a nine-minute uncut shot following clive owen through a war zone. i love stuff like that. when you don't cut, the scene takes a air of unmatched reality, as if you're right there, unblinking. and that moment in the story, filmed in that fashion, was just spine tingling. nervous.
it's a simple idea achieved in the most complex fashion.
and that's beyond the whole technical achievement of it. you actually feel exactly what's happening at that moment by putting you right there in the thick of it. it's incredibly choreographed and as visceral as humanly possible, with gunfire, explosions, bombs and about seven different locations with a chaos of people running and fighting in different directions.
you have to see it to believe it because it's brilliantly unbelievable.
unlike the famous uncut shot in orson wells' "touch of evil", which served to introduce the movie, this shot absolutely makes this movie by putting you in the movie.
and you don't need to be a film geek to get that. it's obvious.
it's a mindboggling achievement of the highest artistic caliber.
it makes the movie.
it's a shame the rest of the movie didn't come close to that standard.
"pan's labryinth"
starring ivana baquero, maribel verdu and sergi lópez
written and directed by guillermo del toro
viewed at the balboa theater, san francisco, ca
speaking of the highest artistic caliber, we've got your typical adult fairy tale that takes place during the spanish civil war and includes a faun and a fairy. just typing those words might seem like it sucks the big one.
but, in actuality, it's one of the most visually irresistable films i've seen in a long time.
del toro paints two completely different and beautiful worlds: a lavish spanish military outpost in the middle of nowhere, and a grimy underworld dictated by the strange undercurrents of a child's demented imagination. sounds better when i write it like that, huh?
anyways, it's about innocence and brutailty, a harsh world and a child's imagination, and unrelenting storytelling from beginning to end. the writing is superb, the directing is magical and the acting is top-notch. it won a 22 minute standing ovation at cannes. and it won a standing ovation at the small balboa theater just blocks from the pacific.
a movie blurring the lines between make-believe and reality isn't exactly the most original execution. but they way del toro tells it, on such a gorgeous canvas, is a tremendous achievement.
it's scary, nervous, gripping, interesting, emotional, eloquent, bloody and vengeful. it's not for children. hell, it's probably too much for most adults.
was it one of the top five films i've seen this year? if it wasn't, it's damn near close.
tonight had a spanish directing flavor to it.
"children of men"
starring clive owen, julianne moore, michael caine and claire-hope ashitey
written and directed by alfonso cuaron
viewed at the balboa theater, san francisco, ca
immediately, you're struck with a strange and dramatic conflict: the world has some sort of epidemic in which all women are infertile, and the youngest person on earth dies. civilization is falling apart as the population dwindles, and there seems to be some sort of war going on between the government and insurgents. (trust me, i didn't give any secrets away)
compelling, huh?
well, it should have been. it just sounds engrossing. but, unfortunately, the first half of the movie was spent downplaying that tension. i don't really know why. the script was literal and explanatory and trying to be funny, the characters a little too lackadaisical, the plot not really moving much.
i gotta say, really disappointing.
but then we get to the scene.
i've heard from everyone who's seen this movie about this scene - a nine-minute uncut shot following clive owen through a war zone. i love stuff like that. when you don't cut, the scene takes a air of unmatched reality, as if you're right there, unblinking. and that moment in the story, filmed in that fashion, was just spine tingling. nervous.
it's a simple idea achieved in the most complex fashion.
and that's beyond the whole technical achievement of it. you actually feel exactly what's happening at that moment by putting you right there in the thick of it. it's incredibly choreographed and as visceral as humanly possible, with gunfire, explosions, bombs and about seven different locations with a chaos of people running and fighting in different directions.
you have to see it to believe it because it's brilliantly unbelievable.
unlike the famous uncut shot in orson wells' "touch of evil", which served to introduce the movie, this shot absolutely makes this movie by putting you in the movie.
and you don't need to be a film geek to get that. it's obvious.
it's a mindboggling achievement of the highest artistic caliber.
it makes the movie.
it's a shame the rest of the movie didn't come close to that standard.
"pan's labryinth"
starring ivana baquero, maribel verdu and sergi lópez
written and directed by guillermo del toro
viewed at the balboa theater, san francisco, ca
speaking of the highest artistic caliber, we've got your typical adult fairy tale that takes place during the spanish civil war and includes a faun and a fairy. just typing those words might seem like it sucks the big one.
but, in actuality, it's one of the most visually irresistable films i've seen in a long time.
del toro paints two completely different and beautiful worlds: a lavish spanish military outpost in the middle of nowhere, and a grimy underworld dictated by the strange undercurrents of a child's demented imagination. sounds better when i write it like that, huh?
anyways, it's about innocence and brutailty, a harsh world and a child's imagination, and unrelenting storytelling from beginning to end. the writing is superb, the directing is magical and the acting is top-notch. it won a 22 minute standing ovation at cannes. and it won a standing ovation at the small balboa theater just blocks from the pacific.
a movie blurring the lines between make-believe and reality isn't exactly the most original execution. but they way del toro tells it, on such a gorgeous canvas, is a tremendous achievement.
it's scary, nervous, gripping, interesting, emotional, eloquent, bloody and vengeful. it's not for children. hell, it's probably too much for most adults.
was it one of the top five films i've seen this year? if it wasn't, it's damn near close.
how it might be gearing up again, and i couldn't be happier
about five years ago, i would get random e-mails from women around the world, professing their love for me. or, at least, for my e-mail address. seems that some dude with an address similar to mine - in fact, one slight misspelling off - has been travelling the world on a boat, and loving and leaving women at every port.
seriously. that wasn't a joke.
i struck up a conversation with one from his harem, and she filled in most of that information in exchange of what i knew. this is a guy who lives an interesting life. can't say i'm not envious.
but i guess he's slowed down, 'cuz it's been quiet for awhile.
until tonight:
Hey my beuatiful babe!
Im so sorry i couldnt reach you, and ive been so torned that i havent been able to contact you in any way. All i wanted to do was to hear you voice, i miss you terrible and i have no words for it left. Ive spent loads of money on payphones in every kind and its been so hard to try to fins acc. to with no phone in hand. So if you would send it to me i would be more than greatful.
So i can hear your voice again and know how you're feelin and how you're doin. I found a house to stay in, is a room and the owners live there to, she is very old and he doesnt speak very good english. But its 90 dollars a week and quite close to the school. Ill tell you mpre about it later babe, Internet time is running out.
I miss you so much and wish you could be here w me or i couls be in your arms again..
Thank you for everything you are the best i could ever ask for!
With all my love
Louisa
seriously. that wasn't a joke.
i struck up a conversation with one from his harem, and she filled in most of that information in exchange of what i knew. this is a guy who lives an interesting life. can't say i'm not envious.
but i guess he's slowed down, 'cuz it's been quiet for awhile.
until tonight:
Hey my beuatiful babe!
Im so sorry i couldnt reach you, and ive been so torned that i havent been able to contact you in any way. All i wanted to do was to hear you voice, i miss you terrible and i have no words for it left. Ive spent loads of money on payphones in every kind and its been so hard to try to fins acc. to with no phone in hand. So if you would send it to me i would be more than greatful.
So i can hear your voice again and know how you're feelin and how you're doin. I found a house to stay in, is a room and the owners live there to, she is very old and he doesnt speak very good english. But its 90 dollars a week and quite close to the school. Ill tell you mpre about it later babe, Internet time is running out.
I miss you so much and wish you could be here w me or i couls be in your arms again..
Thank you for everything you are the best i could ever ask for!
With all my love
Louisa
Friday, February 16, 2007
how i wish to learn more about steven seagal
i just received a comment anonymously from the posting below this one that said, "Check out this interesting article about stephen seagal".
let's break this down, shall we?
1. it's steven seagal, not stephen.
2. there's no such thing as an interesting article about steven seagal.
3. there is, however, a funny story about him as told to me by my friend jesse. it involves jean claude van damme, robert zemeckis and seagal's inability to comprehend what a documentary is. it's easily one of my top five stories i've ever heard.
4. i just read the article, and it wasn't even an article. it was a question. is it really that difficult to reread what you wrote?
5. someone actually thought it was worthy to let the whole world know that they thought there was something interesting everyone should read about steven seagal, and then constructed an e-mail application that was sent out to blogs across the world to advertise and celebrate this fact. and then, sent it anonymously. if you're gonna go through the trouble of displaying your love of the guy, i'd imagine you'd sign it.
6. i can't believe i just spent seven minutes breaking this down, which means that i've lost to the terrorists.
let's break this down, shall we?
1. it's steven seagal, not stephen.
2. there's no such thing as an interesting article about steven seagal.
3. there is, however, a funny story about him as told to me by my friend jesse. it involves jean claude van damme, robert zemeckis and seagal's inability to comprehend what a documentary is. it's easily one of my top five stories i've ever heard.
4. i just read the article, and it wasn't even an article. it was a question. is it really that difficult to reread what you wrote?
5. someone actually thought it was worthy to let the whole world know that they thought there was something interesting everyone should read about steven seagal, and then constructed an e-mail application that was sent out to blogs across the world to advertise and celebrate this fact. and then, sent it anonymously. if you're gonna go through the trouble of displaying your love of the guy, i'd imagine you'd sign it.
6. i can't believe i just spent seven minutes breaking this down, which means that i've lost to the terrorists.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
how i finally get why people complain about "lost"
it's been a week since i've last watched "lost", and wednesday night's episode left me wanting.
wanting the plotline to move forward.
wanting to see what happened to jack.
wanting to follow locke and sayid.
instead, they gave us desmond - which is fine, but not after all the momentum that's been built recently.
when i watched the episodes back-to-back 53 times like i did, episodes like this didn't bother me. in fact, they were a nice breather.
but now, like this? feh.
wanting the plotline to move forward.
wanting to see what happened to jack.
wanting to follow locke and sayid.
instead, they gave us desmond - which is fine, but not after all the momentum that's been built recently.
when i watched the episodes back-to-back 53 times like i did, episodes like this didn't bother me. in fact, they were a nice breather.
but now, like this? feh.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
how i learned a lot about myself from watching "jackass number two"
here are some things that i have the stomach for:
- someone vomiting
- someone vomiting on himself while wearing a helmet
- fresh horse semen being drank
- chugging beer into an ass
- bees inserted into a closed limousine
- a naked old woman
- wet balls on an ice sculpture
- pubic hair glued to someone's face
and here are some things that i do not:
- anacondas hidden in a ball pit
- someone eating dried up horse crap
- leeches sucking on an eyeball
- crazed bulls on the attack
- someone forcing a fish hook into their cheek
- scrotum as a bookmark (from the special features section)
i don't know if this makes me a better man or a worse human.
- someone vomiting
- someone vomiting on himself while wearing a helmet
- fresh horse semen being drank
- chugging beer into an ass
- bees inserted into a closed limousine
- a naked old woman
- wet balls on an ice sculpture
- pubic hair glued to someone's face
and here are some things that i do not:
- anacondas hidden in a ball pit
- someone eating dried up horse crap
- leeches sucking on an eyeball
- crazed bulls on the attack
- someone forcing a fish hook into their cheek
- scrotum as a bookmark (from the special features section)
i don't know if this makes me a better man or a worse human.
Friday, February 09, 2007
how my skepticism protected me
i'd been getting a call a day from 513-573-8739. i don't know anyone in the 513 area code. and they weren't leaving messages. (note: unlike most of the american populace, i view someone calling me as an option, not a command).
so i used my good friend google and did some research.
(513) is cincinnati.
don't know anyone there.
that's odd.
so then i typed in the whole number on the off-chance that something came up.
bingo!
here's some insightful reading:
I have got a few calls over the past two weeks to my Grand Central number by a company saying they are Macy’s credit control department. Since I don’t have a Macy’s account I didn’t bother returning the call.
Tonight however I received a call on my Talkplus number which I have never given to anyone.
This piqued my interest and I decided to give them a call and do some digging.
The number is 513-573-8739 and its in Mason Ohio.
Usual scenario, ” Can we have your social service number?”
I don’t have one I’m from Ireland.
Would you have a credit card number so I can check it against your Macy’s account.
Whoa!!!
So avoid like the plague.
so i used my good friend google and did some research.
(513) is cincinnati.
don't know anyone there.
that's odd.
so then i typed in the whole number on the off-chance that something came up.
bingo!
here's some insightful reading:
I have got a few calls over the past two weeks to my Grand Central number by a company saying they are Macy’s credit control department. Since I don’t have a Macy’s account I didn’t bother returning the call.
Tonight however I received a call on my Talkplus number which I have never given to anyone.
This piqued my interest and I decided to give them a call and do some digging.
The number is 513-573-8739 and its in Mason Ohio.
Usual scenario, ” Can we have your social service number?”
I don’t have one I’m from Ireland.
Would you have a credit card number so I can check it against your Macy’s account.
Whoa!!!
So avoid like the plague.
how i was just waiting for the strange stuff to begin
because when the other shoe falls, it lands with a thud, and you knew that when we're talking about the anna nicole smith death story, that shoe would be steel-toed.
and, in this case, goosestepping.
LOS ANGELES (AP) - The husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor said Friday that he had a decade-long affair with Anna Nicole Smith and may be her infant daughter's father.
The claim by Prince Frederick von Anhalt comes amid a paternity suit over Smith's 5-month-old daughter, Dannielynn. The birth certificate lists Dannielynn's father as attorney Howard K. Stern, but former Smith boyfriend Larry Birkhead is waging a legal challenge, saying he is the father.
"If you go back from September, she wasn't with one of those guys, she was with me," von Anhalt told The Associated Press in an interview Friday.
He said he would file a lawsuit if Dannielynn is turned over to Stern or Birkhead.
Von Anhalt, 59, and Gabor, 90, have been married for more than 20 years.
so, to recap: we have a former playmate, who once married one of the richest men in the world, who made a joke out of herself on her reality show and during any live broadcast, who died under strange circumstances, who has had two men fighting over not only the custody of her child but also the billions it might inherit, might have a third man in the mix, a prince who has been married to zsa zsa gabor for over twenty years.
as tom clancy once said, "the difference between fiction and non-fiction is that fiction has to make sense".
and, in this case, goosestepping.
LOS ANGELES (AP) - The husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor said Friday that he had a decade-long affair with Anna Nicole Smith and may be her infant daughter's father.
The claim by Prince Frederick von Anhalt comes amid a paternity suit over Smith's 5-month-old daughter, Dannielynn. The birth certificate lists Dannielynn's father as attorney Howard K. Stern, but former Smith boyfriend Larry Birkhead is waging a legal challenge, saying he is the father.
"If you go back from September, she wasn't with one of those guys, she was with me," von Anhalt told The Associated Press in an interview Friday.
He said he would file a lawsuit if Dannielynn is turned over to Stern or Birkhead.
Von Anhalt, 59, and Gabor, 90, have been married for more than 20 years.
so, to recap: we have a former playmate, who once married one of the richest men in the world, who made a joke out of herself on her reality show and during any live broadcast, who died under strange circumstances, who has had two men fighting over not only the custody of her child but also the billions it might inherit, might have a third man in the mix, a prince who has been married to zsa zsa gabor for over twenty years.
as tom clancy once said, "the difference between fiction and non-fiction is that fiction has to make sense".
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
how san francisco values have hit san francisco
just when i think that i've run out of funny things to say about the world we live in, along comes tomorrow. here's a great article about the great city i live in and please, this time, provide your own jokes.
if you can't, you should be condemned.
it's a layup.
if you can't, you should be condemned.
it's a layup.
how this is actually quite ingenious
many of you know that i have changed my wallet allegiance from thick cowhide leather to the sleek jimi - which is my friend mike's company.
however, with "the brief case", i'm thinking that cowhide leather has now dropped to third place for my money guardianship.
however, with "the brief case", i'm thinking that cowhide leather has now dropped to third place for my money guardianship.
how to break down the junk mail
every so often, i check my junk mail. and once awhile in that every so often, i break it down. they're in italics, i'm in reality:
Dear Friend,
do i know you?
My name is Steve Terry, I am an artist with my wife mary steve,We own CREATIVE ARTS AND CRAFTS in London,(United Kingdom)I live in London United Kingdom, with my two kids, four cats, one dog and the love of my life my wife mary steve.
my condolences to you and yours over the death of barbaro.
I have been doing artwork since I was a small child That gives me about 23 years of experience
i've been flushing a toilet since i was a small child. that gives me 31 years of experience. that doesn't make me a plumber.
I majored in art in high school and took a few college art courses
well, in high school, i majored in thinking about having sex with girls. and i took some art classes too. but i wouldn't have admitted that until you admitted.
why? because it's not worth admitting.
btw, art classes in high school were taught by the hippy chick who probably had a "thing" going with the assistant dean. or were doing it with 15 year olds.
but not the 15 year olds who admitted to majoring in art in high school.
Most of my work is done in either pencil or art brush mixed with color pencils. I have recently added designing and creating artwork on the computer, I have been selling my art for the last 3 years and have had my work featured on trading cards, prints and in magazines, I have sold in galleries and to private collectors from all around the world.
damn, i stand corrected. you are a plumber.
I am always facing serious difficulties when it comes to selling my art works to Americans, they are always offering to pay with either MONEY ORDER OR CHECKS, which is difficult for me to cash here in London United Kingdom.
yes, i can see where the problem lies. of course, the rest of the world residing in the year 2007 doesn't have this problem. but that doesn't concern you. but then again, you have two kids, four cats, a dog and a wife named mary steve to take care of. things like credit cards and paypals cannot be trusted. if only the internets can transfer gold, frankinsense and myrrh. and handshakes.
keep in mind that i said this before. it was to an underground nigerian prince escaping from the government.
so now you're lumped in with him.
congrats.
I am looking for a representative in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA who will be working for me as a par time worker and i will be willing to pay 10% for every transaction,
not just the united states of america. we're talking about the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. that's top of the lungs, for everyone who didn't hear him in lower case.
which wouldn't affect your present state of work, someone who would help me receive payments from my customers in the states, I mean someone that is responsible and reliable, because the cost of coming to the state and getting payments is very expensive,
there was once a man named ben franklin. many in scranton believe that he was the best president of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. he built a thing called the post office which delivers a thing called mail, or enveloped letters, from one person to another. this could also include artwork. he did this so people in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA can communicate with each other without stopping their lives. it's an amazing concept, and guess what? it was developed in the late 18th century. it is now the 21st century. you should look it up. in fact, here's the wikipedia entry for it. wow. that was easy.
I am working on setting up a branch in the state, so for now i need a representative in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA who will be handling the payment aspect for our company.
does this require the use of me wearing a trenchcoat and setting up clandestine and secretive meetings with money order wielding art freaks in dark alleyways? i'm only asking that because that's what i wore when i did the same thing for the nigerian prince.
ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS RECEIVE THIS PAYMENTS FROM OUR CLIENTS ON BEHALFOF OUR COMPANY IN THE UNITED STATES, GET IT CASHED IMMIDIATLY WITHOUT DEPOSITION THEN DEDUCT YOUR WEEKLY PAY AND FOWARD THE BALANCE TO THE COMPANY DOWN HERE VIA WESTERN UNION/MONEY GRAM MONEY TRANSFER.
immidiately? thank god you didn't mean immediately. that would have sucked.
But the problem i have is trust,
really? that's your problem? that's as far as you're gonna go? i barely know you past this junk e-mail you sent me, and i'm not a psychiatrist, but let's break you down.
1. you have four cats, a dog, two kids and a wife named mary steve, and you're just 23 years old. so you're just beginning the downward spiral.
2. you make crappy artwork.
3. you have no idea how to set up a paypal account for internet transfers.
4. you e-mailed me.
5. the horny hippy art teacher in high school didn't have a thing for you.
6. i've lumped you in a group with underground nigerian princes.
7. you have a tendency to scream when you talk about my country.
trust is the last thing you should be worrying about.
i have made arrangement with the FBI in Washington,that if anybody gets away with my money they will definately get hold with the person,and the person will go to JAIL for LOOTING my funds , you are to receive the PAYMENT which will be sent to you by the FEDEX or UPS from my clients, which would come in form of a MONEY ORDER OR CASHER'S CHEQUE then you are to cash it and deduct your percentage and WESTERN UNION Charges then wire the rest back to us via WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM.NOTE: All charges of the WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER will be deducted from the money, so you are rest assured that you would not spend a dime out of your personal money. If you are interested, please get back to me as soon as possible via above email.
i'm glad that the fbi is concerned for the transfer of a british man's artwork and not for other things that would be of interest to the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
like national security.
and astronaut love.
Please send to me the listed information below: 1.Full Name 2.Full Address 3.City 4. State 5. Phone Number 6.Age 7.Gender
i'll send it to you immidiately.
Dear Friend,
do i know you?
My name is Steve Terry, I am an artist with my wife mary steve,We own CREATIVE ARTS AND CRAFTS in London,(United Kingdom)I live in London United Kingdom, with my two kids, four cats, one dog and the love of my life my wife mary steve.
my condolences to you and yours over the death of barbaro.
I have been doing artwork since I was a small child That gives me about 23 years of experience
i've been flushing a toilet since i was a small child. that gives me 31 years of experience. that doesn't make me a plumber.
I majored in art in high school and took a few college art courses
well, in high school, i majored in thinking about having sex with girls. and i took some art classes too. but i wouldn't have admitted that until you admitted.
why? because it's not worth admitting.
btw, art classes in high school were taught by the hippy chick who probably had a "thing" going with the assistant dean. or were doing it with 15 year olds.
but not the 15 year olds who admitted to majoring in art in high school.
Most of my work is done in either pencil or art brush mixed with color pencils. I have recently added designing and creating artwork on the computer, I have been selling my art for the last 3 years and have had my work featured on trading cards, prints and in magazines, I have sold in galleries and to private collectors from all around the world.
damn, i stand corrected. you are a plumber.
I am always facing serious difficulties when it comes to selling my art works to Americans, they are always offering to pay with either MONEY ORDER OR CHECKS, which is difficult for me to cash here in London United Kingdom.
yes, i can see where the problem lies. of course, the rest of the world residing in the year 2007 doesn't have this problem. but that doesn't concern you. but then again, you have two kids, four cats, a dog and a wife named mary steve to take care of. things like credit cards and paypals cannot be trusted. if only the internets can transfer gold, frankinsense and myrrh. and handshakes.
keep in mind that i said this before. it was to an underground nigerian prince escaping from the government.
so now you're lumped in with him.
congrats.
I am looking for a representative in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA who will be working for me as a par time worker and i will be willing to pay 10% for every transaction,
not just the united states of america. we're talking about the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. that's top of the lungs, for everyone who didn't hear him in lower case.
which wouldn't affect your present state of work, someone who would help me receive payments from my customers in the states, I mean someone that is responsible and reliable, because the cost of coming to the state and getting payments is very expensive,
there was once a man named ben franklin. many in scranton believe that he was the best president of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. he built a thing called the post office which delivers a thing called mail, or enveloped letters, from one person to another. this could also include artwork. he did this so people in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA can communicate with each other without stopping their lives. it's an amazing concept, and guess what? it was developed in the late 18th century. it is now the 21st century. you should look it up. in fact, here's the wikipedia entry for it. wow. that was easy.
I am working on setting up a branch in the state, so for now i need a representative in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA who will be handling the payment aspect for our company.
does this require the use of me wearing a trenchcoat and setting up clandestine and secretive meetings with money order wielding art freaks in dark alleyways? i'm only asking that because that's what i wore when i did the same thing for the nigerian prince.
ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS RECEIVE THIS PAYMENTS FROM OUR CLIENTS ON BEHALFOF OUR COMPANY IN THE UNITED STATES, GET IT CASHED IMMIDIATLY WITHOUT DEPOSITION THEN DEDUCT YOUR WEEKLY PAY AND FOWARD THE BALANCE TO THE COMPANY DOWN HERE VIA WESTERN UNION/MONEY GRAM MONEY TRANSFER.
immidiately? thank god you didn't mean immediately. that would have sucked.
But the problem i have is trust,
really? that's your problem? that's as far as you're gonna go? i barely know you past this junk e-mail you sent me, and i'm not a psychiatrist, but let's break you down.
1. you have four cats, a dog, two kids and a wife named mary steve, and you're just 23 years old. so you're just beginning the downward spiral.
2. you make crappy artwork.
3. you have no idea how to set up a paypal account for internet transfers.
4. you e-mailed me.
5. the horny hippy art teacher in high school didn't have a thing for you.
6. i've lumped you in a group with underground nigerian princes.
7. you have a tendency to scream when you talk about my country.
trust is the last thing you should be worrying about.
i have made arrangement with the FBI in Washington,that if anybody gets away with my money they will definately get hold with the person,and the person will go to JAIL for LOOTING my funds , you are to receive the PAYMENT which will be sent to you by the FEDEX or UPS from my clients, which would come in form of a MONEY ORDER OR CASHER'S CHEQUE then you are to cash it and deduct your percentage and WESTERN UNION Charges then wire the rest back to us via WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM.NOTE: All charges of the WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER will be deducted from the money, so you are rest assured that you would not spend a dime out of your personal money. If you are interested, please get back to me as soon as possible via above email.
i'm glad that the fbi is concerned for the transfer of a british man's artwork and not for other things that would be of interest to the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
like national security.
and astronaut love.
Please send to me the listed information below: 1.Full Name 2.Full Address 3.City 4. State 5. Phone Number 6.Age 7.Gender
i'll send it to you immidiately.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
how i'm trying to find the perfect analogy
i'm just about to get over the worst cold i've had in years. incessant coughing and sneezing, sometimes at once, clogged nose, nice warm fevers, lack of sleep - you name it, i had it and it never stopped. i'm over it now, but i feel like i need to name this illness in a tribute to its veracity.
one of my favorite bits from "late night with conan o'brien" was when he did fake ads, and he had a flier for a box of envelopes that was being sold for 99 cents. and there was tiny copy in the corner of the ad that read, "it's the aiden quinn of envelopes".
that's one of mjy favorite bits of all time. i mean, aiden quinn? can you get any more nondescript? and giving envelopes an analogy like that is brilliant.
so i've stolen that bit for my own. it's been about three years now. i'm good at it.
for this cold, however, i need to hanker down, and i've narrowed it down to a bunch of different car wrecks to equate it to. i'm looking for opinions.
it's the rex grossman of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the gavin newsom of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the jennifer wilbanks of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the britney spears' vagina of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the cincinnati bengals of upper respiratory ailments.
iit's the graem bauer of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the paula abdul of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the dubya of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the lisa marie nowak of upper respiratory ailments.
like i wasn't gonna go there.
one of my favorite bits from "late night with conan o'brien" was when he did fake ads, and he had a flier for a box of envelopes that was being sold for 99 cents. and there was tiny copy in the corner of the ad that read, "it's the aiden quinn of envelopes".
that's one of mjy favorite bits of all time. i mean, aiden quinn? can you get any more nondescript? and giving envelopes an analogy like that is brilliant.
so i've stolen that bit for my own. it's been about three years now. i'm good at it.
for this cold, however, i need to hanker down, and i've narrowed it down to a bunch of different car wrecks to equate it to. i'm looking for opinions.
it's the rex grossman of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the gavin newsom of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the jennifer wilbanks of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the britney spears' vagina of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the cincinnati bengals of upper respiratory ailments.
iit's the graem bauer of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the paula abdul of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the dubya of upper respiratory ailments.
it's the lisa marie nowak of upper respiratory ailments.
like i wasn't gonna go there.
how this is truly the year of gilbert arenas
here's a video of a $20,000 bet between gilbert arenas and deshawn stevenson of the washington wizards.
simply put, arenas had to shoot the ball from the college 3-point line, while stevenson just had to shoot normally from nba distance.
arenas sunk 73 out of 100 from college three point land.
did i mention that he had to shoot with one hand?
umm...wow.
on a good day, i can be a very good shooter. on my best day, 73 out of 100 from three is out of my range. you get tired after 50 or so. and that's with two hands.
of course, i'm not a professional. and i'm not averaging 30 points a game in nba. and i don't have a sneaker deal.
after seeing how effortless it is for arenas - which is amazing - scroll ahead to 7:35 to watch him mess with stevenson while he shoots. it's kinda funny.
simply put, arenas had to shoot the ball from the college 3-point line, while stevenson just had to shoot normally from nba distance.
arenas sunk 73 out of 100 from college three point land.
did i mention that he had to shoot with one hand?
umm...wow.
on a good day, i can be a very good shooter. on my best day, 73 out of 100 from three is out of my range. you get tired after 50 or so. and that's with two hands.
of course, i'm not a professional. and i'm not averaging 30 points a game in nba. and i don't have a sneaker deal.
after seeing how effortless it is for arenas - which is amazing - scroll ahead to 7:35 to watch him mess with stevenson while he shoots. it's kinda funny.
how this is the state of my state
my governor is an action hero.
my mayor is an alcoholic slimeball.
viva california!
my mayor is an alcoholic slimeball.
viva california!
Monday, February 05, 2007
how i do this every year
each year, i find a team in college hoops that totally captivates me. and by captivates me, i'm talking about being well coached, experienced, tough and poised. of course, they should also be talented - even if not the most talented. and this team gets me excited for me to watch them, and i quickly jump on their bandwagon, set the tivo and try to catch all their games. it also helps that my own personal teams suck (st. john's, stony brook and wagner), so i could use some rooting interest.
three years ago, it was oklahoma state.
two years ago, it was illinois.
last year, west virginia.
so, ladies and gentlemen, i give you my 2007 team:
the texas a&m aggies.
they are extremely well coached - in fact, one of the best coached teams i've seen in years. it's a pleasure to see how they play as a team, five acting as one. they intuitively know where to make the extra pass, when to make it, how to set everything up, how to rotate on defense, when to speed it up and when to spread them out. it's quite magical, especially in a growing basketball world where the emphasis is on isolations and pure physical ability.
they're the best defensive team i've seen this year, and they execute mercilessly on offense by playing as five together. they don't milk the clock; they just use the clock until they find a shot they like. they've got a busheload of upperclassmen, and they just won at phog allen. and they've got a great guard and a good big man - two big essentials.
yep, they hit all the criteria.
and they have a star - point guard acie law iv - who owns the best stat i've heard all year: in the last five minutes of big 12 games, law's been averaging 7.5 points. a&m's opponents? 7.1. so he's been personally outscoring his opponents in the most crucial time of the game. he's a human dagger.
now, keep in mind that they are not the most talented team i've seen this year. they're not as talented as north carolina, ohio state or florida. but on a neutral court, i'd take my chances with them. they've got it.
of course, all those teams i've thought had it didn't win it. so...i don't know what that means.
others receiving votes: wisconsin, air force, georgetown.
three years ago, it was oklahoma state.
two years ago, it was illinois.
last year, west virginia.
so, ladies and gentlemen, i give you my 2007 team:
the texas a&m aggies.
they are extremely well coached - in fact, one of the best coached teams i've seen in years. it's a pleasure to see how they play as a team, five acting as one. they intuitively know where to make the extra pass, when to make it, how to set everything up, how to rotate on defense, when to speed it up and when to spread them out. it's quite magical, especially in a growing basketball world where the emphasis is on isolations and pure physical ability.
they're the best defensive team i've seen this year, and they execute mercilessly on offense by playing as five together. they don't milk the clock; they just use the clock until they find a shot they like. they've got a busheload of upperclassmen, and they just won at phog allen. and they've got a great guard and a good big man - two big essentials.
yep, they hit all the criteria.
and they have a star - point guard acie law iv - who owns the best stat i've heard all year: in the last five minutes of big 12 games, law's been averaging 7.5 points. a&m's opponents? 7.1. so he's been personally outscoring his opponents in the most crucial time of the game. he's a human dagger.
now, keep in mind that they are not the most talented team i've seen this year. they're not as talented as north carolina, ohio state or florida. but on a neutral court, i'd take my chances with them. they've got it.
of course, all those teams i've thought had it didn't win it. so...i don't know what that means.
others receiving votes: wisconsin, air force, georgetown.
how i'm an idiot for feeding them
looking at a wall of cold medicines for me to purchase is like driving to mexico to buy a box full of dynamite, even though i have a good idea that it's gonna be soaking wet. i mean, it's not gonna work, and i know it's not gonna work, no matter how much i'd want it to.
and yet, i conned myself to buy one anyway.
idiot.
and yet, i conned myself to buy one anyway.
idiot.
how i'm convinced that he just can't help himself
i couldn't sleep last night. it might have had something to do with the gallon of mucus partying in my nose and lungs. good times. so instead of staring at the ceiling in my bedroom, i moved myself to the living room, so i can at least listen to the tv while i fail to fall asleep.
anyways, i put "mike and mike in the morning" on. they're a sports radio show that's aired on espn2. they do a good job, especially when i'm past tired.
they interviewed dick vitale about tony dungy, which is a natural, considering that if anybody knows what it's like to be a black football coach, it's dickie v.
so he's going on about tony dungy, and i feel like i heard the alarm going off in "lost" when the timer counts down.
"oh, when you think of tony dungy and what he means to the sport..."
t minus 5, 4, 3...
"you have to think his coaching transcends sports and color..."
2...1...
"coaches like coach k mike kryzewski and the general, robert montgomery knight..."
boom.
seriously, is there any conversation you can have with dickie v where he doesn't reference those guys? iraq, the national debt, child molestation, christmas, the big bang, math, a recipe for coq au vin...i'd be willing to bet that dickie v can fit in coach k and the general into any topic. that's his talent. shoehorning.
anyways, i put "mike and mike in the morning" on. they're a sports radio show that's aired on espn2. they do a good job, especially when i'm past tired.
they interviewed dick vitale about tony dungy, which is a natural, considering that if anybody knows what it's like to be a black football coach, it's dickie v.
so he's going on about tony dungy, and i feel like i heard the alarm going off in "lost" when the timer counts down.
"oh, when you think of tony dungy and what he means to the sport..."
t minus 5, 4, 3...
"you have to think his coaching transcends sports and color..."
2...1...
"coaches like coach k mike kryzewski and the general, robert montgomery knight..."
boom.
seriously, is there any conversation you can have with dickie v where he doesn't reference those guys? iraq, the national debt, child molestation, christmas, the big bang, math, a recipe for coq au vin...i'd be willing to bet that dickie v can fit in coach k and the general into any topic. that's his talent. shoehorning.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
how to do some armchair rankings
each year, an entire nation awaits with baited breath for the super bowl commercials. and each year, they are incredibly underwhelming. and next year, nobody remembers. did this year continue advertising's streak of high-priced crapola? let me be the judge. hell, my opinion's probably more qualified than anyone else that you'll read.
the best
none worthy.
the great
snickers' "kiss" - uncomfortable. funny and with an unpredictable ending that involves the violence from ripping out of chest hairs. they were just a midget and a monkey away from perfection.
emerald nuts "robert goulet" - speaking of, i'm beginning to think that some b-list actors and celebrities are the new monkeys and midgets. first bruce campbell with old spice, and now goulet brings the funny. nice job here. that doesn't mean that mario lopez would work. it's only some b-listers. it's a fine line. trust me on this one.
coke's "great day" - although it's an oldie, i still think putting a spin on the violence of video games like "grand theft auto" and turning it into making the world better is such a great idea - even with a flimsy connection to coke. but that's just it. it's coke. it doesn't matter. why make a point?
hp's "teutels" - okay, i'm a little biased here, but they're still the most visually arresting ads on the air. it's a little different - the hands have been replaced by handlebars - but, well, the campaign's gotta evolve. {asskissing} great job to steve, mckay, goldie and the gang. {/asskissing}
nfl.com's "it's hard to say goodbye" - then again, it's hard to do a bad ad for the nfl. but the last shot of brett favre was just great with the line, "for some, it's harder". damn funny.
the good/tolerable
budweiser's "rodeo wedding" - good idea, nicely executed, but the same ole predictable frat boy humor they always do, nonstop. still, that campaign is better than most crap you see on the air. sadly.
bud's "dalmation" spot - obvious. shmaltzy. repetitious. and will probably be on the top of everyone's list. enough already, america. raise the bar. bring it, bob garfield. i can just smell you creaming yourself over that one.
career builder's "survive the workweek" - really strong idea that was missing something. i don't know what. it just fell really flat. it's a shame because the strategy was strong.
the what the hell was that?
garmin's "godzilla" ripoff - i mean, i get it, and it was bizarre, i guess, and it might have had a point in there, somewhere, i guess, but...ummm, come again?
the terrible
nationwide's "k-fed" - for the record, this would have been hilarious and the spot of the night if they didn't advertise the ending of the thing a month in advance. you can't have an effective setup if you tell everyone in the entire universe what the punchline is. a monumentously blown opportunity, especially for the media buy.
chevy's sing along - you know a commercial is wholeheartedly terrible when they actually had me longing for "this is our country".
the worst
anything that had talking animals. that idea jumped the shark seventeen years ago. and those sharks haven't said a word since then.
gm's "machine suicide" - just to recap, a machine on the assembly line is fired, so it jumps off a bridge. but it's a nightmare, you see, because it's obsessed with quality. well, considering the massive layoffs that just happened at gm, and the probability that there were suicides because of it, bringing that memory back - even for a machine - is just in incredibly poor taste. and when you consider that one of the coaches involved in the game had a child kill himself next year, well, there's two reasons not to air it. especially when there's such a flimsy attachment to a crappy strategy. poor form all around. seriously, inhumane shit like that makes me ashamed to be in advertising. and on top of that, it was a much better ad when ikea and spike jonze did it five years ago.
btw, the best line i read on my whole day of live blogging on deadspin was "Grossman probably feels like that GM robot right about now." funny stuff.
and one last sidebar: i usually hate it when they force people to rush towards the makeshift stage during halftime shows, but holy crap, it's prince. and that perofrmance was bad ass. seriously, it's america's game, it's man day, and it takes a somewhat androgynous purple-loving tiny rock star who shredding a guitar like it killed his mother to completely rock out. god bless you, prince.
colts win, but the game goes to the blouses.
the best
none worthy.
the great
snickers' "kiss" - uncomfortable. funny and with an unpredictable ending that involves the violence from ripping out of chest hairs. they were just a midget and a monkey away from perfection.
emerald nuts "robert goulet" - speaking of, i'm beginning to think that some b-list actors and celebrities are the new monkeys and midgets. first bruce campbell with old spice, and now goulet brings the funny. nice job here. that doesn't mean that mario lopez would work. it's only some b-listers. it's a fine line. trust me on this one.
coke's "great day" - although it's an oldie, i still think putting a spin on the violence of video games like "grand theft auto" and turning it into making the world better is such a great idea - even with a flimsy connection to coke. but that's just it. it's coke. it doesn't matter. why make a point?
hp's "teutels" - okay, i'm a little biased here, but they're still the most visually arresting ads on the air. it's a little different - the hands have been replaced by handlebars - but, well, the campaign's gotta evolve. {asskissing} great job to steve, mckay, goldie and the gang. {/asskissing}
nfl.com's "it's hard to say goodbye" - then again, it's hard to do a bad ad for the nfl. but the last shot of brett favre was just great with the line, "for some, it's harder". damn funny.
the good/tolerable
budweiser's "rodeo wedding" - good idea, nicely executed, but the same ole predictable frat boy humor they always do, nonstop. still, that campaign is better than most crap you see on the air. sadly.
bud's "dalmation" spot - obvious. shmaltzy. repetitious. and will probably be on the top of everyone's list. enough already, america. raise the bar. bring it, bob garfield. i can just smell you creaming yourself over that one.
career builder's "survive the workweek" - really strong idea that was missing something. i don't know what. it just fell really flat. it's a shame because the strategy was strong.
the what the hell was that?
garmin's "godzilla" ripoff - i mean, i get it, and it was bizarre, i guess, and it might have had a point in there, somewhere, i guess, but...ummm, come again?
the terrible
nationwide's "k-fed" - for the record, this would have been hilarious and the spot of the night if they didn't advertise the ending of the thing a month in advance. you can't have an effective setup if you tell everyone in the entire universe what the punchline is. a monumentously blown opportunity, especially for the media buy.
chevy's sing along - you know a commercial is wholeheartedly terrible when they actually had me longing for "this is our country".
the worst
anything that had talking animals. that idea jumped the shark seventeen years ago. and those sharks haven't said a word since then.
gm's "machine suicide" - just to recap, a machine on the assembly line is fired, so it jumps off a bridge. but it's a nightmare, you see, because it's obsessed with quality. well, considering the massive layoffs that just happened at gm, and the probability that there were suicides because of it, bringing that memory back - even for a machine - is just in incredibly poor taste. and when you consider that one of the coaches involved in the game had a child kill himself next year, well, there's two reasons not to air it. especially when there's such a flimsy attachment to a crappy strategy. poor form all around. seriously, inhumane shit like that makes me ashamed to be in advertising. and on top of that, it was a much better ad when ikea and spike jonze did it five years ago.
btw, the best line i read on my whole day of live blogging on deadspin was "Grossman probably feels like that GM robot right about now." funny stuff.
and one last sidebar: i usually hate it when they force people to rush towards the makeshift stage during halftime shows, but holy crap, it's prince. and that perofrmance was bad ass. seriously, it's america's game, it's man day, and it takes a somewhat androgynous purple-loving tiny rock star who shredding a guitar like it killed his mother to completely rock out. god bless you, prince.
colts win, but the game goes to the blouses.
how my rooting interests stand on the super bowl
actually, i'm on the fence.
on one hand, i want tony dungy to win. in a league and a sports world where 9 bengals got arrested this year, only to be trailed by 8 for the chargers, i think it would be fantastic for someone of his high moral fiber and ethics, for someone who seems so decent, thoughtful and considerate to win a champiopnship. it'll cement his legacy as a great coach and reward his lifetime as a better man.
then again, adewale ogunleye is from my hometown of staten island. james jenkins was the first islander to win a super bowl (although i didn't count that one because he was a redskin) and joe andruzzi won a bunch with the pats, still, i'd like to see that happen again. you know, hometown pride and whatnot.
let's just see a good gane and hopefully some nonobnoxious commercials.
on one hand, i want tony dungy to win. in a league and a sports world where 9 bengals got arrested this year, only to be trailed by 8 for the chargers, i think it would be fantastic for someone of his high moral fiber and ethics, for someone who seems so decent, thoughtful and considerate to win a champiopnship. it'll cement his legacy as a great coach and reward his lifetime as a better man.
then again, adewale ogunleye is from my hometown of staten island. james jenkins was the first islander to win a super bowl (although i didn't count that one because he was a redskin) and joe andruzzi won a bunch with the pats, still, i'd like to see that happen again. you know, hometown pride and whatnot.
let's just see a good gane and hopefully some nonobnoxious commercials.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
how i just installed this, and it rocks
this is iconcertcal.com, a free download that's a concert calendar which appears on your itunes and alerts you of any shows in your area.
what a great idea. seriously. how obvious and, to be, how essential.
if you're as concert inclined that i am, you can thank me later.
what a great idea. seriously. how obvious and, to be, how essential.
if you're as concert inclined that i am, you can thank me later.
how even schlock can be impactful
i actually got teared up watching "american idol" from last night. you have to be no older than 28 to audition, but this old dude showed up. he had a petition of 330 signatures with him. when he went in front of simon, randy, paula and guest olivia newton-john, he admitted he wasn't eligibile, but he told them his story.
his wife was diagnosed with cancer. he thought it would be funny and easing for her if he got people to sign a petition for him to audition. they laughed about it. it helped pass the time.
anyways, just two days before the show, she passed away.
and this sweet man said that he believes that this petition helped make her passing a little bit softer. and so he was here before them to sing "you belong to me" in a tribute to the woman he loved.
and he rocked it. beautifully.
when he left (after shaking everyone's hands), he looked at the camera and said, "today, i won".
and some people say there's nothing but junk on tv.
anyways, i went on itunes to buy the song, and it's essentially been recorded by everybody - from dean martin to patsy cline to bob dylan to johnny mathis to bing crosby to anita baker to sam cooke to jerry lee lewis, and they also have the versions from patti page and also from jo stafford. i played the 30 second cuts of them, and they all have different musical twists and inflections. different flairs, if you will.
but whenever i think of that song, the music is clean. there's no harps or whistles or anything about the music that draws attention to itself. the song is meant to be not only a love affair between singer and muse, but it's a romance of vocals and lyrics. and, in my head, when i think of that song, the background is simple, almost bassy, and i hear a strong voice sing the hell out of it.
and it's not from anyone from above. can anyone help me on this? here's the wikipedia entry for that song and everyone who sang it. anyone? help.
but, to be honest, even if i find that perfect version of that song lingering in my head, it still doesn't match what that old man sang on "idol". that was truly sung from his heart, from him to his love, eloquent, elegant and touching.
somewhere, she smiles.
See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sunrise on a tropic isle
Just remember darlin' all the while
You belong to me
See the market place in Old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me
I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too, and blue
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember 'til you're home again
You belong to me
I'm gonna be so alone without you
And I'm hopin' maybe you'll be lonesome, too, and blue
Fly that ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember til you're home again
You belong to me
beautiful.
his wife was diagnosed with cancer. he thought it would be funny and easing for her if he got people to sign a petition for him to audition. they laughed about it. it helped pass the time.
anyways, just two days before the show, she passed away.
and this sweet man said that he believes that this petition helped make her passing a little bit softer. and so he was here before them to sing "you belong to me" in a tribute to the woman he loved.
and he rocked it. beautifully.
when he left (after shaking everyone's hands), he looked at the camera and said, "today, i won".
and some people say there's nothing but junk on tv.
anyways, i went on itunes to buy the song, and it's essentially been recorded by everybody - from dean martin to patsy cline to bob dylan to johnny mathis to bing crosby to anita baker to sam cooke to jerry lee lewis, and they also have the versions from patti page and also from jo stafford. i played the 30 second cuts of them, and they all have different musical twists and inflections. different flairs, if you will.
but whenever i think of that song, the music is clean. there's no harps or whistles or anything about the music that draws attention to itself. the song is meant to be not only a love affair between singer and muse, but it's a romance of vocals and lyrics. and, in my head, when i think of that song, the background is simple, almost bassy, and i hear a strong voice sing the hell out of it.
and it's not from anyone from above. can anyone help me on this? here's the wikipedia entry for that song and everyone who sang it. anyone? help.
but, to be honest, even if i find that perfect version of that song lingering in my head, it still doesn't match what that old man sang on "idol". that was truly sung from his heart, from him to his love, eloquent, elegant and touching.
somewhere, she smiles.
See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sunrise on a tropic isle
Just remember darlin' all the while
You belong to me
See the market place in Old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me
I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too, and blue
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember 'til you're home again
You belong to me
I'm gonna be so alone without you
And I'm hopin' maybe you'll be lonesome, too, and blue
Fly that ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember til you're home again
You belong to me
beautiful.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
how i was both stirred and shaken
i have trouble working when i have close proximity to the internet. so i usually find a coffeehouse nearby, and my productivity soars. and it just so happens that there's a coffeehouse across the street from the agency i'm freelancing at. so, this morning, i took off with my sketchpad and checked it out.
i work in soma towards van ness, which is a haven for motorcycle shops, tattoo parlors and car service centers. this coffeehouse, however, was just like any other coffeehouse you'll find anywhere in the country. that is, if you don't count the burly biker dude behind the counter, adorned with a long beard, bald head, multiple earrings and wearing black from head to doc martens. his shirt had the logo of a thrash metal band i'd never heard of.
and he asked me, "would you like whipped cream in your hot chocolate?" and later, "would you like your turkey sandwich to be heated? it would only take a minute."
huh?
he was also in charge of the music, and i gotta say, it took a thrash-metal biker dude to find the best soundtrack possible for a coffeehouse, and it's probably not what you're thinking. as i kept my notebook open, concepting and writing, i listened to cds of emmylou harris and lucinda williams playing on the speakers. seriously, they're absolutely perfect for a coffeehouse, singer/songwriters with voices of character, music that's comfortable, eloquent and timeless. i'm shocked that no other java place has picked up on this.
then again, this guy did.
it was actually a fantastic session for me.
then some average looking guy came in. he's a regular, and began talking to the biker dude, who asked how his son is doing.
"fine. he just started a band with his friends."
"no shit, a band of ten-year-olds?"
"yeah."
"what type of music do they play?"
"ah, classic rock. you know, the eagles, zeppelin, the chili peppers..."
wawawhat? the chili peppers are classic rock?
then i thought about it, and yeah, actually, they are. how scary is that?
i'm planning on giving my cousin a ten-pack of cds for when she goes to college. they're just ten indespensible and influential cds that every college student should have heard just once - from "abbey road" to "exile on main street" to "ok computer" to "it takes a nation of millions". and, in that list, i'm gonna include "nevermind" by nirvana. when i told my friends about its inclusion, everyone told me, "nah. she knows it". yeah, but does she appreciate it?
think about it. that album came out 16 years ago (holy crap). when she hits college, it'll be 18.
18 years before i hit college, the bee gees were popular.
nirvana is classic rock. so are the chili peppers.
damn, perspective's a strange thing.
i work in soma towards van ness, which is a haven for motorcycle shops, tattoo parlors and car service centers. this coffeehouse, however, was just like any other coffeehouse you'll find anywhere in the country. that is, if you don't count the burly biker dude behind the counter, adorned with a long beard, bald head, multiple earrings and wearing black from head to doc martens. his shirt had the logo of a thrash metal band i'd never heard of.
and he asked me, "would you like whipped cream in your hot chocolate?" and later, "would you like your turkey sandwich to be heated? it would only take a minute."
huh?
he was also in charge of the music, and i gotta say, it took a thrash-metal biker dude to find the best soundtrack possible for a coffeehouse, and it's probably not what you're thinking. as i kept my notebook open, concepting and writing, i listened to cds of emmylou harris and lucinda williams playing on the speakers. seriously, they're absolutely perfect for a coffeehouse, singer/songwriters with voices of character, music that's comfortable, eloquent and timeless. i'm shocked that no other java place has picked up on this.
then again, this guy did.
it was actually a fantastic session for me.
then some average looking guy came in. he's a regular, and began talking to the biker dude, who asked how his son is doing.
"fine. he just started a band with his friends."
"no shit, a band of ten-year-olds?"
"yeah."
"what type of music do they play?"
"ah, classic rock. you know, the eagles, zeppelin, the chili peppers..."
wawawhat? the chili peppers are classic rock?
then i thought about it, and yeah, actually, they are. how scary is that?
i'm planning on giving my cousin a ten-pack of cds for when she goes to college. they're just ten indespensible and influential cds that every college student should have heard just once - from "abbey road" to "exile on main street" to "ok computer" to "it takes a nation of millions". and, in that list, i'm gonna include "nevermind" by nirvana. when i told my friends about its inclusion, everyone told me, "nah. she knows it". yeah, but does she appreciate it?
think about it. that album came out 16 years ago (holy crap). when she hits college, it'll be 18.
18 years before i hit college, the bee gees were popular.
nirvana is classic rock. so are the chili peppers.
damn, perspective's a strange thing.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
how i think i can do a full personality profile
after watching "24" on monday night, and seeing jack bauer's crazy brother take control, i've come to the conclusion that all his problems could have been solved if his parents had just given him a normal name.
yeah, that's what i'm saying. i think being named graem bauer hath brought upon him these demons.
no, that's not a misspelling. it's graem. and it's "gray" to jack, "graham" to his father (who also played louis' father in "revenge of the nerds").
anyways, had his name been spelled "graham" or even "gray", i think things would have worked out nicely.
but it's spelled "graem", and that would confuse the hell out of me too, which means i'd probably lash out in the same way that he did - like being responsible for the detonation of a nuke in los angeles.
i feel his pain.
yeah, that's what i'm saying. i think being named graem bauer hath brought upon him these demons.
no, that's not a misspelling. it's graem. and it's "gray" to jack, "graham" to his father (who also played louis' father in "revenge of the nerds").
anyways, had his name been spelled "graham" or even "gray", i think things would have worked out nicely.
but it's spelled "graem", and that would confuse the hell out of me too, which means i'd probably lash out in the same way that he did - like being responsible for the detonation of a nuke in los angeles.
i feel his pain.
how it can't hurt to take a listen
my buddy radcliffe just released his newest album, "all i can remember. he's a damn good guitarist and singer and a really great guy. give it a listen. hopefully, he'll be your cup of tea. or, in his case, microbrew.
check out his website if you need more radcliffe in your life.
check out his website if you need more radcliffe in your life.
Monday, January 29, 2007
how this has been the funniest day ever
as many of you have probably heard, the great horse barbaro was euthanized today. and, as many as you know, one of my favorite addictions recently has been the barbaro message board, where lonely 50-year-old women in middle america with a houseful of cats send e-mails to barbaro, assuming that he can read and he is catholic. so when he died today, horse shit hit the fan.
and, of course, my friends at deadspin were there to chime along - myself included.
what's fantastic is not making fun of a horse that died; that's not funny. but it's funny when you have these people who have deluded themselves into making barbaro a literate christian saint.
he's just a friggin horse. and if you can figure out the sincere ones from the jokes, then you're a better judge of comedy than i am.
below is a list of the entries, real and jokes, that made me piss myself. enjoy, courtesy of the deadspin barbaro page, tim woolley's racehorsing page and upenn's barbaro message board.
I am not ready to let him go! He deserves to pass on with dignity and grace, but there will be an irreparable hole in my heart always.
Posted by: Ruth Stacey in Northeast Ohio at January 29, 2007 5:01
I love you Barbaro - hang in there. All our arms are around you to help hold you up - use us as your strength when you get tired. We are all here for you and will be until you are well again.
Posted by: Debbie Singer at January 29, 2007 5:02 PM
I am glued to this site...
Posted by: Anita MA at January 29, 2007 5:11 PM
I do not think the tears will ever stop.
Posted by: susan green at January 29, 2007 5:36 PM
I cannot even function. I am at work and cannot even function.
I love you Barbaro.
Posted by: Sheila at January 29, 2007 5:52 PM
Dear Barbaro, I know you are in heaven now. You will meet us all at the rainbow when it's our turn and I/we can finally ride and meet you. Love you so much, Sher
Sherry, 50; Dallas, TX, usa
posted on 2007-01-29 15:26:20
His owners must be beside themselves with grief. All they're left with now are hundreds of fruit baskets, get well cards, 26 vials of frozen Barbaro semen, and a medical bill the size of the national debt. Whatever happened to the good old days where they shot them right there on the track?
01/29/07 01:00 PM
I'm sure they'll bury him in a cave and come back three days later to find him gone.
01/29/07 01:07 PM
Goodbye Barbaro. Thank you for everything you gave us. Be free.
Pamela; Dallas, TX, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 14:28:58
Beautiful Barbaro. You are my hero, and you have changed my life. I love you! I hope now someone will fight for not racing babies.
Posted by: Julie J at January 29, 2007 6:34 PM
I was recently injured and Barbaro gave me the spirit to fight on- and I will continue fighting on here in Florida!
Posted by: Ned at January 29, 2007 8:24 PM
You people make Catherine the Great very proud. Today is truly a great day for human/horse interspecies relations!
Posted by: Deadspinner at January 29, 2007 11:54 PM
But hey, on the plus side, Jon Benet Ramsey finally gets a pony to play with!
Posted by: Deadspinner at January 30, 2007 12:01 AM
Hey guys, this is Barbaro. Sorry to break this to you all, but I'm in Hell. Yeah, turns out horses can't go to heaven because we're all Jewish. So now I'm stuck with being ridden by Flamehind the Soulflayer with FOUR broken legs for the rest of eternity. Yeah, it sucks. If they sell my meat for food, try and get a good price for it, okay? Oh, and don't let them make my hooves into ashtrays. Those are really gauche.
Posted by: Barbaro at January 30, 2007 12:17 AM
good luck in the afterlife, horse.........and by afterlife i mean being eaten by kindergarteners during arts and crafts
Posted by: Mike C at January 30, 2007 12:16 AM
Barbaro's not dead, he's frozen. And one day he, John Wayne and Walt Disney are going to come back and rule the world as our bionic superhuman leaders. All hail king Barbaro!
Posted by: Deadspinner at January 30, 2007 12:21 AM
how soon until barbaro rises from the dead and shows himself to his retarted apostles?
Posted by: Chief Wiggum at January 30, 2007 12:22 AM
I hope all you jerks on the internet who make fun of Barbaro get cancer, and the cure that he was working on but never got to finish just laughs in your stupid, stupid faces.
Posted by: Hilary at January 30, 2007 12:25 AM
I just re-named all my Hummel figurines "Barbaro." They will reside in the Barbaro Memorial Hutch in the Barbaro Room of my house. After I clean out the stacks of old newspapers from 1971-1989 in there, I'll be able to show all of this to my houseguests.
Posted by: Dee Mirch at January 30, 2007 12:26 AM
All accross America, cats are being neglected by little old ladies in mourning.
01/29/07 12:33 PM
Dear Barbaro, I know you are in heaven now. You will meet us all at the rainbow when it's our turn and I/we can finally ride and meet you. Love you so much, Sher
Sherry, 50; Dallas, TX, usa
posted on 2007-01-29 15:26:20
Goodbye Barbaro. Thank you for everything you gave us. Be free.
Pamela; Dallas, TX, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 14:28:58
HERE LIES BARBARO
YOU CANNOT READ THIS EPITAPH. THIS EPITAPH WILL NOT BE READ TO YOU. BECAUSE YOU'RE A DEAD FUCKING HORSE.
01/29/07 12:34 PM
I can't wait for the Movie of the Week starring Sarah Jessica Parker. Do they actually shoot her if she is the star or is it just done with fancy camera work?
01/29/07 12:37 PM
did they jerk him off first?
01/29/07 12:39 PM
Somebody's got to ask the tough questions about the recent surgical actions of the veterinary staff. Specifically, did they stuff his leg with garlic and cloves to facilitiate the marinade, because the sooner you get that in place, the better.
01/29/07 12:44 PM
I loved Barbaro. I only wish if horses had to run and compete that there was some kind of stocking/padding they could wear over their legs to prevent breaks, as hockey players. Also, why hasn't more money been invested into laminitis? People need to consider donating money to race horses in their wills.
--ClaireElizabeth
the terrorists have won.
01/29/07 01:05 PM
"I THOUGHT THERE WERE BLANKS IN THAT GUN!!!!????"
Marmalard! DEAD! Neidermeyer! DEAD! Barbaro? DEAD!!
01/29/07 01:10 PM
If Christopher Reeve was alive, he'd be laughing his ass off right now.
01/29/07 01:16 PM
My heart is just breaking & my tears will not stop. Dear Beautiful Boy, May your journey across the Rainbow Bridge be painfree and now may you run with all of the other Champions that are waiting for you. God bless, Fancy
Fancy Allen, 39; Richmond, VA, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 15:07
Reuters is now reporting the procedure was carried out by Mongo.
01/29/07 01:34 PM
I can't describe the awesome whirlwind of emotions I've felt over the last eight months--you've given all of us so much strength. I plan to name my first child Barbaro, in hopes that he has half the heart that you did.
Michael Sambuceti, 24; New York, NY, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 14:25:18
01/29/07 01:34 PM
i haven't been this depressed about the death of a sports figure since mickey died in "rocky 3".
01/29/07 12:39 PM
Broken-hearted. Be free. God sustain those of us left behind.
Rugby; New London, PA,
posted on 2007-01-29 14:16:17
Barbaro, you are no longer just a hero...you are a legend. After your courageous fight I hope you are in horse heaven in lush green pasture, able to run your heart out, because you truly showed how much heart a horse can have!
Mary; Buena, NJ, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 15:03:58
My heart has just broken. It has just broken. I love you baby, I love you so much. Now you can run. You can run again baby. In the green pastures that I promised you. You can be free now honey. No more pain, no more procedures. You fought so hard but now you can just be at peace. You didn't lose the fight baby, you're doing what you always wanted to do, you're running now. Please take the love with you. Please know how much you are loved. You will never be alone because my love will be with you. For the last time, please let me kiss your beautiful nose honey. My heart has just broken. Good bye my love. Good Bye
Posted by: doe at January 29, 2007 5:47 PM
I knew dr r shouldnt have taken him out with no support on his leg-when he was taken outside that was wrong-he had no support -then at end he was not given sling-that was dr rs fault-he killed barbaro-he could have lived I hope dr r -goes to ----------=barbaro deserved better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: deanna at January 29, 2007 7:31 PM
I'm looking forward to the 2007 ESPY's (I'll never utter those words again, Promise) when they show the montage of "people we lost" And Barbaro's goofy fucking face pops on screen right next to Cory Lidle's.
01/29/07 02:50 PM
I credit to your humans as they knew when to let you be with GOD. HE needed a very special horse to ride the clouds and watch over the rest of the human race.
Pusskat7918@yahoo.com, 46; Woodlawn, VA, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 16:04:33
I do have to be honest here. I am still a little mad at God. In my opinion, he totally ignored me and I don't feel at this point that I want to waist my time with prayer anymore. It doesn't work........I prayed harder than I ever have in my life. NADA.....I love you Barbaro........ I will NOT EVER say goodbye..... I will see you soon.........
Posted by: Nina at January 30, 2007 12:45 AM
Yes, it's true Barbaro lived inside all of us.
Posted by: Bonnie MacRaith at January 29, 2007 8:04 PM
They're not booing, they're saying "you're gluuuuuuuuuue..."
01/29/07 04:03 PM
and, to end it, a few haikus:
Barbaro has died.
Legions of retarded kids
Wait with bated breath.
Death of Barbaro,
Who benefits? Haagen-Dasz
And Ben & Jerrys.
Barbaro's death. So tragic.
Somewhere a cat is beaten
By a fat housewife.
Barbaro's death is a
National day of mourning
For all pet groomers.
Where is Barbaro?
I'm not sure, but my Moo Goo
Gai Pan sure tastes great!
01/29/07 01:38 PM
and, of course, my friends at deadspin were there to chime along - myself included.
what's fantastic is not making fun of a horse that died; that's not funny. but it's funny when you have these people who have deluded themselves into making barbaro a literate christian saint.
he's just a friggin horse. and if you can figure out the sincere ones from the jokes, then you're a better judge of comedy than i am.
below is a list of the entries, real and jokes, that made me piss myself. enjoy, courtesy of the deadspin barbaro page, tim woolley's racehorsing page and upenn's barbaro message board.
I am not ready to let him go! He deserves to pass on with dignity and grace, but there will be an irreparable hole in my heart always.
Posted by: Ruth Stacey in Northeast Ohio at January 29, 2007 5:01
I love you Barbaro - hang in there. All our arms are around you to help hold you up - use us as your strength when you get tired. We are all here for you and will be until you are well again.
Posted by: Debbie Singer at January 29, 2007 5:02 PM
I am glued to this site...
Posted by: Anita MA at January 29, 2007 5:11 PM
I do not think the tears will ever stop.
Posted by: susan green at January 29, 2007 5:36 PM
I cannot even function. I am at work and cannot even function.
I love you Barbaro.
Posted by: Sheila at January 29, 2007 5:52 PM
Dear Barbaro, I know you are in heaven now. You will meet us all at the rainbow when it's our turn and I/we can finally ride and meet you. Love you so much, Sher
Sherry, 50; Dallas, TX, usa
posted on 2007-01-29 15:26:20
His owners must be beside themselves with grief. All they're left with now are hundreds of fruit baskets, get well cards, 26 vials of frozen Barbaro semen, and a medical bill the size of the national debt. Whatever happened to the good old days where they shot them right there on the track?
01/29/07 01:00 PM
I'm sure they'll bury him in a cave and come back three days later to find him gone.
01/29/07 01:07 PM
Goodbye Barbaro. Thank you for everything you gave us. Be free.
Pamela; Dallas, TX, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 14:28:58
Beautiful Barbaro. You are my hero, and you have changed my life. I love you! I hope now someone will fight for not racing babies.
Posted by: Julie J at January 29, 2007 6:34 PM
I was recently injured and Barbaro gave me the spirit to fight on- and I will continue fighting on here in Florida!
Posted by: Ned at January 29, 2007 8:24 PM
You people make Catherine the Great very proud. Today is truly a great day for human/horse interspecies relations!
Posted by: Deadspinner at January 29, 2007 11:54 PM
But hey, on the plus side, Jon Benet Ramsey finally gets a pony to play with!
Posted by: Deadspinner at January 30, 2007 12:01 AM
Hey guys, this is Barbaro. Sorry to break this to you all, but I'm in Hell. Yeah, turns out horses can't go to heaven because we're all Jewish. So now I'm stuck with being ridden by Flamehind the Soulflayer with FOUR broken legs for the rest of eternity. Yeah, it sucks. If they sell my meat for food, try and get a good price for it, okay? Oh, and don't let them make my hooves into ashtrays. Those are really gauche.
Posted by: Barbaro at January 30, 2007 12:17 AM
good luck in the afterlife, horse.........and by afterlife i mean being eaten by kindergarteners during arts and crafts
Posted by: Mike C at January 30, 2007 12:16 AM
Barbaro's not dead, he's frozen. And one day he, John Wayne and Walt Disney are going to come back and rule the world as our bionic superhuman leaders. All hail king Barbaro!
Posted by: Deadspinner at January 30, 2007 12:21 AM
how soon until barbaro rises from the dead and shows himself to his retarted apostles?
Posted by: Chief Wiggum at January 30, 2007 12:22 AM
I hope all you jerks on the internet who make fun of Barbaro get cancer, and the cure that he was working on but never got to finish just laughs in your stupid, stupid faces.
Posted by: Hilary at January 30, 2007 12:25 AM
I just re-named all my Hummel figurines "Barbaro." They will reside in the Barbaro Memorial Hutch in the Barbaro Room of my house. After I clean out the stacks of old newspapers from 1971-1989 in there, I'll be able to show all of this to my houseguests.
Posted by: Dee Mirch at January 30, 2007 12:26 AM
All accross America, cats are being neglected by little old ladies in mourning.
01/29/07 12:33 PM
Dear Barbaro, I know you are in heaven now. You will meet us all at the rainbow when it's our turn and I/we can finally ride and meet you. Love you so much, Sher
Sherry, 50; Dallas, TX, usa
posted on 2007-01-29 15:26:20
Goodbye Barbaro. Thank you for everything you gave us. Be free.
Pamela; Dallas, TX, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 14:28:58
HERE LIES BARBARO
YOU CANNOT READ THIS EPITAPH. THIS EPITAPH WILL NOT BE READ TO YOU. BECAUSE YOU'RE A DEAD FUCKING HORSE.
01/29/07 12:34 PM
I can't wait for the Movie of the Week starring Sarah Jessica Parker. Do they actually shoot her if she is the star or is it just done with fancy camera work?
01/29/07 12:37 PM
did they jerk him off first?
01/29/07 12:39 PM
Somebody's got to ask the tough questions about the recent surgical actions of the veterinary staff. Specifically, did they stuff his leg with garlic and cloves to facilitiate the marinade, because the sooner you get that in place, the better.
01/29/07 12:44 PM
I loved Barbaro. I only wish if horses had to run and compete that there was some kind of stocking/padding they could wear over their legs to prevent breaks, as hockey players. Also, why hasn't more money been invested into laminitis? People need to consider donating money to race horses in their wills.
--ClaireElizabeth
the terrorists have won.
01/29/07 01:05 PM
"I THOUGHT THERE WERE BLANKS IN THAT GUN!!!!????"
Marmalard! DEAD! Neidermeyer! DEAD! Barbaro? DEAD!!
01/29/07 01:10 PM
If Christopher Reeve was alive, he'd be laughing his ass off right now.
01/29/07 01:16 PM
My heart is just breaking & my tears will not stop. Dear Beautiful Boy, May your journey across the Rainbow Bridge be painfree and now may you run with all of the other Champions that are waiting for you. God bless, Fancy
Fancy Allen, 39; Richmond, VA, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 15:07
Reuters is now reporting the procedure was carried out by Mongo.
01/29/07 01:34 PM
I can't describe the awesome whirlwind of emotions I've felt over the last eight months--you've given all of us so much strength. I plan to name my first child Barbaro, in hopes that he has half the heart that you did.
Michael Sambuceti, 24; New York, NY, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 14:25:18
01/29/07 01:34 PM
i haven't been this depressed about the death of a sports figure since mickey died in "rocky 3".
01/29/07 12:39 PM
Broken-hearted. Be free. God sustain those of us left behind.
Rugby; New London, PA,
posted on 2007-01-29 14:16:17
Barbaro, you are no longer just a hero...you are a legend. After your courageous fight I hope you are in horse heaven in lush green pasture, able to run your heart out, because you truly showed how much heart a horse can have!
Mary; Buena, NJ, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 15:03:58
My heart has just broken. It has just broken. I love you baby, I love you so much. Now you can run. You can run again baby. In the green pastures that I promised you. You can be free now honey. No more pain, no more procedures. You fought so hard but now you can just be at peace. You didn't lose the fight baby, you're doing what you always wanted to do, you're running now. Please take the love with you. Please know how much you are loved. You will never be alone because my love will be with you. For the last time, please let me kiss your beautiful nose honey. My heart has just broken. Good bye my love. Good Bye
Posted by: doe at January 29, 2007 5:47 PM
I knew dr r shouldnt have taken him out with no support on his leg-when he was taken outside that was wrong-he had no support -then at end he was not given sling-that was dr rs fault-he killed barbaro-he could have lived I hope dr r -goes to ----------=barbaro deserved better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: deanna at January 29, 2007 7:31 PM
I'm looking forward to the 2007 ESPY's (I'll never utter those words again, Promise) when they show the montage of "people we lost" And Barbaro's goofy fucking face pops on screen right next to Cory Lidle's.
01/29/07 02:50 PM
I credit to your humans as they knew when to let you be with GOD. HE needed a very special horse to ride the clouds and watch over the rest of the human race.
Pusskat7918@yahoo.com, 46; Woodlawn, VA, USA
posted on 2007-01-29 16:04:33
I do have to be honest here. I am still a little mad at God. In my opinion, he totally ignored me and I don't feel at this point that I want to waist my time with prayer anymore. It doesn't work........I prayed harder than I ever have in my life. NADA.....I love you Barbaro........ I will NOT EVER say goodbye..... I will see you soon.........
Posted by: Nina at January 30, 2007 12:45 AM
Yes, it's true Barbaro lived inside all of us.
Posted by: Bonnie MacRaith at January 29, 2007 8:04 PM
They're not booing, they're saying "you're gluuuuuuuuuue..."
01/29/07 04:03 PM
and, to end it, a few haikus:
Barbaro has died.
Legions of retarded kids
Wait with bated breath.
Death of Barbaro,
Who benefits? Haagen-Dasz
And Ben & Jerrys.
Barbaro's death. So tragic.
Somewhere a cat is beaten
By a fat housewife.
Barbaro's death is a
National day of mourning
For all pet groomers.
Where is Barbaro?
I'm not sure, but my Moo Goo
Gai Pan sure tastes great!
01/29/07 01:38 PM
Thursday, January 25, 2007
how it's getting to the point
where roger federer is gonna have to play tennis piss drunk while using a racket without strings just to make it somewhat interesting.
how embarrassing just isn't the right word
i love it when corporations try to be "hip" when they people who run them are so clearly are not.
pizza hut jumps right into the myspace craze which ended years ago with a page for ted, ""america's most-loved pizza delivery guy". check it out. go ahead. i dare you. if you happen to have stolen a vomit bag from an airplane recently, now might be the time to break it out.
you back yet? i apologize for that.
it just goes to prove if you think advertising is horrible, then take any the limitations of a thirty second tv spot and see what happens - and see how little sublety they have with a phrase like "click here if you want some cheesy goodness right now."
seriously? is there anyone under the age of 55 who works for pizza hut that would warn them against using such "hip" and "cool" terms like "booyah" and "partay" and "babealicious" and...jesus christ, if i write another word about this, i'm gonna kill myself.
© 2007 Pizza Hut, Inc. All idiotic rights reserved. The Pizza Hut name, logos, related marks, corny dialogue, brainless concepts, insulting premises, overall whiteness and complete lack of respect for your intelligence are trademarks of Pizza Hut, Inc.
pizza hut jumps right into the myspace craze which ended years ago with a page for ted, ""america's most-loved pizza delivery guy". check it out. go ahead. i dare you. if you happen to have stolen a vomit bag from an airplane recently, now might be the time to break it out.
you back yet? i apologize for that.
it just goes to prove if you think advertising is horrible, then take any the limitations of a thirty second tv spot and see what happens - and see how little sublety they have with a phrase like "click here if you want some cheesy goodness right now."
seriously? is there anyone under the age of 55 who works for pizza hut that would warn them against using such "hip" and "cool" terms like "booyah" and "partay" and "babealicious" and...jesus christ, if i write another word about this, i'm gonna kill myself.
© 2007 Pizza Hut, Inc. All idiotic rights reserved. The Pizza Hut name, logos, related marks, corny dialogue, brainless concepts, insulting premises, overall whiteness and complete lack of respect for your intelligence are trademarks of Pizza Hut, Inc.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
how this is my state of the blog address
(applause)
thank you very much, distinguished guests, fellow webizens and, of course, barbaro.
i serve this blog in a time of great consequence. in the coming year, i have the duty to reform comedic bits vital to your entertainment; i have the opportunity to save tens of lives from the terrible disease of boredom. i will work for a prosperity of scathing commentary and inane observation that will be broadly shared by a select few.
in all these days of promise and days of reckoning, we can be confident. in a whirlwind of change and hope and peril, my faith is sure, my resolve is firm, and my sarcasm is strong.
(applause)
during the last two years, we have seen what can be accomplished when you read my website. we have seen throngs of grobanites band together en force against me, and you have seen me emerge victorious.
(applause)
we have seen the soul patrol join forces with steveohville by applauding gregg allman.
(applause)
and we have learned that a tattoo on an ass does indeed count as restitution.
(applause)
some might call this a good record; I call it a good start. tonight I ask everyone to join me in the next bold steps to serve this website.
my first goal is clear: kidnap scarlett johansson and keep her chained up in my bedroom.
(applause)
this is critical not only to your entertainment, but also to my emotional sanity. a kidnapped scarlett would allow me to make my days off from work that much more fulfilling. and it would allow me to continue freelancing without the paranoia of not being able to achieve something everyday on my days off. i would. multiple times. you can trust me on this matter.
this much is certain: i will not stop until this is achieved.
(applause)
i am proposing that i buy a new 50 inch high definition television within the current fiscal year.
(applause)
i can do this by any measure, whether by saving my money, working more or by asking scarlett to buy one for me in exchange for her release, of which i would not uphold. a high-definition television would allow my viewing of sports to be taken in a different level and, in return, this blog would also raise its game. also, i would be able to watch scarlett johansson movies in even greater detail. this much, i promise you.
(applause)
i should also strengthen my television viewing by getting some lasik surgery this year.
(applause)
although i do like my new elvis costello glasses that i just purchased, i feel that having 20/15 eyesight would not only bring more clarity to my viewing habits, but it would clear all my contact solutions off the table that is right by my bedside. this mess is unacceptable, and they would interfere with the chains i would use to keep scarlett attached to my bed. lasik will solve this problem. this operation will be swift and effective.
(applause)
i urge you to support me in these endeavors.
many challenges, abroad, at home and down the block, have arrived within this past year and will continue. in two years, steveohville has gone from a sense of weirdness to an awareness of irony; from quicktimes on youtube to witty deadspin repartee, and to calm unity in great causes, like the barbaro message board. and i go forward with confidence, because this call of history has come to the right blog.
(applause)
this blog asks you to have faith in ourselves, but not in ourselves alone. i do not know -- i do not claim to know all the ways of providence, yet we can trust in them, placing our confidence in the loving god behind all of life, and all of history.
and by god, i refer to jack bauer.
may god continue to bless steveohville.
(applause)
thank you very much, distinguished guests, fellow webizens and, of course, barbaro.
i serve this blog in a time of great consequence. in the coming year, i have the duty to reform comedic bits vital to your entertainment; i have the opportunity to save tens of lives from the terrible disease of boredom. i will work for a prosperity of scathing commentary and inane observation that will be broadly shared by a select few.
in all these days of promise and days of reckoning, we can be confident. in a whirlwind of change and hope and peril, my faith is sure, my resolve is firm, and my sarcasm is strong.
(applause)
during the last two years, we have seen what can be accomplished when you read my website. we have seen throngs of grobanites band together en force against me, and you have seen me emerge victorious.
(applause)
we have seen the soul patrol join forces with steveohville by applauding gregg allman.
(applause)
and we have learned that a tattoo on an ass does indeed count as restitution.
(applause)
some might call this a good record; I call it a good start. tonight I ask everyone to join me in the next bold steps to serve this website.
my first goal is clear: kidnap scarlett johansson and keep her chained up in my bedroom.
(applause)
this is critical not only to your entertainment, but also to my emotional sanity. a kidnapped scarlett would allow me to make my days off from work that much more fulfilling. and it would allow me to continue freelancing without the paranoia of not being able to achieve something everyday on my days off. i would. multiple times. you can trust me on this matter.
this much is certain: i will not stop until this is achieved.
(applause)
i am proposing that i buy a new 50 inch high definition television within the current fiscal year.
(applause)
i can do this by any measure, whether by saving my money, working more or by asking scarlett to buy one for me in exchange for her release, of which i would not uphold. a high-definition television would allow my viewing of sports to be taken in a different level and, in return, this blog would also raise its game. also, i would be able to watch scarlett johansson movies in even greater detail. this much, i promise you.
(applause)
i should also strengthen my television viewing by getting some lasik surgery this year.
(applause)
although i do like my new elvis costello glasses that i just purchased, i feel that having 20/15 eyesight would not only bring more clarity to my viewing habits, but it would clear all my contact solutions off the table that is right by my bedside. this mess is unacceptable, and they would interfere with the chains i would use to keep scarlett attached to my bed. lasik will solve this problem. this operation will be swift and effective.
(applause)
i urge you to support me in these endeavors.
many challenges, abroad, at home and down the block, have arrived within this past year and will continue. in two years, steveohville has gone from a sense of weirdness to an awareness of irony; from quicktimes on youtube to witty deadspin repartee, and to calm unity in great causes, like the barbaro message board. and i go forward with confidence, because this call of history has come to the right blog.
(applause)
this blog asks you to have faith in ourselves, but not in ourselves alone. i do not know -- i do not claim to know all the ways of providence, yet we can trust in them, placing our confidence in the loving god behind all of life, and all of history.
and by god, i refer to jack bauer.
may god continue to bless steveohville.
(applause)
Monday, January 22, 2007
how i knew these lunatics would make a connection
from my favorite website ever, the barbaro message board.
Barbaro-Your COLTS and my BEARS meet in SB XLI! Will Dr.Dean let you go to Miami? Your B bracelet was the good luck charm! Hope you have a great week! Rosary for you/Team B-Ecl.Awards!
Linda, 45; Peoria, IL, USA
posted on 2007-01-22 12:56:24
Sweet lovable Barbaro, you're my #1 COLT, so I was pulling for those NFL Colts in your honor, my love! Wheee, you're headed to the Superbowl, big fella!! By the way, I was pulling for the Bears, too! I'll always root for the four-legged ones!
Ginnie James, 66; Brunswick, GA, USA
posted on 2007-01-22 11:30:03
one day, the doctors are gonna enter barbaro's stall and see that he's hung himself to death, leaving only a note that says, "seriously, you people".
poor guy.
Barbaro-Your COLTS and my BEARS meet in SB XLI! Will Dr.Dean let you go to Miami? Your B bracelet was the good luck charm! Hope you have a great week! Rosary for you/Team B-Ecl.Awards!
Linda, 45; Peoria, IL, USA
posted on 2007-01-22 12:56:24
Sweet lovable Barbaro, you're my #1 COLT, so I was pulling for those NFL Colts in your honor, my love! Wheee, you're headed to the Superbowl, big fella!! By the way, I was pulling for the Bears, too! I'll always root for the four-legged ones!
Ginnie James, 66; Brunswick, GA, USA
posted on 2007-01-22 11:30:03
one day, the doctors are gonna enter barbaro's stall and see that he's hung himself to death, leaving only a note that says, "seriously, you people".
poor guy.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
how i really feel great for them, i really do
the colts-pats game was one of the best games i've ever seen - in any sport. very few things in the world bring as much drama and excitement as sports, and this game was the finest example. i had goosebumps. my heart raced. i had a lump in my throat.
and to see peyton manning, the much maligned peyton manning, lead that comeback with so much on the line...jesus christ, more power to him. what a hell of a game played by one hell of a player. i feel great for him. maybe now he'll get the endorsements he so richly deserves.
and even moreso, i feel so great for tony dungy, who throughout the last couple of years has been a epitome of what a good man is. and now, with one amazing win, he's proven once again that he's exactly what a good coach should be.
great great stuff.
and to see peyton manning, the much maligned peyton manning, lead that comeback with so much on the line...jesus christ, more power to him. what a hell of a game played by one hell of a player. i feel great for him. maybe now he'll get the endorsements he so richly deserves.
and even moreso, i feel so great for tony dungy, who throughout the last couple of years has been a epitome of what a good man is. and now, with one amazing win, he's proven once again that he's exactly what a good coach should be.
great great stuff.
Friday, January 19, 2007
how not even a language barrier can hold clint down
starring ken watanabe and shido nakamura
directed by clint eastwood
written by iris yamashita
viewed at the embarcadero center, san francisco, ca
it's becoming clearer to me that the best filmmaker in the world is probably clint eastwood, and he has been for awhile. of course, he has the oscars to back that up, but what's striking is the thoughtfulness, subtlety, skill, drama and care that takes place within every frame of each film he makes. and, with each passing film, he gets better and better which is just incredible.
even a film like "flags of our fathers", which i don't rank among his best, is still one of the best films i've seen this year. but this isn't about that film; it's about its much better sibling.
eastwood filmed this movie at about the same time as "flags" and intended for them to be complementary pieces to a horrible battle. the thoughtfulness of taking both sides of this fight, and dedicating two different films and storytelling techniques to each of them, is purely brilliant stuff. but that's just where the brilliance began.
first off, it's exceptionally directed. and, considering the whole movie is in japanese, it's mindblowing that he was able to direct while hearing a foriegn language and still have the feeling be that evident. that speaks miles of the trust he keeps with his actors. (however, i wonder how the film is absorbed by someone who speaks the language). the script is powerful and emotional and told with the precisely right amount of compassion and delicacy it deserves. the performances are strong all around. and the color treatment is close to monochromatic, which allows for the reds of the japanese flag and fire to really pop. again, thoughtfulness.
and the content within the story is sad and emotional. they are completely absorbed through each second.
brilliant stuff by a brilliant artist.
is this the best movie of the year? possibly. it's in the "dreamgirls" and "the departed" group, just a half step ahead of "babel", "the queen", "volver" and "little miss sunshine" in my little world. it's been a strong year for films, and this is among the strongest.
but to consider it as just a foreign film would be a disaster. besides, it's an american film with a japanese script with an american crew filming a japanese cast. i don't know how you categorize that, and i don't care.
it's just a great film, a very human story, that happens to be in japanese.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
how this kind of math makes sense to me
will ferrell + napoleon dynamite + a magician named GOB. multiplied by figure skating.
this might hit level 18 harding.
this might hit level 18 harding.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
how i think what angelina jolie does is admirable but seriously, enough is enough
in case you haven't heard, which will be imminent, considering this will be the lead story on all your networks within a day or two, brad pitt and angelina jolie have decided to move to new orleans.
now, i love new orleans as much as anyone. there's very few cities in the world that could match its character and personality and i wish nothing more than to see it rise back to where it was just three years ago.
but it's gonna take a lot of work.
and i don't know what the world's most beautiful people are going to prove by living there.
honestly, what's the point? i mean, they're not going to move to the destroyed sections. they're not gonna live among the homeless and the drug addicted. does their residence there link it to their other charity cases like ethiopia, cambodia and namibia? will that open our eyes?
our eyes are already open.
are they going to save the city, person by person? are they going to adopt a child from the 9th ward?
i'm coming down hard on them. that's not my intention. hey, more power to them for actually doing something instead of, i don't know, blogging about doing something, i admire them for that. i really do.
but my real question here is this: what point do their actions end being charitable and begin being promotional?
now, i love new orleans as much as anyone. there's very few cities in the world that could match its character and personality and i wish nothing more than to see it rise back to where it was just three years ago.
but it's gonna take a lot of work.
and i don't know what the world's most beautiful people are going to prove by living there.
honestly, what's the point? i mean, they're not going to move to the destroyed sections. they're not gonna live among the homeless and the drug addicted. does their residence there link it to their other charity cases like ethiopia, cambodia and namibia? will that open our eyes?
our eyes are already open.
are they going to save the city, person by person? are they going to adopt a child from the 9th ward?
i'm coming down hard on them. that's not my intention. hey, more power to them for actually doing something instead of, i don't know, blogging about doing something, i admire them for that. i really do.
but my real question here is this: what point do their actions end being charitable and begin being promotional?
how the season premiere of "american idol" has taught us all a very important lesson
and that lesson would be that if minneapolis were rocking anything, it would be the brandon walsh unbuttoned shirt look from 90210.*
and that got me jonesing the world of 90210, so i checked to see if youtube had anything.
you bet your ass they do.
here's season 1 opening credits for "beverly hills 90210" and the classic "turn to the camera" credits for season 5.
one word comes to mind: douchebags.
* - would you believe, with all the crap that's on the internet, that i couldn't find a shot of brandon walsh with that style, where he wore a button down shirt with the top three buttons undone over a unicolor undershirt? it's as if jason priestley went online and personally erased any evidence of it, just so i wouldn't have a good payoff for my joke. yes, ladies and gentlemen, i just spent thirty minutes of my life that i'm never gonna get back looking for just one image to make that joke work - and yet, that one was the best i could do.
all this for a joke, and it's only 65% funny. don't say i don't work my ass off for you.
and that got me jonesing the world of 90210, so i checked to see if youtube had anything.
you bet your ass they do.
here's season 1 opening credits for "beverly hills 90210" and the classic "turn to the camera" credits for season 5.
one word comes to mind: douchebags.
* - would you believe, with all the crap that's on the internet, that i couldn't find a shot of brandon walsh with that style, where he wore a button down shirt with the top three buttons undone over a unicolor undershirt? it's as if jason priestley went online and personally erased any evidence of it, just so i wouldn't have a good payoff for my joke. yes, ladies and gentlemen, i just spent thirty minutes of my life that i'm never gonna get back looking for just one image to make that joke work - and yet, that one was the best i could do.
all this for a joke, and it's only 65% funny. don't say i don't work my ass off for you.
how it took me about fifteen minutes to deliberate over this, and i think it was time well spent
over at deadspin, they asked "who do you dislike more, peyton manning or tom brady?"
i actually thought long and hard about this, as did most of my fellow commentors. i made a mental list, weighed pro and cons, and had them debate each other. but with most complicated questions, there is a simple answer to be found, and this is what i posted:
tom brady is at the top of his game professionally in the highest pressure situations, and he bangs the hottest chicks around him within a fifty-mile radius. tom brady is, in other words, james bond. and who among us wouldn't kill to be james bond?
so what am i saying? cut that meat, peyton. cut that meat.
am i wrong? who's with me?
am i a sad man for putting fifteen minutes of thought into this?
don't answer that.
i actually thought long and hard about this, as did most of my fellow commentors. i made a mental list, weighed pro and cons, and had them debate each other. but with most complicated questions, there is a simple answer to be found, and this is what i posted:
tom brady is at the top of his game professionally in the highest pressure situations, and he bangs the hottest chicks around him within a fifty-mile radius. tom brady is, in other words, james bond. and who among us wouldn't kill to be james bond?
so what am i saying? cut that meat, peyton. cut that meat.
am i wrong? who's with me?
am i a sad man for putting fifteen minutes of thought into this?
don't answer that.
how i have one major question with "lost"
i just watched season one of "lost". yes, i know, i am the last person to have watched it. i get it. i'm late to the party. and, after one season, i have the same confusions as everyone else. and although the whole concept is ridiculous, one question sticks out in my mind, and i'm having trouble getting over it because it stems from something personal:
i've never been on an airplane with a hot chick.
and yet, this oceana liner had kate, shannon, clare and sun on it.
are you kidding me? i can speak from experience that having one hot chick on a plane, much less four, does not happen. it has not happened to me, and i fly a lot. hot chicks do not fly. it does not happen.
and yet, four smoking hot chicks were on this plane.
i call bullshit.
i've never been on an airplane with a hot chick.
and yet, this oceana liner had kate, shannon, clare and sun on it.
are you kidding me? i can speak from experience that having one hot chick on a plane, much less four, does not happen. it has not happened to me, and i fly a lot. hot chicks do not fly. it does not happen.
and yet, four smoking hot chicks were on this plane.
i call bullshit.
Monday, January 15, 2007
how i think it's actually more amazing to find video of paula abdul sober
i can't tell if paula's drunk or stoned in this video. it's honestly too close to call.
either way, she's obviously being tasered throughout.
either way, she's obviously being tasered throughout.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
how the unintentional is always the funniest of humors
my buddy paal sent me this. it's uninentional urls for companies. hilarity ensued.
"who represents" where you can find the agent that represents a celebrity. www.whorepresents.com
experts exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views. www.expertsexchange.com
looking for a pen? look no further than pen island. www.penisland.net
need a therapist? try therapist finder. www.therapistfinder.com
welcome to the first cumming methodist church. www.cummingfirst.com
"who represents" where you can find the agent that represents a celebrity. www.whorepresents.com
experts exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views. www.expertsexchange.com
looking for a pen? look no further than pen island. www.penisland.net
need a therapist? try therapist finder. www.therapistfinder.com
welcome to the first cumming methodist church. www.cummingfirst.com
Friday, January 12, 2007
how i wish for his sake that bill o'reilly is joking
i just happened to watch the beginning of "bill o'reilly" on fox news, and i've come to the realization that he is completely out of his mind.
for the record, i watch fox news as much as i watch cnn and msnbc just to hear the other side of the ledger, although at some times, their side is unbelievably biased and tilted. or brainwashed. yes, that's a good word.
but every so often, they have a point, a very good point, and i am better off for it.
anyways, back to o'reilly and being brainwashed. to begin his show, he gave a list of all the media outlets that he deemed were either "fair" to the president's speech or those that continued with "the anti-bush bias".
he had some listed as fair.
everything and everyone else, biased.
of course, although he didn't mention them personally, "the anti-bush bias" could also include:
republicans
democrats
iraqis
the iraq commission
the military
conservatives
liberals
the american people
all of them, idiots.
of course, his point is that if we don't drink the kool aid, we don't know what we're missing.
you know, because we can't tolerate such a thing as opposing thought.
for the record, i watch fox news as much as i watch cnn and msnbc just to hear the other side of the ledger, although at some times, their side is unbelievably biased and tilted. or brainwashed. yes, that's a good word.
but every so often, they have a point, a very good point, and i am better off for it.
anyways, back to o'reilly and being brainwashed. to begin his show, he gave a list of all the media outlets that he deemed were either "fair" to the president's speech or those that continued with "the anti-bush bias".
he had some listed as fair.
everything and everyone else, biased.
of course, although he didn't mention them personally, "the anti-bush bias" could also include:
republicans
democrats
iraqis
the iraq commission
the military
conservatives
liberals
the american people
all of them, idiots.
of course, his point is that if we don't drink the kool aid, we don't know what we're missing.
you know, because we can't tolerate such a thing as opposing thought.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
how i couldn't be as eloquent and as vitrolic as this
this is a link to keith olbermann's special comment about our president's new strategy for iraq.
this is, of course, a strategy that democrats, republicans, iraqi war commissions, diplomats, commentators, the american people - hell, even pat buchanan! - are vehemently against.
it's brilliant.
this is easily the most incidiary part of olbermann's speech, and once it's read out like this, you realize that the person in office is the worst candidate for the job in our entire country.
He has told us the war is necessary:
Because Saddam was a material threat.
Because of 9/11.
Because of Osama Bin Laden. Al-Qaida. Terrorism in general.
To liberate Iraq. To spread freedom. To spread Democracy. To prevent terrorism by gas price increases.
Because this was a guy who tried to kill his dad.
Because — 439 words in to the speech last night — he trotted out 9/11 again.
In advocating and prosecuting this war he passed on a chance to get Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi.
To get Muqtada Al-Sadr. To get Bin Laden.
He sent in fewer troops than the generals told him to. He ordered the Iraqi army disbanded and the Iraqi government “de-Baathified.”
He short-changed Iraqi training. He neglected to plan for widespread looting. He did not anticipate sectarian violence.
He sent in troops without life-saving equipment. He gave jobs to foreign contractors, and not Iraqis. He staffed U.S. positions there, based on partisanship, not professionalism.
He and his government told us: America had prevailed, mission accomplished, the resistance was in its last throes.
He has insisted more troops were not necessary. He has now insisted more troops are necessary.
He has insisted it’s up to the generals, and then removed some of the generals who said more troops would not be necessary.
He has trumpeted the turning points:
The fall of Baghdad, the death of Uday and Qusay, the capture of Saddam. A provisional government, a charter, a constitution, the trial of Saddam. Elections, purple fingers, another government, the death of Saddam.
He has assured us: We would be greeted as liberators — with flowers;
As they stood up, we would stand down. We would stay the course; we were never about “stay the course.”
We would never have to go door-to-door in Baghdad. And, last night, that to gain Iraqis’ trust, we would go door-to-door in Baghdad.
He told us the enemy was al-Qaida, foreign fighters, terrorists, Baathists, and now Iran and Syria.
He told us the war would pay for itself. It would cost $1.7 billion. $100 billion. $400 billion. Half a trillion. Last night’s speech alone cost another $6 billion.
And after all of that, now it is his credibility versus that of generals, diplomats, allies, Democrats, Republicans, the Iraq Study Group, past presidents, voters last November and the majority of the American people.
Mr. Bush, this is madness.
You have lost the military. You have lost the Congress to the Democrats. You have lost most of the Iraqis. You have lost many of the Republicans. You have lost our allies.
You are losing the credibility, not just of your presidency, but more importantly of the office itself.
And most imperatively, you are guaranteeing that more American troops will be losing their lives, and more families their loved ones. You are guaranteeing it!
This becomes your legacy, sir: How many of those you addressed last night as your “fellow citizens” you just sent to their deaths.
And for what, Mr. Bush?
So the next president has to pull the survivors out of Iraq instead of you?
bravo, mr. olbermann. our country is a laughinstock because of the laughingstock that leads us, the laughingstock that we fraudently elected.
we're getting ready to instigate a war with iran, right off a clear concise defeat in iraq, and led by the same laughingstock who has shown no foresight, no clear plan, no war or political acumen to speak of, to give any of us any hope that it'll all end up well.
my god, what a mess this has become. heaven help us.
this is, of course, a strategy that democrats, republicans, iraqi war commissions, diplomats, commentators, the american people - hell, even pat buchanan! - are vehemently against.
it's brilliant.
this is easily the most incidiary part of olbermann's speech, and once it's read out like this, you realize that the person in office is the worst candidate for the job in our entire country.
He has told us the war is necessary:
Because Saddam was a material threat.
Because of 9/11.
Because of Osama Bin Laden. Al-Qaida. Terrorism in general.
To liberate Iraq. To spread freedom. To spread Democracy. To prevent terrorism by gas price increases.
Because this was a guy who tried to kill his dad.
Because — 439 words in to the speech last night — he trotted out 9/11 again.
In advocating and prosecuting this war he passed on a chance to get Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi.
To get Muqtada Al-Sadr. To get Bin Laden.
He sent in fewer troops than the generals told him to. He ordered the Iraqi army disbanded and the Iraqi government “de-Baathified.”
He short-changed Iraqi training. He neglected to plan for widespread looting. He did not anticipate sectarian violence.
He sent in troops without life-saving equipment. He gave jobs to foreign contractors, and not Iraqis. He staffed U.S. positions there, based on partisanship, not professionalism.
He and his government told us: America had prevailed, mission accomplished, the resistance was in its last throes.
He has insisted more troops were not necessary. He has now insisted more troops are necessary.
He has insisted it’s up to the generals, and then removed some of the generals who said more troops would not be necessary.
He has trumpeted the turning points:
The fall of Baghdad, the death of Uday and Qusay, the capture of Saddam. A provisional government, a charter, a constitution, the trial of Saddam. Elections, purple fingers, another government, the death of Saddam.
He has assured us: We would be greeted as liberators — with flowers;
As they stood up, we would stand down. We would stay the course; we were never about “stay the course.”
We would never have to go door-to-door in Baghdad. And, last night, that to gain Iraqis’ trust, we would go door-to-door in Baghdad.
He told us the enemy was al-Qaida, foreign fighters, terrorists, Baathists, and now Iran and Syria.
He told us the war would pay for itself. It would cost $1.7 billion. $100 billion. $400 billion. Half a trillion. Last night’s speech alone cost another $6 billion.
And after all of that, now it is his credibility versus that of generals, diplomats, allies, Democrats, Republicans, the Iraq Study Group, past presidents, voters last November and the majority of the American people.
Mr. Bush, this is madness.
You have lost the military. You have lost the Congress to the Democrats. You have lost most of the Iraqis. You have lost many of the Republicans. You have lost our allies.
You are losing the credibility, not just of your presidency, but more importantly of the office itself.
And most imperatively, you are guaranteeing that more American troops will be losing their lives, and more families their loved ones. You are guaranteeing it!
This becomes your legacy, sir: How many of those you addressed last night as your “fellow citizens” you just sent to their deaths.
And for what, Mr. Bush?
So the next president has to pull the survivors out of Iraq instead of you?
bravo, mr. olbermann. our country is a laughinstock because of the laughingstock that leads us, the laughingstock that we fraudently elected.
we're getting ready to instigate a war with iran, right off a clear concise defeat in iraq, and led by the same laughingstock who has shown no foresight, no clear plan, no war or political acumen to speak of, to give any of us any hope that it'll all end up well.
my god, what a mess this has become. heaven help us.
how it's all swampy in the meadowlands
yesterday, the new york football giants signed coach tom coughlin to a one year extension.
today, the new york football giants promoted jerry reese to general manager.
i'm having trouble comrpehending this.
i understand that the maras and the tischs do not like change. they've got rooney blood in them, and the steelers have had two coaches in what, thirty years? and having to replace the gm and firing the coach probably scared the crap out of them.
i'm guessing they had already promoted reese weeks ago. they would not have chosen a coach and then a gm, whose job is to find a coach. if this wasn't reese's decision, then something is wrong in the meadows.
so they've spent the last couple of days evaluating coughlin, and they've decided to essentially give him a one year tryout to shape things up.
my problem is that it may be too late. we can't give him another year, and i'm basing that decision on the last three years.
we can't afford to have another year of eli regressing.
we can't afford to waste another year of michael strahan.
we can't afford to have another year of faltering down the stretch.
we can't afford another year of not adjusting (read: being outcoached).
i know i can't take another year of the penalties.
even if this is a one year stall tactic to sign bill cowher, i don't like it. we have a franchise quarterback who has been bringing the franchise down, and another year under the coughlin regime doesn't seem like it'll change his downward spiral. that is obvious.
coughlin for another year is a strike against eli.
and i'm not sure that was the decision to be made.
today, the new york football giants promoted jerry reese to general manager.
i'm having trouble comrpehending this.
i understand that the maras and the tischs do not like change. they've got rooney blood in them, and the steelers have had two coaches in what, thirty years? and having to replace the gm and firing the coach probably scared the crap out of them.
i'm guessing they had already promoted reese weeks ago. they would not have chosen a coach and then a gm, whose job is to find a coach. if this wasn't reese's decision, then something is wrong in the meadows.
so they've spent the last couple of days evaluating coughlin, and they've decided to essentially give him a one year tryout to shape things up.
my problem is that it may be too late. we can't give him another year, and i'm basing that decision on the last three years.
we can't afford to have another year of eli regressing.
we can't afford to waste another year of michael strahan.
we can't afford to have another year of faltering down the stretch.
we can't afford another year of not adjusting (read: being outcoached).
i know i can't take another year of the penalties.
even if this is a one year stall tactic to sign bill cowher, i don't like it. we have a franchise quarterback who has been bringing the franchise down, and another year under the coughlin regime doesn't seem like it'll change his downward spiral. that is obvious.
coughlin for another year is a strike against eli.
and i'm not sure that was the decision to be made.
how as even this blog will attest, people will write about anything - and i mean anything
in the new issue of "modern drunkard magazine" - and that's not something i made up - there's an article about the greatest drunkard of all-time, which was beloved wrestler andre the giant.
it's a fascinating read, if not especially well-written, about his drinking exploits which are completely amazing.
and that's from your friends from "modern drunkard magazine".
that's why words were created.
god bless them.
it's a fascinating read, if not especially well-written, about his drinking exploits which are completely amazing.
and that's from your friends from "modern drunkard magazine".
that's why words were created.
god bless them.
how i didn't know that things like this existed
but i thank god that there's no surge protector to save the idiocy from rushing out of this guy's mouth.
one thing is certain: this man will one day get married, and his inlaws will make fun of him. and then, this man will have children, and they will make fun of him. and he will one day have grandchildren, and they will also make fun of him.
he might as well just kill himself.
one thing is certain: this man will one day get married, and his inlaws will make fun of him. and then, this man will have children, and they will make fun of him. and he will one day have grandchildren, and they will also make fun of him.
he might as well just kill himself.
how this donald and rosie thing escalates, and i escalate with it
barbara walters high fives rosie o'donnell on tv to show her support against donald.
donald reiterates that barbara called rosie a fat pig to him in private, and then calls barbara "a sad figurehead lead around by a third-rate comedian".
and now madonna with her fake accent is getting behind rosie.
this is gonna get gooder.
donald reiterates that barbara called rosie a fat pig to him in private, and then calls barbara "a sad figurehead lead around by a third-rate comedian".
and now madonna with her fake accent is getting behind rosie.
this is gonna get gooder.
how you can't expect miracles when the thinking is predictable
so i just spent some time completely downloading the president's speech from last night, and i've read countless articles against it and the numerous few for it. much like most of you, i've never been to iraq and i haven't been there recently, so everything is speculation. but here's where i'm at.
in theory, this is a good idea. in theory. when the status quo isn't working, you need to change it.
the problem is that this is way too late for this implementation. it's as if bush has decided to put the full court press on to get back into the game, but the problem is that he's down thirty with a minute left. yeah, you might get it down to 26, but what's the point?
what gets me about this whole iraq thing is that our politicians have come up with four options:
1. more troops
2. status quo
3. less troops
4. full pullout
four predictable options. four obvious options.
and yet, it seems that none of those options seems to be one that would work. more troops seems like a disaster, status quo is a disaster, less troops would be a disaster, and full pullout would probably destroy iraq. so why are we even still considering any of them?
in theory, we elect our brightest minds to lead our country. but it just seems that these brightest minds are doing nothing more than numberfucking instead of coming up with something radical, something new, something brilliant. it's more about gauging what number would be best for their future political campaign. the time spent on that should be spent to think unpredictably on nonconventional answers.
hell, maybe these thoughts shouldn't come from politicians. maybe there should be a committee of non-politicians and non-military people who would look at this in a completely non-partisan way. they might come up with something other than numberfucking. without being bogged down by politics and elections, they might actually provide a different way of looking at a problem. put a scientist, a mathematician, a philosopher, a CEO, a writer...you get the idea. different people, different viewpoints, different ways to solve a problem.
it beats what we've got going on right now.
then again, our president doesn't listen to the people he serves or his own political party. it would be a wasted effort. unless they lived in "his gut".
there's always a better answer.
in theory, this is a good idea. in theory. when the status quo isn't working, you need to change it.
the problem is that this is way too late for this implementation. it's as if bush has decided to put the full court press on to get back into the game, but the problem is that he's down thirty with a minute left. yeah, you might get it down to 26, but what's the point?
what gets me about this whole iraq thing is that our politicians have come up with four options:
1. more troops
2. status quo
3. less troops
4. full pullout
four predictable options. four obvious options.
and yet, it seems that none of those options seems to be one that would work. more troops seems like a disaster, status quo is a disaster, less troops would be a disaster, and full pullout would probably destroy iraq. so why are we even still considering any of them?
in theory, we elect our brightest minds to lead our country. but it just seems that these brightest minds are doing nothing more than numberfucking instead of coming up with something radical, something new, something brilliant. it's more about gauging what number would be best for their future political campaign. the time spent on that should be spent to think unpredictably on nonconventional answers.
hell, maybe these thoughts shouldn't come from politicians. maybe there should be a committee of non-politicians and non-military people who would look at this in a completely non-partisan way. they might come up with something other than numberfucking. without being bogged down by politics and elections, they might actually provide a different way of looking at a problem. put a scientist, a mathematician, a philosopher, a CEO, a writer...you get the idea. different people, different viewpoints, different ways to solve a problem.
it beats what we've got going on right now.
then again, our president doesn't listen to the people he serves or his own political party. it would be a wasted effort. unless they lived in "his gut".
there's always a better answer.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
how you gotta hand it to trump
i always listen to jim rome's radio show while on my morning runs through the presidio. today, he was going off on a rant about the whole rosie o'donnell/donald trump feud. i've managed to distance myself from the whole thing, but he brought up a good point that made me actually think about it for a second.
he said that when rosie insults donald, it comes across as fake. and that's a method of her having ther on-camera persona seem nice when it's widely known that she really isn't so nice offstage. it seems scripted because it probably is. and that's everything about her is scripted.
the donald, however, is right as ease when he's insulting rosie. it's as if he's reading the ingredients off a menu. it's rat-a-tat-tat, one after the other, cold-mannered and without any sort of voice inflections. his method is very matter-of-fact and, to be honest, after listening him rank on her on "conan", i gotta say it's really effective, even if he's wrong. for example, when he calls her fat and ugly, which are opinions (i know, but i'm just making a point), he makes it sound like it's scientific fact. or like a tomato on a BLT. it just is. his method of insulting is very systematic and lethal.
it's a mismatch, really.
i can't wait to see where this leads.
but wherever it goes, methinks it'll probably be fat and ugly.
he said that when rosie insults donald, it comes across as fake. and that's a method of her having ther on-camera persona seem nice when it's widely known that she really isn't so nice offstage. it seems scripted because it probably is. and that's everything about her is scripted.
the donald, however, is right as ease when he's insulting rosie. it's as if he's reading the ingredients off a menu. it's rat-a-tat-tat, one after the other, cold-mannered and without any sort of voice inflections. his method is very matter-of-fact and, to be honest, after listening him rank on her on "conan", i gotta say it's really effective, even if he's wrong. for example, when he calls her fat and ugly, which are opinions (i know, but i'm just making a point), he makes it sound like it's scientific fact. or like a tomato on a BLT. it just is. his method of insulting is very systematic and lethal.
it's a mismatch, really.
i can't wait to see where this leads.
but wherever it goes, methinks it'll probably be fat and ugly.
how i blew a golden opportunity
while walking down clement street, i saw a store being gutted out. and i saw two movers transporting a huge pane of glass, flat side towards me.
and i thought, wouldn't it be funny if...
and i thought, wouldn't it be funny if...
Monday, January 08, 2007
how i like to use metaphors
although this photo of mariah carey has nothing to do with the college football national championship, i think it's a fairly concise representative of how much of a train wreck that game was.
how i'm officially jealous
i saw this commercial for "old spice" yesterday during the nfl playoffs and was officially jealous.
here's why:
1. bruce friggin' campbell.
2. the cryptic dialogue.
3. the neverending painting behind him goes from day to night to day and includes a sea monster.
4. he ends up at a reversed set from how he started.
5. it actually makes sense. somewhat.
jealous.
here's why:
1. bruce friggin' campbell.
2. the cryptic dialogue.
3. the neverending painting behind him goes from day to night to day and includes a sea monster.
4. he ends up at a reversed set from how he started.
5. it actually makes sense. somewhat.
jealous.
how the bank of america guys just found their opening act
ladies and gentlemen, i present to you, white rapping weather woman from north carolina. yep, you read that right. and it's not a dave chappelle skit.
white rapping weather woman from north carolina.
word.
white rapping weather woman from north carolina.
word.
how i don't need a league to fantasize about this
i don't really know what this means or how this works or why this even exists, but a fantasy barbeque league just sounds delicious, even if it is just make-believe.
excuse me. i need to down some fantasy sweet tea.
excuse me. i need to down some fantasy sweet tea.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
how i just took an elbowdrop down memory lane
i was sent a link to youtube, which i swear has everything online, of a seminal moment from my childhood - and i'm talking about none other than randy "macho man" savage dropping the timekeeper's bell onto the throat of ricky "the dragon" steamboat. amazingly enough, it's exactly how i remembered it as it happened. that kinda freaked me out, but then again, i can quote much of "the karate kid".
no matter what you're talking about, you can summon some magic when you get two of the best together. and those two were magic for me and my friends back around 1985.
oooooh yeah.
no matter what you're talking about, you can summon some magic when you get two of the best together. and those two were magic for me and my friends back around 1985.
oooooh yeah.
how i just watched the scariest movie i've seen in a long time
i just purchased "an inconvenient truth" from ppv. as you may already know, it's a documentary about al gore and his global warming slideshow/powerpoint presentation.
it is powerful and utterly convincing.
before you say, "dude, a documentary? i don't want to watch a documentary", well, keep in mind that nowadays, documentaries are the best storytelling you'll find, and they've come a long way from what we all saw in grammar school. so, beyond anything else, it is not boring by any means. in fact, the ideas and facts and stats are completely thought provoking and, honestly, scary beyond words.
and, since this is something he cares deeply about, gore actually emotes, and that brings about a humanity about him that wasn't seen in his presidential campaign. he is in no way robotic. in fact, he is actually, dare i say, somewhat presidential. and professorial.
and, republican and conservative true believers, take note that this is not "fahrenheit 9/11" for global warming. in fact, there's nothing political in this - outside of a few quick jokes here and there. in fact, with every proposition stated, there's facts and stats to back them all up. no hippy shit, just science backed up by, you know, science. and with every propostion, there's another proposition then based upon that. that's the way nature works, one thing affecting another, and so on. like i said, really scary shit, but well worth hearing, so we all know what we're getting into.
no blame is placed on any political party. it's just purely about the health of our planet, and how these 70 degree days you've had in december and january on the east coast aren't such a good thing.
no matter what you think of the guy, personally or politically, none of that comes into play during this documentary. in fact, if you strip all that baggage away, he comes across as a well-read man giving a theory proven a million times over.
i couldn't recommend this any more.
it is powerful and utterly convincing.
before you say, "dude, a documentary? i don't want to watch a documentary", well, keep in mind that nowadays, documentaries are the best storytelling you'll find, and they've come a long way from what we all saw in grammar school. so, beyond anything else, it is not boring by any means. in fact, the ideas and facts and stats are completely thought provoking and, honestly, scary beyond words.
and, since this is something he cares deeply about, gore actually emotes, and that brings about a humanity about him that wasn't seen in his presidential campaign. he is in no way robotic. in fact, he is actually, dare i say, somewhat presidential. and professorial.
and, republican and conservative true believers, take note that this is not "fahrenheit 9/11" for global warming. in fact, there's nothing political in this - outside of a few quick jokes here and there. in fact, with every proposition stated, there's facts and stats to back them all up. no hippy shit, just science backed up by, you know, science. and with every propostion, there's another proposition then based upon that. that's the way nature works, one thing affecting another, and so on. like i said, really scary shit, but well worth hearing, so we all know what we're getting into.
no blame is placed on any political party. it's just purely about the health of our planet, and how these 70 degree days you've had in december and january on the east coast aren't such a good thing.
no matter what you think of the guy, personally or politically, none of that comes into play during this documentary. in fact, if you strip all that baggage away, he comes across as a well-read man giving a theory proven a million times over.
i couldn't recommend this any more.
how i'm pretty damn sure it's gonna be a struggle to wait for this
i present to you "the grindhouse", directed by robert rodriguez and quentin tarantino, and i also present to you rose mcgowan with a gun for a leg.
awesome stuff.
god dammit, april 6. i can't wait.
awesome stuff.
god dammit, april 6. i can't wait.
how we should also be worried about the "t word"
it seems that the employee who plays "tigger" smacked a kid at disneyworld.
this comes two years after another employee who played "tigger" was accused of fondling a 13-year-old boy.
tigger, please.
this comes two years after another employee who played "tigger" was accused of fondling a 13-year-old boy.
tigger, please.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
how i completely agree with this gentleman's assessment and i wish to subscribe to his newsletter
check out this "how to win a bar fight" video from your everyday drunken idiot.
and by everyday drunken idiot, i mean someone who put a lot of thought and effort into this technique and can probably dispose of me within seconds.
thanks, marco, for the tip.
and by everyday drunken idiot, i mean someone who put a lot of thought and effort into this technique and can probably dispose of me within seconds.
thanks, marco, for the tip.
Friday, January 05, 2007
how to hate something you love
i just read an article by the sports guy in which he wrote, "if you ever want to torture a longtime Mets fan, ask him to make his 'All-Time Least Favorite Mets' lineup, then tell him that he can pick only three outfielders between George Foster, Vince Coleman, Kevin McReynolds and Bobby Bo. They'll spend at least three hours trying to figure it out."
well, that sparked a conversation with my brother and dad.
my brother has his all-hate team. here's mine and why, with my brother's picks in parentheses.
C-john stearns - dude was never healthy. i mean, never healthy. and this is coming from someone who couldn't stay on a basketball court. (bro's pick: mackey sasser)
1B-jose offerman - for some reason, this fossil couldn't hit, couldn't field, and willie randolph couldn't take him out of the lineup. (bro's pick: mo vaughn)
2B-robert alomar - i was gonna put kaz matsui here. he sucked, but tried. roberto, he sucked and couldn't give a crap. (bro's pick: same)
3B-carlos baerga - out of shape athletes make fans run out of patience. (bro's pick: gregg jefferies)
SS-rey ordonez - called new york baseball fans "stupid". we called his bat "flaccid". (bro's pick: kaz matsui)
OF-vince coleman - this jackass threw a firecracker into a crowd. hard to cheer for someone like that, especially when he doesn't get on base. (bro's pick: same)
OF-bobby bonilla - i don't need to justify this selection. (bro's pick: same)
OF-kevin mcreynolds - good player who didn't give the effort to be a great player. that pisses us off. (bro's pick: juan samuel)
SP-mike hampton - technically, i cheated on this one. i never booed him as a met, but it was his ending that spurred my venom. instead of saying, "hey, i chose to sign with colorado because i'm just not a new york guy", he cited the colorado school system being better than the new york school system - as if his kids aren't weren't gonna attend private school. what a redneck ass. (bro's pick:kenny rogers, and will happily substitute him for hampton if the judges disagree with my selection)
SP-shawn estes - failed to knock roger clemens' head off. (bro's pick: doc gooden)
SP-kaz ishii - this strikeless wonder was kept in the rotation about seven starts too long. ((bro's pick: generation k)
SP-victor zambrano - having scott kazmir traded for him is not his fault, but put him on a short leash. not throwing strikes and lying about his injury made it suffocating. (bro's pick: same)
RP-armando benitez - 'nuff said. (bro's pick: same)
RP-doug sisk - when his sinker didn't sink, he sucked. and this sucktard's sinker stopped sinking. (bro's pick: braden looper, who was fun to boo but the guy pitched through a torn rotator cuff)
well, that sparked a conversation with my brother and dad.
my brother has his all-hate team. here's mine and why, with my brother's picks in parentheses.
C-john stearns - dude was never healthy. i mean, never healthy. and this is coming from someone who couldn't stay on a basketball court. (bro's pick: mackey sasser)
1B-jose offerman - for some reason, this fossil couldn't hit, couldn't field, and willie randolph couldn't take him out of the lineup. (bro's pick: mo vaughn)
2B-robert alomar - i was gonna put kaz matsui here. he sucked, but tried. roberto, he sucked and couldn't give a crap. (bro's pick: same)
3B-carlos baerga - out of shape athletes make fans run out of patience. (bro's pick: gregg jefferies)
SS-rey ordonez - called new york baseball fans "stupid". we called his bat "flaccid". (bro's pick: kaz matsui)
OF-vince coleman - this jackass threw a firecracker into a crowd. hard to cheer for someone like that, especially when he doesn't get on base. (bro's pick: same)
OF-bobby bonilla - i don't need to justify this selection. (bro's pick: same)
OF-kevin mcreynolds - good player who didn't give the effort to be a great player. that pisses us off. (bro's pick: juan samuel)
SP-mike hampton - technically, i cheated on this one. i never booed him as a met, but it was his ending that spurred my venom. instead of saying, "hey, i chose to sign with colorado because i'm just not a new york guy", he cited the colorado school system being better than the new york school system - as if his kids aren't weren't gonna attend private school. what a redneck ass. (bro's pick:kenny rogers, and will happily substitute him for hampton if the judges disagree with my selection)
SP-shawn estes - failed to knock roger clemens' head off. (bro's pick: doc gooden)
SP-kaz ishii - this strikeless wonder was kept in the rotation about seven starts too long. ((bro's pick: generation k)
SP-victor zambrano - having scott kazmir traded for him is not his fault, but put him on a short leash. not throwing strikes and lying about his injury made it suffocating. (bro's pick: same)
RP-armando benitez - 'nuff said. (bro's pick: same)
RP-doug sisk - when his sinker didn't sink, he sucked. and this sucktard's sinker stopped sinking. (bro's pick: braden looper, who was fun to boo but the guy pitched through a torn rotator cuff)
Thursday, January 04, 2007
how i only made it about 85 seconds through, and that was a miracle in itself
defamer.com has a video of corey haim talking about, well, i don't really know what and, to be honest, i doubt he does either.
what i will say, however, is that he obviously wasn't the talented corey.
forgive me for putting this on the interwebs.
what i will say, however, is that he obviously wasn't the talented corey.
forgive me for putting this on the interwebs.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
how there's no new year's like a tara reid new year's
at the new year's party i went to, we were all in such deep conversation that we all missed the countdown. so, i wasted my one instance of brilliance per year in the opening moments by rewinding "new year's rockin' eve" through the dvr so we could relive the final thirty seconds we missed. so we celebrated new year's a minute later. it was hilarious and fantastic. i credit myself for saving new year's.
then again, as brilliant as that was, and i must admit, i was indeed brilliant, it doesn't compare to another new year's celebration featuring tara reid counting down to 0 from 60 but skipping over numbers and ignoring the twenties while pedro, who you should vote for, stares idiotically.
now that's brilliant stuff.
then again, as brilliant as that was, and i must admit, i was indeed brilliant, it doesn't compare to another new year's celebration featuring tara reid counting down to 0 from 60 but skipping over numbers and ignoring the twenties while pedro, who you should vote for, stares idiotically.
now that's brilliant stuff.
Monday, January 01, 2007
how i actually watched a bowl game that wasn't meaningless
okay, in reality, they're all meaningless. i don't give a shit if wisconsin beats auburn, or that usc won the rose bowl, or wondering if the third best acc team can beat the 4th best sec team. a bowl game is an excuse to get fans and alumni to travel, party and spend money on merchandise. the games are basically irrelevant.
and i'm counting the bcs championship game too. that's a shameful way to decide a champion.
but i'm watching the fiesta bowl between oklahoma and boise state, and there's a ton in the balance for this game. can david beat goliath? can little boise state from a no-name conference prove itself against a tradition-dripping powerhouse? are they really big time? you see, there's something truly at stake here, so much so that the new governor of idaho just flew in for the game, just hours after he was sworn in. this game means something.
and it's been a great game, with boise building a big lead, oklahoma coming back, tying the game with a minute left, taking the lead on an interception return one play later. and, just 53 seconds later, boise ties the game at the end of regulation with - get this - a lateral. yep, they tied the game with the good ol' hook and ladder with no time left on the clock.
awesome.
now we're in overtime and oklahoma quickly scores on a td, and boise state's backup qb throws a touchdown pass to tie it. why was the backup in? because they had the starting quarterback in motion on the play!
did i mention they called this play on fourth down?
and, on the two point conversion, going for the win instead of the tie, boise state's qb fakes a throw to the right, where they overloaded, and instead quickly hands it off - behind his back - to the tailback on his left, who scampers in, untouched. yep, the statue of liberty play.
balls aplenty.
an entire state celebrates.
questions answered.
cinderella justified.
it's a good thing there's no playoffs in college football. who'd want to see a bunch of these games with everything on the line?
btw, i'm now rooting for ohio state to lose to florida, leaving boise state as the only unbeaten team in college football with a big win on their register. i'd like to see the reasoning behind them not being a national champion instead of a team with a loss. explain that to me.
that would also take balls aplenty.
UPDATE: as the star running back of boise state, after the biggest win of his career on his game-winning two-point conversion run, was being interviewed, he proposes to his girlfriend, the head cheerleader, on live television.
balls aplenty all over.
and i'm counting the bcs championship game too. that's a shameful way to decide a champion.
but i'm watching the fiesta bowl between oklahoma and boise state, and there's a ton in the balance for this game. can david beat goliath? can little boise state from a no-name conference prove itself against a tradition-dripping powerhouse? are they really big time? you see, there's something truly at stake here, so much so that the new governor of idaho just flew in for the game, just hours after he was sworn in. this game means something.
and it's been a great game, with boise building a big lead, oklahoma coming back, tying the game with a minute left, taking the lead on an interception return one play later. and, just 53 seconds later, boise ties the game at the end of regulation with - get this - a lateral. yep, they tied the game with the good ol' hook and ladder with no time left on the clock.
awesome.
now we're in overtime and oklahoma quickly scores on a td, and boise state's backup qb throws a touchdown pass to tie it. why was the backup in? because they had the starting quarterback in motion on the play!
did i mention they called this play on fourth down?
and, on the two point conversion, going for the win instead of the tie, boise state's qb fakes a throw to the right, where they overloaded, and instead quickly hands it off - behind his back - to the tailback on his left, who scampers in, untouched. yep, the statue of liberty play.
balls aplenty.
an entire state celebrates.
questions answered.
cinderella justified.
it's a good thing there's no playoffs in college football. who'd want to see a bunch of these games with everything on the line?
btw, i'm now rooting for ohio state to lose to florida, leaving boise state as the only unbeaten team in college football with a big win on their register. i'd like to see the reasoning behind them not being a national champion instead of a team with a loss. explain that to me.
that would also take balls aplenty.
UPDATE: as the star running back of boise state, after the biggest win of his career on his game-winning two-point conversion run, was being interviewed, he proposes to his girlfriend, the head cheerleader, on live television.
balls aplenty all over.
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